View Full Version : Cleanliness and ADD Men


Maplesweet
08-20-04, 11:37 PM
Hello,

I was just curious to know if the men on here with ADD find that it's difficult to keep your homes clean, etc. I discovered this evening at my boyfriends place that he's pretty messy. I have offered to help him clean thinking that he probably hasn't done it because of the ADD, but, now I'm unsure if it's because of that, or he's just a messy person?

Any opinions are most welcome.

Maplesweet

Ian
08-21-04, 12:33 AM
My wife is the messy one. I used to have to have a spot for everything and everything it's it's place but not after 18 years of marriage. I now prefer the more relaxed chaos.
ian

Trooper Keith
08-21-04, 02:31 AM
My Desk: http://img65.exs.cx/img65/8906/Mess.jpg
Sticky-notes are your friend. By the way, that's Sioux City Sarsparilla in those bottles, don't get any ideas.

My Bedroom: http://img65.exs.cx/img65/6619/Mess2.jpg
Yes, that's a dinosaur pillowcase. It's pretty freakin' awesome, hehe

My Bedroom Desk: http://img65.exs.cx/img65&9073/Mess3.jpg
That's where normally all the things I have to have together are, because if they aren't there in the morning I better not need them that day.

'nuff said

waywardclam
08-21-04, 07:16 AM
My room, desk, and kitchen are all disaster zones... :(

Maplesweet
08-21-04, 09:19 AM
Thanks so much for your replies. This has made me much more aware now. I've offered to help my boyfriend clean his room with him, because I was thinking he most likely has been too tired and distracted to be bothered. He has like empty chip bags, coke cans, juice jugs, like everywhere. Stuff everywhere. Anyhow, he was quite embarrassed about showing it to me, but I told him it's fine and I'll help him out if he wants me to.

paulbf
08-21-04, 10:32 AM
Yeah it could be sort of a sensitive issue but if you're gentle with him, I think he'll appreciate it. The thing is, in a mess like that, everything has it's place so it may be stressful for him to lose the 'organization' system. For myself, I need a trash & recycle bin within easy reach & file holders that are not too buried away. Boxes & jars to hold pencils & reciepts & scaps of paper. Agh going through those scaps of paper is tough, I just gather them in little boxes & move the contents to an archive box periodically.

Trooper Keith
08-21-04, 11:45 AM
Yes, very important to remember that we mostly know where everything is within our mess, and I know at least I for one put everything places very deliberately. I have a stack of papers? Ok I'll put it here no wait here because there I could spill ok. Cell phone? Ok here no here...

Very deliberate, and I know where everything within my mess is. When it's cleaned up, I've got nothing. Hehe

missing_cues
08-21-04, 01:04 PM
my mess is getting more organized lately, I have been doing fairly well...My roommates have no ADD and are the most horrible disgusting people that have ever walked the face of this earth!...our kitchen is disgusting, so bad that I can often not cook/clean there as Iam afraid of what might run out from behind a cupboard.....(yes,. mice)...and they dont care either....admittedly, I am messsy....I would agree with kmiller, we have messes that are organized...be careful not to move anything without asking first....it could be very dangerous...

Daddio
08-21-04, 08:16 PM
I can't believe you even put "ADD" and "cleanliness" in the same sentence!

Your boyfriend may have an "organized mess" or he may find that all that stuff is so overwhelming that his brain shuts down, or he doesn't know where to start. Check this website out - it's mostly for women who do most of the housework, but you might use it to get suggestions for him: www.flylady.net.

Eaglehawk
08-29-04, 10:05 AM
My non-add wife is very organized when it comes to being at home, i'm the more messy one. When it comes to work, i have my share of mess but so does the next manager at work, but i try to keep mine down to a bare minimum or i will end up going insane and not wanting to put things away. So I try to keep things as organized as possible, i don't like to get messey at work, as I have so many frequent visitors.

WhatDistraction
08-29-04, 01:45 PM
I'm in the same position as Eaglehawk at home; non-ADD, very organized wife (although the two year old has chipped away at the organization a little bit).

While I won't claim to deliberatley put things in certain places, I do tend keep a visual mental map of where something is, so my wife cleaning up can ruin my filing system.

