View Full Version : Poetry


Caffeinator
08-03-11, 08:55 AM
Unfortunately my first poetry post isn't my own creation, but for me music has been a safe place to hide, and some lyrics really strike me to the core, and I wanted to share this one because it's reflected pretty accurately how I've felt over the years, especially when I was younger: trapped, hidden, and very much misunderstood while simultaneously being ostracised/criticized/humiliated.
There will be less negative/hopeless poems as well, as I'm no longer sticking to this path ;)

Purity, by Slipknot

Maze... psychopathic daze... I create this waste
Back away from tangents, on the verge of drastic
ways... can't escape this place... I deny your face
Sweat gets in my eyes, I think I'm slowly dying

Put me in a homemade cellar
Put me in a hole for shelter
Someone hear me please, all I see is hate
I can hardly breathe, and I can hardly take it

HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING I CAN'T GET OUT
HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING I CAN'T...

Lost...run at my own cost...fearing laughter, scoffed
Running from the rush, detached from such and such
Bleak... all around me, weak... listening, incomplete
I am not a dog, but I'm the one you're dogging
I am in a buried kennel
I have never felt so final
Someone find me please, losing all reserve
I am ****ing gone, I think I'm ****ing dying

HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING I CAN'T GET OUT
HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING I CAN'T...

You all stare, but you'll never see
There's something inside me
You all stare, but you'll never see
There's something in you I despise

Cut me - show me - enter - I am
willing and able and never any danger to myself
Knowledge of my pain, knowledge of my pain
Or was my tolerance a phase?
Empathy, out of my way
I can't die

You all stare, but you'll never see
there's something inside me
You all stare, but you'll never see
there's something in you I despise

Despise... despise...

Purity

Have you ever seen God?

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 08:58 AM
You are the tide that can't ebb
the great oak which can't be felled
the sponge that never dries
the wildfire that never dies

Your beautiful heart:
cut
used
smashed
Discarded
disrespected
unappreciated

Your ancient soul:
burned
stoned
shredded
tormented
experienced...

Your amazing body:
Broken
scarred
strong
soft

You let me in
pulled me out
of my darkness

With the mountain you bear...

Me...

To see from your height
be loved by your heart
melded to your soul
touched by your body

No one
no one
could ever
compare

My eyes are open
my heart lives
Gratitude...
Increased self-worth...

You reminded me where
I'll never lose the way
again...

I will gather your diamonds
from the floor
crush them to dust
watch it fly
like a cloud of stars

Time
I know him well
Patience
A close friend

With them I improve
grow stronger
become a man

Pain
never stopped you
nor will it me

Inspiring
humble
unyielding

The list is infinite
these three
cover a lot

I leave this place
but not you

To see where
you were forged
Mind boggling...

To see who
you are today
Truly amazing...

To know that
you survive hell
Very motivating...

Thank you
Thank you...

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 09:03 AM
They travel through their lives
Never staying stationary
Always seeking respite
From their demons
Which will follow wherever they go.
They do not realize
Nor will they ever dare I say
That the value of friends
Surpasses the desire to escape.


They place blame on things greater than them
In order to ignore that which writhes inside
Thinking they can escape
But not realizing internal confrontation
Will exacerbate calmness
And refurnish that which they seek.


For too long I have tried
To be the friend they wouldn’t consider
To give them the hope
Of further
Positive reinforcement.
For too long
They have ignored that
Choosing instead
To fan the flames
Which now consume….


So now I release them
With the firm dedication
Of a friend that was never allowed
To be a friend.


My arms are still open
But my legs carry me forward
Into the future for myself
Which will make my life better.


They might understand this
They might not.
They might realize
All they had to do
Was pick up the phone
And they might not.
I am no longer concerning myself
With the prospect or possibility
Of stable friends.


I demand a better future
And will not allow
Other’s turmoil
To waver my path
To self actualization.


So goodbye my friends
You will be missed
And despite your actions
I still love you

And will always think of you.


May you one day find
That which you seek
And put your pain to rest….

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 11:35 AM
There is one thing in my life
that brings me undying solitude.
The rain comes so few times,
yet when it does I am at peace.
All frustrations, all negativity, all hate,
is washed away like the dirt it is.
My hair raises when I am with it,
energy surges beneath the skin.
I breathe deep,
feeling good to be alive.
Like a sewing needle my mind patches all that is laid open,
and the motivation for this is the rain.
This is one of the very few things in life I truly enjoy.
I am so at peace when it comes,
I regret it's departure,
long for it's return,
rejoice in it's presence.
This will always be my haven from the toils...


2003-02-23 07:56:22

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 11:36 AM
Like the fires of hell
I burn.
Red is the color of love
for some.
Pain I have felt much of;
no more.
Scorn has branded me outcast;
care not.
An ugly face I am cursed to wear;
no worry.
Tempt me and you will be cursed
I am.
You think you know what it's like
not close.
I will not be taken advantage of again
no chance.
Rage is my religion;
what's yours?
2003-01-16 00:35:29

