After 10 years of marriage to a severely ADD husband, I am finding myself completely tapped out.

I noticed problems right after we were married. He simply didn't participate in any finances or important decisions, leaving me to figure it out. I had always chalked it up to the fact that he lived at home right up until we married, and figured he'd eventually grow up. Unfortunately, as the responsibilities grew; house, kids, etc.; they all landed on me.

Two years ago he was diagnosed by a therapist we were seeing for marriage counseling, but has taken absolutely no action since then. I've tried to help him, but unfortunately, the only person who can actually do anything about it is him.

For several years, I did a good job of taking care of it all, but over the past year I have really fallen apart. I had a sort of break-down and just stopped taking care of the finances, leaving us with a financial disater. It has taken everything I have just to take care of my two kids.

Over the course of my marriage I have become more and more depressed. And I have not really taken care of myself. I have tried counseling and anti-depressants, but have become very resentful of medicating myself simply in order to tolerate my spouse's condition.

I feel like I have sacrificed myself... or the person I used to be. I have no idea how to pick up the pieces and rebuild myself, and my life. I'm not even sure if I have the strength to begin.

Wow you are in a really tough position, jt. You've done a lot of the right things, it seems, diagnosis, counselling, being helpful.

I know I"d want some time away from the situation to think things over. Maybe this appeals to you too, and so you'll need to talk with your husband and tell him how you are feeling at this point.

Maybe you can take a different tack with your counsellor, or get a new one, just for you. Maybe you can find some answers after a while. I can hear the resentment in your voice, so you probably need some down time before decision time.

If it helps, I know there are other partners who feel the same way about their add spouse, as it sometimes happens.

I hope you post again and let us know how you are or if you have other comments.

What is with the 10 year mark? I'm where you're at right now. It pretty much sucks.

d2, this is not the first time I've heard the "10 year" remark. I was recently listening to a recorded lecture from an ADD conference back in '97 or '98, and (I think the lecturer was Dr. Horacek) the doctor mentioned "the wall" that couples hit when they reach "the end of their rope." For whatever reason, 10 years seems to pretty common. That's almost exactly where I am, too. Married 9 years, together more than a year before that.

And yes, it sucks.

It's just so sad. I feel like I should run - and never look back. But I don't want to give up...I will wait to see how therapy goes, but then what. Back to therapy in another couple of years? I've been 4 times already - he's been once. I know I'm just in a bad place now - but who knows...this might be the last straw. I'm just so tired of being the bad guy.

Thanks for listening.

I'd run if I could, too, and never look back. But I don't want to give up, either. If our ADD partners are not willing to face and change their behavior (with therapy or medication or whatever) to better your relationship, there is nothing we can do about it. Ultimately, it may come down to deciding what is best for you. You have to take care of yourself. That's not selfish, that's self-worth.

Best of luck and you're welcome. Keep posting. I'd also encourage you to join the private non-ADD forum. Send a PM to "livingwithADD" to get added. The more participation we get, the more help we can be to each other.

Michael

I'm the ADDer in an 11 year failed marriage. I went for lots of counseling at her advice but it was too little to late and not enough of a magic turnaround, too much of my same old excuses & well meaning & not enough real change. Frankly I think with ADHD the change you might be looking for is not physically possible but still there are things that *can* change and if he's not putting anything into it, I don't have much faith in him at all.

What we ended up doing was filing for divorce & selling the house but it turns out the buyer intends to tear it down so we get a year to live here together for free. So without the financial pressures, we are getting along great. Better than ever. A big burden lifted. Anyways I only mention that because I wonder if you would enjoy your husband as a friend without the responsibilities & strings attached?

Good luck & let us know how it goes!

My husband was diagnosed with ADD 3 years ago. He was sweet and patient, but he felt that he had a hard time keeping on task, so he sought help. They put him on a twice daily dose of adderall, and now he's a monster. The man I married is long gone, and he doesn't think his personality change has anything to do with his meds. He's prone to violent outbursts with little or no provocation, says anything on his mind (to me ) and doesn't care if it's degrading and hurtful, and I can do NOTHING right. Our children avoid him like the plague because they never know when he's going to yell at them or why. The only way to keep peace in the house is to kiss his hiney and swallow anything he has to say. He went from lack of focus to anal perfectionist. I'm exhausted, depressed and I'm ready to throw in the towel. The sad thing is, he doesn't have a clue. I miss my "old" husband. I know his family means everything to him, but he's going to lose us if this med issue can't be worked out. Is there any hope for us?

