View Full Version : TOM SNOOZE and The Temple of TUT (Asssphincter Says What?)

05-28-11, 07:06 PM

Opening Scene: Seanceology HQ's (BF Maine)

Here we rejoin those intrepid actor dudes and professed

Seanceologist's, Tom Snooze and his "bff" John Revolta.

As they're sitting around waiting to learn how the "invasion"

of the ADD FORUM by their stupid minion trolls went, we

hear Tom say : "You know, if we can just find our way into

whatever alternate universe our great leader L."Con" Flubbard

(or LC for short, you home gamers) disappeared into, we might

can rescue him AND find the secret to the universe too."

John responded with : "Ditto dude."

Just then a stupid minion troll came staggering in the room and

collapses on the floor.

As he looks up, he burst into tears with ,"WAAHH, they kicked

our weenie asses." :(

("So what else is new"), thought Tom.

"But this was really bad," said said the stupid minion troll.

Both John & Tom replied with : "How bad was it ?"

Troll: "It was so bad that this one guy called me a "Midget

blowing Ftard", and then you know what else?"

Tom & John (together) : "What, what ?" they replied

Troll: "He said that not to worry, cause there was some light at

the end of the tunnel, kinda like he was being nice and stuff."

Tom & John :"Cool.You were wearing him down, like he felt bad."

Troll: "NOOO. That's why the FORUM is soo dangerous."

Troll: "What he said was,the light at the end of the tunnel was

cause he'd just saved a sheet load of money on car insurance." :p

Tom & John (together) : " Damn."

Troll: "But I did find this little piece of cyber paper in there, like

you told me to look for. I think it's a clue."

Tom : " Oh Yeah, clues are cool." ( bounce, bounce).

John: "Let's see it, stupid minion troll dude."

He then shows it to them and they go, "GASP.A clue,what is it?"

Troll:"Something that helps you find stuff, but that's not important


Tom: "Let's have a look.It looks like a map of the HQ;right here."

John: "You are correct sir!"

Then Tom & John run out of the room and start to search, while the

stupid minion troll goes to the HQ's FannyFirmary for the Weenie


After searching high & low, (dun dun dun), they FIND it.

It was a little bit like a hand grenade, only what it really was, was a

"light grenade" from the movie "Mom And Dad Save The World."

Now homegamers, this is one of the most diabolical weapons in


The reason is that if you picked it up, you disappeared in a flash of

light into another dimension.

But the REALLY terrible thing is that on the grenade itself, it says

(dun dun dun)..."PICK ME UP."

Can you just imagine how many stupid minion trolls it took out ?

So, what happens next, you say?

"Muaaahhha....Tune into the next segment, for the incredibly low

price of only $39.99.

That's $10.00 less than we just charged you for reading this."

A gracious good evening.



06-01-11, 11:03 PM
TOM SNOOZE and the TEMPLE of TUT (Assphincter Says What?)

DISCLAIMER SAYS WHAT? That this is a work of FICTION douchebag

When We Last Left Tom Snooze & John Revolta, they were about to

do the unimaginable.

What's that you say?

They were about to pick up the diabolical "Light Grenade" from the

movie,"Mom and Dad Save the World," that said "PICK ME UP."

Okay, so they're stupid.

Tom picks up the grenade and suddenly "WOOOSSSSHHH."

They're transported to an "alternate universe."

Now, rumor has it mind you that just such a place exists.

In fact, it's been said to be in a tiny town in waayy N. Minnesota

called "Feely."

Why there?

Well it could be because it's been rumored to be the "Area 51 Witness

Protection Program HQ."

So, as you might have guessed, the 2 brave Seanceologists find

themselves surrounded by (dun dun dun) TofuTrees.

Suddenly we hear Tom say...."WTF? Do you think LC (for L."Con"

Flubbard,the founder of Seanceology) came to this place?"

John replies with,"Dude, I don't know but I think we're supposed to

go and squeeze that tree."

"What?" says Tom.

"Because it says so on the lil note on the ground; kinda like a clue."

So they both run up and "hug" the tree and without warning, they find

themselves transported into another dimension.

What kind you say?

Perhaps a dimension of sound and sight you ask?

No, it's the Secret Dimension of the Spinks.

Leon Spinks.

As our interpid heroes shake the granola from their shoes and look

up, they see themselves in front of the (Leon) Spinks.

