View Full Version : new mom needing advice


kristeninwonder
09-29-11, 02:55 PM
Hello!

Background: Son, age 8, diagnosed with ADHD beginning of Summer 2011.
Me: Mom that had read books and researched online and feeling like I'm going nuts!

He is currently on 15mg of Adderall XR. We did 5mg and he seemed to develop a tolerance to it. We went up to 10mg and it worked great...for about 2 weeks. Now we are on 15mg. It worked for the first 2 weeks and so we got a refill for a month and now things aren't going so great.

His school/teacher says he is doing great. After school and first thing in the morning things don't go as well. I read that rewarding him would help so we have a points chart where he earns money for doing his everyday things...down to remembering to brush his teeth. Then I read that having a written out schedule for every day so he knows exactly what is expected of him every day...which he doesn't follow, but it was just added.

He seems withdrawn. Has for a while now. He is usually bright and sweet. He is participating in football, but the older boys are picking on him because he doesn't know exactly what is going on. He is interested and talks to the coaches all the time, but just doesn't really connect with a lot of kids his age.

Just recently his team won a football game and we headed to get celebratory icecream and he didn't want any and couldnt/wouldnt tell me why he didn't want any. He just seemed to be in a sour mood.

I am looking at Focalin or Vyvance, as I have heard good things from people I know who have nieces/newphews/daughters who also have ADHD.

Recently we had a particularly bad morning. He just wasn't paying attention and I had a bad mom moment where I got into his behind about paying attention. He got on the bus in a foul mood and I cried because I ruined his morning over a few stupid things I was being picky about. After that I picked up the phone and made an appointment with his pediatrician for a meeting with her, without him there. I feel that with him being there listening to me complain about his inability to pay attention or the things that he does/doesnt do makes him feel bad.

So what do you think about the medications? Have you had similar moodiness? If yes, what did you do? What can I ask his pediatrician tomorrow? What else should I try? Help!

Lunacie
09-29-11, 03:43 PM
Hello and welcome. Sorry to hear things are rocky for you and your son.

The first you'll want to know is that kids with ADHD are about 30% behind
their peers in terms of social skills and other developments. This means
that you should be expecting the level of compliance and beh:eyebrow:avior from
your 8 year old that you'd expect from a child of 5 or 6. And that's why
he doesn't get along so well with his classmates. They're ready to learn
to play football, he may really want to but it's harder for him.

This information on The 30% Rule and more helpful information is listed in
a sticky thread on the Parenting subforum ... Dizfriz's Corner. (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130)

happytexas
09-29-11, 07:55 PM
Hello!
His school/teacher says he is doing great. After school and first thing in the morning things don't go as well. I read that rewarding him would help so we have a points chart where he earns money for doing his everyday things...down to remembering to brush his teeth. Then I read that having a written out schedule for every day so he knows exactly what is expected of him every day...which he doesn't follow, but it was just added...Recently we had a particularly bad morning. He just wasn't paying attention and I had a bad mom moment where I got into his behind about paying attention. He got on the bus in a foul mood and I cried because I ruined his morning over a few stupid things I was being picky about.

I don't know how long Adderall takes to kick-in, but my ds in on Vyvanse and that takes about 1.5hrs so he is usually a hyper and/or distractable mess in the morning. Last year (first grade) I would dress him each morning (uniforms :D) and often actually fed him...sitting on my lap...really -- ds is NOT a morning person (up at 6am).

This year, having to make two lunches and do dd's hair, I don't have as much time to help him along--fortunately he is eating on his own, but it is usually faster to take 5 minutes to help him dress.

So, at 6am his Lego StarWars alarm clock goes off and he has to get out and turn it off if he wants the noise to go away;)--having dd in school this year and getting up with ds has helped. When we get downstairs I have ds feed the dog--this can take from 3-8 reminders of why he is standing in the pantry :rolleyes: but that's what it takes. Then ds eats--if he sneaks a book it takes longer--usually a few reminders here too. Next it's off to the bathroom to brush his teeth/use the toilet--he he's longer than 5 minutes I check-up on him. After that, if I'm following my mental checklist, I take 5min to dress him--this is actually quicker than last year when there was lots of hugging and silliness.

I try to have him ready by 6:50 because I have to start on dd's hair, then have them ready for dh to take out the door by 7:15 (her hair short in front from self-hair cutting and 100 degrees in TX, so I put side hair up in 3 bands each side and then everything in a pony tail...in case you're wondering what takes so long:o). If I'm having a slow morning I don't get to ds before doing dd's hair, and ds is rolling around on the floor trying to put a sock on.

I do have a morning checklist for him but he doesn't really pay attention to it. Most of the time I just issue the reminders with no "judgement"; it's just what ds needs that early in the morning. I did ask dh to be down by 7am in case ds isn't ready by then. If one of us does have a "bad parent" morning it can affect ds' whole day so we work hard at avoiding it.