FramazeledKepi
08-30-04, 07:37 PM
I am The King of Piles. I live in a pile of piles. Often I can find things after a while---but I must sort thru my piles

willowmyst
08-30-04, 11:31 PM
During the past week, I have made great strides in eliminating clutter in the house. Brought lots of stuff to a second hand store, threw stuff away (that was a tuffie) but not all I wanted to. My countertops and kitchen table are cleared, no more tripping over stuff in the entry way and so far have been staying that way. HOWEVER, I can't even go downstairs to the family room without getting ill. That's where everything I couldn't part with or find a place for ended up....piled up on top of each other. I don't know if I have it in me to tackle it anytime soon. I want to ask for someone to help, but am too embarrassed. I thinl I've maxed out. Maybe I'll take a breather and enjoy what accomplishments I did have. Then try to chisel away at it a box at a time. I don't know...it gives me a headache just thinking about it.

88ssp
08-31-04, 05:16 PM
My car is a disaster area. I don't spend too much time at home, but I can not keep my car's interior clean for longer than 3-4 days it seems. My desk at college looked like a tornado hit it. My bedroom was a mess. My kitchen was a mess, garage--the same way. I always thought it was laziness until I was dx'd about 5 mos ago and found this site, lol.

paulbf
08-31-04, 09:53 PM
My car is usually pretty gross. Embarassing actually. Right now I've got it all cleaned up though.

quiet tiger
09-02-04, 08:46 PM
A while back a heard this phrase....OHIO. My wife is amused by my feeble attempts to keep the haystack on my desk in some kind of order as I repeat "Ohio" out loud. I explained that it stands for "only handle it once!".

It's actually been working. All those silly news letters and catalogues that never get read meet their quick demise in the trash can. It also amazes me how long a piece of paper can get jockeyed about from one "pile of neatness" to the next. I am reminded that my piles are simply just that...piles. OHIO is the answer.

sLiPpY
09-03-04, 09:42 PM
hmm...I went through a period of messiness...but it's a thing of the distant past, and we're talking years.

I did date someone with Overfocused ADD. omg...she was "nasty." In fact, my cleanliness and organization annoyed her as much as her opposits annoyed me.

I think we can learn to structure...it's just a little more tricky. It took me a few years, but I made like the little engine that could...and life is good.

hypergeek
09-10-04, 11:04 AM
im totally disorganized and im self-employed, and i have the hardest time keeping good records and stuff. fortunatley for me my dad does my txaes and he is use to my stuff.

Ian
09-10-04, 11:29 AM
Taxes.. oh ya.. maybe I should get onto that... ;( Dad? Dad? Where are you?

randgirl
09-27-04, 11:56 PM
hi ,
My boyfriend has add ocd (severe) . He does not clean up after himself, sometimes i attribute it to his disorganization , such as getting up late for work, throwing things around, can't find anything, being late and just leaving clothes on the floor, the bathroom a mess. I ask him to take out the garbage or clean out the car and he never does. The weird thing is that part of his ocd is that he is germ phobic. lol any suggestions? rand

RhapsodyInBlue
09-28-04, 06:13 AM
my mess is getting more organized lately, I have been doing fairly well...My roommates have no ADD and are the most horrible disgusting people that have ever walked the face of this earth!...our kitchen is disgusting, so bad that I can often not cook/clean there as Iam afraid of what might run out from behind a cupboard.....(yes,. mice)...and they dont care either....admittedly, I am messsy....I would agree with kmiller, we have messes that are organized...be careful not to move anything without asking first....it could be very dangerous...So true. I don't think those with ADD have the monopoly on dirt; disorganization maybe, but nort dirtiness. :)
~Viktoria

RhapsodyInBlue
09-28-04, 06:17 AM
hi ,
My boyfriend has add ocd (severe) . He does not clean up after himself, sometimes i attribute it to his disorganization , such as getting up late for work, throwing things around, can't find anything, being late and just leaving clothes on the floor, the bathroom a mess. I ask him to take out the garbage or clean out the car and he never does. The weird thing is that part of his ocd is that he is germ phobic. lol any suggestions? rand
With OCD it's a little different. Thoughts take up so much of the OCD'ers time, that they have little time for any thing else.

