I was wondering, How do you relax. Sometimes I have blowouts with my wife when I shouldn't, I know she is trying to help. She says I need to relax. But I try to explain I don't know how to relax. How do you calm yourself down?

hmmmmmmm well, depends on the situation....
Sometimes I come online and find a friend to chat with. Sometimes, I go into prayer. Sometimes, I just go lay down and try to fall asleep. Sometimes, I nibble on some fruit or other healthy snack. Sometimes I just don't do anything. ACK

Most people tell me if I was anymore relaxed i'd be dead:D To relax I'll watch a baseball game, or play golf to get out and do something. I also find cooking very relaxing. When I need to quickly reset myself I'll run to the store, or get online for a while.

i find this forum very relaxing :D .
i guess its a situational thing.
if i need to get out because i feel an impending blowout, ill leash up dog & waddle about the neighbourhood. if its just me & the committe (my head), ill usually pick up my banjo & thrash on that for awhile (my neighbour loves that :mad: ), & at work theres a couple people i can usually talk to or just find an out of the way corner & take a couple deep breaths...
...then i go have a smoke.:o

i forgot, sometimes i dont see the storm coming & ill blow up. just gotta weather the storm & be all embarrased & sorry for it later. my wifes very good about understand now, & she knows im trying like i know shes trying.

Go for a quiet walk in the woods. Verrrry peaceful.

lol...lots in common with other's responce.

What helps keep me at peace? Sometimes golf, unless I get frustraighted with the way I'm playing. Guitar, cooking yup. More so, either having a little block of time that's completely my own...when I sence the need to recharge. Or, exercise...anything that helps me break a sweat. Even taken to running recently. One of my ole girlfriends used to say I'd give off clues as to a need for my "time" without consiously realizing it. But sometimes, I simply needed to be alone vs. visiting with a good friend. So I pretty much view it, like I need my significant other recharge time, time for myself, and time to be a dude. ;)

Brok? Who is that? Beavis or Butthead??? It is Butthead, right? I forget!

mmm... I think that's "Cornholio" aka Butthead :)

think its beevis, but tell the truth its been so long im not really sure.
i am sure its the corn holio incarnation :-)
cappacheeeeeno!!! :-)

come to think of it...me believe brok has it right uhhh, huh...whateva that silly laugh is

reading, going online, cooking, exercise relax me...usually I can tell when I'm nearing the end of my rope so I bite my tongue until it goes away, or else just go into my room and hang out by myself for a bit.

Hmmmmm....gardening, cooking, reading, long walks in the woods. Sometimes having a nice, long chat with a good friend, but mostly I need to be by myself to try to get centered again and relax. I seem to need alot of "just me" time to quiet my brain in some fashion.

beer.. mmm beer

I can relate to most of the suggestions here...

Sometimes, there's just no calming me down until I run out of energy and collapse.

Sometimes, I go for a drive in no particular direction, find a friend, spend some alone time, go online, play computer games, go to Borders, drink coffee, etc. It all depends the kind of day, and the kind of "relaxation" I need.

**Warning...rambling ahead!** :)

Do others find that they need to be medication in order to relax (and then it can still be a struggle)? I just don't know how to be calm and content. I don't know what to do with myself.

I always feel like I should be doing 'something' but I have no idea what that something is. I want to read books, go for long slow walks, lay down and listen to music... but I just can't. I have no real hobbies because I get bored of everything so fast. It's so depressing.

I'm always in a rush to get nowhere. I often feel like such a loser because I think "everyone" else is out and about and "doing things" but I don't know what to do with myself. I have some social anxiety issues too.

I moved to a city for job opportunities, not needing a car, the excitement, etc. But I'm just overwhelmed by everything. I feel paralyzed when I try to think of what to do with myself.

Movies, museums, shows, etc are all so $$$. I can't afford to do these things often. Yes, the museums have their "free/donation only" nights but I'm spent by the time my workday is done (those free night things are normally a weeknight). There isn't really benches on the streets to sit and people watch. Cafes are noisy and overwhelming to me and I wouldn't know what to do with myself once I sat down.

I'm terrified to ride a bike here (very clumsy and it seems so dangerous) but it would probably be a great thing for me.

