09-10-04, 02:23 AM
Ok, I may be totally paranoid but it sure seems that ever since I've been diagnosed with ADD...I am blamed for any and all disagreements. I'll admit that I am hypersensitive about having ADD but it sure seems that my ADD is coming up in every conversation!
Grrrr. I am so frustrated, I can't think straight. Just wanted to see if other spouses (men or women) are having this experience. Its like that old Ingrid Bergman movie ..I think it was called Gaslight. The husband was trying to make the wife think she was going crazy.
The problem is that the Driven to Distraction book says that people with ADD cannot accurately assess themselves or their effect on others. Since my husband read that, I feel like I have no credibility.
Do you think its my fault for being so freaked out when I first got diagnosed? Would he not be like this if I had acted like having ADD is no big deal?
Advice, comments, appreciated.
09-10-04, 03:09 AM
every fight or every time something goes wrong, it is brought up in a demeaning manner. I just cant understand how someone can do that .
I used to take a little passive agressive pleasure, in exagerating "symptoms" with a former girlfriend that lived with me. She used to make comments, "I can tell that your ADD is really keeping your attention span off this movie...etc, you can't seem to sit still with me, etc." Thing was I didn't want to sit there on the sofa watching one of those "women in peril" movies with her. Which was her favorite thing to do. But, I'd play it...and chuckle.
My friends overal have treated me better. Like before I discovered a successful strategy to help...one of my buddies always kept an eye open for my golf balls, or would help me find them. Without saying a word. It's been kind of fun to let him know, I actually know where they are...in addition to his ball when we're playing sometime. And I always thank him for the times he'd helped me.
I wish I had some advise, all I know is that you should share how it makes you feel...when he says, "duh, duh, duh, etc." I usually try that, before going into a more assertive mode. i.e. such as moving em' out. ; )
My husband and I have been separated for about four months now. I was diagnosed in July, and ever since I told him about the diagnosis, he has been telling me how great our marriage will be when I get my ADD "fixed" or "under control."
He is denying the very serious problems we have in our marriage. In a nutshell, his wild-spending, drinking, and omission of important facts (like he didn't pay any bills for four months but didn't tell me about it - I call it lying), and the kicker: he wants me to be the organized and "responsible" one in the marriage (like that's going to happen - there aren't enough meds in the world :D ).
I know that my ADD plays into the dynamic of our relationship. I can be tough to live with when I am PMSing (and even when I am not) and I have advised him to just "stay out of my way" until the week is over. And my distractibility and inattentiveness, my differentness, even my hyperfocus can be exasperating. But I don't think that when I am (finally) able to see a doctor (Oct 6) for meds, that our marriage will be miraculously wonderful. :(
I have been working with a wonderful therapist who is very knowledgeable about adult ADD. She is helping me understand my role in the marital strife and to change my behavior, and she is also helping me to see that just because he blames me - it's not always my fault! :eek: Good luck to you! Susan
My husband is the opposite and wants to excuse every single stupid thing I do as being perfectly normal and not ADD related...I think he has ADD too though, and wants to convince himself (who does these things too) that it's not a problem.