View Full Version : what challenges do you guys have in dating women ?


picard
07-19-11, 01:40 PM
what challenges do you guys have in dating women ?

Is it wise to tell the ladies that you have ADHD ?

gerwin
07-19-11, 01:42 PM
They'll find out, if they want to hang around that long :D

what do you mean by dating women?
is it out for a flirt and maybe score or dating for a relationship?

picard
07-19-11, 04:35 PM
I mean dating women first. scoring women come as 2nd base :)

Brob2
07-19-11, 05:31 PM
I mean dating women first. scoring women come as 2nd base :)

C'mon now, you're in Canada, where the beaver is plentiful and also the country's national mascot; there are no excuses!


FWIW- ADHD is not a virus, it is a label for a range of behaviors that vary in intensity among people, ADHD or not. It's best to let partners know at some point that, for example, sometimes you can't hold your attention in long conversations, or you need noise to study, or whatever, but that's for long term stuff, not the post university toga party tumble.

JohnnyBGood
07-19-11, 05:40 PM
Um, I'm slide it in if things are going well. Never have had someone back off because of it, but at the same time, I don't parade it.

Main problem with me a girls though, to get to your question, is not to try to move things in an intimate direction. Also, my main problem is hardly ever calling girls back. I've gotten alot of numbers but I always forget to call, then I get into the, "Oh well its too late now." Mentality.

As far as one on one dating goes, I guess I have a tendency to over think things. I don't know, but casual talk when I have something pressing on my mind normally hurts a date. With my ex, she tried to play off things that I couldn't really let go of, ruined a few pleasant dinners.

Kirby Albee
07-19-11, 09:38 PM
I'd say that the overall life-disorganization brings with it the tendency for me not to be were women are. I don't have much of a life out in public: just a job, when I have one, and walks to and from the grocery store. My friends don't go out much, and I'm too shy or too disorganized to go out on my own.

I think, also, that the ADD sense of time interferes with this, just like it interferes with everything. One month bleeding into the next only registers to me as one more day -so I tend not to do anything differently, even when what I'm up to obviously isn't working out. I want to make a change and I plan to make a change -later, maybe a week from now- but I live in an eternal present. Even this insight feels like the same old hamster wheel.

anonymouslyadd
07-19-11, 09:41 PM
I want to make a change and I plan to make a change -later, maybe a week from now- but I live in an eternal present.

That's ADD in a nutshell, and I think it's why it takes some anxiety or a pseudo-calamity for us to get something done.

Lillianmay
07-19-11, 10:37 PM
So, what can the lady do to help? I think a guy with ADD is interested in me. He has not told me he has it, but he has a lot of symptoms. We went out a couple of times 4 months ago, and had a good time. Since then he has emailed, sometimes twice a week, sometimes not for 2 or more weeks. He mentions going out again, but nothing firm. He really does lose track of time - but summer is slipping away and he will have no time when school starts again. Thinking he has ADD, I've been patient but there are a lot of fun things we could be doing over break and it is frustrating. I've suggested a few ideas, and I get: Yes! We should do that! I'll get back to you after ....... and then a couple of weeks go by and next time I hear from him, there is no mention of hanging out together. I would think he has lost interest except he says really sweet things ....

Rebelyell
07-19-11, 10:49 PM
Reeling them in and sealing the deal,holding onto them 1 I get em off the hook

picard
07-19-11, 11:22 PM
C'mon now, you're in Canada, where the beaver is plentiful and also the country's national mascot; there are no excuses!


FWIW- ADHD is not a virus, it is a label for a range of behaviors that vary in intensity among people, ADHD or not. It's best to let partners know at some point that, for example, sometimes you can't hold your attention in long conversations, or you need noise to study, or whatever, but that's for long term stuff, not the post university toga party tumble.

The beavers here are rabid. They are crazy and insane. They would bite your manhood off.

MMetelli13
07-20-11, 12:26 AM
My problem is my own self-image. It's crap and it's really true. I have nothing that really screams to the ladies "Hey, I've got a winner here!", so I'm changing that up step by step (Clothing, gym, etc.)

However, if I can't find work after I graduate from drexel in computers; then I'm hosed, as I'm going to be living at home for the rest of my life paying off my loans while working three jobs.

Kirby Albee
07-20-11, 12:40 AM
About the possibly interested ADD guy: if my weird ways of thinking are anything to go by, it's possible that your having mentioned doing something, in the course of a few weeks, comes to seem less than entirely real -or, real, but not real enough to bet his self-esteem on.

For me, if someone were to say to me, "we should go have a beer some time," I'd agree; and later I'd want to; but I'd feel in no way allowed to suggest it myself. I once had a teacher mention submitting one of my essays for an award; I'd have to bring her a copy of the essay. I thought that was great; brought the essay back with me, and hoped she'd bring it up again. When she didn't, I had to say something odd like, "so, did you still want to submit that essay," which got me a strange look, because she'd already said she did a day earlier. It didn't still feel as real as that to me, though.

So if this guy is as nuts as I am, and it's because of add, then maybe his thought process is something like the above.

Brob2
07-20-11, 12:58 AM
The beavers here are rabid. They are crazy and insane. They would bite your manhood off.

Well than you should move to Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, or southern Ontario where in my experience they are rabid in a good way.

and to answer your topic....

going out with a chatterbox the first (and probably last) time can be excruciating, as I try to remain interested in the conversation when we're driving, or having dinner, etc.. She's talking fluff and I'm planning homicide.

