Have you told anyone about your ADD? Your spouse? Significant other? Your kids? Your boss? Your teachers? What about your friends? Post your experiences here, and be sure to answer the poll!

OK, I'll go first.

1. I've told my fiancee, and she is very supportive as I'm seeking treatment. (She is a social worker.) Friday I go in for a followup visit, and will hopefully have my meds adjusted. My fiancee is going with me.

2. I told my ex-wife, when we were married. She was initially supportive, and then began scapegoating and blaming everything that was "wrong" on my ADD. ("You're the reason...") (This is also the reason I generally tell acquaintances with ADD *not* to tell their boss.) Our relationship didn't last long after that... and it turned out it ended because of her infidelity, not because of my ADD (although I suppose someone could argue she sought refuge elsewhere because she couldn't live with me).

3. I told a couple of close friends, who don't see me as defective or mental. They just see me as me, and accept me as I am.

4. I told a previous employer, back in 1995. He immediately began looking for legal ways to get rid of me, and the company sent me a nasty "being diagnosed as ADD is not an excuse for poor job performance or a method of receiving special treatment, and it may be that if you are having trouble doing the job that it's not the right job for you" type of letter. I promptly found another job elsewhere. (Postscript: The company I left has now gone out of business, and my former employer is gone as well. Hooray!)

5. I tell God every night.

I do NOT plan to tell: My current employer, my kids, or inform my ex that I'm under treatment again. I also don't usually talk about it with my siblings, although one of them understands as she is bipolar.

What about YOU?

1. YES to my family....especially my sister and brother as they've had their OWN stuff such as...alcoholism, depression, sex addiction, whatever...and so they've been able to understand by stuff...and so they've been very supportive...I've told my parents and although they've not understood they've been okay...

2. Boyfriends?? Um, what boyfriends...Spouse?? What spouse.

3. Professors here at school...Now that's been a challenge...YES I've told...to get some accomodations...and YES if you're a student, I WOULD advise telling...can't lose anything...they cannot throw you out....you may not be understood...but hopefully SOME teachers WILL be sympathetic...and hopefully you will have an office for disabilities....unfortunately the head of my dept here has been a jerk...he has said...but Joan you haven't done anything strange so why should should I think you have anything wrong with you? Your behavior has been totally approppriate..........ya no kidding idiot...that's what the meds have been for....so occasionally getting accomdodations was tough...

4. Few close friends....YES....yes.....yes....

5. Future Boss? Well, apparently NOT...after reading here at forums past week or so....

6. Other family....a close aunt...yes...her children are severely mentally ill so she understands.....

1. I've told my husband. The jury is still out on his feelings. Not sure if he doesn't think it's an excuse for my lack of domestic skills.

2. I've told my father. Turns out he's probably where I get it.

3. I've told my children. My 10 year old was diagnosed ADHD before I was. Can't decide if my 13 year old needs to be tested, but we've talked about it.

4. I've told a close friend. I'm not sure about telling too many of the friends yet.

5. I've told an uncle, who once I described what my experiences are said I could have been describing him. He thinks he too has been misdiagnosed for years.

6. The boss and people at work. I think I'm going to hold off on that for awhile. There is one person who I'm very close to and I might tell him.

7. Others...I don't say anything to ...yet. In time, once I've learned a little more and I'm more comfortable with all that I'm learning, maybe. I'm 41, and don't care what other people think like I did when I was 21.
4.

Well, my mom, my closest friend, and my daughter know. I don't want to tell my teachers because I'm afraid they'll think it's a cop out or something. I dunno. I'm almost done with school, so it doesn't really matter anyway.

A master's degree??? Cop-out??? Somehow the two words don't go together Misclee!! :).....and the head of my dept. DID think it was a cop-out sooo _____ him...who cares...I'm with YOU...I'm out of there in 4 weeks....:)

I don't think today I would tell an employer or an academic institution, about my ADD today. The reason is that my ADD has been quite under control of late. I believe it is the Straterra, which does not seem to be as wildly effective as it was upon first use, but still has proved to be very effective.

When I attended schools in the past, I told professors as necessary. I always had support from the academic world when I explained having ADD. However, I avoided using it as an excuse as much as possible. My friends all know about my ADD. My spouse certainly knows. In fact, I wondered if she had it for a while. But it is pretty conclusive that she does not have ADD. My family all know. I am self employed so I don't have an employer to tell. However, I used to work in corporate america, and I did share my ADD diagnosis in 1996 with my employer. They responded with great support for me. They provided me with private coaching time to simply discuss my schedule management, as I had a very busy schedule. The empathy I received was appreciated, but there always remains a bit of concern that maybe their knowledge did bias matters some when I decided to resign for a better job. Maybe it did, but they were supportive while I was there.

I am all too aware that many employers may not have so enlightened a response. I think those companies with BIG legal departments would maybe be more likely to respond better than those who have no legal advisors, simply due to awareness of legal considerations, discrimination laws and the desire to avoid unnecessary litigation.

Another factor might also be how well an employer likes you. Lets face it, if we like a person, they can get away with almost anything, while if we dislike a person they can get away with almost nothing. This is true in personal life and in business, so judge your strength of rapore too, as the response is more likely to depend on subtle factors as much or more than on company policy. If the relationship is already bad, or negative, this may not be the best time to give anyone some more ammunition to add to their cannons.

I think one can judge the real nature of a friendship, the level of intimacy with a friend, by how well they handle knowing things about one's health. I think a real friend will discard all misconceptions and take the time to find a new attitude and new knowledge to replace misinformation. The others may not work so hard on being a true friend. You probably know who they are, but their responses to your disclosures might let you know much more about your friends than you knew before. I always say that the loss of a friend for disclosing your authentic identity is not the loss of a friend, it is merely the loss of an aqcaintaince who never could have been a friend.

Jon

unfortunately in corporate world as we know it today aint no such thing as real friend; or "level of intimacy". no such thing. that was the dark ages. im in major firm today and there aint so such thing as "employer or who likes you". sure they likeyou because you work for them, you make them look good. thats the only reaso they like you. aint no time for "liking" or "dislikng" people today in corporate america. its dog eat dog world out there. and BIG legal depts make not one iota bit of dif;. they may be LEGAL but they dont practice what they preach when it comes right down to it; if ya know what i mean. they could care less about add or ocd or bcd or abc or cda bca or pick any three letters you like. law suits? theyre not scared. they will find another reason.

unreal is probably basicaly right with hiss thinking here.best to keep add out of workplace. if all possible. lets see i told:

1. joan -- had positive, beautiful, romantic results for 6 days; amazing;
2. grandmother and aunt -- both cool
3. friends from alma mater -- not told
4. ex-wife -- yes and cool
5. girlfriend -- yes and not cool
6. son -- yes and will explain more when he's older
7. friends today -- some, but not too many

Yep, I would agree 100% with Danny on this. I think to corporate America, even if there is a good legal/HR department involved, you quickly become a liability to them. If not on paper, then certainly in their minds. There are no friends in business, at least not in so far as employee<-->employer relationships. I would think it is the *rare* employer who can see past the stigma of ADD to help you make the most of your position, without eventually becoming jaded or biased towards you for your perceived failings.

