View Full Version : Living Inside


Zazuu95
01-12-12, 09:27 PM
I am fairly new to this forum and have never been professionally diagnosed with adhd myself however, I have always known there was something odd about myself. Recently I took it upon myself to properly research different mental and psychological disorders to see if I can figure out what really is up with me and couldn't help but notice how much of it struck a cord with me. I have always known about adhd however did not know how intricate the disorder is.

As far back as I could remember I have always been disconnected-though as a child these things have always been put off as me just being shy, anti-social etc. I did not know that a lot of these same feelings would progress as I got older but they have. I am currently 16 and in the 11th grade and I have seen this tremendously affect me academically, socially and mentally. I see that there is a real difficulty for me to concentrate and pay attention. I often day-dream (tend to create scenarios, people and experiences in my head) and lose interest in things. I have a lack of motivation, I am very sluggish and I tend to put things off and procrastinate when they become difficult and forgetfulness is very prevalent in my daily life. This all contributing to my less than par school grades.

As far as socially I tend to have anxiety, over-anylyze things, and over-compensate. By this I mean, small tasks such as communicating to people takes far more effort from me than it should. I am very slow and often times even intimidated when talking to new people or in large groups as well as have a tendency to start sentences and not know how to end them. I generally am very distanced from people no matter how hard I try. I have a great, small group of friends in school however, have little or no social life outside of school because of my low self-esteem and inability to come out of my shell. This results to me turning to things such as the internet and my own head to cope with my loneliness and boredom

For the most part I have grown and learned to tuck these feelings and thoughts inside myself but as I get older and situations become complex I find it difficult to conceal them. I feel as though these symptoms have caused me to lose confidence in myself. Often-times I feel helpless in school and other activities and I dread and avoid social events because of how difficult they are for me. This has also caused me to feel completely embarrassed and ashamed when my family confronts me about my habits saying I am "lazy", "unmotivated", "a homebody", "not trying hard enough" etc. although they do not know just how hard it is for me.

This is my first time really speaking about it and though I am not yet diagnosed I am certain that I am one of many who has been overlooked for the disorder. When I had researched this I felt they were fitting to the predominately inactive adhd type. I guess my questions for you guys on this forum are have you ever had similar feelings or problems? How would these issues progress as I get older? Will this make it difficult for me to secure and obtain jobs and different responsiblilities in my future? Can I have real relationships with others?
Most importantly I would like to know how you all had learned you had adhd? and how do I go about getting diagnosed?