View Full Version : Relationship Help?


karbouris
10-11-11, 11:49 PM
SOOOO! I have been seeing a guy.... He's 24. He's adhd like me as well. How do I get that spark back where he is chasing me like he did when we first started. Like he wanted to text me constantly. Now its like we only text each other when we want to hang out or the random *poke*. He's getting comfortable with me. I really like the guy its just I dunno how to get that wanting to talk all night feeling back. OR at the bare minum get him to think about at least once and awhile to say I miss you . I want to prevent your a typical ADHD boredom in the relationship that flares up when the newness wears off. Also does anybody have any ADHD fun date ideas? Is it the chase they want? Do I need to keep an element of mystery lol?

Also how do you keep the medcation from interfering in your relationship? I want to establish my own identity aside from his future wife or w/e.. But the Ritalin makes me want to be alone....

I really really like this guy <3

sarahsweets
10-12-11, 07:22 AM
Is he adhd too?

Driver
10-12-11, 07:39 AM
No you can't. That's the first phase of all romantic relationships. It's not an ADHD thing: it just makes it more intense.

You've progressed from the infatuation phase to the long term relationship phase. It's at this phase the rose coloured glasses come off and you see the person and relationship for what it really is.

sarek
10-12-11, 09:53 AM
Yeah, what driver said. But nothing that gloomy. It just means you need to figure out what it really is that attracts you to each other and turn that into a solid foundation for the future.

And here is my gratuitous cliché for the day: love is a verb. There is nothing for it than to keep working at it and you will see that your efforts pay off.

karbouris
10-12-11, 10:48 AM
Yes he is adhd too. I was first attracted to him because he was sweet and fun to be around. I just get tired of the "romance period" wearing off after 2 weeks. Maybe I'll just try giving him some space for awhile.

Driver
10-13-11, 08:42 AM
Yes he is adhd too. I was first attracted to him because he was sweet and fun to be around. I just get tired of the "romance period" wearing off after 2 weeks. Maybe I'll just try giving him some space for awhile.

Don't play games: guys don't like it because they don't understand it. Just talk to him.

sarahsweets
10-13-11, 09:10 AM
I'm a firm belivers in communications. Your feelings are valid to.

GypsyMind
10-13-11, 11:33 AM
Also, remember it's an ADHD thing... We like the new and shiny things. It's possible that the gloss could still be there, but it's in our nature to find the next distraction.

I wouldn't take it personally if you talk to him and he doesn't have an answer as to why things have changed. I also wouldn't play games. Just do your own thing and whatever happens, happens.

I've only had one relationship where the magic was my idea of long term... about 3-4 years to be exact. It ended epically and tragically. Another lasted around 2 years, but I knew I was living a lie after only a few months. I forced myself to stay because she really was a good woman and I thought I could change. (Before I was diagnosed)

I know I personally require a lot of stimulation in order to stay focused on just one person beyond the initial magic moments.

karbouris
10-13-11, 06:21 PM
Your saying the key point which is keeping him stimulated. I know the feeling. I know he's not the atypical man in which he's going to randomly text me because he just doesnt think about it. I fully understand. I've had to resort to randomly asking oxymorons to get him to carry on a text conversation with me. I kinda understand but I want to make this work. What is a fun adhd friendly activ ity? I'm kinda getting used to the whole he's not paying attention because he doesn't want me its because his focus is elsewhere. I do the same thing.

karbouris
10-13-11, 06:26 PM
Just how do you keep an adhd man stiumlated. LOL. I'm hut trying to understand cause for once I'm actually trying to make things work.... I get the overwhelming feeling he's worth the trouble, he worth tlmy time.

GypsyMind
10-14-11, 11:03 AM
Just how do you keep an adhd man stiumlated. LOL. I'm hut trying to understand cause for once I'm actually trying to make things work.... I get the overwhelming feeling he's worth the trouble, he worth tlmy time.

I see red flags with this frame of mind, but heck, I have yet to be in a positive, long term relationship, so maybe it's just me. lol

Speaking from personal experience, the danger with focusing so much on someone else is that you lose yourself and your own identity. You start to become what you think they want instead of who you actually are... And if the relationship fails anyway? Now you're custom built for a person you're not longer with. Do you really like sports or was it just for him? Do you honestly like gardening... Or was that just for him as well?

You spend years tailoring yourself to someone and then if it fails, you spend years trying to sort out the core of you versus the cosmetics you added for someone else's benefit.

Even with ADHD, things work or they don't on a natural level. Don't overthink it, just let the water flow.

Sorry if this is really heavy.... This topic just tapped into some "below the line" psych stuff for me.

karbouris
10-14-11, 12:35 PM
Your right. The reason why it lasts two weeks is because that is how long it takes the overwhelming feeling of me not able to be me flares up. I am telling him I want space for a few days. I can't fix people no matter how hard I try I just can't so cheaaaa. Break-up followed by another round of adderall physcois is headed my way. :/

karbouris
10-17-11, 11:24 PM
Update: I decided to stay with him. I thought it over and I really do love him. He was stressed.

Driver
10-20-11, 06:06 AM
Update: I decided to stay with him. I thought it over and I really do love him. He was stressed.

You can love just about anyone: but being able to have a successful long term relationship with them is a different story.

It takes more than just love to have a successful relationship.

karbouris
10-21-11, 01:07 AM
You can love just about anyone: but being able to have a successful long term relationship with them is a different story.

It takes more than just love to have a successful relationship.
Your right. I kinda figured I was expecting too much when we first got together. My biggest problem is I have issues with communcation. Once I actually started speaking up things are getting a lot better. I don't fall in love with just anybody. Heaven forbid I could have had a number of men before he popped up. Normal people are just boring lol. I don't connect with any of them on a "deeper" level. It's like two weeks and I am done. This time it's different... Everyday is different and more enjoyable than the last. Always learning always changing...

karbouris
10-26-11, 11:21 PM
I guess all good things come to an end lol. Adhd based realtionships suck.... lol. Will go on my merry like nothing ever happened.

meadd823
10-27-11, 03:54 AM
Actually relationships based on ADHD can suck - Two people have to decide they want to commit to a long term relationship after they get to know each other which by the way takes longer than two weeks.

Long term relationships may begin with infatuation but must find real live common ground to actually evolve past lust. This holds true for every one regardless of whether or not they have ADHD -

smdsean123
12-13-12, 01:58 PM
Communication is key and being ADHD, make sure you're alls
Routine is not becoming monotonous. ADHD/ADD depends on constant change.

What not to do is to depend on meds to help.
Get together at times when not on your meds or coming down from them.
I find that the come down phase from Aderrall XR makes me
Spacey and off. Make sure ur in a good frame of mind.

Change you're routines and have fun! Also, please be safe. Being the eldest child in the family I feel that paternal necessity.

My great grandmother used to have a very true phrase and that is "If it is meant to be, then it will be."

Don't stress, don't rely on your medication, but be your wonderful self and time will work out the rest.

Good luck!
-From a brother of three in Georgia