Keep in mind, I have been there, and disclosed my ADD to a boss who was a very compassionate-seeming, Christian individual. Once I did, though, he immediately became confrontational, refused to speak with me about my work unless a member of the H.R. staff was present in the room with him, and started documenting all my various "infractions" or minor job errors we ALL make. Every time I was even 1 minute late for a call-in meeting, it was documented. Every time I was behind on a deadline, it was documented. Every time I screwed up somehow, even if the screw-up was minor, it was documented. All for the purposes of laying down a paper trail that could either deny me a raise or bonus, serve as a warning down the road, or eventually build up a big enough file to get me fired.

In the non-ADD world, most of these "infractions" are overlooked or accepted as part of any normal person's work habits or practices. Once you let them label you, though, then it's a different story. For example, if one day after disclosing your ADD, you mention that you have to take off half a day to go to the doctor, it will be assumed it's for your ADD (or in the bosses' minds, your mental problem). Even if it's to take your kids in to get their shots or because you hurt your back. Legitimate things that crop up are suddenly seen as "excuses" by your boss.

When it comes to work, I've disclosed some things to my boss that were minor problems... things like "Can I call you back? I'm running late for an appointment with a client." These oftentimes will then show up on my next performance review ("He has run late on client meetings on at least one occasion, perhaps more.") This is *even though* my boss has professed to be my "friend." A boss is a boss. A boss is not a friend. Never. You may *think* so, but if he/she is really your boss, they by their nature have to have the company's interests at heart over their interest in you as a person.

On the other hand, I do agree with disclosing your ADD to your close friends *if* it's relevant. And if they are truly your friends, it won't matter a whit to them. However, I also think disclosing for the sake of disclosure is a mistake. Especially since so few people truly understand adult ADD, and there are many many more people who clearly MISunderstand it. I say be judicious. The job you save may be your own. :)

For anyone still considering telling their boss, be sure to read this post carefully at the ADHD site... especially the posts about the boss not being receptive, about the HR department debating the diagnosis, and the HR department "bullying" the employee. Very sad, but very telling for anyone who is considering a move like this.

I would venture a guess that for every one person who has a good experience with telling their boss about their ADD, there are 100 who have these kinds of negative experiences:

http://www.adhd.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/000055.html

A great collection of different experiences here! Wow, thats sad that people are working in that environment 8 - 10 hours a day. That must be hell on the psyche. :) Has corp america changed in the last 7 years, since I was there, or when did this change take place? When I was there, companies were competing to be ranked on friendly workplace environements.

I had a positive corp experience in '96 (the dark ages? lol) with disclosing my ADD, but it's better to be safe than sorry in the workplace, since the bread on the table is whats at stake sometimes. Even though I was in a large corp environment, it didn't feel like we were in a cut-throat environment, which was probably A-typical. After I disclosed my ADD, I continued working in that company for over a year, and never once did I land in a situation where I was being documented for percieved performance failures. I also continued to get important tasks and large accounts. I have not had to work in corp america since then, so I have only that experience to draw from.

When I disclosed, 7 years ago, it was on the theory that by enlisting the help of those around me, I could become enabled to do a better job. This worked to some degree.

However, after reading your experience, and view of the "cut-throat" "friendless" corp america of today, I would be quite judicious about telling an employer. It makes me wonder why do people put themselves through working in those types of places? I know..money, but there are more creative and happier ways to make a buck. And how healthy can it be to work in that kind of environment? I would think the stress alone of that kind of workplace would be very likely to exasserbate the symptoms of ADD or any other illness.

Corp america does not live in a vaccuum; laws of attraction still work. It has been clinically proven in studies of attraction that the most denied yet most important factor in attraction, is physical beauty. No one wants to admit this because it is considered shallow. However, controlled psych experiments have proven that people with physically pleasing features and appearance get away with and are sometimes praised for the same bahaviors considered to be errors, misjudgements, even law breaking, that others who lack pleasing features are punished and scorned for. This behavior starts in childhood, and can be seen in the discrepency of how school teachers react to children, and it does not stop at the doorways of any corp building.

I found corp america to be stifling for other reasons and is probably why so many people with ADD become entrepeneurs.

I think in matters of friendship, disclosure for the sake of being authentic is not a mistake, as true friendship is rooted in authenticity. The closest of friendships are based upon the level of disclosure that is sensed and allowed with safety. However, there are some friends I know are just aquaintances, who I really keep at a distance anyways. I try not to make friends with people who are judgemental, not only of ADD, but for the reason that judgemental people can cause a lot of harm. There is no point in disclosure to them. Sometimes I find disclosure helps the collective good, by dispelling false beliefs, maybe helping someone's child, or a friend of a friend, or sometimes of a stranger.

If disclosure is to seek "approval" however, from others, I think that is a dangerous set up of one's self, as "approval" is only likely in a few circumstances, and approval for adults should start from within. That principle applies to all people, not just people with ADD.

Jonathan

Originally posted by healthwiz
It makes me wonder why do people put themselves through working in those types of places?

Several reasons:

1. We don't know when we hire on if the company is *truly* employee friendly or just wears that as a facade. Fact is, most that purport to be are not... and those that are even listed as "best places to work" aren't judged on that standard by their willingness to work with HR issues... they get those awards because they give more vacation time or comp time to employees, because they give more stocks or shares to employees, and because they have the best sets of bene's and perks.

2. As nice as it might sound to have a choice in work environments, we often do not have the choice in practice. I certainly could quit my job today, and find something else in the near future. But would it pay the bills? Could I afford to leave? Would I lose any goodwill I have built up in this job? Would I really be ANY happier elsewhere (this is the one question I always ask myself... is the grass *really* greener? It usually is not.)

3. An employee-friendly boss can quickly turn unfriendly when confronted with a circumstance where he/she feels threatened or has no experience.

4. The job market in many places stinks. We don't always have the luxury of looking around.

5. Is it better to job-hop until we find just the "right" place, or stick it out and do our best to succeed where we are? So far, in the 5 years I have been here, I have outlasted many of my colleagues. Just by sticking it out.

My $.02 :)

Another great article to read on this topic is at

http://abcnews.go.com/sections/living/DailyNews/add_disclosure.html

gosh posting more than once in a day is a 1st for me. but i think its imortant to understand that decision to disclose or not is a personal one and one that everyone needs to make on his or/her own. i know joan my friend and a member of these forums is about to graduate from her schoolprogram and is starting to job search and has decided she will not disclose and i am supporting her decision. as for myself, as part of corporate america, unfriendly corporate america, i know that i have worked dam hard to get where i am and truth be told i LOVE what i do. and do it well. dam well. andi'm respected for what i do.the environment in which i do it in may not be the best but i choose to stay here and make the best of it because as unreal says, i doubt its any greener anywhere else.there is no such thing as choice of friendly or unfriendly environments. thats just the point. noone said to me when i graduated from school "now find a friendly environment dan". thats fairy tale land.you go look for a nice-y nice environment andyour dreaming.why would i choose to say in such an environment?becausethey're all the same environment.simple as that.

also ibelieve that once one has disclosed your stuck with that choice. you can always disclose. but if you havent you havent done anything to hurt yourself. best to choose an add friendly profession rather than choose an add friendly environment.and the best add friendly profession?the oneyou love.you'llprobably hyperfocus long enough to succeed.get into a support group.deal with add AFTER work not while AT work.andyou wont have anytrouble.

thanks for the interestting thread unreal and the websites. good discussion.