Leza,
Wow, that's an unusual transformation though I can sort of understand how it's possible. Is it possible for you to come with him to a psychiatrist appointment? I think there is hope and probably he needs additional medication to address this issue or perhaps tthe adderal is just not right for him. Dr. Daniel Amen has some theories about using anticonvulsant meds like epileptics take in small doses to calm down the part of the brain where that anger and aggression is coming from, which is the same location that causes epileptics problems. Neurontin, Lamictal, Topomax are just a few he suggests. It is understandable that adderal might be stimulating an underlying condition.

I am on the flip side, I know that I have had Bi-Polar / ADHD for years (unmedicated) but I have accomplish managing our finances and taking care of most tasks like shopping and such. I am terrible at keeping out house clean, but I feel resentment that my spouse thinks that it is a womans job and does not offer to help in the house. (even when we both were working).

Now I am out of work, our finances are tight, we are going down no way around it, but I keep having ups and downs - finally had to quit medication I was on this year because we just can't afford it.

But my problem is flipped because my husband is a severe depressed person, has been for years, we just don't understand each other and can't seem to click on the right level to talk to each other and provide the support we each need. But I can't get my husband to realize that he needs to be on medication.

We have been married 8 1/2 years, and he just informed me that he wants a divorce, I don't want to give up, I want him to seek treatment and joint counseling to figure out were we got off track and try to fix things.

His depression has gotten so bad, that he just put in his notice to quit, so now we are hurting in the worse way possible and I just can't seem to get through to him that we need help.

It saddens me to realize today that there are so many others here in the same boat, so close to loosing relationships when things hit a bump. I wish I had the answer not just for my self but all of us, on how to fix this difference that just don't seem like it should come to such events.

When my husband first went on his meds he became very violent. Luckily it only lasted a week. This time - if he goes back on meds - I'm leaving for a short vacation by myself.

I could have written this myself JT. I have finally made the tough choice to leave.
My counsellor thinks I am suffering from severe stress and depression because of what has gone on. Life is too short.
I also feel that I have no strength left. Everything seems like such burden.
If you are anything like me, you keep searching for answers that do not exist.The magic cure is not out there. Because I am so low, I just want someone to step in and do all the work for me. Good luck to you.

WOW,
this is all so scary, I am new to this site. I've been with my husband for 8 years married one year. He was dignosed with adhd at a very early age (I think 5 yrs old) and was on ritalin until about the age of 18. He stoped taking it when he found out that him and his familly were moving to a diferent state. He is very private about his adhd, he doesn't want to tell anyone about it. I told him it's very common and it's nothing to feel ashamed of. Somehow that doesn't matter to him. Anyways I too feel very frustrated, he shows most of the symptoms that everyone here is talking about their spouses, and frankly I am tired, frustrated, angry.... Thank god we don't have any children, we do want to start, but personally I am very hesatant for obvious reasons. His adhd has been untreated as long as I've known him. Infact he did not even tell me he was diagnosed with adhd until about 3-4 years into our relationship. What can I say it's always been really hard, and like some of you had mentioned I too am tired of always beeing blamed to be the bad guy, always my fault, and never accepting reponsibility or fault for anything. We just got married last year and our first year has not been easy. Before we got married throughout our relationship we had broken up quite a few times. We alwasy seem to end up back together, promises are always made but not kept... What can I say I really love my husband and I would feel really quilty if I were to just walk away from this marriage. Luckally he finally got himself on Strattera, he was supposed to start taking it tonight, but got nervous and didn't. He said he has a headache and is afraid to take Tylenol with it. So he decided to wait until Monday. This men hates putting any kind of pill into his body. I am so scrared that he wont be able to deal with the side effects of the Strattera, that he wont give it a chance and that we will be back to square one.
I feel for you JT, my only advantage right now is that we don't have any kids. That would be really hard. What are we sopposed to do? how do we deal with this? I have ran out of patience, sometimes I become somebody I don't recognise, I bring out the worst in me and that scares me.
Well All I can say is Good Luck and keep us posted.
Good bless you all and God Bless our Heros.
~Tyson.