"Damn, that's uglier than the Humpty Pyramid," says Tom.

"Let's go check it out though, we might find the missing clue to

the "secret of the universe."

As they approach the Spinks, they see a sign that reads,

"Stand Right Here And Read This : "ASSPHINCTER SAYS WHAT?"

Suddenly the gorund opens and they fall into the bottom of

the Spinks.

There, on the ground is (dun dun dun) the FINAL CLUE.

Can you guess what it is?

Of course not, cause that's what you pay us for.

To find out what happens, please send $500.00 within the

next 10 seconds to "WHERE'S THE WINGNUT" in care of

Seanceology HQ in BF Maine.

Please tune in next time when you'll hear someone say...

"wtf, I'm tired of typing".




06-02-11, 10:47 PM

DISCLAIMER TIME : This Is Still A Work Of Fiction

When we left the Seanceologist "Two," Tom Snooze and John Revolta,

they had fallen through a trap door to the bottom of the (Leon Spinks).

We rejoin these brave souls, as they search for the "secret of the


Once they're back on their feet and look around, they suddenly see


What is it you might ask?


& TOM SNOOZE and The TEMPLE of TUT (including the PROLOGUES +

the finale of ASSPHINCTER SAYS WHAT?),in HD,3D, and BFD. can be YOURS for the low low price of $999.99 !!!

That's right, it's less than a $K.

Relive the excitement again and again.

Plus, order now and receive this FREE gift...Your very own copy of

the greatest book we've never read...DYNOMITE DIURHETICS.


The phone lines are open,so CALL NOW.

Now...Back to the basement...

When Tom & John finally adjust their eyes to the dark, they see

something very strange.

What they see is a blinking light,shaped like an arrow.

TOM: "What is that ?"

JOHN: "I think we're supposed to go that way."

So our "brave" actor dudes slowly make their way to the entrance

of a long dark tunnel.

Just then, TOM announces, "Look! A light at the end of the tunnel."

"What do you suppose it could be," he says.

JOHN: "I bet it's someplace where you can save a sheet load of $$

on your car insurance."

As they slowly make their way to the end, that's when they see what

they've been looking for... (dun dun dun)... A tollbooth.

Not just ANY tollbooth, but the entrance to THE TEMPLE of TUT. :umm1:

After paying the fee and getting their hands stamped by the mummies

at the gate, they wander inside.

At that point they realize their quest is over.

How did they know that you ask?

Well it's not because their collective IQ are higher than the current temp

in their beloved BF Maine.

It's because of the glowing neon light spelling out..."Your Quest Is Over".

Right then and there, they see THE BOOK of KNOWLEDGE.

TOM: " I wonder, wonder who, who wrote the Book of ..."

JOHN: "NOOOOO. Wrong book you tool."

TOM: "Oops. My bad." :doh:

What they find is a glowing light that suddenly fills the room.

As they open THE BOOK OF KNOWLEDGE to the page glowing the

brightest, they find a note...

"Dear Dudes, Just because we beat you here, doesn't mean you

don't suck, cause you do."

It was signed by none other than "BILL & TED."

TOM: "What else does it say?"

JOHN: "Something about being EXCELLENT to one another."

TOM: "How weird, makes no sense."

JOHN: "You are correct sir."

At that point they knew that LC had moved on to another galaxy.

However, they also knew that the "Secret of the Universe" was on the

next page.

After taking a deep breath, they slowly turned to the answer to all of

man's greatest questions....

We shall now translate the ancient Mombaquewombat dialect for you

home gamers (for the low price of $1.00 (per letter).

It was right then and there that they came face to face with THE TRUTH

(in two,count em, two,parts).

What the first part said was ...(dun dun dun...)...


AND... The Ultimate Truth.....



As the two stunned Seanceologist's realize what complete tools they

had become, TOM suddenly says, "Hey look.This isn't all bad."

JOHN: "What are you talking about," he asks.

TOM: "Someone left us a little gift."

JOHN : "Where, I don 't see it."

TOM: "Here, let me PICK IT UP and show you."

JOHN" " NOOOO," he says , although it's too late.

The story ends with another huge flash and a loud noise, as they

both are WHOOSHED away to some unknown destination.

As the curtain falls on this little "escape" from reality, please

remember that THIS IS STILL OUR HOUSE.:cool:

Be Excellent To One Another.