Originally posted by Dannydorm
also ibelieve that once one has disclosed your stuck with that choice.

That is an *exceptional* point, Dan. You can't take it back, especially if it's not well-received by your employer.

True. You can't take it back once you have disclosed it. And it is best to deal with ADD on your own time. Also, I would never disclose ADD in a job application or interview. That would be like saying "I'm a RISK, don't hire me, I don't have the condition under control, and I'm going to need special treatment" to a potential employer. One would probably never get hired. I would be concerned if someone felt it necessary to disclose to me that they had ADD. I would want to know why they felt it necessary to disclose that, but I probably would not be able to ask that question. The whole idea of disclosing to an employer really brings up the question of "why"? What is to be gained? What special treatment is it that one hopes to get? Is it flexible hours? Is it permission to be late to meetings? Is it permission to procrastinate? Is it permission to drift off and not focus or be productive? Some of these permissions would be down-right negative and unhealthy to obtain, permission to do a poor job...thats all we need! And some, like flex hours, might be obtainable without ever disclosing a medical condition. Many people have negotiated their work hours without having a medical need. If it's negotiable, it can be done by simply expressing a desire for it, and not disclosing a medical reason. The other requests are simply attempts to either garner sympathy/empathy/emotional support from the wrong person, the employer, and a set-up to self-sabotage and label oneself as an incompetent member of the work team.

So in the end, I agree too. There is no reason to disclose this at work. Emotional support can be found outside the work place. Add-ers have the ability to take care of themselves well enough to be highly competent, not to mention exceptionally creative, employees who don't need a medical excuse. I believe some of the most successful people of our time were ADD, including Walt Disney. I don't think he carried a doctors note in his pocket.

Thus, if one is having trouble meeting the obligations of a job, the key is to get help from outside the work organization, both medical and emotional support, and resolve the issue asap rather than let it get worse.

On the other side of the coin, we should discuss the pros and cons of disclosing this issue to graduate school programs.

And on the issue of friends, thats a personal matter. I favor disclosure to close friends. Authenticity is important to me. Family? There can be no one answer on family, because we come from all kinds of balanced and wacky families. I have disclosed to everyone in my family, and I don't think it has done me any harm. In some ways, it has allowed some family members to drop old grudges about my being late in the past and to help comprehend my rocky academic start in college. Those were prickly subjects in the past, but were relatively zapped of their impact by the disclosure that I had ADD. My main concern about my family, is that my family not percieve ADD as a crippling handicap, which is totally counter-productive. I have had one sibling take that tack, though he did not realize it, and I did not like that one bit.

Funny, before this thread started I did not have a clear idea of where I would stand on this issue but the issues raised have made me clarify this issue for myself. I feel relatively confident this is the best thing, to deal with ADD outside the work place and not bring it to anyone's attention for work purposes.

Hope to see something soon on the value/dangers of disclosing to graduate schools.

Jon

Yes, Dan is exceptional all right!!! No, in the end, I shall not let on...I think I'll just get out of work each day and get onto forums and complain HERE how um, messed up everybody ELSE is....so they don't have to scapegoat ME because I told them about ADD...NOT!

And then when I visit my family in Boston, I will visit Dan too and tell him all about it...hey nice posts here Dan..TWO in one day????
COOL....Anyway Eric, yes as Dan said, good discussions....

Originally posted by healthwiz
The whole idea of disclosing to an employer really brings up the question of "why"? What is to be gained? What special treatment is it that one hopes to get? Is it flexible hours? Is it permission to be late to meetings? Is it permission to procrastinate? Is it permission to drift off and not focus or be productive? Some of these permissions would be down-right negative and unhealthy to obtain, permission to do a poor job...thats all we need! And some, like flex hours, might be obtainable without ever disclosing a medical condition. Many people have negotiated their work hours without having a medical need. If it's negotiable, it can be done by simply expressing a desire for it, and not disclosing a medical reason. The other requests are simply attempts to either garner sympathy/empathy/emotional support from the wrong person, the employer, and a set-up to self-sabotage and label oneself as an incompetent member of the work team.

So in the end, I agree too. There is no reason to disclose this at work.

Jon -- really well said!! This cuts to the heart of the issue... what's to be gained from disclosure, and what potential HARM could it do? (And the usual answers are "Nothing, and lots".) Great points all the way around.

And having said all that, I have my first job interview this week as an R.D. (in Miami).... Gosh I feel like I have gotten millions of dollars of career counselling from this post for FREE!!

Incidentally, one of things I will ask in the interview is about the training program.......I mean some of my classmates are going out on interviews and they're coming back with these major training notebooks and two days of orientation followed by two week intensive trainings, etc. GREAT! Because as far as I'm concerned, if they start me off right with good training and really show me all the ins and outs and procedures and protocols and I have a chance to ask all the questions I need, I have a better shot at success. Even NON-adders need this. right? Sometimes its hard to tell the difference between a screw-up based on ADD and a screwup based on not having enough info or training from the start...correct? Anyway, I will have many interviews. I pray that God shows me the job that is right for me. Meanwhile, I have to get my last few projects done....

Sometimes its hard to tell the difference between a screw-up based on ADD and a screwup based on not having enough info or training from the start...correct?

In my opinion, absolutely! In fact, I think a lot of times we self-analyze and beat ourselves up over mistakes we make, when other people make many of these mistakes as well. In fact, you may think you made a grievous error, but it's entirely possible no one but you noticed it! I've discovered this myself.

For example, in my company, I have been criticized by a couple people I work with for often being "5 minutes late"... so for a while, I would think I might be running late, call ahead to tell them I was running late, and then I would get there on time anyway. This did nothing for me except make me look bad to those people, since even if I showed up on time they could say I'm chronically late because even *I* had thought I would be late. So now I don't call to let anyone know I am running late unless I am *already* or going to be late with 100% certainty. What I have found is that even when I am a little bit late, I often beat the other person to the meeting anyway. If I had called, I would have made them think "Oh, he's late again!"

Okay, fair enough...no I MIGHT be lates....only call if I WILL be late...got it.... but its the errors I MISS..and everyone SEES...that scare me...BUT that's why I need to stay focussed and pay attention...to my game so to speak...medical charting has details...BUT after awhile...it becomes the same old same old...

anyway, explain this to me....how do you highlight what someone else has written...this "QUOTE" thing, Eric?? You do that a lot here...how do you do that???? what's the secret??? I want to do that...:)

Originally posted by joanrdtobe
how do you highlight what someone else has written...this "QUOTE" thing, Eric?? You do that a lot here...how do you do that???? what's the secret??? I want to do that...:)

Like this :)

But seriously, just read the person's message, and then use the "Quote" button (it's above the Reply button below, for example), and pull out the text you don't want to quote. It's pretty easy. Every message should have a "Quote" button below it. You definitely want to edit the quote, though, because it automatically quotes that person's entire message.

You can also hit Reply and then hit the Quote button in the middle of your screen, but then you have to type in the person's quote. Let me know via PM if you still have trouble.

You can also Bold or Italicize, or even Colorize things using the appropriate buttons when you post a reply or a new message. It's in the area on your screen marked "vB code".

[QUOTE]Originally posted by unreal33




But seriously, just read the person's message, and then use the "Quote" button (it's above the Reply button below, for example), and pull out the text you don't want to quote. It's pretty easy. Every message should have a "Quote" button below it. You definitely want to edit the quote, though, because it automatically quotes that person's [b]entire message.


