This question is only for the Non-ADD Spouses/Partners




Local support groups for Non-ADD Partners and Spouses are beginning to form in different parts of the country. I wonder what you as Non-ADD Partners look for or expect out of a support group.



I know that living with those of us with ADD can be very challenging at times and you do need a place to vent. But, do you expect more than just a place to vent or bash your S.O.?



What do you expect from a support group leader?

That's an interesting question. What I'd really love to see is a support group similar to Al-Anon or CODA. "I am powerless over my partner's ADD..." Learning to distinguish between a person's behavior and the person, learning to take care of ourselves instead of our partner's ADD'isms is a MAJOR part of life. We can "bash our SO" or vent after the meeting over coffee, but I think a support group should do just that - offer support.

but with no religious overtones. Should be up to date on the latest theories, info on meds, most helpful is discovering personal situations as "cases" because ultimately, practical information is what you need.

Also how to be helpful without seeming overbearing, dealing with issues that come up: how to help create positive environments, dealing with your own personality/behavioural issues in combo with partner ADD.

Hmmm. I guess this is another way of saying support. I also like the idea of a constant resource for info...eg. you are in the middle of a problem....what linkages would be available or instant supports. I think people soldier on too long alone not knowing where to turn to get emotional support and critical information that could be helpful.

I would love to have somebody lead the group who is in a happy relationship with somebody who has ADD. So far it seems like so many of these leaders are miserable with their partners.

Boy this is a hard question to answer. I think all of us non-adder's are looking for a little peace and harmony. Speaking for myself, I love and care deeply about my partner - I think that I would look for coping strategies. How to handle the impulses, the rejection, the verbal abuse. Walk away, stay, ignore???? Do ADD people have any regrets about their behaviour - how do they show it???What the heck do we do??? So much is written about the whys and wherefores about ADD - not too much about the coping mechanisms for partners of the adults. Me personally, I can't take it anymore. Both of our friends and family think I am crazy to stay. I want to help him.

How many support groups have you been to? What to they do to make you feel they are unhappy with their spouse or SO?

This question is only for the Non-ADD Spouses/Partners






. But, do you expect more than just a place to vent or bash you SO?





What do you expect for a support group leader?
I really take offense to this statement. I have spent the last 25 years of my life living with a man with ADD. If all I wanted to do was bash and vent, I could have done that with friends outside the world of ADD. I am in this group and several others on the internet because there are not local groups who support spouses or SO's of pwADD. I am here to continue to learn all I can about ADD, how to cope, how to support, and what works best in certain situations. I by no means think I am perfect and I certainly expect my dh would love to vent and bash me too at times. It happens to the best of us, but I am here to lend support, give a hug, or offer any knowledge I may have gained over the past 25 years. Let's face it, I was the one who did all the research, found out about ADD, and pushed for him to get diagnosed when our lives were falling apart due to undiagnosed ADD. After all, he did not think a damn think was wrong with him. So, yes, if I vent some I deserve it. I wish you could walk a mile in a spouses shoes with a non ADD mind to see the agony and pain we go through trying to stay and help our pwADD.

I really take offense to this statement. I have spent the last 25 years of my life living with a man with ADD. If all I wanted to do was bash and vent, I could have done that with friends outside the world of ADD. I am in this group and several others on the internet because there are not local groups who support spouses or SO's of pwADD. I am here to continue to learn all I can about ADD, how to cope, how to support, and what works best in certain situations. I by no means think I am perfect and I certainly expect my dh would love to vent and bash me too at times. It happens to the best of us, but I am here to lend support, give a hug, or offer any knowledge I may have gained over the past 25 years. Let's face it, I was the one who did all the research, found out about ADD, and pushed for him to get diagnosed when our lives were falling apart due to undiagnosed ADD. After all, he did not think a damn think was wrong with him. So, yes, if I vent some I deserve it. I wish you could walk a mile in a spouses shoes with a non ADD mind to see the agony and pain we go through trying to stay and help our pwADD.
It wasn't a statement is was a question. I was asking what partners of people with ADD were looking for in a support group. I really have no control over how you perceive my question.

It wasn't a statement is was a question. I was asking what partners of people with ADD were looking for in a support group. .
Okay, so I take offense to the "question." In asking, you could have simply stopped at what are we looking for, but you went on to say other than bash and vent. Does that mean you think when we get together in a group we all sit around and bash and vent? Where would that get us? Nowhere, still with the same problems with our pwADD. Believe it or not, I do care about my pwADD and I don't really care about bashing him. When I talk about him, I give facts as I have lived them and from what I know of years of learning. Vent, sure, but in a place such as this, even in the venting there are people out there who have had the same experience or similar and are able to help you. So, even in the venting, we learn. So, to answer your question, I am looking for people with similar experiences so I can keep a running dialogue about the problems AND the pluses of people with ADD. So many different stories yet so many similarities.

I was asking because I was curious what partners of adults with ADD were really looking for in a support group. I got the idea about support groups for Non-ADD Partners being a place where a lot of times it more venting and little solutions from hundreds of Non-ADD partners who have contacted me over the past 5 years looking for a positive place for support and solutions.

I am curious what the majority of Non-ADD partners are really looking for.

I'm not going to get into this with you. It quite obvious to me that you and I have communication styles which don't really seem to work well together. I have absolutley no control over how you perceive my action and the type of assumption you make about me.

My goal is to provide support to the ADD Community which to me includes everybody affected by ADD.

How many support groups have you been to? What to they do to make you feel they are unhappy with their spouse or SO?
I had been a member of an online one for a couple of years. It's the group that now has it's own website too. I just got so much negative energy from the group. It just seemed like most of the women in the group expected their husbands to do 100% of the changing and they were NEVER wrong.

I also went to a local on which wasn't affiltiated with any organizations. I attended 3 meetings and all the women did was talk about how bad thier husbands were. There were no suggestions on things to help expcept to get the guys on medication.

My husband also attended a support group for his own ADD and he said that his group was much of the same too. Just a bunch of people whining about how miserable their lives are but nobody reall trying to change.

I guess I just don't like to be around so much negativity.

Maybe if the first 20 minutes of the group was for people to vent and then the last part has been actual strategies or suggestions it may have been a lot more helpful for me.

Hmm so this is really a common problem. That's too bad.