What would you like your ADD Partner / Spouse to understand about you?

I would like him to understand how much he hurts me by blurting out inconsiderate comments and by only thinking of himself. How his angry outbursts leave me walking on eggshells afraid to open my mouth. I would like him to be able to feel how much he has hurt me and other people. I want him to understand that the person I have become has a lot to do with the way he has been treating me. I am in the process of moving on but I would like him to understand why.

Those all seem like things about "him" aren't there things about "you"?

I would like him to understand how difficult it is to risk loving him. It challenges me everyday to be myself, not knowing if I will be embraced or ignored. I am inspired to be a better person when I see how much he struggles to improve.
I would like him to know that I worry about myself, and wonder if I am just desperate to feel needed. I wonder if I am in this relationship so I can feel superior and, by comparison to him, healthy and successful. I worry that I am an adreneline junky, and that I distrust stability and normalcy, and that this is why I am involved with him.
I wonder if he knows that I love him, even on the bad days, but that I don't know how to love him and love myself at the same time.

I would like my friend to know that I am a strong person and that my happiness is not reduced though any of his ADD behaviours, and I will keep myself in a safe place, so he should not worry (because I know he does).

I wish he knew that I do not give up on things that I want, and I cherish gold when I find it. That I do not run away from emotional issues and that I am his personal friend---for him and I am firm in my loyalties in friendship.

I think I am a very fortunate person. Fortunate in my life, family and friends. And especially fortunate in having met my special friend --my greatest fortune of all. Not sure he quite gets that....yet...

I don't get it. You asked what I wanted him to understand. And I started most sentences with what i wanted him to understand. He only sees things from his viewpoint. Please tell me - is this typical ADD or might there be more to it.
I can relate very well to what Glinda says. You started to question yourself on every front.

So, did your husband go to the meeting? What did he think about it?

Sorry one and all, the above post does not belong in this area. I am not quite sure how it got here, not sure what I did, and I cannot find an edit button to take it away. :(

I want my husband to know that I love, care, and respect him.

I also want him to know that I need breaks from him and his ADD. This doesn't mean that I don't care about him but I need a lot of me time.

I would like him to know how very important security is to me, and a financially secure future. He has no concept of the future.. he just lives in today. I admire that about him, and yet I need some future planning as well. Retirement funds etc.

I want her to know that I will always do whatever I can to help her if she needs it.
That I can walk around the clothes on the floor.
That all I require is some emotional support from time to time, honesty, and mutual respect.
That, more than anything else in the world, I hate being taken advantage of.

I want her to know that I will always do whatever I can to help her if she needs it.
That I can walk around the clothes on the floor.
That all I require is some emotional support from time to time, honesty, and mutual respect.
That, more than anything else in the world, I hate being taken advantage of.
my husband could probably join your club- you know-the one with all the brandnew clothes piled up around the bed and clean clothes smell 'good' and dirty ones..just get left? maybe you guys know each other.

(not any of the other stuff thank god though)

That, more than anything else in the world, I hate being taken advantage of.Are you sure she is deliberately "taking advantage" of you? As an ADDer, I am aware when others pick up the slack for me, and I feel incredibly GUILTY about it. I never intend to have others pick up the slack, I break my back try to get things done, but it's like my wheels are spinning in sand and I get nowhere. I think that this probably looks like I don't care, like I'm not really trying, like I'm just lazing around waiting for someone else to do the tasks for me ...but that's not really what's happening in my world.

Years before I was diagnosed, I played a song for my dad to listen to and I declared that this song described me to a tee. The song lyrics:
I'm in a hurry to get things done
I rush and rush till life's no fun
My father literally laughed out loud --not meanly, he really thought I was joking. Anyone who has ever seen me in action will observe that I move at a very slow pace, I never give the appearance of rushing. But in my mind, I have all these thoughts swirling around about all the chores and obligations I need to get done. My thoughts are harried, I feel like I am rushing to figure out how I can do it all, struggling to find a way to cut down on the time it will take, but all those thoughts are crippling --the more tasks that I need to do often results in me actually getting less done because I am paraylzed by the enormity of all the tasks put together.

So I guess what I'd like people to understand about me & ADD is that I AM TRYING, even though it might not look like I am. I want them to know that I am ashamed and deeply sorry that I don't meet their expectations. I want them to know that I don't want to "take advantage" of them.

