Hello. I am new to this whole forum thing so I am still trying to figure out how to read the messages, along with sending one of my own. So far I have found this forum website VERY helpful with my situation. I have been married for 11 years to a man that was diagnosed with ADD only a few years ago. Lately, I have been realizing that the behavior he has towards me & other things has a lot to do with his ADD. I am writing this message to find out how many other people feel "frustrated" at times with the way their spouse treats them. My husband knows that he has a nasty temper & has outrages one minutes, then is as nice as can be the next..........but I can never get him to talk about it so I then feel that maybe it was me that did something to make him mad.
I am hoping to get the support(& am up for any advice at this point) on how to handle things & to know that it is not me that brings on the moods. My husband has been on Ritalin since he has been diagnosed but I am beginning to wonder if it is still doing what it is suppose to be. Can a person having ADD be prone to having addictions that are not healthy & somewhat damaging to other people?
Thank you.
I am looking forward to getting to know people through this forum.

Thank You.
I Am Also With An Add Man.
I Am At The End Of My Rope.
How Did You Manage 11 Years. You Must Be A Saint.
My Man Will Not Seek Help. I Cry Constantly - I Am In Love
With Someone Who Is Kind One Moment And The Beast The Next.
I Am At Fault For Everything. Nothing Is His Problem.
The Problem With All The Add Sites Is That They All Relate To Why
People With This Problem Act The Way That They Do - It Gives No Advice As To How To Live With The Problem. It Is So Hard When You Love Someone And Nothing Or Little Comes Back. The Mood Swings Are So Hard.

I would go to a counsellor myself...someone who knows about ADD and relationships and maybe you can either get tips/ a fresh approach, or a new direction.

It's worth a try, maybe?

Durn, the last posted suggested orderline, this one suggests bipolar. Anyways I know my wife would break into tears if she read your post, particularly:

"I Am At Fault For Everything. Nothing Is His Problem."

And we've been married for 11 years... I will say that I'm addressing the diagnosis & it has recently caused a "friendly" divorce but we are actually coming to terms with it & moving forward.

You might try the search buttn here for "add and romance" or something similar for a book about this very subject which I've not yet read but comes highly recommended.

I would go to a counsellor myself...someone who knows about ADD and relationships and maybe you can either get tips/ a fresh approach, or a new direction.

It's worth a try, maybe?
I agree about your counseling comment. I have gone to counseling for several years & it was a huge help in me dealing with issues in my life. My husband does not believe in counseling so my effort to get us to go to marriage counseling is a "fight" in itself.

Thank You.
I Am Also With An Add Man.
I Am At The End Of My Rope.
How Did You Manage 11 Years. You Must Be A Saint.
My Man Will Not Seek Help. I Cry Constantly - I Am In Love
With Someone Who Is Kind One Moment And The Beast The Next.
I Am At Fault For Everything. Nothing Is His Problem.
The Problem With All The Add Sites Is That They All Relate To Why
People With This Problem Act The Way That They Do - It Gives No Advice As To How To Live With The Problem. It Is So Hard When You Love Someone And Nothing Or Little Comes Back. The Mood Swings Are So Hard.
I am really sorry to hear about your frustrations. It does help me to know that I am not going through something in my marriage that is not un-common AND that there are people out there that are so willing to help.
Hopefully we both will be able to find the support that we need through this website!

"A.D.D. and Romance" by Halverstadt. "You, Your Relationship and Your ADD" by Michael Bell. "Healing ADD" and "Change your Brain, Change your Life" by Dr. Daniel Amen. All EXCELLENT resources for me after 9 years of marriage to an overfocused ADD'er who has suddenly focused on divorce. I hope they can help you, too.

If your partner is unwilling to accept responsibility and unwilling to change, remember that you have no power over that decision. That's theirs to make and to own. Take care of youself. That's not selfish, that's self-worth.

I've only been on this forum for a week, and already I've found a LOT of support and information. Keep reading. Keep writing.

Michael

"A.D.D. and Romance" by Halverstadt. "You, Your Relationship and Your ADD" by Michael Bell. "Healing ADD" and "Change your Brain, Change your Life" by Dr. Daniel Amen. All EXCELLENT resources for me after 9 years of marriage to an overfocused ADD'er who has suddenly focused on divorce. I hope they can help you, too.

If your partner is unwilling to accept responsibility and unwilling to change, remember that you have no power over that decision. That's theirs to make and to own. Take care of youself. That's not selfish, that's self-worth.

I've only been on this forum for a week, and already I've found a LOT of support and information. Keep reading. Keep writing.

Michael
I am actually in the process of reading the book "ADD and Romance" by Jonathan Halverstadt. What a WONDERFUL book,that is so full of information. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is going through a relationship with a spouse/boyfriend who has ADD. Many of my questions have been answered in this book.
Mike9111, thank you so much for your reponse!

Durn, the last posted suggested orderline, this one suggests bipolar. Anyways I know my wife would break into tears if she read your post, particularly:

"I Am At Fault For Everything. Nothing Is His Problem."

And we've been married for 11 years... I will say that I'm addressing the diagnosis & it has recently caused a "friendly" divorce but we are actually coming to terms with it & moving forward.

You might try the search buttn here for "add and romance" or something similar for a book about this very subject which I've not yet read but comes highly recommended.
Maybe your wife would break into tears, but maybe it might be because she cares about "you" as a man, and not a "thing" to be talked about in a way that is demeaning.

I don't think this world has room for saints, and I certainly don't want one.

Enough said.......

God, I don't even want to start expalining my situation, it's identical to the top two. I am so burned out it's not even funny. But I still love him, it's hard to just walk away.

God, I don't even want to start expalining my situation, it's identical to the top two. I am so burned out it's not even funny. But I still love him, it's hard to just walk away.
Welcome Tyson. Please tell us your situation, maybe we can help you out.

Please feel free to to share with us here (when you're ready) bc we all "get it" and want to help. GirlDriver

I have also used the words burned out to describe how I feel. There are no other words for it. Relationships like this are exhausting. You can not win. It is hard to find a place to start to tell the story. I know, for myself, people think I am crazy for staying so long. I have to move along before the whole thing undermines my self-esteem any further. Sometimes I find it helps to tell small episodes that are really gnawing at you. Like Girldriver said - we all understand. It is just so very sad.

I do not even know where to start to respond to all the comments here except to say, yes! I know your frustration and your exhaustion intimately. The best thing my wife has done for our relationship(together 12, married 4), and more importantly for herself, was to get herself into therapy and on medication. I have seen a positive change in her ability to manage the day to day, but we still have our issues. Most of the time she treats me well, but I have become very sensitive to the way she speaks to me sometimes, she has always been sensitive in this regard, and it often leads to conflict in our relationship. I have often wondered if it would'nt be easier with someone else, but I love my wife dearly and I truly fear that if we were to split up that I would regret losing her for the rest of my life, and that I would never be able to find anyone as dynamic, and as perfectly matched to me.