Now 39 I look back to see how totally obvious my problem was. In school I was ignored and passed along. By the time I was in seventh grade a counsler finally noticed that I was never in attendence in my class even though I would show up for morning roll call. I can still recall sobbing my eyes out when he tested my ability level and it was at third grade. I was not stupid or retarded, but living with a bi-polar mother in the slums of L.A. I was written off at an early age. "Well maybe you can become a janitor". In 1994 at 29 I founded a company and was the driving force finally making $4.000.000.00 a year as of 12/11/01. After that, problems arose and things got tougher, my focus was slipping and depression was setting in. I was given all kinds of drugs Zoloft, Paxil, Welbutrin and I knew I was tested severly dyslexic. I finally came to the end of my rope about two weeks ago. Unable to do anything and I made a huge mistake that cost the company over $1.000.000.00 and may be the end of it unless I do everything I can to save it. Problem is I can't even breath when I am at work.
I have royally scrwed up my marriage, my stature, my reputation and my life.
I find myself praying to God to please grant me a fatal heart attack so that my wife and kids can collect my life insurance policy while I still have it. I don't fit into "normal" society. I have no education, am a spastic/unfocused AD/HD sufferer and have debts into the next millenium. Has anyone else been where I am right *******g now!

At this point, it's pretty important I think that you now slow down a little bit. 1,000,000 isn't that much, really. If the company goes under, if you lose everything, have you lost anything?

Second, now that you've gotten that off your chest, you need to move on. You know what the problem is, you need to now work towards a solution, or at least acceptance. Other people know what you're going through...I've run myself broke on impulse decisions more than once...

I can't give business advice, but remember that nothing is permanent, and it'll be alright. Whenever I'm feeling similarly to you, I just use two mantras:

This, too, shall pass. All will be well.

Welcome Damaged

It's going to take some time to put that ruined life back together but should be very doable. In the mean time, consider hiring a coach/personal assistant to pull things together & a team of shrinks. I'm about 6 months into a similar situation myself. There is hope.

Hi DG,

I've lost about 4 years of savings on a stupid stock that I knew nothing about...put it all down in 5 minutes on a tip! I cringe when I think about it.

You may not believe it right now, but dying would be the worst possible thing for your family. You're not just a wallet in their lives. I've known kids that have had a parent kill themselves. I don't think they are ever able to let that go.

Do you think you are on the right medication? I would really recommend getting a brain scan at an Amen clinic. It costs 1-3k but it can cut through a lot of the testing to see what meds will work for you.

Also, there is an online test on the http://www.amenclinic.com/ac/default.asp website that can help you figure out what kind of ADHD you have (there are 6 types) and if you think you are getting the right medications.

If you like Paulbf's idea of a coach (I think its a great idea also, coaching is usually rated higher than medication) try the http://66.193.186.18/addca/addcoachlist.asp website for coaches that help with business. There are also great articles on coaching and add in entrepreneurs on the site.

Give yourself credit for starting a 4 million dollar business! Not a lot of people can do that! It takes drive and creativity and stamina and patience. You still have all those good traits so please use them to think of a way out of your problems right now.

Here is a link to names of people you would have never guessed have ADHD! http://www.kpinst.org/famous.html

Remember we are all here anytime you need to talk:)

It is a shame that you never got the help you needed when you were young, in some ways I think it may be a relief to have a diagnosis! You are obviously a very bright and enterprising person with tons of potential. Cut yourself some slack. Everyone makes mistakes and usually these turn out to be the biggest periods of growth for us. I may sound overly optimistic, but I truly believe that if you can come through a childhood that sounds like such a struggle, you can get through this as well. Please find someone to talk to, you sound very down and I'm concerned... money is nothing compared to having a father...

Okay Damaged take a deep breath... we are all here for you... there IS a way out of the situation you are in.

Absolute worst comes to absolute worst... you fought your way up from nowhere once... you could do it again if you had to.

So instead of focusing on that, let's see if these forums and kindred spirits here can't help you out of a problem or two in the meantime...

Hi Damaged goods. I'm new here too.I have ADD (Dx: 11 YOA)
I think alot of us here have had parallell lives and been through similar stuff. I have the worst time holding a job. Sometimes I'm so scattered that my husband thinks I don't care about him. We have an ADD son as well. There have been times where the pain can be so intence I'd like to call it quits too. Last night I was fired again. My husband works so far away sometimes and is tired of hearing how screwed up I am that he's taken a job in Afghanistan in order to get us ahead. So here I am feeling incredibly bad. All my relationships before him failed. Every job I've had has failed and sometimes I feel that it's a matter of time before my marriage does the same. I don't think I can handle more pain.

In the big picture, money is not a big deal but I hope you can repair your relationships.
I know I'm constantly doing Damage control on mine.