I miss the privacy of hopping in a car and parking right at your destination. I miss being able to just drive and blast music (though my excessive speeding was probably going to kill me if a panic attack from dealing with traffic didn't). I have a pet that I won't board (we both freak) but isn't allowed on trains/buses so getting out of the city for a roadtrip/vacation/family visit is hard. Renting cars is so expensive ($300+ for a long weekend!).

I don't like how much time I spend on the internet. I don't really have any friends. Trying to follow a conversation is exhausting to me so I just avoid socializing. Exercise doesn't help and I don't enjoy it. I have problems with low energy/fatigue. I don't know if this plays into it.

My stress level is out of control for no real reason. Things are okay. But I can't seem to get my brain to accept that and relax.

****Was hoping to find some more tips from people that have overcome stuff like this. Book, website recs, articles... anything! I really need help.****

I go to Home Depot. How's that? :)

That's all I need to do!?! I wish. :p I feel like a prisoner in my body. :confused:

Yeah, but I also spend......That's the bad part. I also find cool things and make new projects for myself that don't always get completed. Then I stress out over not having those projects crossed off of my list and I go to Home Depot to relax.

It's a vicious cycle, you see.

I find driving VERY relaxing...of course I live in a rural area and can drive for hr on country roads without ever going more than 5-10 miles from my house. I also find curling under my comforter to read very relaxing. Especially if i can find time when the kids are out of the house for a few minutes.

I don't understand the question.
Seriously...I don't...

If by 'relax'..you mean:

'What do you do for enjoyment'?-my reply would be 'alternating between three books, a couple of magazines, journaling thoughts, researching some of those thoughts online, while listening to music I love'

if you mean:

'How do you quiet the chatter in your mind, and calm down, enough, physically, to be 'still....mind and body'- my reply would be 'Watching a really, long, movie, with incredible graphics, that's more philosophical, in nature, than action oriented- Lord of the Rings, trilogy, comes to mind'

The latter, doesn't happen as often as I, or anyone within my vicinity, wishes it would, however.
Nova

Nova, i think he means how does he keep his cool instead of freaking out in his marital relationship.

anyway, that's how i read the post: frustrations in relating to another person one is intimately involved with. (bad grammar, yes i know.)

i'm no relationship guru. i do think though that we make choices and act on them. sometimes people provoke and get their kicks out of frustrating others. passive aggressive people burn me big time. :mad:

I don't understand the question.
Seriously...I don't...

If by 'relax'..you mean:

'What do you do for enjoyment'?...

if you mean:

'How do you quiet the chatter in your mind, and calm down, enough, physically, to be 'still....mind and body'... I mean both.

(1) Relax: as in relieve stress/tension by being able to stay engaged in and enjoy pleasurable activities (e.g. reading).
(2) Relax: as in feel calm and content in my body and mind.

I guess I need to learn #2 to do #1.

**Warning...rambling ahead!** :)

Do others find that they need to be medication in order to relax (and then it can still be a struggle)? I just don't know how to be calm and content. I don't know what to do with myself.

I always feel like I should be doing 'something' but I have no idea what that something is. I want to read books, go for long slow walks, lay down and listen to music... but I just can't. I have no real hobbies because I get bored of everything so fast. It's so depressing.

I'm always in a rush to get nowhere. I often feel like such a loser because I think "everyone" else is out and about and "doing things" but I don't know what to do with myself. I have some social anxiety issues too.

I moved to a city for job opportunities, not needing a car, the excitement, etc. But I'm just overwhelmed by everything. I feel paralyzed when I try to think of what to do with myself.

Movies, museums, shows, etc are all so $$$. I can't afford to do these things often. Yes, the museums have their "free/donation only" nights but I'm spent by the time my workday is done (those free night things are normally a weeknight). There isn't really benches on the streets to sit and people watch. Cafes are noisy and overwhelming to me and I wouldn't know what to do with myself once I sat down.

I'm terrified to ride a bike here (very clumsy and it seems so dangerous) but it would probably be a great thing for me.

I miss the privacy of hopping in a car and parking right at your destination. I miss being able to just drive and blast music (though my excessive speeding was probably going to kill me if a panic attack from dealing with traffic didn't). I have a pet that I won't board (we both freak) but isn't allowed on trains/buses so getting out of the city for a roadtrip/vacation/family visit is hard. Renting cars is so expensive ($300+ for a long weekend!).