He seems withdrawn. Has for a while now. He is usually bright and sweet....Just recently his team won a football game and we headed to get celebratory icecream and he didn't want any and couldnt/wouldnt tell me why he didn't want any. He just seemed to be in a sour mood. This is not normal :( but it seems to be a not uncommon side effect of Adderall (http://www.google.com/search?q=adderall+moodiness&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a). I would talk to the doctor about it asap. Actually, if you can, I would find a child psychiatrist because peds don't normally have the time/expertise to treat/medicate ADHD adequately. Ds also started with a therapist at the same time as he started medication.

He is participating in football, but the older boys are picking on him because he doesn't know exactly what is going on. He is interested and talks to the coaches all the time, but just doesn't really connect with a lot of kids his age.Football isn't usually a good sport for a young ADHD child. There is a lot of standing around but also needing to pay attention. We did it last year with dh as a coach, and it was a loooooooooooong season; ds finally caught on about halfway through, but this year he is doing gymnastics.

Sports for Children with ADD | ADDitude - ADD & LD Adults and ... (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/971.html)

http://www.additudemag.com/search/google.html (http://www.additudemag.com/search/google.html)

kristeninwonder
09-30-11, 05:44 PM
Thank you both!!! The 30% rule makes so much sense and actually made me feel relieved! I thought my boyfriend and I were making this up in our minds.

Went to the pediatrician this morning without my son and just spilled my guts. She was concerned about the moodiness and I asked her about a few medications I had read up on and heard great things about. Then told her what I thought and asked what her honest opinion of those medications were. She has always been very straight forward with me and talked to me about those medications and answered more questions that I had about them. In the end we decided to get him off the adderall and tomorrow we start Concerta. We shall see how it turns out!

I had him in therapy before but with my schedule and my boyfriends schedule being so hectic right now it is going to have to wait until I graduate. I have talked to the therapist and he is okay with it for the short term. I graduate in November so then we will be going back. I am also going to start the parent suport group they have here the first Wednesday of every month...wish I could go now...but I can wait!

Thank you so much for your insight and thoughts! Sometimes I get so lost in my thoughts it is nice to have a place to put them now! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

sarahsweets
10-04-11, 10:59 AM
My daughter who is 11 can't seem to tolerate any stimulants they are effective for school but she's so moody and withdrawn that it just doesn't seem worth it.

small
10-04-11, 11:57 AM
My son age 6 is on vyvanse and also intuniv. The intuniv is to help cover the time when the vyvanse wears off. Originally ds was on 30mg vyvanse but after a few months I noticed that it wasn't as effective or lasting as long. The ped psychiatrist wanted to wait until school started to have the teacher observe him to see if she thought the same. She did and he is up to 40mg now and seems to be doing better in class.

DS just started playing soccer this year. It took him pretty much the entire season to understand what he was suppose to be doing. He still screws around at times but he's definitely much improved over what he was when he first started. He's not the best player but he enjoys it so we'll probably do it again if that's what he wants. If nothing else I feel its really good for his socialization. He also does instructional hockey. We started again with that in the summer. We had taken a break from it since ds was sooooo distracted (pre-diagnosis and med) and we'd get so frustrated with him. Once we found the right med it was like night and day :)

I will say the one thing I did see with soccer is that adhd or not he's not the only child at 6 to have a hard time getting engaged. Plenty of kids at this age aren't as aggressive or interested...there will always be those kids that are more mature, or have that natural ability, or that just have parents that have had them playing since birth LOL but really I wouldn't worry too much about him not being so into learning about football. It may just not be for him. I worry all the time about my son socially. He's way more immature than his peers. But getting them out there in these situations will help them learn how to socialize and work with other kids as a team...I've seen progression. I wanted to quit at the beg of the season because he was so lost and alot of the other kids had played before so they were mean to him...even bullying him. My natural instinct was to get in there and take him away from the situation as I've done so many times before. But how will he ever learn anything by me always pulling the plug on him??? I'm so glad I stuck with it...for both of our sakes :)

I guess I'm just trying to say that although we've had some recent success its still a day to day process. I have to feed him his meals if I want him to eat because the med basically takes away his hunger. He's gained over 7lbs this year (only 3lbs last year with no meds) and that's attributed to how diligent I am about having him eat. He's not a perfect child in the morning either...I have to give him tons of reminders and tell him 10 mins before we have to walk out the door to get his shoes on because it literally will take him that long to decide to do what I'm asking. I help him get dressed and monitor his teeth brushing. Even with the intuniv we still struggle most days. I'm not perfect either...I try not to get frustrated but many mornings I do. I've tried lists, charts, etc, etc and have come to realize that no matter what he'll still be up and down day to day.

You aren't alone. Just keep trying to do the best you can...be consistent with rewards/consequences/positive praise/discipline. All you can do is love your child, do the best you can each day, and take it one step at a time :)