Yes and we we wouldn't want to quote that person's ENTIRE message because oh my God we might fall asleep
:D :D

Now if I can learn a new job as easy as I learned that....thanks Eric...

Originally posted by joanrdtobe
Now if I can learn a new job as easy as I learned that....thanks Eric...

You can, and you will :)

Just be sure, when using that, that you put *your* message after the [ /QUOTE ] tag.

Originally posted by joanrdtobe
And having said all that, I have my first job interview this week as an R.D. (in Miami).... Gosh I feel like I have gotten millions of dollars of career counselling from this post for FREE!!

Sometimes its hard to tell the difference between a screw-up based on ADD and a screwup based on not having enough info or training from the start...correct?

Yup, you did. And there is no reason to refer to anyone as a "screw up". Thats part of the problem here, low self esteem, and high levels of self-doubt. Its the "schtik" we have all been playing on ourselves for too many years. We are not screw ups. We are human, we may make errors, but we are also highly intelligent problem solving creative brilliant light bulbs in the world. Anyone who gets us working for them is a lucky individual or company. In many cases, they should be working for us!

Good luck in your interviews!

Jon

Originally posted by unreal33


You can, and you will :)


[ /QUOTE ] [/B]



thanks Eric....appreciate it......

ACK ! I told my boss I am being treated for ADD. She does not understand the problem , but demanded to know what my problem was. So I told her. I feel I am being focused on now. While I know others " get away with murder " I am under a microscope. I feel she would like to get rid of me.

Barbette,

This was exactly the type of persecution I've been talking about in my posts in this forum. :( Sorry to hear you're having a rough time.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, you might want to think about discussing it *further* with your employer, to let them know (a) you're under treatment, (b) it's not an *excuse*, it's an explanation, (c) it's not something that's going to keep you from being a dedicated employee, and (d) you weren't telling her to get special treatment (unless, of course, you were).

Read the other posts in this forum about this topic... while it may have felt like a good idea to disclose it at the time, people who are not familiar with ADD are likely to react in one of a couple of ways to this news: 1. They see you as "defective" and a drain on the company's resources, 2. They see you as less responsible and therefore not deserving of promotion, kudos, or merit, or 3. They see you as a threat to be gotten rid of using legal means like documenting poor performance and then firing on that basis.

Good luck. If you need advice on what to do now, this is definitely a good place to get advice and support.

I try to be careful who I tell. I was at party last summer and I gave a business card to a friend (for my site). I had intended only for her and her husband to see it. Of course I should have known better this person ended up making a big deal and showing it to a bunch of people.

It's really hard because it always brings up a discussion and there are so many view points of AD/HD. Of course there was a teacher there who just thought all of her AD/HD students were just lazy and all that.

I will make known my opinion of AD/HD and defend it online tooth and nail. It's a lot harder for me to do that in person though. Sometimes my own self esteem issues take over and other times it's just plain exhausting.

I have found sometimes it's just easier for me to keep quiet...

I've told me kids....

My family(brother, sister, mother) who don't get it and think it's crap.....

I've told Aunt's and cousins, my Aunt's have have kids( all in their 20's and 30's now) with ADD. Both Aunt's think they maybe ADD also.....

My husband knows....

2 of my friends I have told and they both have a child with ADD..

My PCP knows.....

I don't tell anyone untill I really get to know them. If I didn't say something they'd wonder why I keep standing them up for lunch...lol... My very best friend knows she better call me that morning to make sure I remember so she doesn't end up eating lunch alone...again...lol...


Paula

Paula,

What did your husband say when you told him? Did he know before you were married?

My fiancee has been incredibly -- amazingly -- supportive. She's been terrific, and continues to be supportive and tries her very best to be understanding and helpful.

My ex-wife encouraged me to look into the diagnosis, but it was as much for her own gain as to help me. (And of course, for my ex, it became a source of frustration similar to what happens when you tell an employer. Before you tell them, you are "only human" and can make mistakes... after you tell them then you suddenly become a liability.)


Eric

i don't tell anybody. it is none of thier business. most just freak anyways.

Eric,
I met my husband when I was 21. I always had weird personality stuff and I tended to be a loner. I didn't know myself very well and based who I was on what others had been saying about me for years :

I'm a *****....

I'm shy....

I'm a snob...

I'm Lazy....

I'm unfriendly....

I'm spacy....

Pig headed....

stubborn....

Hot headed.....

thin shinned....

selfish.......

We married when I was 26 and I decided to get tested at about age 35. I had a book and talked to him about what ADD was. He was fine with it and believed there is ADD. But as far as understanding me and accepting my ADD, that's a different story. When we fight he'll bring up my ADD and "attack" me with it. I see now his issues with my ADD is from his childhood stuff. I get no understanding from husband or anyone in my family. This was hard at first, with age I've learned I don't need them to understand. I'm me and tough if ya don't like it.

;) :D

Paula

Good girl Paula

"What its like to have ADD" by DR. Edward Halowell

http://www.acbr.com/fas/adhdlike.htm

Print these pages out if you wish as it sure has helped me to explain "What its like to have ADD"

I have told pretty much anyone when it is relevent in a conversation about a variety of things you now how small talk can go (mind you it goes very badly with me)
I haven't however been so free with work collegues and my husbands work collegues again some know others do not

I think telling other ADDers you have ADD is a fun idea!!! lol

I think there has to be a release valve for me, to tell some people about ADD. I would not tell my clients, as that would only make them inspect my work and my product. If I had a job, I would not tell my employer or co-workers, none of their business, even if I'm friendly with them.

If I had a college situation that required some adjustments, I would tell the college or the professor or both, under circumstances where I needed a change made if it was an acceptable academic change for people with ADD.

With friends, I tell them, but I have found that friends prefer to encourage me not to use ADD as a crutch, as an excuse to do poorly. They encourage me to let the ADD be there, in the background but not in the forground. It is the most helpful encouragement I have ever had, though I resented it at first. Now I feel they are right, I was using ADD to cover my *** for everything under the sun, but it took me time to realize I can be responsible, with or without ADD. Go figure...

The strangest thing was traveling with a buddy who knew I had ADD, and he noticed how incredibly organized I was, how good my presentations were, how well I was being accepted by superior colleagues, and how responsible I was throughout our trip. He told me no one would ever know or guess I had ADD if I didn't say so, based on what he saw. This really changed my self-image, and I realized since then that people can have a lousy self image, and only recall the times we mess up, and not think much about our successes. Self image is as important to defining our ADD as is the ADD itself. I think I can exaggerate the extent of my symptoms, I can mis-diagnose depression symptoms as ADD, I can overlook the positive and fosus on the negative, I can remember my failures and hardly acknowledge my successes. All this can increase my sense of having ADD!

I now have a confidence that what I do is organized, an inner voice that tells me so, and that a friend gave me. That is a real gift.

So my question is, how many out there would be able to live much easier and happier with their ADD if they had a new self image?

Jon

I've never told an employer and never will. I'm sure some did suspect that something was wrong though.

I've told my mother who likely told everyone else in the family. *sigh* I really regret it because she doesn't "believe in it" and neither do other family members. Aaaargh!! :mad:

I've told one close friend and he was supportive although I don't think he believed in it either. Quite the rocket scientist type who reeeally doubts medical doctors.

