As many of you here know, I was dx'ed with Adult ADD back in 96, and then through the years of my divorce and being single, I went off the treatment plan and tried to go it alone without much help, therapy or medication-wise. Well, about 6 weeks ago, I finally decided -- with the help and guidance of my fiancee -- to go back in for treatment with my new MD. She treated me for anxiety I was having when flying in planes, and also discussed putting me back on meds for ADD in the future.

However, what she put me on for the "generalized anxiety" was Paxil (25mg). I didn't realize it until about 3-5 days into taking it, but I was gradually going further and further into a FOG. Paxil definitely stopped my anxiety... in fact, it killed ANY motivation I'd ever gained from my anxiety; It stopped the "bad" anxiety *and* the "good" anxiety! I got so with my job I was barely functioning... going through the motions, and getting very little accomplished. People were starting to take notice. I resolved to get off the Paxil as soon as I could get back to the doctor... problem was, though, my next appointment (for a complete physical) was 5 weeks away... May 23! I just kept taking the Paxil, and work seemed to slip away. The only good thing about this time period was that nothing bothered me. But that was the bad thing too.

As an aside, this post is NOT about the Paxil, mainly... it's the good news that follows:

Well, fast-forward to this past week: I went back to the doctor for a complete physical, and she asked me how I was doing. I told her "terrible" and explained what I was going through while on the Paxil. She advised me to stop the Paxil immediately, and we discussed "spot treating" any anxiety I might have with a low dose of Ativan, and not be on anything for "generalized" anxiety. And then she put me on Concerta! 18mg to start, but let me tell you, in just the last 4 days I have been on it, I feel like I have accomplished more than the entire 5 weeks prior on the Paxil. I got my expenses caught up (they were 12 weeks behind), got a lot of loose ends tied up, and am wading through my email now to get caught up and make amends where I need to (I am realizing that because it had gotten so bad, it might need to get WORSE before it gets better). We will probably increase the dose to the next level later this week, since I'm tolerating it well but it's neither lasting through the entire day nor completely helping me from being scatterbrained.... but it's progress!

I'm sleeping better at night now. I'm much more focused during the day. Today I gave a presentation that was one of my best (I'm a technology trainer and sales consultant, and do a lot of group presentations). I didn't feel sleepy at all like I sometimes do in the car, even with the long drive. My fiancee has noticed the improvement... it's been rather dramatic, even though I still have a long ways to go.

Anyway, I was going to post this the last few nights, but wanted to wait to see if it was just a placebo effect going on, or if it was really me... and also was so busy catching up with work stuff and getting things done around the house over the holiday weekend that I didn't really post much here. I am so much happier than I was these last few weeks. It feels like there is HOPE. I thought I was doing "okay" before I went on the Paxil.... and now I realize how much more clarity of thought I have, how much more motivation and focus I have, and how much more I'm getting done now that I've "rediscovered" treatment.

So... I'm sharing this with you. :) And I'm off to bed, after a very, very productive day and evening. Tomorrow is looking bright already :D :D :D

Glad to hear you are doing better!!!

Good deal Eric...I know you were anticipating that appointment for awhile and now that it's come and gone...and you've been treated, it's just great to be a witness to your miracle happening. That's great....And just in time for the big June 28 date...:)

I'm happy too. :) And yet I'm realistic... I know being on medication that helps is not some sort of magic pill, and that I still will struggle with ADD and distraction and all the other myriad things that go along with it. And I also know I'm likely to experience setbacks, and may need to adjust my medication and other treatment options... but it sure is nice to at least have a glimmer of hope :)

Wow, congratulations. I figure this....before treatment we are in a hole, so can't really work on our problems, because we can only work on getting out of the hole. I feel like the medicine brings us to ground level so we can really start working on stuff. Not a cure-all, but just the leverage we need to do the things necessary to make things right for us.

Originally posted by misclee
I feel like the medicine brings us to ground level so we can really start working on stuff. Not a cure-all, but just the leverage we need to do the things necessary to make things right for us.

So well put, Misclee, that I felt moved to put in quotes for people to see....:)

I think 1st we must be ready to start working on those things. Waking up and coming out of the fog is a huge undertaking. Even with tools like medication we have to realize that our next step in out ADD Journey is not going to be an easy thing.

Right, sort of like okay, get up, take meds...and then fasten your seat belt.....as so much is revealed once the fog lifts.....as in things I don't like about myself.....or how my behavior (whether directly related to add or not) affects others.....and being willing to work on this stuff....

Yes. Since I've been on the Concerta, I've had a sort of "mercurial" personality... not only did the Paxil numb me to what I was feeling, but for so long I went through life without realizing what it was like to feel focused... and of course as you come out of the fog, you realize:

* How much has been left undone in your life, both big things and small

* How many mistakes you've made that were the result of a lack of focus

* How far behind you are on today's work to be done

* How far behind you are compared to your peers, in life

* How much you've missed by not being able to focus

* That other people have come to think of you as "chronically late", or "unreliable", or "untrustworthy", or "scatterbrained", and how hard it is going to be now that you don't feel like you're ANY of those things, at least while medicated, and how hard it is going to be to lose the bad reputation you've already gained over time.

(For example, I've been called "chronically late" for years. Now, when I *am* on time, especially when I'm now on time nearly ALL the time because of the treatment for ADD, people make snide comments like "Wow, you're here on time" or "Is my watch running slow?" It's like once you've earned the negative rep because of your ADD, you're stuck with it, even though you may be consistently proving otherwise now!!!)