Wow, where to start.
Together for 12 years, married for 4 years.
About two weeks after our 10 year anniversary, we celebrate the day we met because both of us knew right away, my wife tells me the following " I am falling in love with someone else". At that point we had been married less than two years and our son was about 1 1/2 yrs. We were both under tremendous stress at the time for a variety of reasons, and I was unaware that our relationship had deteriorated to the point that my adhd wife, whose integrity before this occurence was above reproach, could actually give her affection to another man. Needless to say I was devastated and afraid of the consequences this situation might bear. Long story short, after much conflict we decided to stay the course, and to try and repair our relationship. We went to a few sessions of marriage counseling together and my wife has continued therapy with the same doctor since then. Flash forward two years. I was snooping in her computer because I had been suspicious for some time that she was not being true to me when I found evidence of another extramarital relation. After reading much of the correspondance between my wife and one of her co-workers I decided that I would no longer tolerate this kind of dishonesty, this disrespect for me and for all the time we had invested, and this disregard for my commitment to her. I managed to maintain my composure for several hours and after our son went to bed I confronted her and I absolutely lost it. I had convinced myself in the hours that had passed that we were through and after I pummeled her (verbally not physically) and broke down emotionally because of her I made her leave the house. Just before she walked out the door she made the statement " you'll never see me again, I'll probably just kill myself". From anyone else this could be interpreted as an idle threat but this was said by a woman with a long history of depression and suicidal thoughts and I was afraid of what she might do. So I wimped out, I called her best friend, whose house I expected she was going to, and asked her to take care of my wife. Some time after that my wife called the house and I convinced her to come home to talk. She came home, and we spent the next several hours talking about things and again I decided to try and forgive her, and to work things out. She talks about how her adhd contributed to creating the scenario for this to happen to us and, as sympathetic as I have become over the last couple of years, I think this is kind of a cop-out. ADHD or not you should know the difference between right and wrong, how to conduct yourself in a relationship, and how to be respectful of the emotions and the faith of the people who are supposedly most important to you. Now, bear in mind, this is only a very short part of the whole story of our relationship. I have done things to damage the relationship and her trust in me as well, never cheated on her though, and I do not mean to create the impression of my wife as a soulless monster who has done nothing to deal with her adhd. Quite the contrary, she is a very kind and good spirited person, and she is very proactive in dealing with her depression and her adhd, but the emotional damage done to me by these two instances of infidelity have given me reason to question the validity of anything and everything that has ever happened to us, with the obvious exception of our beautiful son. It has been several months since all this occured and for the most part we seem to be doing well and to be moving forward with a positive feeling about the future. However, I am still haunted on a daily basis by the anger, resentment, fear, distrust, suspicion, and all the other negative emotional baggage that comes with the task of dealing with this kind of betrayl.

Hi LazyD,

You have been through the ringer, my friend. Condolences. You will find yourself in good company here.

I know that you believe using ADD as a reason for infidelity is a cop-out. If you or anyone else can explain it, I would like would to know what role ADD allegedly plays for those ADDers who believe that their ADD caused or contributed to their infidelity. Are the ADDers who blame ADD for such behavior usually resigned to believing that they have no choice in the course their ADD takes?

To a Happier, Healthier Future for Us All, GirlDriver

that they have Wow, where to start.
Together for 12 years, married for 4 years.
About two weeks after our 10 year anniversary, we celebrate the day we met because both of us knew right away, my wife tells me the following " I am falling in love with someone else". At that point we had been married less than two years and our son was about 1 1/2 yrs. We were both under tremendous stress at the time for a variety of reasons, and I was unaware that our relationship had deteriorated to the point that my adhd wife, whose integrity before this occurence was above reproach, could actually give her affection to another man. Needless to say I was devastated and afraid of the consequences this situation might bear. Long story short, after much conflict we decided to stay the course, and to try and repair our relationship. We went to a few sessions of marriage counseling together and my wife has continued therapy with the same doctor since then. Flash forward two years. I was snooping in her computer because I had been suspicious for some time that she was not being true to me when I found evidence of another extramarital relation. After reading much of the correspondance between my wife and one of her co-workers I decided that I would no longer tolerate this kind of dishonesty, this disrespect for me and for all the time we had invested, and this disregard for my commitment to her. I managed to maintain my composure for several hours and after our son went to bed I confronted her and I absolutely lost it. I had convinced myself in the hours that had passed that we were through and after I pummeled her (verbally not physically) and broke down emotionally because of her I made her leave the house. Just before she walked out the door she made the statement " you'll never see me again, I'll probably just kill myself". From anyone else this could be interpreted as an idle threat but this was said by a woman with a long history of depression and suicidal thoughts and I was afraid of what she might do. So I wimped out, I called her best friend, whose house I expected she was going to, and asked her to take care of my wife. Some time after that my wife called the house and I convinced her to come home to talk. She came home, and we spent the next several hours talking about things and again I decided to try and forgive her, and to work things out. She talks about how her adhd contributed to creating the scenario for this to happen to us and, as sympathetic as I have become over the last couple of years, I think this is kind of a cop-out. ADHD or not you should know the difference between right and wrong, how to conduct yourself in a relationship, and how to be respectful of the emotions and the faith of the people who are supposedly most important to you. Now, bear in mind, this is only a very short part of the whole story of our relationship. I have done things to damage the relationship and her trust in me as well, never cheated on her though, and I do not mean to create the impression of my wife as a soulless monster who has done nothing to deal with her adhd. Quite the contrary, she is a very kind and good spirited person, and she is very proactive in dealing with her depression and her adhd, but the emotional damage done to me by these two instances of infidelity have given me reason to question the validity of anything and everything that has ever happened to us, with the obvious exception of our beautiful son. It has been several months since all this occured and for the most part we seem to be doing well and to be moving forward with a positive feeling about the future. However, I am still haunted on a daily basis by the anger, resentment, fear, distrust, suspicion, and all the other negative emotional baggage that comes with the task of dealing with this kind of betrayl.