I don't like how much time I spend on the internet. I don't really have any friends. Trying to follow a conversation is exhausting to me so I just avoid socializing. Exercise doesn't help and I don't enjoy it. I have problems with low energy/fatigue. I don't know if this plays into it.

My stress level is out of control for no real reason. Things are okay. But I can't seem to get my brain to accept that and relax.

****Was hoping to find some more tips from people that have overcome stuff like this. Book, website recs, articles... anything! I really need help.**** (((Hugs))) fixmeplease,

I don't know if I can be of any help. Maybe more of an empathizing ear.

I'm not on any medication (not diagnosed yet) so I wouldn't know about that, but I do often have the urge to do something, yet have no energy to do anything.

Although I'm not always sure about the energy. Sometimes it's that, but other times it's more an issue of how to channel the energy. I don't really get started with anything cause there are so many things I could /need to do so how do I know what to pick?

Socially things are not that fun now. I haven't gotten to know anyone at uni yet. In the beginning I had enough with getting up early and getting there everyday. Making contact with people felt a bit too advanced then

I've missed quite a few classes lately. The material hasn't been much of a challenge this far, but I think I might have created one by accumulating work. I don't do what I ought to do (go to class), but yet I'm franticly searching for something to do. I suppose it has to do with finding something stimulating as well.

I would like to do some kind of voluntary work. In that way I could be social in a way that might fit me better than being in a class. I'm just afraid that I'll take on too much, and then just drop it. Well, I'll try it anyways.

Do you think some kind of voluntary work would be an option for you? Maybe something that you would do every now and then, or where you could do different things to keep it from getting boring.

I don't exercise either. I do like to dance, but all the dance classes have started and I have no money. I'm trying to find one that starts later on.
I do enjoy going for walks too -- that is; if I can get myself out the door. I don't think of it as exercise though (not dancing either). I'm just walking, looking around, discovering new things, taking paths I haven't taken before etc.

What do you find most difficult or troublesome: To get started on things or the fact that you get bored quickly?

How is one to resolve the issue of "There's no point in me starting to do x activity, I'll give it up soon anyways (and then people might be dissapointed etc.)"? I'm thinking quite a lot about this. It's difficult.

I often feel that if "getting ready" didn't exist things would be easier for me. Not always, but sometimes (often). Some people say that they get energized once they've taken a shower, but I have to struggle so much to stay on track with the showering, not get distracted by thoughts, not staying in too long, etc. that I often feel the need to rest once I'm out!

I too often feel stressed when there's no need to. And sometimes I don't feel stressed even though I ought to! (I know I need to get a move on, but I don't really take it in.)

I hope this was of some help. Or maybe you just think "What's she talking about? What's that got to do with my situation?" Hope I didn't drift away too far! lol

For how long have you lived in the city?

Pm me if you like.

If it is pertaining relationships...I have to admit that I am not the best person, to answer that question.
I know my limitations, and relationship wise, I'm definitely limited, in knowledge.
Nova

How do I deal with my relatiponships ???

I think that good communications , honesty, and a genuine sensitivity to the hopes , fears , feelings of your significant other are the best qualities you can posess if you want to take care of your relationship. If you are lucky, your spouse will reciprocate. If your spouse does not reciprocate these tender bits, then you have a long rough road ahead of you....


Me :D

Just do everything at once. I play computer scrabble, watch the news, check my email, call my friends, finish my take-home paperwork, do the laundry, start dinner, clean the house, listen to music. As far as exercising, I can't even initiate thumb-wrestling. I think I get more exercise out of avoiding exercise. Once I get started, I'm good. But, that has contributed to the growth of my "love pudge" and continually poked "food baby". I used to be such a devoted gym rat. Nowadays, I just turn on some music, which usually gets me in the mood to dance. Anyhow, I'm also on medication and that helps a great deal. The meds don't mute the boredom, they just turn the volume down a bit. I would try it.

Although I'm not always sure about the energy. Sometimes it's that, but other times it's more an issue of how to channel the energy. I don't really get started with anything cause there are so many things I could /need to do so how do I know what to pick?. I have problems with this too. I can't get my brain to slow itself and think the choices so I never even get to making a decision. And this has happened for so long that I think I've developed a bad habit of talking myself out of something before really even considering it, all in a split second.

