Springer
08-30-04, 10:38 PM
:eek:
I am 57 Yrs. old with ADD, inattentive type. I take meds for depression and anxiety and not specifically for ADD.
I do not like to be surprised or put on the spot, usually with regard to small things in my personal life. At work it seems to be less of a problem. Even in my personal life if there is truly a crisis I seem to kick into gear and handle it pretty well. Its "not knowing" and "uncertainty" and being "surprised" with a sudden request [usually from my wife] that often is a problem. My first reaction is almost always "NO" stated or implied or disguised behind all sorts of questions that I raise. In those situations I feel "put upon" and then I get angry.
e.g. Tonight someone from our religious group called. It was right at supper time. My wife took the call, and at one point covered up the receiver with her hand and said that Sally (not real name) wanted to use my pick-up truck tomorrow to help someone move and she (my wife) wanted to know if that was "OK". Well I felt put upon, felt that I had no choice but to agree and basically said "YES" with reservations. Since there was some question about rain [my truck has no cap] we thought to measure the inside dimension of our mini-van, the truck still being preferred, and get back to Sally. When the phone was hung up I then had this wave of all sorts of reasons why I did not think the truck would be a good idea to use. The reasons were only a cover for the fact that I did not want to lend my truck out. My wife tends to say "YES" when someone needs help and I typically have a knee jerk reaction of "NO".
So we (who have been married over 30 years) had a rather heated discussion. Most of the heat came from me! I raised my voice and was angry. I reminded her of what we had agreed to in the recent past, that she would not say or imply "YES" to a request that involved me, but rather say "We'll get back to you" and then give me a chance to process the request and us a chance to discuss it. It's like a switch clicks at first and I just say "NO" to most things.
Anyone else here relate to this? I'd welcome feedback!
I am 57 Yrs. old with ADD, inattentive type. I take meds for depression and anxiety and not specifically for ADD.
I do not like to be surprised or put on the spot, usually with regard to small things in my personal life. At work it seems to be less of a problem. Even in my personal life if there is truly a crisis I seem to kick into gear and handle it pretty well. Its "not knowing" and "uncertainty" and being "surprised" with a sudden request [usually from my wife] that often is a problem. My first reaction is almost always "NO" stated or implied or disguised behind all sorts of questions that I raise. In those situations I feel "put upon" and then I get angry.
e.g. Tonight someone from our religious group called. It was right at supper time. My wife took the call, and at one point covered up the receiver with her hand and said that Sally (not real name) wanted to use my pick-up truck tomorrow to help someone move and she (my wife) wanted to know if that was "OK". Well I felt put upon, felt that I had no choice but to agree and basically said "YES" with reservations. Since there was some question about rain [my truck has no cap] we thought to measure the inside dimension of our mini-van, the truck still being preferred, and get back to Sally. When the phone was hung up I then had this wave of all sorts of reasons why I did not think the truck would be a good idea to use. The reasons were only a cover for the fact that I did not want to lend my truck out. My wife tends to say "YES" when someone needs help and I typically have a knee jerk reaction of "NO".
So we (who have been married over 30 years) had a rather heated discussion. Most of the heat came from me! I raised my voice and was angry. I reminded her of what we had agreed to in the recent past, that she would not say or imply "YES" to a request that involved me, but rather say "We'll get back to you" and then give me a chance to process the request and us a chance to discuss it. It's like a switch clicks at first and I just say "NO" to most things.
Anyone else here relate to this? I'd welcome feedback!