This thread may give you some insight.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9653




Hi LazyD,

You have been through the ringer, my friend. Condolences. You will find yourself in good company here.

I know that you believe using ADD as a reason for infidelity is a cop-out. If you or anyone else can explain it, I would like would to know what role ADD allegedly plays for those ADDers who believe that their ADD caused or contributed to their infidelity. Are the ADDers who blame ADD for such behavior usually resigned to believing that they have no choice in the course their ADD takes?

To a Happier, Healthier Future for Us All, GirlDriver

that they have

I'm new to this website (and message boards) and sooo glad that I found it. So many of these posts sound like I could have written them myself. I forced my husband to get diagnosed about 4 years ago and since that time things have just gotten worse. He's tried a few meds but had no results (Ritilin, Wellbutrin). He has kept this a secret from his family and friends, which means that I'm constantly making excuses for him and end up looking bad myself. He is a professional and this is starting to affect his business but he doesn't see it. Our finances have gone from excellent to bad. My credit is shot. He is so overwhelmed with so much to do but won't accept my help. He says he needs help with something and when I offer, he backtracks. He feels like he's the only one who can handle things. I don't know if that's ADD or a control issue. We've lost our health insurance because he 'forgot' to pay the premium, although he had at least 10 reminders sent to him. He also has employees quit because of his disorganization and last-minute deadlines but he doesn't see it as his fault. He just thinks he needs to hire better employees. If I take some initiative on my own, he gets upset and feels that I don't think he's capable of doing anything. I'm on anti-depressents but they're not working anymore. I'm just at the end of my rope with all of this disorganization. And his disorganization is rubbing off on me. I've gotten to where I don't care about anything anymore. If I clean something up, it's not even a day later that it's messed up again, so why bother. I'm contemplating divorce although that's not what I really want. Has anyone seen any positive results from meds or counseling? We've gone to counseling but he feels that all I'm doing is going to complain about how bad he is and doesn't want to go back. Does anyone have any other suggestions? At this rate I know we're not going to make our 8th anniversary.

I am new to this forum and boards as well. Just in the last week I've been exploring non-ADD spouse forum for the first time and am getting pretty depressed. It's discouraging to see so many tragic situations. I've been married 4 1/2 years and it's been a roller coaster. My husband has known for a long time that he has ADD but was officially diagnosed a year ago. He has yet to follow up on meds partly because of mixed feelings about them and partly because of procrastination and disorganization. I have a lot of compassion for him and the difficulties he faces at work and in life. I also have a lot of built up rage over his lack of acknowledging the impact that his ADD has on me and the amount he expects me to take on and I guess, my difficulty setting my own boundaries.

I've been in therapy for years and that has been quite helpful but it's taken me a long time to see that I need to back off (despite his huge insistance that I not) and make some clear statements for myself about what I will and will not do. I think it's going to take me quite awhile to work that out. I have found a helpful book entitled "Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner.
I would love to hear or be directed to some more positive relationship stories.

