View Full Version : Having to Be Social - Do you Feel Worn Out After a While?


Slapstick
10-13-11, 10:48 AM
The best example I can provide is a recent golf outing I did with the inlaw's distant cousins. These are people I have never met. Was paired in a team with four other people, with three of them being people I have never met.

They turned out to be nice folks and the golf was fun. However, I do find that having to "think" of responses after one of them says something to me, or think of things to say on occasion really wares me out. (For the record, I like to think of little ice breakers or make appropriate comments here and there, just so that it looks like I'm trying to be social - otherwise, people may think that because I don't say anything, that must mean I am not having a good time or don't like them.)

When I'm with people I am truly comfortable around (close friends, parents, wife, few co-workers), being social comes natural to me. In situations with people I am not truly comfortable with (i.e. including some group of friends who I don't have that comfort level with), the act of being friendly, responsive and a contributor to the conversation wares me out.

danpan
10-13-11, 10:59 AM
It really depends on the circumstances.

If I'm around people I feel very comfortable with, then it doesn't wear me out at all.
If I'm around a group of people who all know each other, but I'm only comfortable with a couple of them, then it wears me out a lot.
If I'm with a friend I'm very comfortable with, and someone neither of us knows, then I actually enjoy it quite a bit.


Beer helps. More beer helps even more.
Focus on something like a shared game, or hiking, etc, helps a lot, too.

speculative
10-20-11, 10:45 AM
Sounds like an Introvert vs. Extrovert issue. Us Introverts are drained by being around people and energized by being alone or being with one or two people who are very close to us. Extroverts are drained by being alone and energized by being around people.

.Hope.
10-20-11, 11:02 AM
YES! My husband doesn't understand it when I tell him that, lol.

Don't get me wrong, I love to socialize and be around people but I have to mentally prepare myself for it and then afterwards I just want to crash.

syrella
10-20-11, 12:38 PM
I'm drained by small talk, but might be energized if I'm talking about something I'm really interested in.

sarek
10-20-11, 01:54 PM
That is an introvert thing rather than anything to do with ADD. I am also an introvert and socialising drains me.

pechemignonne
10-20-11, 05:41 PM
I don't think so. I'm really extroverted, and I get exhausted from social interactions. It's the anxiety, from years of basically making a fool out of myself and having people think I'm weird.

Being extroverted doesn't stop you from feeling anxious. I'm talking and making jokes, but the whole time I'm sweating and freaking out. I think that if I could just sit calmly and stop talking so much, I might feel less anxious. God knows what's going to come out of my mouth.

icecreamfiend
10-20-11, 06:01 PM
Sounds like an Introvert vs. Extrovert issue. Us Introverts are drained by being around people and energized by being alone or being with one or two people who are very close to us. Extroverts are drained by being alone and energized by being around people.

I'm definitely interested in looking more into this. I never really could figure out where I stand. I definitely appreciate alone time and walking around the city by myself to explore. I also go to the beach or park by myself and just sit there with music on. However, I also love the energy of people and enjoy social gatherings.

icecreamfiend
10-20-11, 06:14 PM
As sarek pointed out, you may just be an introvert. But since you mentioned that you do not get that same worn out feeling as when you are around people you enjoy maybe it's more than extro/introversion. As I commented on another poster's comment, I myself do not know too much into the subject so maybe introverts can still enjoy social time and isn't so much to the extreme of preferring solitude as I imagine.

I have to say though, I certainly find myself mentally drained after spending some time at museums or having just accomplished some crazy artistic expression like a drawing or painting. I really do enjoy going to museums and really anything art related, but for some reason I really cannot stay longer than a few hours. If I go with someone else, I am usually the first one to ask if the other is done making it appear that I have no interest. I may even start feeling mental fatigue around an hour depending on what's on display. I'm one of those types of people that can get fully immersed in a painting and really lose myself in that framed world. I usually picture the sights, sounds, and smells in a painting, often making it appear that I'm trying to have a staring contest with the painting. Abstract art is the worst for me! Requiring much more mental effort to make sense of it all.

So coming back to your situation, I certainly get mental fatigue in a few settings, and having to be social and active with people you don't know can be tiring for any person, let alone someone with ADHD. Maybe it is more than introversion.

VelvetTiger
10-20-11, 06:35 PM
When I'm with people I am truly comfortable around (close friends, parents, wife, few co-workers), being social comes natural to me. In situations with people I am not truly comfortable with (i.e. including some group of friends who I don't have that comfort level with), the act of being friendly, responsive and a contributor to the conversation wares me out.

Me too. I don't know if this is even specific to ADD. It might be a human thing. Most people are more energized socially by people with whom they have things in common than by people they can't relate to. ;)

GypsyMind
10-20-11, 08:40 PM
I think AD/HD fuels someone who is already introverted because of the social awkwardness we seem to have from a young age. I personally got tired of always trying to figure out if I had said something inappropriate.

So to an AD/HD extrovert, people and crowds may not have any real impact.

But to an AD/HD introvert (like myself), the drain of a mingling mixed with the social anxiety is a real energy vampire.

All just speculation based on my own situation. I don't hang out even with small groups, even family, for more than about 2 hours if I have to engage in conversations and such. Large crowds don't drain me as long I can disappear into them and just be a wall flower.

Marzipan
10-20-11, 08:44 PM
I think it's a good idea while having this conversation to keep in mind, though, that SCT symptoms are widely present across ADHD subtypes but AREN'T universal to all individuals with ADHD. SCT also isn't the same thing as introversion or a much larger percentage of the population would have it.

Fortune
10-20-11, 09:19 PM
Being autistic and extremely introverted, I find most of the time that socializing can badly wear me out.

Some days I am strangely social and loquacious. I feel like I'm talking a mile a minute, but I've been told I don't sound like I'm talking fast.

Conman
10-20-11, 10:24 PM
i'll let you know when being social happens.
for me, socialness between friends at school, school thingies, etc. is a given, although im glad i have it. but i dont know what its like to be social outside of school too much since nobody makes an effort to hang out with me, even though when things happen like parties, everybody like me being there. i try to start things, but things seem to have a way of falling through.
ive got 2 friends, one 4 years older than me, and his brother who is 7 years older than me who both apparently were kinda quiet and never really hung out with people in all of highschool. they seemed not to mind, but i dont know how they thought of it, or even if they know that that's different than 97% kids in highschool. im just like them, except i strive to go out and do things, but things never happen

pooka
10-21-11, 03:54 AM
I fairly extroverted and being social can often wear me down. What I hate the most is small talk, and having to chat with people you don't really know, since it just takes so much effort. I'm fine talking to people that I've known well for a long time. I tend to go through crazy highs and lows with my social-ness: one day I'm ridiculously chatty and in the thick of the conversation, and the next I'll be on the outskirts, sometimes preferring to just be on my own. It all depends on a bunch of factors, I guess - how good or bad my day is in, how I'm feeling physically and mentally, etc.