I'm ADD and married to a man who's bipolar ! ?


Anyone else with a mix like this?

We have a very hard time getting along....Mostly when he's having what I call a crisis....


Paula

Paula: Do you share some symptoms in common? Is he being treated? That is tough. I've known one or two non--adder's in relationships with people with bipolar disorder...and they say it's rough...as if they constantly have to watch over them....in case of a "crisis". God bless you Paula:)

yes, sounds very stressful....but at least I'm sure he keeps your attention!

My ex-gf was dating an untreated bipolar man (she's very ADD). She said it was hell. I feel bad for the bipolars, that seems a hard disorder to get along with. Of course, to non-ADD folks, I bet ADD seems tough to deal with too :)

-- Tom

Tom,

I think its all a matter of perspective. I grew up in a household that was buffetted by all sorts of undiagnosed disorders. Once in the "real" world, it was actually a bit easier for me to get along with and in some cases, have relationships with, people with disorders like bipolar. To be quite honest, I think alot has to do with how much you care for the person, and how well you get to know the person.

well, yes, perspective mixed with reality. I guess it's all about how much you let someone's eccentricities affect you. I have an uncle who has borderline personality disorder and no matter how I try to check my perceptions, he is so illogical and labile that it is very hard to maintain objectivity, patience and tolerance. I love him to pieces, but I cannot allow myself to be taken up in his whirlwind, simply because I get hurt.

Yes, that's about what my ex-gf said about Todd (her ex-boyfriend -- oh what a tangled web!)

She loved (still loves) him to pieces, but since he refuses to take his meds, she can't be in his life. He has so many problems and addictions, and his mood is so random, that she couldn't be around him, especially not with young children in the house.

It doesn't mean she doesn't love him, but she can't be with him. It's a sad story, and I've had a few of those myself, where you honestly truly do love someone, but you just can't be with them.

-- Tom

Originally posted by joanrdtobe
Paula: Do you share some symptoms in common? Is he being treated?

No Joan we don't share common symtoms. Yes he's being treated but for reasons only he knows, he decided to go for days,weeks even months without his meds.

FTM: from my little experience with bipolars, resistance to taking the meds is one of the primary problems...

I guess they're like us, in a way. Many of us don't want to "medicate away" the good parts of our "disorder" but we're sick and tired and depressed of the havoc that the bad parts are creating in our life and the lives of those who love us.

-- Tom

The side effects of medications used to treat bipolar disorder can be quite extensive....(lithium, tegratol and depakoate).. everything from weight gain to hair loss and with lithium you have to have blood levels monitored which can get expensive.....PLUS they are meant to address the "mania" side of the bipolar disorder and so many patients actually have depressive episodes on them. And some patients simply don't want their "highs" taken away. Occasionally the doctor will use an anti-depressant in addition to the bipolar medication but not always.

And not everyone with this diagosis responds to these meds. So Tom is right, there is MUCH resistance for these reasons. Did anyone see the movie Mr. Jones with Richard Gere?

Thank you all for your posts....

I never know where to turn about this. It's hard enough for me to keep myself in check with my ADD and PMS.

He's very good with mind games, which I'm told is also something bipolar are good at. I know he knows I'm an easy target, I get rattled so eaily. With the self confidents I've found in the past year, it's not as easy to rattle me. The mind games don't work as well, but I'm not sure if that's because I don't care about our marriage as much as I use to.....

It this something people with ADD fall into more than others, being an easy target for mind games?

Paula

Paula -- what do you mean by "mind games"? Do you mean like being manipulated emotionally? Made to feel badly about ourselves and we don't even know it until it's happened? Or being "mocked"? In any event, the fact that you're not letting them get to you as much as you used to is a big step....Is that a sign of not caring so much about the marriage as you claim OR is it a sign of not allowing yourself to be controlled so much by his illness -- the not-so-great manifestations of it, that is....I mean obviously you've learned in the only way you know how to detach...and it may seem like an I don't care attitude....but it may not be....