View Full Version : self harm


mental-case
05-21-11, 04:50 PM
does any of use feel u need to self harm and why?

not depression jus add/adhd

Simenora
05-21-11, 05:05 PM
does any of use feel u need to self harm and why?

not depression jus add/adhd


my daughter is a cutter and skin picker. It is apparently, a pressure release for pain. It demonstrates an issue with coping skills and is not generally associated with depression or suicidal ideation. I am a headbanger in extreme emotionally stressful situations. It started when I was a teen and I will still do it when in extreme distress like getting yelled at. Strangely, it never occurs in a genuine emergency situation where there is recourse. I came across a man bleeding heavily while walking my dog late at night (it was before cell phones) and got him to a convenience store, called 911, got cloth from store clerk, pressure on wound etc. Anything like that I am fine, but cant do emotional abuse.

dsvlil1
05-22-11, 02:56 AM
I can relate to this. I've had self harming tendencies in the past and in my case it was very much tied in to my inability to emotionally vent about being mentally and emotionally abused.
I didn't have another outlet.

Impromptu_DTour
05-22-11, 05:26 AM
my daughter is a cutter and skin picker. It is apparently, a pressure release for pain. It demonstrates an issue with coping skills and is not generally associated with depression or suicidal ideation. I am a headbanger in extreme emotionally stressful situations. It started when I was a teen and I will still do it when in extreme distress like getting yelled at. Strangely, it never occurs in a genuine emergency situation where there is recourse. I came across a man bleeding heavily while walking my dog late at night (it was before cell phones) and got him to a convenience store, called 911, got cloth from store clerk, pressure on wound etc. Anything like that I am fine, but cant do emotional abuse.


I can relate to this. I've had self harming tendencies in the past and in my case it was very much tied in to my inability to emotionally vent about being mentally and emotionally abused.
I didn't have another outlet.


i can relate deeply with both of these statements.

as a self harmer, i never have self harmed to escape a situation (and i want to think that's shared between harmers.. the motive that is).. its not because of the influx of stress (necessarily) that I self harm.. you drive me to a car accident, and it doesnt matter how many of what needs to be done that people arnt doing to control the situation.. im on top of it.

However.. theres a filter. And (especially) after the fact, that filter gets clogged. Its really odd to equate it in this way.. but people who "know" ... well they know what im talking about..

Theres an emotional charge that needs to get dissipated.

Its like having blueballs (especially for someone who doesnt know how to cope with charged emotions). Its like the act of turning off a switch, and cutting a circuit.

Theres nothing morbid about it.. its a function. its just an emotional/physical charge that needs to get nullified. an expression. an expulsion.

However if you have resorted to a method which could in the short or long term inhibit your quality of life, than you need to rethink you strategies.

I_DTour

Uuuh,noname?
05-22-11, 12:18 PM
i can relate deeply with both of these statements.
However.. theres a filter. And (especially) after the fact, that filter gets clogged. Its really odd to equate it in this way.. but people who "know" ... well they know what im talking about..

Theres an emotional charge that needs to get dissipated.

Its like the act of turning off a switch, and cutting a circuit.

Theres nothing morbid about it.. its a function. its just an emotional/physical charge that needs to get nullified. an expression. an expulsion.

I_DTour

True, true. I bash my head against walls till Im dizzy and bleeding, punch walls till my hands are covered and joints swollen, attacked my arm with a pair of scissors once and my leg with a screwdriver. It is a lack of ability to express my mental anguish and also a lack of control over my anger. I get angry at myself or at others and it comes out in self harm. Its a way of calming down. Punching a wall until you cant anymore really knocks any rage and/or anguish out of you. I need to find more constructive ways of releasing emotional pain. Im covered in scars, I hate them, I keep saying, don't do it again, you hate the scars. But when it comes to it I never think about it, I just need to vent.

It also comes from not being listened to, my parents would wind me up following me from room to room yelling at me for something, I just couldn't get away. Then I would get wound up by it and start having a go at them, suddenly because I'm upset my opinions are invalid and they refuse to listen and thats when I flip. Its when what I say wont be allowed to express how I am feeling. When people dont listen to what you are saying you sort of have this last resort of physically showing them how you feel. Eg: bash head against a wall = this is how much you are upsetting me.

I think that my lack of handling criticism from others comes from me constantly beating myself up over things, I constantly insult myself and have very low self esteem. So whenever someone has a go at me (a parent for example), little do they realise I have already been telling myself off for the past week about it, then when they get at me it I cant handle it. As if I already reached my peak from criticising myself before someone else has had a chance to do it for me.

2 methods that are very effective for me in preventing this type of self harm is smoking a cigarette (roll your own type) or smoking a joint. A cigarette/joint is good because I have to calm down in order to role it, so my shaking hands and heavy breathing have to be controlled in order for me to get my nicotine fix. Nicotine also slows your heart beat which is a good effect. A joint is more effective than a cigarette as it actually has noticeable effects hitting you so immediately (unlike a prescription pill) and so is really good for that need of relief at that very moment. The effects of the 'high' takes me right out of the situation, I go from 'Aaargh, I cant stand it! No one listens to me! I'm lost, aargh!' to 'F**k it man, thats parents for you.' Tho not at all constructive, it is at least not at all destructive (imho) unlike the other option of punching walls.

I do not suggest to anyone to smoke tobacco or cannabis, this is just what I do as a coping mechanism. Tobacco is highly addictive and I regret ever starting. I can quit cannabis even after prolonged use with ease but tobacco is always lingering in the back of my head going 'Go on! We need nicotine! Go on!'.

eggyolkes
05-23-11, 01:54 AM
my daughter is a cutter and skin picker. It is apparently, a pressure release for pain. It demonstrates an issue with coping skills and is not generally associated with depression or suicidal ideation. I am a headbanger in extreme emotionally stressful situations. It started when I was a teen and I will still do it when in extreme distress like getting yelled at. Strangely, it never occurs in a genuine emergency situation where there is recourse. I came across a man bleeding heavily while walking my dog late at night (it was before cell phones) and got him to a convenience store, called 911, got cloth from store clerk, pressure on wound etc. Anything like that I am fine, but cant do emotional abuse.

you are just like me.

Simenora
05-23-11, 02:15 AM
you are just like me.
wow, is it strange to know that something that you have not been public with your whole life can happen to someone else.

My mother never hit me but I often wished she had.It would have been better than the constant rantings of a booze soaked mind. I suspect she also had NPD (narcissistic personality) I started head banging in response to those tirades because I could not escape and so much tension built up. I can not stand a raised voice to this day. After 2o yrs with my spouse yelling(adhd too) I finally ended up with PTSD. He has started counseling for anger and is also taking risperodol to keep his temper in check. Unfortunately, my son experiences Tourette's rage and the minute his voice gets louder I react, not usually in a good way.

3 years ago I put my forehead through a wall and made a crack in my skull in the bargain. I am in the process of learning better ways to cope and how to set boundaries.

dsvlil1
05-23-11, 10:49 AM
My mother never hit me but I often wished she had.
I can really relate to this.
The few times when my mother inflicted physical abuse were far less traumatising than the mental and emotional anguish that was so intimate and invisible.
Being consistently invalidated, diminished, marginalised and dehumanised takes a toll that others rarely see though it is deeply felt.

Physical pain is real and tangible, easy to comprehend and hard to get confused by. It makes sense when nothing else does.

My physical pain was something I could control when I felt at the mercy of things whereby I had no control, it became a faithful and dependable mechanism that never abused me in return.