I've not disclosed this information to anyone in quite some time and have decided to keep mum from this point on unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary.

I have told professors and employers...the emplyers bit has been mixed in terms of results...the teacher/classroom has bit a bit better, I find a lot of people get angry if you do better than them in a class after telling them about ADD and that is usually when they pull crap like "Oh, well you had extra this, or more of that through special needs departments" (which I have never used...I have always played by "their" rules and when disclosing about ADD to profs, I have simply stated that I would take whatever grade I was given if I handed something in late). It has, in some cases, been a detriment, and I have been the butt of a few jokes here and there...I can often tell when they are malicious and when they are good natured ribbing from my friends...sometimes even the friendly jokes get on my nerves though, and that is usually when I get those little frustrated fits of anger and must step away from the situation...(do some deep breathing). I have used ADD in presentations in class as examples about stigmatization of people with disabilities...its a good way to discuss social justice issues in some classes (especially when discussing empowerment and social movements...). Some people look at you differently and I find it can fun to mess with a whole class full of people sometimes just by coming right out and saying it...you can actually see the looks on peoples faces and their perceptions of you change right before your eyes,....its fun to do social experiments like that from time to time...and the way I see it is, if they cant handle it....too dang bad! not my problem! I didnt choose to be this way...I just am!

that's my little story for today....for now

MC

missing cues..to me it seems you have kahonas...or a wish to be questioned...or a desire to establish "social justice".. I'm not sure which, maybe all of the above and more?

But this fascinates me, its like walking naked into class, and saying, hey I'm naked and this is me. ADD is such a concealable thing about ourselves.

On the other hand, being defined by a disability rather than by ones personality style is not my idea of fun either. I am getting more and more into the idea of letting my ADD be a backseat passenger, and not a driver, unless the scenario calls for ADD strength. You know - hyper focus! Super quick reaction times in situations of danger, and excellence in pinball (very important)! I'm trying not to put ADD out there as my predominant personality feature, and am rather focusing on my ability to get the job done. This forum has made me all too aware that I am very capable of using ADD as an excuse....and I am moving past that .

Back to the first scenario though, when I was a freshmen in a speech class, my first speech was about mental illness. I have a brother who was hospitalized....so this was an important topic to me. I did a great speech, and literally freaked out an entire class, but the professor gave me the only 100% mark on a speech she had ever given....go figure..another ADD success story. About a semester later, I was dropping out of college. Sound typical? lol

Well, kudos to you for having the kahonas! and the passion for social justice, and the guts to stand up and say "Hey this is me, and if you don't like it, eat my shorts!" hehe

Jon

I understand about the backseat thing...I tried it, but it seemed like the harder I tried to conceal things, the more people looked at me wierd, and those times when I couldnt conceal it, I had no other explanation for my actions/words and I got sick of trying to apologize for something that is a part of me now. Its not that I let the ADD be a driver, but I have my car clearly labelled..."Team ADD" (they're really just the sponsor!!!). I do find its rather hard to "conceal" ADD...I find the harder I try to conceal it, the more it comes out in me...I gave up trying to conceal it,but I refuse to let people attempt to use it against me...(without some sort of consequences...sometimes you cant stop people using it against you). Anyway, congratualtions on that excellent mark...make sure you place more emphasis on your successes, because even people without ADD aren't perfect, and there is no use beating yourself up for being human!(I stopped that a long time ago...once in a while it crreeps back up on me though). Anyways, in terms of being defined by a personality or by a disability, I dont consider ADD to be solely a disability (I have an LD on top of the ADD...I try to consider the ADD an added bonus of being LD...the creative, intellectual balance or counterweight...compensation for the LD even). Besides, if people want to label me they can, and then I take that label and tear it up in front of them as most of them are horribly surprised when I have the highest mark in a class or something like that...(and the look of horror is sometimes well worth the label). I do like being questioned and I like questioning things as well. its what I do best I find...I dont always find the answers, but I am always willing to hear possible theories or answers from others. Its the hardest thing I have had to do, learning to accept that failure is a human trait, and not an ADD trait and accpeting that even though I may screw up I am still a great person all around...I am not completely over it, but I am getting there.

MC

This is a great thread! I know it's an old one but I thought I'd say something. I have an inability to not tell people if a situation arises that makes me think of it. therefor everyone who knows me reasonably knows. (I doubt even a few understand)I have never experienced any negetivity. Yet one friend mentioned that she thinks some people throw it around lightly as an excuse. Matterafact many of my seemingly most gifted musically students complain about many of the symptoms of ADD. I mention it as a possibility, most seem interested to know more.
Of corse being I am self empoyed and not in school, I don't have as many considerations.

Hi! I'm new to ADD Forums, came across this subject and thought I would like to comment. As a rule I don't tell people about my ADD. My daughter has ADD and a LD as well. As a result I've done a fair amount of reading on the subject and feel I can pretty much define what ADD is and what it isn't.

Occasionally, someone will say something about ADD and from their comments it's clear that they know absolutely nothing about it. They make ridiculous statements like - 'oh, that's just the latest excuse for goofing off' or 'that's another one of these disorders that psychologists and psychiatrists have dreamed up to keep themselves in work'.

Then I wonder - do I correct the misperceptions and explain that I have ADD so it's something I know about? Do I let the misperceptions pass?

Frankly it depends on who I'm with and what kind of mood I'm in. Some people are very understanding and interested others think it's another 'cooked up' disorder.

I know that I'm my own best advocate for ADD but it really does depend on how I'm feeling.

Thanks - SEM

Hi SEM, Welcome
If I feel the need to give someone a better idea of what ADD is I find Dr. Amen's book which is currently loaned out ( I can't remember the title--Darn,) Anyway the one with the many pictures of the brain imaging spects, to be very helpfull.
It's the pictures showing the active areas of the brain, that is more positive proof than words alone.

Thanks! I'll take a look for books written by Dr. Amen in the book store. I'll specifically look for pictures of the brain.

Thanks also for the welcome - SEM

SEM: I also wanted to say Welcome to the Forums. And I agree with your points about people's total ignorant comments about ADD....and you wonder should you speak up when you hear them and clue them in to reality or not? And I agree -- it depends. Please keep posting:)

Thanks for the welcome! I'm looking forward to meeting folks on-line. I don't know anything about going to the different forums or threads, but no doubt I'll figure it out.

Right now I'm frustrated because I'm waiting for my husband to come home so we can go away for the weekend. I hate waiting. It makes me feel trapped or confined. Do you think there's a forum/thread that talks about that?

SEM

Click on ADD Forums..and then check under relationships and social issues. If not, you can start a thread yourself....it's easy, just click on the start new thread on the top and go from there.....To continue with a thread, it doesn't have to be exactly on the topic you are looking for (such as the one you describe here), it just should be close to it. But your topic here relates to lots of areas of social relationships...so post away....:) Don't worry if not in right place, in other words....there's no such thing as posting in a "wrong" place. And soon you will get used to navigating this thing. It took me months to get used to it:)

I too hate waiting...waiting, for example at the expense of other people's SLOWNESS....YUCK.....I just want to scream "hurry up" sometimes:) Hopefully he will be home soon. I hope you have a lovely weekend away:)

In years past, say some 20 years ago, I had to learn to be selective. There still existed a stigma for anything remotely resembling Bipolar, as well as ADD. I've dealt with both most of my life, and eventually found that it's absolutely necessary to inform those close to me of what I'm struggling with so they are better able to understand me.