Has he tried CBT? [Cognitive Behavior Therapy?] It really does work. I am not embarrassed to have any one in our house, and my Husband is ADD and OCD.....and I have PTSD. [not missing many disorders, are we:D]

Best wishes:)
~Viktoria

barfly
10-08-04, 04:14 AM
My desk and room looks just like the one with the pictures, eerily similar. I will have old postit's sticking around, empty beer bottles, and just other crap laying around. I will have alll sorts of crap that I don't need, but for some reason I don't recognize how to clean it up. It's weird as hell.

Sassafras
10-11-04, 02:33 PM
I too am a terrible slob. My place is very messy.

It's not that I like it that way. I love having a clean apartment. I love it when things are organized. I just have a hard time doing it. When you let it go, it's so overwhelming that you can't find a place to start.

These aren't excuses. Just explanations.

inautumnforfree
10-18-04, 12:37 AM
my room isnt bad. my mom thinks its bad, but it isnt to bad.

my desk/table with my computer is messy. my dad's desk with his computer is just as messy. One of us has adhd, and one doesnt :)


my car is BAD.

notnow
10-18-04, 10:33 AM
Wow. You should see my garage... Talk about messy. My desk at work is not much better.

GirlDriver
10-18-04, 01:45 PM
Maplesweet:
Just a caveat to f/u on the posts of Keith & Paul that indicate they know where their things are within their piles & mess.

I cleaned an ADDfriend's house, and she panicked when she saw the squeakly-clean house. I had removed all of the clutter and put it away in cabinets and drawers. I filed papers in the file cabinet. I then cleaned surfaces. Oh no! She could not find a thing, and had known the precise location of every "random" post-it, cancelled check, empty pill bottle, or earring. It was somewhat traumatizing for her. To her, a clean house was essentially one in which piles & stuff are picked up, surfaces are cleaned, and piles & stuff are returned to their exact location.

What was I thinking? GD

glammeier5
10-24-04, 01:01 AM
I was diagnosed with ADHD in July. I was put on Adderall XR. I have my good and bad days, even with the medicine. I have seen improvement since being on the medicine, but there are days that it does not seem to help. Overall since being on the medicine, I am more organized, but there is still alot of things to do. For example today, I wanted to get alot of things done that needed to be done around the house, but for some reason, I just could not get motivated to do anything. On other days, it is really easy for me to get alot of things done. I am hoping tomorrow turns out better, because I do not want to feel like I did not do anything this weekend.

reusablepheonix
11-21-04, 08:39 PM
hey the same situation here..I hate myself for being so messy.. I clean and swear to myself to be organized. then the next day its messy all over again..the story of my life. I am such a moron, cuz everything is chaos. I have the motivation to stay clean , disorganization-- it is my arch enemy and haunts me every moment.

timh
11-22-04, 12:05 PM
Sorry to gloat, but I am extremely organized. It's almost an OCD thing. I attribute it to me learning to adjust to the ADD. I have a filing system at work and everything has it's place. If it's not put back, then I lose it. My wife on the other hand is the exact opposite. I am wondering if she has ADD also. When my psych. met with my wife and I, he said it is not uncommon for both partners to have ADD. It's like they are drawn to each other. She has so many of the symptoms. Except she falls under the inattentive criteria, while I am the hyperactivity type. No wonder our marriage was on the rocks back in April.

- Tim

pap_1
11-23-04, 08:24 AM
Actually I think I may not be part of the ADD "norm" regarding tidiness, cos I have always been a very tidy person, but then again that may be my OCD side ;)

casper
11-24-04, 10:10 AM
I always got yelled at when i was a kid about my room not being clean, or leaving a trail of where i had been. Now my car and my room are the problem areas. To me, this is like making your bed, whats the point? IF u know where everything is, then why do people get so upset at the mess?

E-boy
11-24-04, 05:52 PM
I have to admit I let my car "go to pot". However, this has a lot to do with the fact that I don't like my car, and that I spend a good amount of time living out of it. :-)

I drove my soon to be ex wife's car just as much and kept it meticulously clean. I did, however, recently start smoking in it when the kids weren't with me and she would get after me if there was even one butt in the ashtray.