I would like to do some kind of voluntary work. In that way I could be social in a way that might fit me better than being in a class. I'm just afraid that I'll take on too much, and then just drop it...

Do you think some kind of voluntary work would be an option for you? Maybe something that you would do every now and then, or where you could do different things to keep it from getting boring. I've done a tiny bit of volunteer work here. I felt/feel very limited in what type of work to choose because I get so overemotional. Even thinking about working with the eldery, underprivileged children, animals in shelters, etc makes me cry. So I tried to stick to projects that didn't involve potentially upsetting things but then there were always cliques of the regular volunteers. I felt like an outsider and am not very social.

I do enjoy going for walks too -- that is; if I can get myself out the door. I don't think of it as exercise though (not dancing either). I'm just walking, looking around, discovering new things, taking paths I haven't taken before etc. That's great! I often find those types of walks very refreshing (like you, when I actually get out the door). Having constant stimulation (sights, sounds, my feet moving) allows my mind to quiet a bit.

What do you find most difficult or troublesome: To get started on things or the fact that you get bored quickly? Unfortunately, both. I'm not sure which is the bigger problem. I guess I've almost given up on starting things since I do get bored quick.

I often feel that if "getting ready" didn't exist things would be easier for me. Not always, but sometimes (often). Some people say that they get energized once they've taken a shower, but I have to struggle so much to stay on track with the showering, not get distracted by thoughts, not staying in too long, etc. that I often feel the need to rest once I'm out! ;) Me too. I often wish (not really) that I was a guy. Just throw on whatever clothes are closest, brush your teeth and you're out the door! I get so sidetrack getting ready; tweezing my eyebrows, Maybe I should take my toenail polish off, Do I need hairspray?, Oh yea, I don't wear hairspray but oooh when did I buy this styling cream, I should floss, Where did I put my belt?, These pants don't fit right, I should change, Now my shirt's wrong. Am I thirsty?, I'm not sure but I'll get some water, Did I take my vitamins?, I should have popcorn, I'm tired, I don't want to go anywhere.

Thank you for writing. It's always nice to know that I'm not the only one stuck with these problems! :p

Just do everything at once. I play computer scrabble, watch the news, check my email, call my friends, finish my take-home paperwork, do the laundry, start dinner, clean the house, listen to music... Anyhow, I'm also on medication and that helps a great deal. The meds don't mute the boredom, they just turn the volume down a bit. I would try it.
:D That's what I've been doing (everything that pops into my head all at once). I'm hoping to learn how to slow myself down a little because I often feel rundown from not doing much at all! I want to be able to read and actually absorb it. Or watch a movie and not forget the plot by the next day because I was only half paying attention.

I'm trying out meds now and hoping to find something that works. They definitely calm me down which is great but I haven't had any help with focus/concentration yet. Hopefully soon! Send some of your energy my way! :)

My meds are the only thing that allows me to enjoy myself and life more and relax.Honestly,Im never really relaxed.I can just slow down a bit and think of nothing now.Just enjoy time with myself,thats a great feeling!
The computer is calming for me also,I can zone in.

Several people have mentioned it already, but driving is a huge one for me. My father has always done the same.

It's usually the same routine: drive to my favorite dunkin' donuts, get a coffee, have a cigarette, drive to the giant bookstore, read the new magazines, get back in the car, drive somewhere else, and eventually go back home when I'm feeling relaxed, usually takes around an hour and a half or so.

I am a truck-driver, so when I'm stressed out, I revert to being a workaholic. Nothing like going in circles with the wife stressing about me working so much then me working even more 'cause I can't handle the stress at home. I finally had to move out, fortunately this had the desired effect of preserving what precious little sanity was left in each of us. I then discovered meds and....viola my perspective gained clarity. It's just as well, we were both getting a headache from banging our collective heads against our brickwall.

Still don't know how to really relax, but at least she realizes it's not her I'm winding up on, and she gives me space to SPIN ! ! Evidently, I like being dizzy(no, I'm not blonde) Gotta love the steep learning curve of living life without stress, and not stressing about that ! ! ! I'm getting a headache... where's that brickwall ?

I am not a victim ! !
I am a free man ! !