At times its risky, but you might say my confessions have served to weed out true friends from pretenders. The irony of it all is that friends I had known for years when I was first diagnosed were willing to desert me for something they didn't understand 20 years ago, where people today pratically embrace it all as trendy... "You're Bipolar? Oh my gosh..so was kurt cobain, and sting! You must be highly intelligent, creative, and musically talented." Even if such statements were remotely true, most people don't realize the painful ordeal of living with such disorders on a daily basis...It's like being Superman and your own worst enemy in the form of Kryptonite.

Associate your illness with a prominant celebrity, and suddenly you're en vogue. Since being diagnosed in 1986, I've seen my illness treated as the scourge of soiciety, later to be something patronized, finally culminating into something to be viewed as mythical, or esoteric. It really isn't an issue of who I can tell, and who I can't anymore due to wider acceptance. Even so, discriminatory practies exist among employers, such that my first instinct is not to share such things until employed, at which time one can seek the protection of an advocacy group if need be.

Welcome to the Forums Lerxalot. I enjoyed reading your writing. You have a unique way of expressing yourself and I hope you keep posting and please know you will get a lot of support here....:)

Welcome to the Forums Lerxalot

I agree with Joan


Originally posted by joanrdtobe
I enjoyed reading your writing. You have a unique way of expressing yourself and I hope you keep posting and please know you will get a lot of support here....:)

Looking forward to more of your posts

Hmmm - after reading everyone's posts about work, I'm kinda freakin out.

After they'd already decided to let me go in my last job - I told my boss that my doc wanted to get me tested for ADD. Gave him a major guilt trip, heh - he asked (in a sincere way) if I thought that would've changed things.

I'm using him as a reference now - should I worry?

here is some advice to go along with this. I don't entirely agree with everything said, but I do understand everyone's reaction. 1. Read the American's Disability Act of 1990 (THiS IS IMPORTANT!! IT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND!)I keep a copy in my desk at all times to point out problems if my bosses start trying to over-compensate in the observation department. 2. If if can be proven that any of the 'poor performances' you are sighted for are linked to your disability they CANNOT take any action against you. It is illegal! So unless you really screw up and deserve to be fired, they cannot fire you for something related to your disability.

I had a similar poblem that, I believe it was Barbette (not entirely sure) was writing about. I had a bos that suddenly was looking for reasons to get rid of me after I told them I have ADHD. So I had a lawyer friend of mine write them a letter explaining the ADA mandate and their requirement by law to comply. Next thing I know my boss is calling me into his office and asking me what he can do to make things easier for me. I told him to just treat me fairly and not to see me as any different with the exception that I perform the same tasks as every other employee only from a different perspective and means. I never had a problem after that and I was never fired. I quit to go back to school 2.5 years later.

MightMouse

Originally posted by unreal33
Barbette,

This was exactly the type of persecution I've been talking about in my posts in this forum. :( Sorry to hear you're having a rough time.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, you might want to think about discussing it *further* with your employer, to let them know (a) you're under treatment, (b) it's not an *excuse*, it's an explanation, (c) it's not something that's going to keep you from being a dedicated employee, and (d) you weren't telling her to get special treatment (unless, of course, you were).

Read the other posts in this forum about this topic... while it may have felt like a good idea to disclose it at the time, people who are not familiar with ADD are likely to react in one of a couple of ways to this news: 1. They see you as "defective" and a drain on the company's resources, 2. They see you as less responsible and therefore not deserving of promotion, kudos, or merit, or 3. They see you as a threat to be gotten rid of using legal means like documenting poor performance and then firing on that basis.

Good luck. If you need advice on what to do now, this is definitely a good place to get advice and support.

Originally posted by MightyMouse
I told him to just treat me fairly and not to see me as any different with the exception that I perform the same tasks as every other employee only from a different perspective and means.

MightMouse




Well put MightyMouse -- "different perperspective and means"" as everyone else......but same tasks....

Simply stated I was saying this: I am completely capable of doing anything else any other employee in this company can do. I simply have unorthodox approaches to it. For example, while most employees are given one task to complete in a day I ask for 5 tasks and all to be done in 5 days. That way when my attention wonders on one task, I jump to the next and in the end I get just as much done as everyone else and many times much, much more.

Is that a little clearer? I struggled with the wording earlier.

MightyMouse

Originally posted by joanrdtobe



Well put MightyMouse -- "different perperspective and means"" as everyone else......but same tasks....

Originally posted by MightyMouse


Is that a little clearer? I struggled with the wording earlier.

MightyMouse




Yes, that's clear, but you weren't that UNCLEAR before! Yes we might get, in the end, much more done than the non-ADD'er and perhaps surprisingly better quality.....

I've noticed that you have to be careful about whom you tell about your ADD and, more importantly, how you tell someone about your conditition. Many people think it's "all in your head," which of course is the clinical truth, while other will write you off as just plain nuts. Before you tell anyone, make sure you have a reason to tell them that makes sense. Some of my closest friends know, but I wouldn't go telling every person I meet casually because, quite honestly, it's none of their business! If it's a condition that you have under control (and if you have the condition, you better get it under control or it will control you), consider everyone on a "need to know" basis. Afterall, I do not necessarily want to hear about someone's insestinal problems where they spewed raunchy gas all day, but now have it under control. Consider that!

Wow NScott....well said:) Thanks...."need to know" basis...I like that.....

I've told a few people (friends and family) about my suspicions of having ADD but no my boss or co-workers because I'm not "officially" diagnosed yet. I'm not sure I will tell my boss or not. The company I work for has a very good reputation for workplace equality so I don't think there would be a problem. You just never know.

Hmm... a long piece of thread....

I've told mainly immediate family and church friends (including clergy).

I have not told work, but have told health insurance companies, etc.

I think I agree with most of the thread in preferring to use my knowledge of treatment options to improve my work performance rather than throw myself upon the mercy (!?!?!) of the employer.

However.....

Having said that, I will say this. I have "known" I've had AD/HD since 1998, but I have only had the "official" testing a month or so back. I feel a lot more confident about surviving any depradations by management. I prefer not to hold ADA, etc., over their heads -- I do not need the perception that I can't function without it.

However.....

The real solution, ultimately, is to find a job that does NOT require you to spit into the AD/HD wind. Writing stories instead of writing budget proposals; teaching computer classes instead of answering a million help desk phone calls a day; working from home (doing anything!) instead of marching with your fellow clones at a huge company.

The only rub is that now is a tough time to jump across the ice floes looking for a new job.... I'll keep the psych testing for now as a hole card (how's them mixed metaphors, kids?).

Ken

Originally posted by vinceptor


I think I agree with most of the thread in preferring to use my knowledge of treatment options to improve my work performance rather than throw myself upon the mercy (!?!?!) of the employer.



The real solution, ultimately, is to find a job that does NOT require you to spit into the AD/HD wind. Writing stories instead of writing budget proposals; teaching computer classes instead of answering a million help desk phone calls a day; working from home (doing anything!) instead of marching with your fellow clones at a huge company.



Ken


Thanks Ken.....these two paragraphs beautifully say it....in my humble opinion....:)

P.S. I answered those "million help desk phone calls a day" and I swear I wanted to commit suicide while I was doing it...and I don't mean to get dramatic here but that is NOT an exaggeration...:(

Originally posted by vinceptor
Hmm... a long piece of thread....