Hi! Yet another Newbie here. Anything I say, will I'm sure sound like a broken record of what everyone else has said.
I've been married for 3 & 1/2 years to my ADHD hubby. For a long time I blamed his actions on the fact that he sustained a serious head injury about 18 yrs. ago. However, his youngest son (13) has a "severe" case of ADHD, and I finally realized where he got it from. DUH!
Hubby has tried several meds, including Strattera, Zoloft, Paxil. He never takes the meds, though, because he says that they make him tired.
I feel my hubby drinks too much. I'm certain that is his way of self-medicating. He also has been smoking pot lately, but that doesn't bother me as much as the drinking. At least when he smokes, he doesn't become a blithering idiot, like he does with alcohol. The pot actually seems to calm him down.
His son is completely out of control. He gets suspended from school at least once a month. The bus driver refuses to allow him on her bus, so now he has to ride on the "special" bus, for handicapped kids.
Hubby is constantly trying to pick fights with me. Our major battle is over sex. I work graveyard shift, so when I have a night off, I want to catch up on my sleep. He just cannot understand this. He starts a fight daily about the lack of sex, then wonders why I don't want to have sex with him when we go to bed. It has become an unending cycle. When he gets mad at me, which is daily, he calls me all kinds of horrible names and threatens to divorce me. One of these times I'm going to tell him to be my guest.
For the most part, I try to remind myself that it's the ADHD and brain injury, but what about me? When is it my turn? Any advice will be appreciated. Kitt

Your post could have been written by me, except I'm going on 7 years instead of 10. This last year I've developed the "I don't care attitude," and I don't feel like my antidepressants are working anymore. I really feel for you.

Luckally he finally got himself on Strattera, he was supposed to start taking it tonight, but got nervous and didn't. ~Tyson.
My dh has been taking Strattera for just over a year. My 17 yr old has been on it since August. Dh has few side effects and is pleased with it. 17 yr old does feel nauseous sometimes, but if he'd remember to take it w/ food that would help! Maybe your dh won't have bad side effects either. Who knows.

It seems to me that many of the spouses of ADD folks, end up on anti-depressants themselves due to burnout - Any one have the stats on this or even a good guess.
PS - I'm one of them and I truly feel that the stress of a ADD/Non-ADD relationship has a great deal to do with the need for these in my case.

Is there a connection between ADD and infedilety? My husband seems to think that monogomy is over rated. An institution begun in the Victorian age that's out lived it's usefulness. He tells me that he told me that this was his view before we got married and I do remember as a 19 year old him telling me he had a wandering eye. Then we had our daughter and he hid his "affairs" dosen't this tend to support that he didn't think it was the right thing to do? Now he tells me that while he still loves me that I'm not enough that he needs the new and exciting (part of being ADD) That a relationship shouldn't need to be worked on. He tells me that I'm insecure and "clingy" and maybe I am .... I've been doing everything I can to hold us out of the abyss. I've taken on the responsibility for the family from finances to making sure the kids get home from school, and now I find out that I'm just a passing fancy ? He tells me he cares, but he's not going to be responsible for my happiness. My therepist tells me that it is in part his ADD talking, he's afraid to be responsible for my happiness because he has a low self esteem and is deathly afraid of failure. I'd welcome any other thoughts. I feel used and thown out like yesterdays trash.

Hi, I'm new now too. Two years ago when a financial counselor asked me if I could make it to our 10 year mark, I said, "NO WAY"! The end of my rope came three years ago, and we've spent the past three trying to work through the anger -- the incredible volatility of various meds my husband has tried. I wanted to make the impending divorce as smooth as possible on our 5 yr. old son. I figured that after separating households, I would have very little ability to manage my husband's volatility and refusal to accept the day-in and day-out decisions around our boy's life. SO I decided to absorb the anger for awhile, and meanwhile establish some patterns for our son to live with -- and then when he eventually divides his time between his parents, there is a baseline for how his life can be stable.

I've read many many books on ADD. The diagnosis is 2 years old, and it explains SO many things. My husband, to his great credit, has read books too. He has sought counseling and tried numerous meds. The Antidepressants turned him into a monster more often than not, and the ritilin -- still regular-- helps, although it contributes to a heightened state of constant anxiety.

I appreciate very much, gathering insight from your sharing here. Among the symptoms of AD/HD, seems the consistent one might be the 'many voices' distracting from focused thought. Must be terribly hard to cope with. I'll tell yoyu what, though -- without an AD/HD diagnosis, I have much the same cerebral circumstance, and yet the source is in the abnormal category of 'gifted'. Textbook: -- "starts too many projects to finish, questions the need for mundane tasks, wonders, daydreams, enjoys creating, is idiosyncratic, shares bizarre, sometimes conflicting opinions, comprehends in-depth, complex ideas....."