I can't say I'm the neatest soul in the world, but I am pretty clean and I can only stand my own mess for brief periods of time. In small spaces, which as a sailor, is the type I usually live in, I tend to have a place for each individual type of item. Items that defy classification go into a "junk drawer". Eventually, depending on how often I use them, whether I need them, and how convenient access needs to be, I iron out where I want each item to be. This is one thing the military really helped me with. There simply isn't enough room in a coffin locker to be messy. ;-)

fogleghorn
11-27-04, 06:59 PM
Being a man with ADD, I am messy to a point, then I have to clean it. The house is one thing but my shop/garage is another. It gets pretty trashed before I clean it, and also my car. It's like, I know it needs cleaning but, I always find something new to get in the way. I also try to do 10 things at once but never finish for a long time. Hope this helps

Shawn
11-30-04, 09:25 AM
I have a HUGE clutter problem, but I am very particular (not obsessively) about cleaning. My place may look like a disaster, but you can bet that the toilet is cleaned at least once or twice a week, floor vacuumed, stove and fridge are regularly scrubbed.

Fortunately, I've found a woman who is the opposite. Never leaves anything lay around, but she could use a little help with the cleaning. We work well together. I clean her place, she de-clutters mine!

PurpleMicaZX7
01-06-05, 03:35 AM
I have neat piles here and there which keep growing until one day something is triggered inside my brain and I have to organize. I can't stop until a spot is found for everything (not the garbage though cause I can't throw anything away). It will take me hours or even days because my perfectionism kicks in and everything has to be neat, organized and balanced. A few days later, the piles start to form and the cycle repeats itself all over again.

Va_va_voom
01-20-05, 11:18 AM
I have to have a clean place, you know what they say 'tidy enviroment - tidy mind' lol although saying that it is quite a job getting off my bed to clean, i just do clean sweeps throughout the day. Im a bit obsessive so yeah cleaning is essential, i hate mess !

Purple im just like you a perfectionist, i too get moments of organizing madness !

johnboy09
03-02-05, 09:26 AM
I'm pretty much the opposite I guess. Since being diagnosed with ADD and taking Concerta, I have been a clean freak. My house hasn't been cleaner and my wife is always telling me to stop cleaning, the house isn't dirty. Just being able to focus now when I see something dirty, knowing it needs to be cleaned is a blessing to me.

capt kylos
03-02-05, 11:14 AM
I have too have a clean kitchen :no dishes in sink, clean floor and counter tops. Then you get to my office and it looks like a F5 tornado went thru it. My car is the same way, I hate to even put my child in my car it is a rolling dumpster. Capt Kylos:o

Ian
03-02-05, 11:19 AM
flylady.net is now one of my best friends... lol I could not have imagined that a few years ago. I am taking care of myself much better than I used to and that includes caring for my surroundings. My family likes it too. I've been away for a week though and I must get at getting this train back on it's track.
Cheers! Ian.

Gray216
03-02-05, 10:42 PM
Never nasty, often cluttered, but cleaning up the clutter after a while is stress relief, so long as I have ample time to do it.

Linguist
08-29-05, 11:02 AM
I came up with a labelling system to make it easier to keep my papers tidy, but now I can't find the labels :eek:

FlyGurl
09-19-05, 03:46 PM
I'm a clean ADD...but then my OCD is my saving grace!! :)

I don't have a clean car...it's okay but not great...wish it was better just can't seem to get there (hehe)

my house is normaly always clean ... right now...been busy and the mess is yeah...it's messy for me....my room clean clean...major OCD in that area...my dresser in my closet with all my mail and paper work and other "Things" that I have no idea why i have but have...they are in a terrible messy pile that i hate to go through cause i know i'll become major OCD on them....

SO I guess you can still be ADD and be clean...just have to throw some OCD in there. :D

Uminchu
09-19-05, 04:02 PM
What a cool thread!

I have always been incredibly messy. The standard when I was growing up was there had to be a path from the door to my bed, and I usually didn't manage that...