The real solution, ultimately, is to find a job that does NOT require you to spit into the AD/HD wind. Writing stories instead of writing budget proposals; teaching computer classes instead of answering a million help desk phone calls a day; working from home (doing anything!) instead of marching with your fellow clones at a huge company.

The only rub is that now is a tough time to jump across the ice floes looking for a new job.... I'll keep the psych testing for now as a hole card (how's them mixed metaphors, kids?).

Ken

I agree with you 99% on these points Ken as I have done much the same thing in the sense that now I drive a big truck.

When I got the job I made sure they understood that I only wanted to work 40-50 hours a week and that I dont want to live in a truck for the rest of my life.

They are pretty good about it so far but I think they have ADD also cause every once in a while they forget and start piling on the work. I have learned to very AFFIRMATIVLY (not ARUMENTABLY) remind them of our original agreement.

I will bend to a cerrtain amount if they are busy but I will not allow them to push me to the point of exhastion where the ADD rears its ugly head and takes control of my senses.

The beauty of the Big Truck job is that I only have to deal with the dispatcher for the length of the phone call.

ie: ring ring !!! go here , pick up this , deliver it there, call me when your done.

Now as long as I operate within the realms of SAFTEY and common sense, (have you ever tried to take a BIG TRUCK through a TIM HORTONS Coffee Shop Parking Lot)( Doesn't Work)(GRIN)

(anyway within the realms of Saftey and Common Sense) the job is great

Dispatcher ------ 5 minuets
on the road by yourself with the radio and Cb -----6-7 hours
(lots of time to think)
recieving personel at the customer -------1/2 Hour
dispatcher ------ 5 minutes
Drive Home -------6-7 hours

Go Home

15 hour day = 2 days work in one day

only have to work 2-3 days a week

Mind you you have to deal with traffic and 4 wheelers and people who really don't know how to drive safley but thats part of the job

Thats the 1 % i dont agree with

My point is there are jobs that we can do where we work for someone else and they are in control of us but only to a limited amount

I agree with this....

I think it's fine to work for someone else....the point is to find a job that you not only like but that comes with it a certain amount of "autonomy"...... you're supervised but at the same time, on your own, out there doing the work, making the decisions, solving problems or whatever -- and the boss would just assume it BE this way actually.... and the company or whatever pays you for this....

This sort of sounds like how it is for you, Garry.....

Yea thats a good way to put it

If a four wheeler pulls out in front of me and its clearly him who is at fault I still have to decide right then and there whether to put a $150,000 in the ditch , run over the four wheeler or see if I have an option to go around him.

Doesnt give me much time to call the boss and ask

Bottom line

I am utimatly the one who is in control and responsible for that truck and im afraid it also makes me responsible to deal with the stupidity of other drivers

For lack of a better word

Stupidity of other drivers = other people's mistakes:D

or other people's DUMB mistakes:D

you got it !

People don't get up in the morning and say.....hmmmm, today is crappy driving day. People are just peole. Poor drivers are a fact of life, their problem is just different to ours. They have PARK's disease (Poor Awareness of Road Knowledge).

I have found a lot less stress by understanding that the more leeway I give people, the more I feel OK in taking a little leeway myself.

Do I tell people I have ADD..nope. Do I tell them about some of my attributes, yep!!. People fear the unknown, and by telling someone you have ADD tends to bring out the fear in them.

Consider the following.

They don't know what you will do, how you will be, what mistakes you will make. Can you be depended on if you have a poor memory? Can they trust you will tell me what happens in a meeting if you can't concentate. Can they know you will meet a deadline when you are known to procrastinate. How will you get through your intray when you can't even get through the dishes at home.

Don't give them a reason to fear you. Tell them you have a poor memory which you counter with by being highly adaptive. Tell them they can go to the meetings as you have 10 things you wish to get done and that you would be more productive that way. Buy paper plates and cups and never have to worry about dishes. Buy more clothes so that you can do washing less often.

I don't say ADD as it doesn't matter. Everyone has some syndrome/disorder compared to the next person. It's just that how we choose to manage it is up to us.

If the world had a majority of ADDers, and a non-adder went for a job that required lateral thinking, new ideas, changes happening on a daily basis; would we look down on a "normal" person who would rather concentrate on one thing, not change all the time; etc.

sleepz

Ken, well said. Garry, you're one lucky guy! Most of the jobs I've enjoyed involved a fair amount of autonomy, and driving is right up there in the autonomous department.

After reading the posts from people who have to look over their shoulders all day long, either at work or in school, it sounds hellish. I'm having flashbacks to jobs where I was closely supervised and miserable.

Since I'm an ADD "blurter", and if it's running through my mind it's liable to fall right out my mouth, I don't try to hide my ADD; I'm not ashamed of it and I'm not in a work environment where it matters. Say what you want about government jobs (on the municipal level in my case), but they do know their diversity, and they do know the law as it affects "disabilities". I'm a building/housing inspector, and the whole office is filled with underachievers: I've never met anyone who wants to be a building inspector when they grow up! :)

As it is, the hardest part of my job is, for me, the clerical part: writing down or entering the data for everything that happened the day before. Afternoons I'm going from one case to another, pretty much the way I want to schedule it. No two days are the same, sometimes I really get to make a difference in someone's life, and at the very least, the cases are very different. One case might be a high end permit in an upscale neighborhood, another might be a smelly apartment where the roaches are trying to escape. It's never boring! Except at building code classes, which could probably induce ADD in a "normal" person!
And since everyone else hates building inspectors, we have a "circle the wagons" office mentality. We're not usually competing with one another unless it's promotion time. If I don't show up for work, it takes awhile before my co-workers are deeply affected. If I'm going to be late, I let them know and use an hour or two of vacation time.

The other thing I see here is that younger people who have grown up with the label seem to have a tougher time of it. When I grew up, I was just plain lazy and never paid attention. "ADD" wasn't even a label when I was in school. Consequently, people my age aren't impressed one way or another if you tell them you have ADD.

All in all, I feel embarrassingly blessed. I'd recommend that any person with ADD seek out a job where you can be independent, and avoid the backstabbing competition out there. Easier said than done.

Margreet.

Excellent post Margreet

Agree with Garry....excellent post Margreet.....and thanks for the tips at the end.....and you sound like a pretty great and responsible worker.....:)

Margreet, excellent post and well said.

my parents.
close friends.
two professors.
one from my former school who brought it up, that i might have it.
one from my school now. she basically overheard my friend and i discussing treatment (both of him and i have it), and i was talking about substainal improvements over all since starting medication. i left class on tuesday to take my medication, and asked if i was ok. So i figured at this point, she needs to know. i didnt give her the actual report, but i figure she should know why i left class the other day.

It took me almost a year just to tell my wife, who thankfully accepted it and is very supportive. I have behaved so much better on meds at work, I think it might be ok by now, but I do not think it is worth the risk. I believe most people will just pre-judge you on what little they know about adults/ADD. This is another reason this forum is so great, we can share and learn from each other!

I have told previous bosses, and keep telling myself NOT to do it again....but, being the blabbermouth I am (I worry that I tell perfect strangers too much) I repeat my mistake. I don't think a boss needs to know, unless s/he needs reasons to adjust a schedule or make special accomodations for the ADDer.

