View Full Version : keeping friends


Lillianmay
06-29-11, 02:29 AM
Recently there was a thread about reconnecting with friends that had slipped away because they had been too busy or procrastinating to return emails and texts. There have also been threads from non-ADD people trying to figure out if their ADHD/ ADD friend is still interested in the friendship or relationship due to lack of contact. Some people respond that ADDers are just that way and to learn to live with it. I still live at home and my mom reminds me about once a week to email any friends who I havenít replied to yet, or get back to someone who called. If I say Iíll do it tomorrow, she reminds me that I always forget. I really do want to get back to them because they are important to me.

Does anybody have any hints or strategies to help keep this from happening? I donít want to ďjust be that way and people have to live with itĒ. If this was a problem in a relationship, did you find a solution?

Muggzy
06-29-11, 04:30 PM
Recently there was a thread about reconnecting with friends that had slipped away because they had been too busy or procrastinating to return emails and texts. There have also been threads from non-ADD people trying to figure out if their ADHD/ ADD friend is still interested in the friendship or relationship due to lack of contact. Some people respond that ADDers are just that way and to learn to live with it. I still live at home and my mom reminds me about once a week to email any friends who I havenít replied to yet, or get back to someone who called. If I say Iíll do it tomorrow, she reminds me that I always forget. I really do want to get back to them because they are important to me.

Does anybody have any hints or strategies to help keep this from happening? I donít want to ďjust be that way and people have to live with itĒ. If this was a problem in a relationship, did you find a solution?


Make a routine of it. Every Saturday AM, before taking on the chores/activities of the day, force yourself to sit and respond to emails, or calls, or whatever. For me I do it at work before I dig into the work for the day but that may not be an option for some. Otherwise, I write LOTS of sticky notes and put them around my monitor screen, and recently started using a app called "Evernote" on my phone and no matter what I am doing, when I remember something I "need to do later" I stop and type it in the app.

Friends that don't "get" ADD can sometimes get offended by lack of response/contact but if you explain and, if necessary, apologize or whatever, most of mine understand and we have fun when I manage to get around, when I don't no one is butt hurt.

Lillianmay
06-29-11, 10:51 PM
Thanks. Ever since college started I've had trouble establishing routines even though I know I need to. In high school, the routine was built into the day. I think I'm waiting for some spark of inspiration and energy. Honestly, I don't want to grow up yet!

cantfocuspocus
06-30-11, 11:41 AM
I also have this problem! I know exactly how you feel, staying in contact with my friends from high school hasn't been easy for me even though I want, so badly, to keep them updated on my life. I also know what its like to feel as though the future is uncertain and about the scariness of growing up. My best advice for routine building and finding what works for you, would be to try/consider a few things:
1. If you're living at your school and have a roommate, does this person have study habits which rub off on you in a positive way? I know my roommate and I are pretty similar when it comes to our academic priorities. If not, maybe a different friend you have might be better to study with or take tips from.
2. Make lists of the things you can realistically accomplish. I know as someone with ADD, that there are times where I feel like I could do a million assignments due to some random urge to focus, but of course that subsides quickly and I back to trying to remember what it was I was trying to do in the first place. This has also helped me to feel as though I'm achieving the goals I set out for myself, and as someone who didn't know they had ADD until last year, it makes me feel great.
3. Plan like hell, on paper, I find that reminding myself two weeks in advance about an exam on each day of my calendar seems to really drive home the point that I need to start studying/consulting with my professors on the best strategies to learn the material.
4. Make planning this stuff enjoyable, invest in a planner you'll like to use and that has enough writing space, use highlights and sticky notes to signify reminders, use any way you like to remind you that something needs to be done.

I always want to stay in touch with my friends who go to different schools but my ADD gets in the way. Sometimes I find it to be helpful, when I'm going through my social networking site, that I can see that my friends have posted to our other friends or have posted to me directly and a lot of times, when its directly in front of me it helps me remember that I wanted to talk to that person. I also take the approach with this that i do for so many other things I need constant reminders of, in that I put it on a sticky note in a bright (almost annoying color) in a place where I will see it often as well as in my planner with highlighter stars or arrows.