View Full Version : No support from husband - how can I convince him?


lesska22
09-18-11, 12:54 PM
So my husband's had a nick name for me for a while now: add. He'll be like, hey, add, can you get off the computer and finish the dishes, or whatever. He was the one that stumbled upon a site about adult adhd. He's the one that read it out to me and said it sounds a lot like me. But when I told him I went to see a psychiatrist (two of them) and was diagnosed he blew it off like a made-up condition. He said everyone has add and that it's all mind-over-matter. He said he has most of those symptoms himself but chooses to get stuff done before relaxing and rewards himself with something he enjoys doing after he gets stuff done.

I tried to explain it's not that I would rather not do these things, it's a struggle to get them done. Not out of being lazy or not caring, it's just more of a struggle. Anyway, he went on to tell me how this whole add thing wasn't even around until not long ago and people use it as an excuse and how I need to work on improving my focus without medicine and how it's all a big scam by the pharmaceutical companies blah blah blah. Of course I don't agree with him on this but I kind of drew a blank and just dropped it. I agree that people do get overdiagnosed and maybe some can do ok without meds but they do help me. I guess I could just keep taking them and then when I find the right dosage hopefully he'll see a difference and agree that it makes my life easier.

RedHairedWitch
09-18-11, 01:14 PM
http://www.nytimes.com/ref/health/healthguide/14klass-ess.html

pechemignonne
09-18-11, 01:42 PM
So my husband's had a nick name for me for a while now: add. He'll be like, hey, add, can you get off the computer and finish the dishes, or whatever. He was the one that stumbled upon a site about adult adhd. He's the one that read it out to me and said it sounds a lot like me. But when I told him I went to see a psychiatrist (two of them) and was diagnosed he blew it off like a made-up condition. He said everyone has add and that it's all mind-over-matter. He said he has most of those symptoms himself but chooses to get stuff done before relaxing and rewards himself with something he enjoys doing after he gets stuff done.

I tried to explain it's not that I would rather not do these things, it's a struggle to get them done. Not out of being lazy or not caring, it's just more of a struggle. Anyway, he went on to tell me how this whole add thing wasn't even around until not long ago and people use it as an excuse and how I need to work on improving my focus without medicine and how it's all a big scam by the pharmaceutical companies blah blah blah. Of course I don't agree with him on this but I kind of drew a blank and just dropped it. I agree that people do get overdiagnosed and maybe some can do ok without meds but they do help me. I guess I could just keep taking them and then when I find the right dosage hopefully he'll see a difference and agree that it makes my life easier.
I recommend any or all of the following: couples therapy with someone who knows about ADHD, ADHD support groups you can go to together, Gina Pera's book "Is it You, Me or Adult ADHD".

I am having the same problem with my bf. He went with me to the psych screening and still kind of thinks I should just "try harder". He has always kind of laughed at my clumsiness and forgetfulness. I am working on trying to educate him, but it's like he's tired of hearing about ADHD every time I bring it up. It's really hard.

I am also hoping that as my symptoms improve with treatment he'll get that it's real and not just an excuse.