Since I've been on the Concerta, I find myself crying more -- feeling more. I sort of realized the other day that as of tomorrow it will be ONE MONTH until my wedding, and until now I truly haven't felt unabated *JOY* at the idea. I started crying last night (tears of joy, not sorrow) when I told my fiancee how much I loved her... never did that before, I think because I had been living in something of a fog-state all this time, and the true import of it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

So... these realizations have been terrific, but they've been painful as well. Mostly because when you finally can see things clearly, you realize how bad things were before, and how much you still have to go just to get things UP to a level playing field... just to catch up with your bills, lose the reputations you've gained during the entire rest of your life until now, and start working and living "normally". It's cathartic, and freeing, but at the same time intensely personally painful.

Glad to hear you've found something that works....

I'm new here so congratulation on your up and coming wedding :)

Paula

Thanks :)

And it seems to be working *so far*. Although I did call my doctor and ask her to let me try an increase in the dosage... because although it seems to have cleared some of the fog, I don't know if there is still MORE to clear or not. And I know there will be setbacks. And I know it's not a cure. And I know I've still got learned tendencies to be late, unfocused, distracted, scatterbrained, unintentionally inconsiderate, and all those other things.... but it sure is nice to get a glimpse of normality, isn't it? :)

for so long I went through life without realizing what it was like to feel focused... and of course as you come out of the fog, you realize:

* How much has been left undone in your life, both big things and small

* How many mistakes you've made that were the result of a lack of focus

* How far behind you are on today's work to be done

* How far behind you are compared to your peers, in life

* How much you've missed by not being able to focus

Since I've been on the Concerta, I find myself crying more -- I started crying last night (tears of joy, not sorrow) when I told my fiancee how much I loved her... never did that before, I think because I had been living in something of a fog-state all this time, and the true import of it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

So... these realizations have been terrific, but they've been painful as well. Mostly because when you finally can see things clearly, you realize how bad things were before, and how much you still have to go just to get things UP to a level playing field...
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Those five things above....I relate to all....anyone else? and it sure is nice to hear a man admit that he cries...wow.....takes courage....reason doesn't matter...and I'll bet she was overjoyed to hear you express your feelings for her so honestly....:)

I'm feeling the same way taking welbutrin. Its like it defeats the purpose of taking adderall becasue I don't want to do anything and cant make descisions.
I've had a run-in with something like this before when I took zoloft.
I've never taken an anti-depressant for a full month while taking adderall. So i dont know if it will be better in a month when it builds up in my system.
I hate the way I'm feeling right now on it and want to stop, but I've already spent 120$ to get the prescription.

I was directed to take 150mg 2 times a day. After a week of taking that dose I started to notice the lack of motivation . Then the next day I felt extreemly depressed. So after that I just took 150mg a day.
And I feel as descibed above "unmotivated" even things I enjoy.

I dont know what do...

This is not a negative post to countmand all the wonderful positive things Ive read here.

Congratulations on the lifting of the fog. I experenced much the same experence when I was on dexedrin for a little over a year

My brain was clear and my thoughts were focused but my body just wanted to sit back and relax and enjoy the Clarity of mind.

When I started driving Big Truck I quit taking the meds on a regular basis (daily ) and now only take them when I feel the fog settling in or slowing my Brain down.

I feel much better for it and my Body energy has returned.

I guess what Im trying to say here is that the meds are great but it has to be self diagnosed as to how much they are needed ( in my case anyway )

I dont feel a doctor can properly prescribe the correct amount as each persons makeup is totally different.

I also saw what it was like to be lifted out of the fog

But I would like to comment oneach of the statements
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* How much has been left undone in your life, both big things and small
Yes I agree with this one But I have also learned that no matter how hard I try I cant do it all There are just going tobe things I dont get done.
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* How many mistakes you've made that were the result of a lack of focus
So true no comment on this one
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* How far behind you are on today's work to be done
I guess this depends on what the work is as what I dont get done today will always be there for me tommorow

But I know some jobs arent like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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* How far behind you are compared to your peers, in life
I have seen this and I can not disagree with you on it
I felt that way also
But I guess I look at it a little different now. I relize how fortunate that I am compared to many other people in this world ie: citizans of Iraq and Afganistan

Untill the Americans liberated those people they didnt even have enough food to eat.
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* How much you've missed by not being able to focus
I have to answer this with "how much more I have had " by not being over focused in the Dog eat Dog corporate world

Im not rich, in monetary values , but from spring to late fall I take the time now to watch the flowers grow, the wheat and corn poke out of the ground and reach for the sky to flourish by harvest time.

So I guess I feel rich in other ways , that a lot of my peers are too busy with there little hustle bustle lives to take the time to enjoy.
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Now this is my opinion and its not right for all but I sure do feel happy about it

Mazal tov on the up & coming wedding!!!!! :D

Yeah, but there are so many different manifestations of ADD, that I don't think the same regime could possibly work for everyone. Maybe it's okay for some to take meds only when in a fog, and others need a back up all the time?

And Unreal, as far as building up your credibility, it won't take as long as you think. Once you are consistently on time, etc., your "flakiness" will only be a memory to laugh about at Christmas parties. People want to have faith in others, and those that don't will soon tire of chiding you for things that are of no consequence anymore.

Congratulations!

Ditto to Andrew's sentiment, Eric....:)

Thank you. :) We're excited!

Originally posted by misclee
Once you are consistently on time, etc., your "flakiness" will only be a memory to laugh about at Christmas parties. People want to have faith in others, and those that don't will soon tire of chiding you for things that are of no consequence anymore.

Congratulations!


WOW...couldn't have said it better........:)