View Full Version : Anger

07-28-11, 08:32 PM
I woke up this afternoon from a dream (I'm on nightshift for two weeks so I'm not just lazy). I kicked off my duvet, threw one of my pillows across the room and set about tearing the sheets and bedding off my bed and throwing them about before kicking hell out of my punch bag for a good ten minutes.
I tend to sleep in the buff, so ended up curling up on the floor, pulling the sheet over my head that I'd dragged off the bed and dozing off on the floor.

I destroyed my room (that I had only finished tidying up the day previous) and broke one of my trophies in the process, a glass whisky tumbler that was engraved that I won back in 2006. I feel bad about breaking the tumbler.
Nothing I can do about it now. It's my fault it got broken after all.

I don't even know why I woke up in such a rage. I've had a bad week and been forced to bite my tongue several times over the past few days, but I wouldn't have guessed that this would happen.

Just glad it happened in my own home, away from the judgement of others.

My German Shepherd pup came over to where I was lying on the floor and curled up next to me. I wrapped him up in my arms and slept. Calmed me right down, feeling him breathe, feeling his heart beat as he slept nuzzled up to me.

07-29-11, 02:15 AM
Another fitful sleep. Woken up in a bad mood again.
No idea why I'm so angry the past few days. The smallest thing sets me off - my pop tart got stuck in the toaster this morning and I freaked out, turning the whole thing upside down and shaking it violently until the entire worktop in the kitchen was coated in crumbs and jam from the middle of my mangled pop tart.

If a pop tart getting jammed in the toaster can fling me into a wild rage, I honestly hope that Friday stays out of my way - it's gonna be a long day (and night because I'm working 12hrs again later).

07-29-11, 02:19 AM
hugs to you Logic and wishes you figure this out. I hope your day goes better then you think it will.

07-29-11, 09:57 AM

When I was really sleep deprived in college (with virtually *no* sleep schedule), I actually used to get sleep paralysis during naps.

I know what you mean about the rages, too. When I'm low blood-sugar and exhausted, the tiniest thing can set me off. . . I once destroyed the drawer that fit underneath my bed because I couldn't get it to fit in right. I would have totally done the same thing to the toaster first thing in the morning, too.

Don't discount the contribution of sleep disruption that happens when switching between night and day shift . . .that's a bear to deal with.

07-29-11, 12:48 PM
I once threw an unopened quart glass bottle of Coke on the middle of the kitchen floor.....and it hit and went in all directions .....kinda cool actually ....

then I was "going with" a guy who turned out to be a paranoid schitsophrenic...( or however you spell that word) ....anyway ....I was so angry at him .....we were at my antique furniture shop, and I was throwing power tools at him .....( he was just outside the back door and I was inside ) .....literally..... power tools....sanders, circular saws,....anything with a cord ......

......actually looking back, that kinda cracks me up......power tools ?????? I threw power tools ????

.......can you run or do something to let out more of that energy ?....

...and it's hard enough to deal with anger that you know the reason for ....but to just be flat out angry ......whoosh, how do you deal with uncauseual anger ?

.....Hope you feel more lighthearted soon .....

....How about doing something for yourself that you just enjoy doing ....not something useful or productive....just something fun ....when was the last time you did that ?

Perhaps your inner child is telling you to just go and play for a bit ?

07-31-11, 05:00 AM
Survived my shift. Maybe because it was a crazy one - I worked 7pm to 9pm on the construction site, then 9.15pm to 1.45am in a bar downtown, then back to the site to finish 2am until 7am this morning...
Town was real busy too, payday weekend I guess, got back to the site and ran about with the pup (1yr old GSD) until we were both tired out - he's asleep on my bed with me as I write this, curled up, snoring, ha ha.

Friday was pretty crummy, but I think because I was so tired, I didnt have the fight in me to get angry at it. I got an 1100 repair bill for my car, on the same day I paid almost 200 for car tax, broke my ATM card by accidentally poking the chip out of it, tripped and fell UP the stairs (not entirely sure how I managed that) and got my work jacket caught on a broken bit of fence and ripped the pocket right out of it...

Too tired to care though. Can't sleep though, hence writing this at 10:00 after working all night and not really sleeping over the past few days much at all - yet I feel tired constantly. Strange.

07-31-11, 05:09 AM
Sounds like you have been took out of your comfort zone and it's making you mad.

Hope things will be better when your back to the way you like things.

07-31-11, 07:13 AM
I wonder, when all this is going on, do you ever wonder if someone is trying to tell you something? :)

Staying in reality mode, I think your subconscious is trying to tell you to pay attention to something that needs to be taken care of before the ceiling falls in.

Sound like you work too hard. :)


08-01-11, 09:44 AM
So tired today. So miserable.
I've run my errands, wandered off after turning the oven on to heat up some petis-pains and ended up with two small lumps of charcoal instead of a tasty snack, made a half-baked attempt at cleaning up the house (result of this is random piles of junk everywhere, the vacuum cleaner dismantled and general chaos), not working tonight, going to the gym I think. Struggling to enjoy music today, think I'll go lie down for an hour or so and see if I can actually sleep.