View Full Version : Valuable Lessons

09-18-11, 02:41 AM
I was thinking about my dears ex girlfriend who is slowly starting to fade into the sunset and into the past (where she belongs) and there are valuable lessons for both of them in this break up.

For Her: Always appreciate what you HAVE before it becomes what you HAD and if you kick someone out onto the kerb so to speak don't make the mistake of expecting or assuming that the person is still going to be there for you when you turn around to look for them again, chances are they've done some soul searching and have decided to move on (like my dear did) because they don't want the ********* and drama any longer (Yes she chucked him out after a major fight, he decided enough was enough, he then broke off the relationship permanently and moved on!)

For Him: Stand up for yourself, don't be a doormat, don't let some b*tch control your life and RAISE the standard of what you want and expect from a relationship (including our relationship)

We are in talks about giving this counsellor the flick too and having nothing further to do with her, I have already deleted her and her daughter off my Facebook friends list and my dear has mentioned that he might want to cut ties with her as well, I told him that it's up to him what he does but I have already made the decision to cut her off and I have a valid reason for doing so.

Everything happens for a reason otherwise it wouldn't happen at all and there is a valuable lesson in everything that happens.

Selena :cool:

09-18-11, 04:09 AM
Why do you feel you need councilors for?

09-18-11, 06:00 AM
Refer to my other thread "My partner's EX" for the full story.

In short they separated after she asked him to leave (I found this out recently) and they were living in separate accommodation, they attended counselling sessions for 6 months before he finally broke things off with her (obviously the counselling sessions didn't work otherwise they'd still be together!) then we started dating.

The counsellor was an acquaintaince of mine before I started this relationship so we both knew her (separately) as she's known in my home city for counselling people who are involved in AS/NT relationships or AS/AS relationships and she is married to an Aspie guy and has 2 adult children with AS traits, however (if you read the other thread) she was asking my partner on his ex's behalf to do favours like fix her computer etc and was in a way encouraging a friendship between them to continue despite his family reservations and he agreed to continue as friends with her in the beginning until she started send text message after text message asking for help and favours all the time, asking personal questions about our lives, being demanding in general and going on and on and on about how she has nobody to look after her now etc and just recently she had made indications that she was suicidal which put a bit of stress on both of us and now she got a friend to contact my partner in regards to the cat and his mother called this friend to find out what the issue with the cat is and this woman was quiet rude and hung up, so she sends the ex the text message telling her that she didn't appreciate the rudeness of her friend which is quiet understandable, his mother is now more involved as she doesn't want us to communicate in any way shape or form with his ex and the according to the counsellor the ex has agreed not to contact us by any method and we are considering whether or not we should wait and see if it completely dies down or whether changing our numbers might be the go.

We both tolerated this for at least a month before we decided that this friendship wasn't going to work out and that enough was enough, she is deaf and has mild cerebral palsy which complicated things in a way and my partner felt obligated to be there for her and help her out even though he didn't really want to and most of the time it was an inconvenience for him.

She would pay him to fix the computer but overall she was using him for cheap or free labour and I told him to stop doing it and stop accepting gifts and money from her as she would always go on and on and on about it, she seemed to bring it up in a way as if to say "You owe me a favour because I did this, that and whatever for you" and I was smart enough to see through her and I told my partner that real friends do not carry on like this and that her behaviour was inappropriate and unacceptable.

The counsellor has complicated the situation period, she was out of her depth by taking on a woman with serious emotional issues and disabilities that limit her in many ways, this makes me angry as this woman should have been referred to a Disability Support Worker, Psychiatrist or a Psychologist to get professional help, these counselling sessions would have been a band aid solution for her and they wouldn't have taken this woman anywhere whereas a more qualified person would have had more results in this case.

This counsellor only has a diploma not a medical or social work degree.

We originally saw this counsellor to advise us on how to set boundaries with friends of mine who were causing a few issues, the counselling didn't really work to be honest and we solved the problems on our own anyway....go figure!

Despite all the crapola thats gone on our relationship has been fairly good and happy so far.