View Full Version : ADHD Mom with likely ADHD teenage daughter!


hoolio
12-25-11, 06:50 AM
Hi all,

I have been on this forum for a while for me (diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago) but am now looking for advice on coping with my daughter's likely ADD diagnosis....

Having been diagnosed myself, I now have an appointment to begin having my 14 yo daughter assessed. I am continually frustrated that she never pays attention or seems to put any effort into anything she does! She rarely finishes anything...if you can even get her to remember she was supposed to start something! When we go out somewhere I continuously have to remind her that she is 14 not 4 and to stop goofing around and acting silly etc.

I know that sometimes I can be too hard on her and am trying to adjust my thinking now that I realize that she can't help it any more than I can (and that she isn't just lazy, doesn't listen, etc.) but it is incredibly hard. You would think that with me having ADHD myself, that I could be more understanding...but my symptoms seem to almost get in the way of my understanding...

For example:
I have a hard enough time keeping track of my own things so I get very frustrated with trying to get her to keep track of her things! Its hard for me to keep on top of her to finish things... because I have terrible follow through on anything myself(including following up on her to make sure she does what she is supposed to... hell, I've been known to forget what I told her to do in the first place!!)! I get extremely frustrated and annoyed when she is acting "childish"or goofing around (or just plain distracted by every "shiny thing" she sees) when we are out because it is already overwhelming (over-stimulating at times, too many "shiny things" for me to try to ignore) and stressful for me to focus on what I need to do/buy etc. that I can't handle the added "distraction" of her behaviour. Throw in the impatience and impulsiveness that ADHD can bring on and you have me pitching a fit at her in the middle of Wal-Mart!

Its a wonder that the child has ever been allowed on a field trip.... because it involves her having to get the permission slip to me... then on me to remember to sign it and remind her to take it back to school... then for her to actually take it back and hand it in.... You can see the potential for things to go wrong in that scenario I am sure! lol

We get very annoyed with eachother when it comes to conversations....she is a teenage girl.... oooohhhhh the draaaammmmaaaa that she can drone on and on about... and since it all holds little interest for me most of the time I find it hard to listen to... mind wanders or blanks etc. and then she complains that I never listen to her! And the reverse is also true as she doesn't listen much to me either... you can almost physically see her eyes glaze over when you are trying to tell her something and then I know it will only be a moment before her eyes (and brain!) are looking at the tv or out the window... or she just starts talking about something else,right over top of me.

Anyway, sorry for the long post but just wondering if any of you are in the same boat and have any tips/advice on how to handle your child's ADHD when you are struggling with handling your own? What to expect from the diagnostic process (even though I have been through it for me, I didn't have to deal with school issues etc). The stress of worrying that she won't get the diagnosis (and help she needs), but at the same time, scared that she will get the diagnosis (and she won't just grow out of all this)!:confused:

I am just at my wits end with her. Our relationship is very strained (this explains some of it but there are other issues as well) and we have just started family counselling (along with my youngest daughter who is 11) to try to deal with some of that.

Someone please tell me that it gets better....teenagers are stressful enough without this!!:eek:

LynneC
12-26-11, 08:04 AM
Hi hoolio,
I don't have any great words of wisdom, but just wanted to say, 'hang in there!' It does sounds like she has ADHD, and seeking a diagnosis is a great first step in helping her (and you, in coping with her behaviors).

How does she do in school and socially?

happytexas
12-27-11, 05:35 PM
High School Girls with ADD (ADHD) (http://www.addvance.com/help/women/high_school.html)

Information for Women and Girls with ADD (ADHD) (http://www.addvance.com/help/women/index.html)

ADD (ADHD) Self-report Questionnaire for Teenage Girls (http://www.addvance.com/help/women/girl_questionnaire.html)

hoolio
12-28-11, 10:55 AM
Hi hoolio,
I don't have any great words of wisdom, but just wanted to say, 'hang in there!' It does sounds like she has ADHD, and seeking a diagnosis is a great first step in helping her (and you, in coping with her behaviors).

How does she do in school and socially?

Thanks!

She is doing well in school this year (75% average on her first report card) but it has taken work... thankfully her school sends home monthly spreadsheets and we were able to get all the assignments in that were outstanding (not finished or just not handed in) before the actual "report" (in math she was at about 40% but mark jumped into the 70's when she handed in all the incomplete's...she was grounded till she got them done).

Last year she was with her dad and she barely passed (over 120 absences from class because she was skipping). We have had to keep on her but she is really putting in the effort this year. There were also issues between her and another girl which have thankfully now been resolved so she has less distraction in class.

Socially, well not so hot. She has a couple good friends but she tends to have issues at school. In part her attitude...she treats friends kind of like she does everything else... when she is interested in them great, but when she isn't well, she has no use for them (ignores them, ditches them for someone else etc.). She sometimes gets herself into trouble from saying/doing things without thinking (or realizing the impact it will have on someone around her).

I have to keep tabs on her cell phone and parental activity reports on the computer (I also have all passwords for facebook etc.) due to, shall we say, "questionable" activities. The thing is, she KNOWS I check, and yet, she does it anyway!! (sends inappropriate messages, view inappropriate sites etc.).

High School Girls with ADD (ADHD) (http://www.addvance.com/help/women/high_school.html)

Information for Women and Girls with ADD (ADHD) (http://www.addvance.com/help/women/index.html)

ADD (ADHD) Self-report Questionnaire for Teenage Girls (http://www.addvance.com/help/women/girl_questionnaire.html)

Thank you for these!! I will definitely being checking them out!!

daniel_vas
01-03-12, 09:33 PM
Hello Hoolio, it sounds pretty difficult to be in your place right now. Having a daughter with ADD/ADHD is already challenging enough, but I'm sure it's even more challenging to be struggling with the same condition as you try to be an effective parent for her. I wouldn't want to sound like I'm an expert or something but why not consider having a mother-daughter therapy from an ADHD expert. You might find ways to help you both cope with each other's differences, probably work them out without much trouble and hopefully establish a regular routine that you can do with her. Exercising together can probably work as well, to reduce those pent up energy and it can be considered as a bonding moment for you. I hope I made sense. Anyway, I suggest you read this article too, reading helpful resources regarding ADD/ADHD may help a great deal.