In the military, I nearly got washed back in basic training because I was caught hiding underwear in my pillowcase (so I wouldn't have to iron them. Why iron underwear? Don't ask...)

So naturally I married a very neat woman -- although raising an ADD son has taught her to be a bit more flexible in her definition of "neat." :p

And the piles, oh, the piles. The only good thing I can say is that I confine them (mostly) to my office and the nightstand by my bed (there are 9 books stacked there now, two unread, one only partially read). Right now my office is not too bad -- my tallest pile is only about 1.5 feet high, and it's fairly well balanced. (My wife came in a week ago and started chucking books onto shelves and such. Naturally they all went into the wrong places, but it's hard to complain...)

The files on my computer, however, are very well organized. When they invent a computer program that can automatically sort and stow my laundry, the rest of my life might get organized as well. :D

mmcclure79
09-21-05, 06:34 PM
I'm in the same position as Eaglehawk at home; non-ADD, very organized wife (although the two year old has chipped away at the organization a little bit).

While I won't claim to deliberatley put things in certain places, I do tend keep a visual mental map of where something is, so my wife cleaning up can ruin my filing system.
I am in the same boat there! I feel your pain when she cleans. Except SOME things I do deliberately put things in certain places. Except my wife has to have everything away all the time. I sometimes swear she's OCD about it. Dear GOD!

Ian
09-21-05, 07:07 PM
I always feel so fortunate when I read this thread. I married the biggest "drop and go" I've ever met. Anything I do looks down right organised in comparison. :eek:
Cheers!

davey
10-19-05, 04:28 PM
I am not the messiest person alive... I'm really good at cleaning, but at KEEPING the apartment clean... that's another story. I just cleaned my apartment last week. I stood back and looked at it and I was proud. Little by little I leave things out... a plastic bag I took groceries out of... and empty pop can or two... a couple of dishes... a few DVD cases... a magazine... a book... paper trash, a roll of tape, a pen, an etch-a-sketch, a screwdriver, a ball... after a few days I'm right back where I started. I figure one of the main problems is I have problems remembering to put things away. When I do remember, I put it off until I'm finished with the current task at hand, but it eventually leaves my mind and I forget about it.

Scattered
11-03-05, 02:34 PM
Yes, very important to remember that we mostly know where everything is within our mess, and I know at least I for one put everything places very deliberately. I have a stack of papers? Ok I'll put it here no wait here because there I could spill ok. Cell phone? Ok here no here...

Very deliberate, and I know where everything within my mess is. When it's cleaned up, I've got nothing. HeheThis is a problem with my husband -- he is dyslexic and ADD and if I try to clean, he gets mad because he can't find anything. To make things worse, since I'm ADHD I can't remember where I moved his things too -- bit of a stuffer and stacker myself!:D

Scattered

Uminchu
11-03-05, 08:26 PM
In the first years of our marriage, my wife threw out a lot of important documents (like my tax returns) becaus I would have them stacked under junk mail and such. Now she understands: tidying up is appreciated, but NEVER throw anything away without asking me.

ADDitives
01-31-06, 09:08 AM
my boyfriend's room is terrible. he's 23 this june, and his mum cleaned his room for him up until 18 months ago - THAT might be part of the problem (she doesnt seem to think there's anythign wrong with that, and she still takes the sheets off his bed, washes them, and puts them back on clean for him).

his desk is piled up at least 1 foot high with books and things and dust, his chest of drawers is covered in trinkets and souvenirs and books and bookmarks and belts and clothes all piled up. he has one drawer with socks and underpants, one drawer with miscellaneous stuff, and 4 drawers that do not open, stuffed with old clothes.

his bedroom floor is covered in clean clothes, dirty clothes, old clothes, new clothes, socks that he's worn once, twice, three times, fifteen times, books, sports equipment, shopping bags, receipts, and dust.

you literally cannot walk into the room, its piled up 20 - 30cm (30cm = 1 ft) high. his tiny wardrobe is filled with coathangers, jackets, tshirts, old clothes, and there's no room for the clothes he has all over the floor. his whole room looks like he tried to stuff everything in there and it just exploded.