"Has corp america changed in the last 7 years, since I was there, or when did this change take place? When I was there, companies were competing to be ranked on friendly workplace environments." --healthwiz<HEALTHWIZ< p>

as far as companies in the 90's competing for 'friendliest' workplace environment..i do think things have probably changed...isn't it the case that corporate america is now : who give a shiite about friendly? we have a bottom line and its a recession! we have a bottom line and our corporate welfare is looking like it might bail....

So I've told:

My spouse: are you kidding? i've been reading outloud from various adhd books for years now

My close friends: since i only have a few close friends and we generally know everything about each other including panty size YES

my siblings: one is awol to a bad divorce, so no, and my younger brother, only by a year and half YES and to my chagrin-he thought it was strange that i had it b/c he has the same perceptions of adhd that most ppl do. what IS funny about it is that he has adhd. and he doesn't even want to know it!

my employer: yes but not 'formally' but during my little interview sessions for evaluations. i never specified if i needed anything or whatever, but i work for a very nice relatively irreverent company, and my manager (is my friend and bipolar, she knows and we talk about our struggles) the big boss is great, she chats with me about the most minute things. she's great. i do think that most other empoyers would not be as great.

my mother: yes , however, i might as well say no to that one b/c my mom speaks very little english and doesn't even know what adhd is. when i said "adhd" she said: "wha?"
and i said very slowly and calmly "mom, i have issues. i have problems with forgetting things, remember all those times i lost my lunch money? i forgot you were going to pick me up from school? i was late? i looked at my watch wrong? "....
she just said "BUT YOU WERE NORMAL" --yes, except all the times you were yelling at me for being lazy and crazy
lol. i don't expect her to understand. she's korean, she'll never get it.

my inlaws know i have it. my mother and law and i are great, she's wonderful..my other inlaws (divorced parents) i won't even mention it to. one day i mentioned accidentally something about adderall..and my husbands stepmother said:"why on the world would you be on something like that?"
and i remember thinking...ohh...shi....so i just said "yes, i have adhd"
and she looked stunned. I HATE THAT!
i could just tell she thought i was just paranoid so i ran to the doctor and requested meds. geez. i wanted to say..oh yeah.by the way , its a controlled substance. they don't hand it out to everyone.

This is a touchy subject. I have told a slect few people about my add. I like many am afraid of what people will say. I can't even tell u how much I want to tell my co-workers and boss. I am sick of comments like "were u dropped on your head as a child" or why are u so disorganized...... does anyone else feel this way, or is it just me???

I have told my boyfriend who I live with and my parents.

As casper said, I'm afraid people won't understand. The ADD/ADHD dianosis is very new in Denmark and most people only know about DAMP, and thinking of kids bouncing the walls.

okay, first i toldmy wife, than my sis in law-both of them accepted it, as it answered a few questions for them :) . also, my family has a history of mental illnesses & retardation, alcoholics & addicts, criminals & prisioners, in short, typical. :D (doh :o )
i told my mother & at first we had a great raising of voices (i wouldent really call it an argument). she has her own demons goiing on, but now that its been a few months shes accepted it better & now even makes jokes about it :)
i told my imediate super at work,cause he does need to know, & in sharing w/him a couple others confided in me of their own or familys add(s) :cool:
its kind of cool having a little circle (&i do mean little) of co-conspiritors.
i kind of outed myself by getting caught taking my meds one weekend at mother-in-laws, & since then things have become more accepted & cool.

there are many people who i dont care to bring it up to, 'cause either they dont need to know or i know them enough to know what theyre reaction would be

For me personally, the question should have read, "How many people have told you, that you are ADHD?". I fight my urge to keep five balls in the air but eventually lose the battle. Of course the constant juggling turns my life into a circus for all to observe. Even the most dulled can knock me off rather quickly.

Answer: I didn't need to tell anybody. It was public knowledge or suspicion.

I have been recently diagnosed and I am fighting the same battle as to who to tell. I am in graduate school so I told my profs. Suprisingly this went very well, they have not only been supportive within my school work, but also in how I am dealing with everything (I was diagnosed 9 days ago). They did have alot of questions, but they mostly dealt with how I made it this far. I have told my direct family, and all of them have been very supportive. My mother has been urging me to get tested since high school,the rest had their suspicions and were not suprised of somethings, but realized that I had been hiding alot. I did also have to tell them that I wanted this kept in the family. (My father is a United Methodist Minister, and although there is good intent behind it, informs things in prayer groups to people who we suspect to enjoy gossiping.) I have told three close friends, who all seemed to be supportive but at the same time not really understand. And finally I told my girlfriend who has been extremely supportive. Although at times gets to be a bit annoying with her questions about how I think about things or how quickly I see things. This especially became the case when I told her that my eyes/brain have always picked up the white throughout words which cause me to pay attention to the designs and not the words themselves. (I was forced to connect what designs I could see in different paragraphs) The people that I have talked to and felt the need to explain how my mind works have been amazed, and seem to reply with something along the lines of "I never knew exactly what ADD was". For me this process so far has given me alot of answers to past experiences in my life, while at the same time making it extremly difficult with all it is bringing. I have promised myself never to fear telling someone if it will help them deal with something in their own life. Although that may change the more this sinks in, and I begin to deal with more of what this encompasses. I feel like everyday I realize more and more about how "ADD" I am. And with that comes fear,apprehension, embarrasement, and also a small sense of relief. So who knows how I will feel a week from now if asked the same question. I could probably go on more and more since I am new to everything, but due to my fear of looking like an idiot even within a forum setting, I will simply end here:) If anyone feels the same or understands I would appreciate knowing, kind of feeling alone at this point. And I apologize for rambling, because God knows I couldn't pay attention to read all of it myself :)

I've only spoken to a select few about it as well. I just feel like people won't understand or "get it". Trying to describe what ADD is and answer questions is difficult for me. Also hearing myself it seems like I'm making excuses so I'm like embarrased or something. It's frustrating...

My experience so far is that when I was first diagnosed and began researching ADHD, I wanted to tell everybody I was close to or considered a friend.

After spending some time adjusting to the news, the meds, and learning everything I could about ADHD, and spending a fair amount of time on this forum, I now find that I don't feel the need to tell many people at all: my wife, mom and brother, and folks who are ADHD themselves. That's about it. I feel pretty comfortable with who I am and just don't feel the need to explain (most of the time).

Actually, as adult ADD has gained much more attention in the media over the last ten years or so, other people have told me that I have it!


As I've begun to take steps to get treatment for it, I have told quite a few people I think I really do have it, but there's been such a range of reactions -- sympathetic interest to borderline hostility -- I think I'm going to try to be a lot more selective about it.

Tell people? Ha! I've told plenty of people but no one seems to want to understand. I work in the disability biz and let me tell you, vocational counselors are the least understanding people I have met. If you aren't a quad in a wheel chair they have zero sympathy or willingness to accomodate.

Bitter? You bet I am. This is a LEGAL DISABILITY and yet the people who should know better still continue to label people with ADD as lazy and uncooperative.

How do you edit once you have posted? I want emphasize that I am talking about vocational rehab counselors.

I've told a few folks.

But heck anyone that knows me pretty much has my number. Sigh.

It's tough to be inscrutable when you are bouncing off the walls, having fun and laughing your butt off!