View Full Version : Sometimes not enough space puts a strain on things


Crazygirl79
09-27-11, 12:38 AM
Yes that's whats happening to my dear and I.

We are seeing far tooooo much of one another and tempers are the verge of flaring :(

We both volunteer at the local AS information and referral organisation which his mother runs and we are both sick to death of the place and of being surrounded by AS related sh*t all the time, we acknowledge that we have AS as well as the ADHD but we don't want to live and breathe it and it's not what WE are dedicated to!

I really hope to God (if there is one :confused:) that firstly I get accepted into the free Aged Care Nursing course that my job agency has sent me to the info session for and secondly that HE gets a job that makes him happy...

WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER DEARLY BUT WE NEED SUFFICIENT SPACE FROM ONE ANOTHER AS TOO MUCH FAMILIARITY CAN BREED CONTEMPT!

He and I are going to discuss this later on today/tonight (Yesterday he was in a sh*tty mood and we couldn't really talk at that time) and we will have to eventually discuss it with his mother and the others that work there.

I feel so trapped right now.... :(

Selena :(

Fortune
09-27-11, 12:44 AM
I wish I had helpful thoughts/advice for this. Mostly, this is the biggest problem I ever had in any relationship, was only being able to tolerate being around someone for so much time. Anything more and I feel claustrophobic, confined, and suffocated.

I hope things ease up for both of you soon.

Crazygirl79
09-27-11, 12:50 AM
So do I Fortune, so do I!!

The biggest challenge here is getting the NT's to see and understand this, so far the ones we have around us "get it" but this is too much and because this information and referral place has a heavy workload we would both feel guilty for not going to help out despite the fact neither of us want to be there...

I am close to a serious meltdown :(

I guess because he doesn't communicate as well as I can and do (which can be a bother in itself at times) I will have to do most of the discussing when we can finally have the time to sit there in a relaxed state to talk about it..

He has been going fishing a lot lately which I encourage as this helps him to relax and settle down but I do not have a hobby myself and I am still very tense and on the verge of melting down...today I enquired about piano lessons as music takes me to a happier place in my mind and I find it soothing, I really hope I can start these lessons soon....like after new year or something when I can afford it....

We WILL make it, I will do what I can to make sure we do but this has to change for the better sooner rather than later...

Selena :(I wish I had helpful thoughts/advice for this. Mostly, this is the biggest problem I ever had in any relationship, was only being able to tolerate being around someone for so much time. Anything more and I feel claustrophobic, confined, and suffocated.

I hope things ease up for both of you soon.

Fortune
09-27-11, 01:03 AM
Ah, yeah. So many NTs think being around their loved ones is a good thing all the time, they don't really "get" (unless they're introverted) how not having decompression time away from people is not just a nice thing, but an absolute necessity for long-term functioning for some of us.

Whatever you do, take care of yourself. If you're that close to a meltdown, you really should give your needs more priority than guilt over not doing enough work.

Crazygirl79
09-27-11, 01:09 AM
Some NT's (no offence intended) do not get that we don't have the same high level need to socialise all the time as they do...us Aspies/ADDers can do just fine without interacting with anyone for any period of time really.

We just need to remind these well meaning folks in our lives from time to time I think.

I will be going out somwhere tomorrow....alone.

Selena

Fortune
09-27-11, 01:14 AM
I hope your alone time goes well.

Crazygirl79
09-27-11, 01:24 AM
It's a cleaning job...should get a few extra $$$ for my trouble..

Selena

PinkRoxy
09-27-11, 04:19 AM
I'm sorry you are having some trouble.
I totally understand I always need my breathing space too.
I think it is neccessary for anyone to have some time alone, I would get sick of being around people for a long length of time too. But as a child I probably wasnt so much because I remember having a friend stay over and never wanting them to go home because I enjoyed their company too much. I guess it gets different as we get older.

I hope things do work out for you soon. (((hug)))

Crazygirl79
09-27-11, 06:53 AM
Yeah....I went to the adult AS group and it was just too much.

I just want a life away from it and at the moment I feel as if I'm being trapped by everything AS related....it's just too much...

Selena