one day i went in there with him and we cleared off the top of the chest of drawers, and found a large bag full of rubbish such as fliers, receipts, old packets.

i put all the shoes together, and organised the clothes from the floor by placing them in categories on teh bed (pants, shirts, jackets - very simple) and told him he could do what he wanted with them.

we also found an entire load full of washing.

i offered to keep going to help with him the drawers and stuff, so he had somerwhre to put the clothes. he didnt want to.

ive offered 3 times since then, he doenst want to.

its NOT going to be like this when he lives with me.

zz123zz
01-31-06, 03:45 PM
In addition to ADD, I have OCD and various forms of anxiety. My level of cleanliness is sort of a battle between the ADD and OCD. So, my car, for example is very neat and organized, but it hardly ever gets washed.

Anno
02-02-06, 03:26 AM
I couldn't keep my room clean if I tried. I get anoyed every once in a while and clean it to perfection but a week later it back to being messy. lol. >:-(

Lucky the rest of the house is pretty clean, my housemate gets on a 'cleaning mission' all the time... I try to keep the rest of the house tidy when ever I can. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt.

sherigraph
02-02-06, 02:00 PM
Maplesweet, my son is 17 1/2. and yes, his room is a mess. His clothes are left out, pop cans don't come up for awhile, dishes don't either. When he has a cold, yuck with the kleenes. lol. He is ADD.

speedo
02-02-06, 06:52 PM
The thing that I have noticed about people with ADHD is that they are either the "clean freak" type or are the cluttery type.... there does not seem to be a happy medium. I am the cluttery type and YES it is hard to keep my house in order.

This brings to mind the old TV series "The odd couple"....

Me :D



Hello,

I was just curious to know if the men on here with ADD find that it's difficult to keep your homes clean, etc. I discovered this evening at my boyfriends place that he's pretty messy. I have offered to help him clean thinking that he probably hasn't done it because of the ADD, but, now I'm unsure if it's because of that, or he's just a messy person?

Any opinions are most welcome.

Maplesweet

Uminchu
02-02-06, 09:18 PM
This brings to mind the old TV series "The odd couple"....I resemble that remark! :)

What really burns is I like having things neat, I'm just incapable of maintaining it. When I get that wild urge and get my office neat and tidy, there's like this feeling of relief. But within a day or two, the piles are growing again.

My wife used to clean up my office for me, but gave up because she kept throwing away important documents, or just mixing things up so I couldn't find them. She still cleans in here, but leaves my desks/tables alone.

Carla B.
02-02-06, 10:04 PM
The thing that I have noticed about people with ADHD is that they are either the "clean freak" type or are the cluttery type.... there does not seem to be a happy medium Nail on head, Speedo. That's exactly my sense of it too. All one way or the other, which seems to be true about lots of things ADD, not just neatness.

That granted, it does seem that (to quote Scattered) we "stuffers and stackers" predominate. We keep mental maps of where our things are stashed, and those maps are hell to rebuild if something disrupts that.

But if you want a real trip to Purgatory on Earth for people who are wired like us, it's selling a house and moving, which is what hub and I have been dealing with the last few months. First you get to "explode" all your maps, sift and pitch through all your possessions, and stash all but essentials in boxes. Then you get to keep your house model-home neat while showing it. Then you get to move, at least once, maybe twice, before you land in your final new resting place, after which you get to unpack and re-stash it all over again. Forget trying to be productive in any direction while all of that is happening!

But I will only depress myself if I continue kvetching about that..

tetsuo76
02-09-06, 01:28 AM
As an 'over focussed' ADD'er I can tell you one thing: All my life I have been fighting the mess in my house (and life). My house therefore is clean almost all the time... But, do not start scratching behind your ears yet! Beware of my closets, drawers etc. When searching for something in one of these areas of my house you might be surprised by a waterfall of stuff you were not searching for in the first place.

Hairybuffalo
04-01-12, 08:36 AM
We hire my girlfriends "ADD sister" to come clean.. She has to take a 30 mg vyvanse and drink a can of red bull to clean our house. Its pathetic, but to each their own. Honestly I dont think she has ADD but ive heard girls have it different.