View Full Version : making new friends as an adult


invictus
09-28-11, 11:18 AM
I read this article on CNN I know this comes up time and again on this forum.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/27/living/new-friends-o/index.html?hpt=hp_bn8

It's a lame article in comparison probably but if you read to the end it basically says that the writer does not enjoy immediate intimacy and I speculate that most non ADHD'ers feel the same way. Quite opposite to how I feel and I get the feeling that the feeling is mutual on this forum. Just solidifying the feeling that making friends in the real world truly is a problem for me.

sarahsweets
09-28-11, 11:24 AM
What kinds of things have you tried to make friends?

invictus
09-28-11, 11:32 AM
Gosh, I've done a lot to make friends. Everything from inviting a co-worker or a fellow baseball mom out for coffee or a drink, joining groups on meetup.com that share my mutual interest, joining the PTA, baking cookies and delivering them to neighbors, ect.

Currently I think I am in a good place. I think that I am making friends but it is because I've adopted the take it slow mentality which just defies what I am all about. I am an oversharer by nature, I want to feel an immediate connection, and I want to feel intimate with everyone in my life on an emotional level. When I don't get those things I feel rejected but after many years of failure on the friend front I am learning to work my way through it. It doesn't have to be all or nothing for me anymore. A drink here, a movie there, a personal story here......I'll take what I can get. It seems to be working and I'm building friendships through that process.

invictus
09-28-11, 11:33 AM
To add I also see the same thing in both of my ADHD kids. The all or nothing mentality, the feelings of rejection, ect. I am working with both of them in this area too because I know how it is to struggle socially on a personal level. My older son, 17, I think it has clicked for him. My younger son, 11, really really struggles.

RedHairedWitch
09-28-11, 11:38 AM
Yeah NTs take things slow, especially relationships. Last year I joined a stitching circle and the witchy equivalent of a bible study group because I was in a new city and lonely. The first many meetings I thought it would not be worth it. But slowly I actually have friends now, the kind that are willing to help me move. Amazing!