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 11:45 AM
How dare you look at me!
Who do you think you are?
I am powerful, don't you see?
Do you not tremble at the knees
at the very sight of me?
I will crush you,
I will smash you.
I am unafraid of you.
There is no sensation quite like pain.
I share it as one shares food.
I spread it for all to feel.
I will not hesitate to make you pay
No matter what your crime is.
Keep away from me,
you are of no use to me.
I don't need you, I don't need ANYONE!!!!!
Rage is the brother I hold inside
he keeps me safe, and I give him shelter.
He was the one who fashioned this shield
and I am the one who bears it.
I have been wounded too many times
to allow it to happen again.
It won't, because I have a weapon.
I will bring it to bear on each and every one of you!!!
Don't even think of being my friend,
I HATE YOU!!!!
2003-01-16 00:23:17

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 11:47 AM
What is this?
Why are you showing me this object,
this thing so alien to me?
"It's happiness", you say?
"You should try some", you press?
As if it were so easily consumed by one such as me.
I have been forefit of this,
THING,
for so long,
and now I'm away from the bad.
It (the thing) has been stitched into
the hollow that the bad filled.
Like a tick, it's head is burrowed,
but I can still pull it free easily,
it is not deeply embedded.
Yet, curiosity fills my blood.
It feels......strange.
It feels......good?
I have been trained to use many things,
to react in many different situations,
but in all my years of learning....
I have NEVER received a book on how to handle Happiness.
This thing, this THING....
What do I do with it?
Is there no instructor, to guide me?

2003-01-19 20:02:27

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 11:53 AM
It steals my breath.
I can think of nothing else.
My body is unscathed,
my mind is bashed.
I will never forgive
my insolence
my cowardice
my hatred
my rage
my pain
It hounds me untiringly,
howling in the darkest, deepest depths.
Never again will it grow, as it has.
I will NOT ignore it,
I will fight.
And I will win.
But I can't do it alone...

2003-01-16 00:27:36

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 12:00 PM
It drives me

Like nav coordinates

On a slow

Lumbering

Bomber aircraft.

Taken time to build

And very effective

At surgically striking

Against the good in my life.

The propeller’s buzzing

Humming

Thrumming drone

Reverberates and cavitates

The chassis of my soul.

And still they turn on

Carrying me forward.

For a time

I thought

The engine’s work

Was not in my control.

That the autopilot switch

Was permanently on.

The terror

Of seeing the bomb bay doors

Opening time and again

To deliver clusters

Of hate, anger, dislike, heartache, insult……

…….and actually thinking that

Though I had my hand on the switch

I could not control it’s movement.

HOWEVER

The events of one month ago

Have forced a landing.

The bombs

I realized

Were ricocheting shrapnel right

And the damage has finally

Thankfully

Caused a sputter in the engine’s churning.




Now I am grounded

I am walking around the mechanism

Which has wrought so much bad.

This THING I built.

I have been given the tools

And have tinkered here and there.

The radio still works

And I am sending out a signal

Asking for guidance…..




September, 2006

Caffeinator
08-03-11, 12:03 PM
"O Captain! My Captain! Our fearful trip is done, the ship has weather’d every rack, The prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting.
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! Heart! Heart!
O the bleeding drops of red, where on the deck my Captain lies, fallen cold and dead.
O Captain my captain! Rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up – for you the flag is flung – for you the bugle trills,


For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths – for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! Dear Father! This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck, you’ve fallen cold and dead.
My captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
From fearful trip the visitor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I with mournful tread, walk the deck my captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead."

Caffeinator
08-04-11, 12:17 PM
Can't get a grip
on my center
of being

Some days close
other days far

whirlwind in my head
downward spiral

Lash out
draw in
blank

Caffeinator
08-04-11, 01:46 PM
I kept my head stuck in "relationship mode", without regard to what you are going through. I kept running our last goodbye through my head, and kept interacting with you with only this in mind, when I should have sought closure of some kind and left you alone.

I let you down as a friend, through jealousy and lack of consideration for your struggles and issues. I selfishly felt I had sole entitlement to your feelings and attention. I deeply regret this.

I am and will continue to take a very hard look at myself, and will make progress in correcting these problems.

The loss of your friendship has hit me harder than any other loss, and heightened my awareness and focus onto my behaviors and way of doing things.

We may never speak again, and I accept that...

Caffeinator
08-04-11, 08:33 PM
The battleship docks
Drydock
Doors lumber closed
water drains
The hull rests on blocks
The crew sighs relief
Her mast is bent
the keel is mauled
Self-inflicted wounds
mar her sides

The shovels come out
a new crew descends
Tools gleaming
in the New Day's Light

The barnacles are old
old as the Ship
Part of the hull
One....

Scrape, scrape, scrape
They begin to fall
clattering to the ground
Released

The sounds of hammers
from inside
as the hull is straightened
Ropes around the mast
the sounds of heaving

The overhaul has begun....

Caffeinator
08-16-11, 01:49 PM
In the field
Battlefield of life
Wounds
Injuries
Close calls

In my foxhole
Bleeding
Broken
Unyielding

Bandages
Stitches
Splints
Blood packs

Tools
for healing my heart

I doctor myself
Wrapping
Tying
Sewing
Tightening

The bleeding
has stopped
finally

Sigh

Fear
Anxiety
Sadness
Pain
Reduced

All that is left
is to heal
learn to love
myself

Caffeinator
09-15-11, 07:14 PM
Roots are wooden chains
Tethers from natural flight
Wings are spread: Prepared

Caffeinator
09-15-11, 07:24 PM
The day came and went
Tenth year and no change
Their eyes glaze
The smile fades
For just a moment

Faults widen
in flawed images
Say nothing
Look away

They want to care
I want to believe that