View Full Version : Need advice for dealing with depressed ADHD spouse


ilovedogs
06-28-11, 05:46 PM
My dh has been having major issues with work lately and it's dragging him to the point where he is ready to give up and is seriously depressed. I've heard these things from him in the past but he's seemed to have amped up the depression issue, so to speak. He's coming home this afternoon and I want to know how to handle a depressed spouse. I always seem to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or bother him when he's trying to hide from the family in his office. I always feel the need to talk things out and I know he doesn't until he's ready so I wind up getting barraged with his negativity and upsetting him even more.

What should I or shouldn't I do at this point? He's not on meds for anything right now and is not interested in counseling or meds, either. How can I be supportive yet protect myself from his sulking and depressed moods?

anonymouslyadd
06-28-11, 06:16 PM
Don't pressure him to talk things out anymore, and see a therapist for handling the struggles that will come from not having that need met. Just back off of him, and see his response.

Brob2
06-28-11, 06:32 PM
Don't pressure him to talk things out anymore and see a therapist for handling the struggles that will come from not having that need met. Just back off of him and see his response.

and you can say that if he does want to talk at some point you are there for him.

tired1823
06-28-11, 06:39 PM
That's a good idea ^. Also, when I am depressed, sometimes it helps to have someone i'm close to act completely oblivious and come in my room enthusiastically wanting to tell me something or cracking up, like there is nothing wrong. It might be different for your husband as I am a 25 and and a girl. but, my sister, who i live with, is who I am thinking of. At first it kind of bothers me and confuses me that she doesn't seem to take my depression to heart or take it seriously, but at the same time it's refreshing to know that her knowing about my being depressed isn't making her dwell on it and she is still doing ok and carrying on. And her sharing the good in life with me, through her not depressed happy perspective is something I am always relieved about and it makes me smile through a hard time.

tired1823
06-28-11, 06:44 PM
Also, if im ever feeling down, I sometimes am closed off to my mom or sister and send strong 'i don't want to be bothered' vibes. It is always, always, nice, however, to have my mom make lunch or dinner and bring it to me. Sometimes in retrospect i'll notice my mom would have been trying to get through to me and I'll be down and saying no to everything, then as a last resort effort she'll offer to make me something or she'll randomly buy a diet coke and bring it home from the store. Or she'll ask, do you want me to bring you some take out from my favorite restaurant, and i almost always appreciate these offers a lot and feel better for a little.

ilovedogs
06-28-11, 08:13 PM
Alliee, I do a lot of those things. I try to stay lighthearted, offer food or drink when I feel he may want it, even if he answers now. Hey, at least I tried right? He sat and sulked in his office for a while, now he's laying on the couch in absolute silence which isn't too bad, at least he's not slamming doors and venting about everything. That will probably come later.