SO -- the thread I'd like to invite is around the nature of these types of drives among non-ADD spouses. AND the los we feel when our leviathan efforts to manage complexity for ourselves is thwarted by the overwhelming responsibility of managing utter confusion in our spouses. The berating that I endure, is often a tool to slow my growth, and keep us on an even playing field. Not very good sportsmanship!

Which leads to possibly my final thought, and a most vital one in our circumstance. The classic low self esteem of a late diagnosed AD/HD. In my experience, this is the death blow to a relationship. I have spent more precious resources lifting my spouses self esteem, and find it wrapping around to lash my back, in every instance of social involvement, parental decision-making, --thwarts my enthusiastic reach for growth or pursuit of exciting adventure or even just a theatre and a dance, for god's sake!

Low self esteem has always been something I've been intuitively sympathetic to, and have a history of helping the underdog. BUT this underdog is undermining my will. As many of you have written -- "RESOURCES DEPLETED". No small irony that the many many coping mechanisms that 45 years of undiagnosed ADD brings, ar largely geared toward avoiding real communication on real issues. HOW on earth is a married couple supposed to get through the tenth year without the ability to communicate their views and dreams moving into a new phase of their lives and their relationship? I would wonder whether this is the crux of a non-ADD(or ADD) spouse's inclination to seek the more emotionally healthy interactions of another representative from the opposite sex.
:(

Someone please help! I am so depressed over my marriage. My hubby is ADHD with a brain injury on top of that. I am so burnt out with this relationship and I don't know what to do. He can be a very sweet man at times. Opening car doors, etc. But he can be such a jerk, too. We never have sex, because I am always mad at him. When I try to talk to him about my needs (to be romanced a little. Maybe some flowers once in a while, or something like that) he just says that it would do no good anyways, so why bother. He says very hurtful things to me, and talks to EVERYONE about our sex life. (or lack of one) He even complains to his 18 year old son about it. It's extremely embarrassing. I feel like I'm married to a child, and that I'm the mom. I truly believe that that is part of the reason that I don't want to have sex with him. We've been to counseling and it didn't help a bit. He has been given several different prescriptions but he only takes them for a couple of weeks and stops. He says he doesn't like the way they make him feel.

This is the second marriage for both of us. My ex was an alcoholic, and after reading so much on the subject, I believe he was ADD. He always had big plans to win the lottery or invent something. Never wanted to actually work for money.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. I'm coming to the end of my rope...

"Married to a child" -- another consistent strain among these pages. I am afraid that this is the sort of thing that has bent the will of mid life spouses since the beginning of -- what, the industrial age? I think often of theoretical circumstances of say, living in a cave, or managing the multi-generational family farm, or being a pilgrim or a pioneer. What was consistent prior to the industrial age was that individuals did not ned to be utterly heads of households. There were adjunct families and other generations of wisdom to be rolled into the day to day. Personalities adapted to include the benefit and the detriment of the individuals in the extended family -- and the work got done.

SO this sort of thinking does little to help the "Married to a Child" other than to make me wonder why I am looking for context in unreal scenarios. I am simply coming to a firm realization that I am unable to move forward and grow in my life with this trap. It will pretzel my logic as time moves forward, because the effort to constantly unravel confused patterns is too much to maintain.

As for the broadcasting of sexual private matters: I'm going to get into an opinion here -- which is new for me. Just going to try it for awhile. THAT is not ok. It is also not ok to feel threatened with violence or inappropriate publicity stunts as a punishment for making a move away from somebody who is already manipulating you to conform to their will. This is not a 'team' or a 'marriage', it is bondage.

Communication of each others' positions and needs in a healthy team is essential to make it in this nutty society of ours. Otherwise, we'll all end up brain dead & drunk in front of the tv for 90% or our living hours, and provide very little in the way of positive energy with our days. Our resourses will have been shut down by being boxed in to such a disfunctional team, and the inertia to fix or change, beaten out uf us, unraveling insidious dimentias. An occasional car door opened, and even a compulsive cleaning panacea does not substitute for a healthy communications stream. :mad:

Namaste lift....You sound like a very intelligent individual, but I found it hard to follow your posts. I mean to be complimentary as your writing is beautiful...but...are you giving true opinions ...or are you "writing"??

Funny comment. My writing does strange things to people ... I mean often. I cannot write unless I'm pouring my heart out, though. As an exercise, my writing comes out as a terrible jumble.