Smoochy

The thing that works best for me is competition. I play in a sport that pits one person against another in combat, and it's paced such that if you have to think about your attack or defense, you're already defeated. It is impossible to seriously compete with any emotion at all, it just gets in the way. That is the only thing that completely stills my mind for a time. Sadly, it isn't very often I get to do so. It's kind of funny, I love it when I'm particpating, but geting up the umph to actually go to practice or a tournament is very difficult. Weird.

Music helps when I am able to put on headphones and remove myself from the world. Power tools are good too. And big hammers. Yeah, that's the ticket...

:-)

Craig

Dsherman,

I seem to get more and more stressed as the day goes on. By bedtime I am a tightly wound spring. I find light reading the most effective. Daytime hours the ONLY thing I can do is be sure to take my Adderall XR. It enables me to take things in stride and blow off inconsequential tension.

Best regards,
Bob

I have found I am alot more relaxed on my meds. That's how I knew I found the right mix. But the end of the day meds wearing off is a nightmare for most of us.

At night , I finally listened to my doctor and got one of those noise machines.
It has 10 diff sounds, ocean, wind, rain etc..
I slept so hard the first night I had it, I was almost late to work.
So now no more TV or radio, to distracting.
I have been able to sleep without the Valerian Root, just the machine.
I also use it when I am reading or doing bills. It does help.
Sometimes it's the simple things that work!

The more I can do without extra meds the better!

Just my 2 cents!

Hope:D

Hope
Hi, what is flaxseed used for? You're on a low dosage of zoloft does it help you with anxiety? I am on 100 and when it's a rough day I'll take 150mg of zoloft. Take care
Johna

How do I relax ?

My mind is always in motion. I fill every moment with something to do or I become restless and can not stand it. When I am tightly focused on some thing that I like to do, I have a sense of inner calm and that is when I am "relaxed". I never stop, I never have known what "calm" is in the sense that you might use the word, but I do know what it is. "Calm" is simply not what I am.

Me :D

I'll be mellow when I'm dead!

(Does sex with the wife count? I'm pretty relaxed post coitus!!)

Actually, I can get relaxed reading a book. Or reading anything for that matter, as long as I'm interested in it.

I also relax playing Spider Solitaire or Webboggle with some music in the background.

Eric

That's easy..music! mostly ambient instrumental stuff...Harold Budd, Brian Eno, Patrick O Hearn...some of Moby's ambient stuff is good for chillin...what else...some of Sigur Ros stuff is relaxing...some old school RnB love songs...I LOVE music! who knows some of these artists that I have listed?

yoga yoga yoga. Before bed, and every Tuesday at school for an hour and a half.

I find taking a bath and reading a comic magazine is wonderful for relaxation. Especially if I light some candles around me. That have a relaxational effect on me whenever I do.

Reading as suggested can be great way to relax

Classical music is very calming on me, I like bach, vivalid, mozart... really great when you are stressed out.

Exercising in any form is very calming.

Gaming online usually relaxes me. If I can't do that then I need something physical, like a walk or bike ride.

I think I'd be in trouble if I started gambling! Cameron, good choice of music. Don't forget the amazing chillout artists like Theivery Corporation and countless others that I never remember the names of. You know, stretching is a great way to relax too. Too bad massages are so costly and so difficult to obtain from equally tense loved ones. Those work great!

I like to read....sometimes I can get engrossed in a book for hours at a time....I may not remember what the book was about but I know I liked it!!!!!!

I also like to play online euchre.....


Nick

Ooooh, I'm in the fixmeplease and clearconfusion camp too.

I can't seem to concentrate on anything, or narrow my concentration down enough to actually get anything done.

I rely on friends a little bit--if we make plans, then I hafta get up, feed myself, dress and haul myself out the door, so that helps to force my mind away from the other pressing issues (clothes? should I floss before I go? maybe vacuum up the dustbunnies? gaw, I really should cut my cats' nails! oooh, what's that on TV?).

I like hanging out in bookstores, popping around and reading things. I'll usually stumble onto a cookbook or something educational, which will give me (admittedly short-lived) some focus and enjoyment (and hence relaxation).

(nerd alert)

I also like to go to karaoke boxes (not bars, where you go w/ friends and sing in front of loads of people, but tiny rooms, where you go with a group of friends) by myself, and sing.

I collect sports memorabilia and, when my meds are working, read a mystery novel.

Truth be told, I spend about an hour a day reading ADHD journal articles or chapters in books, etc. That's relaxing to me.

Other days, I may take a nap.