And what I'd like in any relationship is for people to be straight up with me: Don't say that you're not angry about something I have done (or failed to do), if you really are. Let me know when you're feeling like I'm taking advantage of you --it's probably best to use non-judgemental phrasing though, because I'm very, very sensitive. So say something like "When you don't put your clothes in the hamper even though I've asked you a hundred times, it makes me feel like ____" or "When you are 45 minutes late for out big night out, I think that you _____"

Hey spouses & partners--
Just wanted to say sorry. I mis-read the topic ...thought it was what ADDers wanted their non-ADD partners to know about them. Sorry about that. I got to this thread thru a "new post" search and didn't realize which forum this thread was posted in. I didn't mean to invade your space or make anyone feel uncomfortable discussing this topic. I think this is an important topic to be discussed. Hope I haven't quashed it.:(

I would like to caution both ADDers & non-ADDers to be careful about making assumptions about the motives behind other people's words & actions. Perhaps that is a good starting point to understanding one another better --asking "why" rather than assuming we already know.

I would like my husband to understand that my goal is to get our lives organized on a large scale so that the daily disorganization can matter less.

I would like Doug to understand that not all things are ADD related if I'm distracted and tired maybe there is another good reason for it like lack of sleep or bills. And I would like him to stop overloading my mind with guilt...Doug has been very sick this last week started with severe pain in his lower back on the left side, decrease in urination, increase in the "need" to go...S/S of kidney stone and since he's experianced the joy of stones before we were pretty clear on the dx only problem was he didn't seem to be passing this one by himself. Sunday I took him to the hospital who ran him thru like a cow no blood in your urine it's not a kidney stone, I wasn't able to be in the ER room with him due to the kids and didn't know they hadn't performed a X-ray or CT scan or they would have trust me. By Wednesday I found him on the bathroom floor unable to get himself up. I had my brother in law help me load him in the car and took him to the clinic his doctor knew he was in trouble with one look and hearing he had missed 3 days of work...my husband is the guy who walks thru a flood up to his waist filled with rabid pirahna's just to get to work. He sent him to the hospital for a CT scan in which showed a definate kidney stone, so back to the clinic were he was sent on to a urologist who sent him back to the hospital due to anemia and dehydration and surgery. By the time they had performed surgery and got him re-hydrated enough to go home it was well after 10 pm. I had been up since 12 pm the day before, worked graveyard and started running the minute I got home. He kept apologizing and I knew I looked mad but I was so frustrated with myself over not making sure he got the medical attention he needed and deserved and I forgot my kids would be getting out of school and had no were to go so while he was in surgery I was frantically making calls to friends to pick up my kids and trying to find my replacement at work and talking with the billing department about not billing me for that ER visit on Sunday if they do they will only get a response for a lawyer, had they followed proper procedure neither of us would have missed work (4 days in total...well over $800 in lost income plus the ER visit) I don't think I was asking a lot and they acted as if eating the $88 bill for the ER was gonna break their bank. I almost hope they bill me I've already contacted my uncle who is a lawyer specializing in hospital fraud and he's eager to take them on. But, after my convo with them I don't think I'll recieve a bill. Anyways while driving home I"m trying my hardest to stay awake and trying to remember which friend/family member has which kid and who should I pick up first and which meds Doug is supposed to take when. I wasn't mad...I was just having trouble prioritizing.

1. Just because I'm bringing up some issue for discussion, I'm not blaming you for "the problem at large". Not yet, at least! ;) Seriously, "honey we need to talk" does not always mean "honey, you screwed up again".

2. I don't understand why you can't "just do it", but I'm trying. My loss of patience is not a loss of love, just patience for the moment. Please give ME a couple minutes to regroup.

3. I'm not trying to run her life, I'm trying to make sure she doesn't ruin our lives or make it more difficult than need be.

That's kind of a loaded statement; just understand that I say that from a perspective of "ain't nobody perfect, especially me".

4. I don't think i'm better than you, I just know that i'm more responsible about some things. That's why I want to control the finances, be the bill payer, etc.

5. I'm not trying to make you feel like an idiot. I know you're smart otherwise I wouldn't be with you! I'm just trying to explain how I see x,y, or z as opposed to how you see x,y, or z.

At_wits_end

What would you like your ADD Partner / Spouse to understand about you?
That needing a break from him does not mean I don't love him. And that I really do love him!!

I would like him to understand how much he hurts me by blurting out inconsiderate comments and by direspecting me I want to be treated with respect I want hism to understand how his angry outbursts leave me walking on eggshells. I would like him to be able to feel how much he has hurt me. I want him to understand that the person I have become has a lot to do with the way he has been treating me.