View Full Version : Jokes thread sillier the better

04-21-11, 08:53 PM
7 flies on a guys **** which two are fighting?

The two in the ring:eek:

Surly Dave
04-21-11, 09:50 PM
hear about the peanut that was attacked walking down the alley? he was a-SALT-ed.

04-22-11, 04:32 AM
this was weird but we found it hilarious (in a joke contest we saw on french TV):

A soccer tournament for dwarves was organised; the teams reserved a back room in a bar next to the field, to have a couple of quick beers at halftime.

A regular at the bar, who's already had too much to drink, sees 15 dwarves in red shirts run past him and out the door; a couple of minutes later, 15 dwarves in blue shirts run past him and out the door.

he says to the owner: "dude, your foosball table just came to life!"

04-22-11, 04:52 AM
What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? / snowballs!
sorry the 10 year olds at school like that

Kunga Dorji
04-22-11, 05:23 AM
How many Guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A) 10
One to change the bulb and 9 to stand around and say that Jimi Hendrix could have done it better.

04-23-11, 05:55 PM
I have so many sexual, racist, sexist jokes.

Too bad this a family forum.

04-24-11, 06:09 AM
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: A tree in a golden forest.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare

Q: How many surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb?

A: 3. We'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

Kunga Dorji
04-24-11, 07:29 AM
How many Orthopedic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
Only 1 but you need 5 lightbulbs. (breakages)

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

10- 1 to change the bulb, 9 to make the documentary.

04-24-11, 11:22 AM
A blonde takes her car to the shop, complaining that her tires keep going flat. The mechanic, deciding to have a little fun, tells her that if it continues to be a problem, all she has to do is blow into the tailpipe to reinflate them.

Sure enough, the tires start to lose some air, so she pulls to the side of the road, gets down on her hands and knees, and starts blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she can.

Not too much later, another blonde comes walking by and asks what she's doing. The first blonde explains that she's blowing into the tailpipe to reinflate her tires.

The second blonde looks at her, incredulously, and says, "You idiot! That's not the way it works!"

The first blonde is crestfallen. The second one adds, "You have to roll up all the windows first!"

04-24-11, 12:05 PM
whats orange black and rolls down a hill?

a naughty fanta can

whats blue, white and sits in the corner?

a naughty fridge

whats brown, smells really bad and sits on a piano stool?

Beethoven's last movement

whats brown and sticky?

a stick!

whats pink smells like roses and sits on a piano stool?

Liberace's last movement

04-24-11, 02:01 PM
I misread the thread title as "Jokes: the silent killer".


Kunga Dorji
04-24-11, 10:01 PM
A drunk sees a man with the bonnet of his car up, working on the engine.

He walks up to the man and says "Whassup?"
The amateur mechanic replies "Piston Broke"

The drunk responds " So'm I"

04-25-11, 12:45 AM
A brit is alone high in the Scotish highlands taking a drink from a river. a Scot comes and says in a heavy Scotish accent "don't drink from that river, that is where the cows **** and crap."

The brit replies "Pardon, I'm british and couldn't understand a word you said."
The Scot says more clearly "use both hands, that way you will get more water."

04-25-11, 06:07 AM
You did say silly. Correct?

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". She said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But anyway I'm in great mood at the moment because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought to myself "That's a turtle disaster".

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here".

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

04-25-11, 01:51 PM
a polar bear walks into a bar and rests its paws on the table, asks the bartender "can I have a drink................... please" the bartender replies " sure, but whats with the big paws?"

2 dyslexic guys walk into a bra....

2 fish swim into a wall, one turns to the other and says.... dam

04-25-11, 04:28 PM
there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

there are 2 rules in life
1. don't tell everything you know.

04-26-11, 01:14 PM
how do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you later...

04-26-11, 03:18 PM
Why was six afraid of seven?


08-13-11, 05:58 AM
A couple of toilet jokes.

First one: Q. why is the toilet so depressed?
A. they have to deal with everyones crap

second one: Q. Why are toilets known as bullies?
A. Because they like to take the **** out of you.

08-14-11, 01:01 AM
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

"I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me."... :rolleyes:

08-14-11, 01:10 AM
I dont suffer from Insanity.
I enjoy every minute of it :)