View Full Version : Mother knew best

08-03-11, 07:54 AM
So I've been living at home while waiting for my VA case to get started. Before that I was away for about 6.5 years, everywhere. The distance between my immediate family and I was great in actual miles as well as communication.
Before leaving, I was caught in a whirlwind of addiction, aggression, and general negativity, causing a Salem Witch Trials-like persecution from all of them, with no real time spent trying to understand why (I didn't even know why, really). Institutionalized, the whole bit. It seemed more like they were too scared to try and get involved, and instead chose to dump me on Big Brother's doorstep so I could "get right" with The Man. (Is why I relate so strongly with Alex in my signature :cool:)

So basically all these "original beliefs" are permanently stamped in their minds, and I can't really say I blame them, but reconnecting has been pretty difficult because everyone holds to the "eggshell walk", and either says things to me indirectly, or not at all, but you can see the concern there.

With the recent diagnoses of ADHD, and how strongly it all adds up and makes the most sense to me, well, it's just seeming impossible to get them on board. I had my mother recently read a chapter from "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life", that basically outlined how we're hard-wired for ADHD due to the prefrontal cortex, but also just the general behaviors outlined therein.
She definitely seemed to have a "click" in her head, but there's still that "comfort zone" of being the constant worrier that I'm about to fall off the edge again, etc. I tell her what's going on, what I'm studying, etc, but I can tell with each day she just things I'm wasting time, as opposed to delving further into myself and locating the sources of my issues, so as to get a better handle on them without chemical assistance....

Any relation to this? Any suggestions? Kind of at a loss and really need to make sure the relationship with my mom and surrounding family isn't further damaged...

08-03-11, 09:03 AM
My brother had an experience like yours 10 years ago. His girlfriend dumped him and he went on a weed bender that ended up with us having to put him in the looney bin because he was a danger to himself. Like he thought he could unscrew the electrical outlet and use it to power himself up. Just one of 100 things that he was doing that could kill him or land him in jail. He was having a Manic episode brought on by drugs. He refuses to admit that he has any problems that i believe are ADD-PI and Bipolar so wont seek medical treatment for them. Everyone still has to walk on eggshells around him because from his lack of self esteem brought on by those events almost anything we say could set him off.

People judged you 6 years ago and its hard to change peoples opinions on something like that. If your ADD and any other coexisting conditions you have are treated and you are as normal as you can be then you can reearn and change peoples minds about your past. Its like a broken trust sort of thing. You can earn the trust again of someone when you broke that trust but it will take lots of effort on your part. Because people are afraid of "crazy" or different people because they cannot predict how they will act. Once they see that you are predictable and non-threatening they will treat you differently.