Lillianmay
07-20-11, 01:50 AM
Thanks Kirby Albee! I guess I am considered very pretty (half asian) but my conversation skills are very poor and I am very shy, so my self esteem is not so good. I did not consider that his might be poor too, or even worse than mine. Thanks for the insight! I do not like to be pushy but maybe I can remind him gently that I want some pie or ice cream before the summer is over- hmmm.

stef
07-20-11, 04:03 AM
I would have been relieved to meet an ADD guy when I was in high school for example, I could have stopped "pretending to be normal".

johnny_walker
07-20-11, 09:00 AM
Hmm. Johnny has no challenge in dating women. Johnny only needs one.
However hij has a bigger challenge to face morgan.

Otherwise, the advantage of add people is simply the fact we(like Johnny) are nice people and by opening our "true personality" will see ourselves a much better person.

So say if people think your wierd.... just say to yourself that zij hebben en fun niet. Simple.

Just make sure that you know where the fun limit is( the good stuff, not the stuff you smoke and what Johnny drinks or something really bad)

Keep Walking

Johnny Walker

NotaMidget
07-24-11, 08:59 AM
For me it's an endless inner chatter that comes up when I'm in social situations. Not so bad when the people I'm with are people I've known for awhile, but excruciatingly painful when in group settings and/or with people I've only just met. I can't exactly describe my thoughts right now as their propelled by an emotional turmoil and uncontrolled chaos that arises in these social situations, but I'd imagine that someone observing me while this is all happening would think "Whoa, wtf is wrong with him?" or "Wow does he seem stressed and awkward", however when I've asked people I'm close to and have known for a long time about it they just say "You're just really quiet and don't say much".

But that's only one problem I have related to my ADD.

Edit: Oh, I've really no problems with people one on one, particularly women that I feel I can get along with. However I've done things in the past that have ruined relationships and because of this I've been avoiding committed relations with women, and have instead opted towards seeing more than one regularly in a sort of friends-with-benefits/no strings attached sort of way. It's great, but as someone already mentioned it sucks when she talks about fluff all the time and I can only pay attention/care about what she's saying for roughly 5 minutes, but the Dexedrine I take helps with that and other things.

Conman
07-24-11, 05:57 PM
i'll let you know the challenges when i start dating. so far the challenge is finding a girl who i actually like and care about more than a friend, but i can see it slightly in a few girls, but i think it's my id just wanting to fill the void of single-ness.

Caffeinator
08-02-11, 09:28 PM
I'd say that the overall life-disorganization brings with it the tendency for me not to be were women are. I don't have much of a life out in public: just a job, when I have one, and walks to and from the grocery store. My friends don't go out much, and I'm too shy or too disorganized to go out on my own.

I think, also, that the ADD sense of time interferes with this, just like it interferes with everything. One month bleeding into the next only registers to me as one more day -so I tend not to do anything differently, even when what I'm up to obviously isn't working out. I want to make a change and I plan to make a change -later, maybe a week from now- but I live in an eternal present. Even this insight feels like the same old hamster wheel.
Kirby you have such an awesome way with words, you very much articulated what I've only been able to realize in my own head. Thanks!!

Johnnny
08-03-11, 06:31 AM
what challenges do you guys have in dating women ?

Is it wise to tell the ladies that you have ADHD ?


ADHD doesnt matter to most women

Nice Guys dont finish last, desperate guys finish last. Thats all you need to know. Be nice and dont look desperate and most of your problems wont be there

ADHDSciTeacher
08-04-11, 11:24 PM
I always find that I have several problems. 1) I don't feel like I connect with most people 2) If and when I feel like I have a connection, I tend to say something (or multiple somethings) stupid or random and make things awkward. 3) I am terrible at "sticking with it" when dealing with online dating or regular dating. I tend to date women that are interesting at first but not good long-term girls. I also suck at dating because I always forget to stick with the up-front communication and then I tend to forget about it or just say **** it. That being said, I still get the random action and occasionally date, but have not had much success in the long term relationship category.

Kirby Albee
08-05-11, 01:54 AM
More reasons I haven't made any serious effort to date: I'm not especially outgoing; I don't expect to be liked by or have much in common with the average person; I'm always broke: the common wisdom has it that only eccentric women would be interested in me; other people's relationships sound terrible; one of mine's been terrible. It all adds up.

Blueranne
08-05-11, 01:56 AM
I've haven't made any serious effort to date. I'm not especially outgoing, I don't expect to be liked by or have much in common with the average person, I'm always broke, so I can't usually go where women are; and other people's relationships usually sound like a cross between a church picnic and hell.

What, your saying there is a difference?

Smilodon_UP
08-05-11, 02:10 AM
what challenges do you guys have in dating women ?

Odds of ever meeting a woman with enough patience and humor to undo decades of social/mental damage inflicted by others while lacking any significant baggage of her own;

Zero.

I think it goes without saying that this is likewise a total impossibility over the internet.


Enough of a challenge? I didn't even have to factor in my lack of looks, pitiful monetary net-worth, or above average but not smart enough to make a living by it intelligence.

NeoWarrior83
08-05-11, 04:41 PM
In my case the problem was a mix of personal issues(mostly lack of confidence) and missunderstanding the girls' signals. Thankfully I'm working right now with both issues and in the way of sucess.:cool:

Kirby Albee
08-06-11, 04:13 AM
I regret posting the last post. I sound like one of those guys I never wanted to sound like.

Blueranne
08-06-11, 04:19 AM
Nah, I don't see any bad or negative comming from that... Too bad I quoted you before you edited it, sorry!

Kirby Albee
08-06-11, 04:21 AM
That's ok; I sort of felt bad I edited after being quoted.

Abi
08-08-11, 08:00 AM
op are u flashmorescandalADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

shavedfsh
08-08-11, 09:28 AM
not knowing where to find them. not knowing how to make them interested in me once I find them.