View Full Version : Am I Borderline?...


zaremskya
01-15-12, 01:21 AM
I know I definitely should talk to a Psych about this but I figured I might as well ask some peer advice first.

I was wondering if anyone diagnosed with BPD can relate to this.

I've been diagnosed with ADHD, but I feel like there's something else wrong with me. I just feel so unstable, mentally and emotionally. I feel like I can't control my mind or my emotions. I get mood swings, and I thought I was Bipolar, but when I looked into it my swings didn't really "match" with the Bipolar diagnosis. I don't get long periods of depression and I don't get highs that last for days. I just feel generally unstable and sensitive. My mind is always racing. I get super angry very easily and I fume about stupid things for hours. I'm combative and argumentative when people try to criticize me or my behavior. I emotionally "flip" frequently, especially when it comes to my opinions of people. I brood. I'm highly anxious and get panic attacks frequently and lots of Depersonalization/Derealization. I'm just kind of a mess really.

I realize that this is totally unacceptable and I really would like to change. Despite what I've mentioned, there are a couple of things that make a diagnosis of BPD seem unlikely. One is that (so I've read) the majority of people with BPD suffered some form of abuse as a child, which I never did. Also, I have started on Ritalin for my ADHD and I find that it really calms me down. My mind races less and I feel like I can control my emotions and anger better. Does Ritalin usually exacerbate BPD symptoms?

I am very confused and frustrated and exhausted. Thanks for reading though :/

Blueranne
01-15-12, 01:35 AM
Stimulants can increase anxiety and irritability. They can also induce mood instability. ADHD, bipolar, and BPDs can easily be misdiagnosed and mixed up but, another common symptom of BPD is cutting or suicid attempts generally to gain sympathy (from my understanding).

Try not to get too sucked into that symptom-diagnosis search. Like I've heard other people here say, just the fact that you are curious or worried about possibly having a PD mean you likely do not have one.

This is all my laymans opinion, take it for what it's worth.

known_guy
01-15-12, 01:47 AM
I can understand how you feel.

I was diagnosed with BPD. In my case, the news came to me as a major shock. I was in denial for months. Now I tolerate my diagnosis and am trying to learn more about it. Interestingly enough, my Axis II diagnosis is currently labeled "deferred". I don't know. Like you, I do not recall having been abused as a child... Though I must admit I don't remember much of my childhood. Eh, whatever.

My BPD symptoms arose in the midst of a severe major depressive episode. I behaved recklessly (because I "figured" I would die soon anyway), my thinking got all distorted, and I had a very firm plan to kill myself. I found myself so frustrated and angry that I started punching walls and damaged my knuckles as a result.

...Sorry, enough about me. From what you listed alone I would say there's a possibility you may have BPD, but with personality disorders, the symptoms have to be pervasive so I cannot give you a firm answer. I'm not a psychiatrist.

known_guy
01-15-12, 01:56 AM
Stimulants can increase anxiety and irritability. They can also induce mood instability. ADHD, bipolar, and BPDs can easily be misdiagnosed and mixed up but, another common symptom of BPD is cutting or suicid attempts generally to gain sympathy (from my understanding).

Try not to get too sucked into that symptom-diagnosis search. Like I've heard other people here say, just the fact that you are curious or worried about possibly having a PD mean you likely do not have one.

This is all my laymans opinion, take it for what it's worth.

It is true that self-harm threats and gestures are the hallmark traits of BPD (along with severe black-and-white thinking and stormy relationships), but the self-harm and suicide attempts are actually (generally) more likely acts of hopelessness and desperation. The self-harm is to give people with BPD something they can feel. They tend to feel "empty" inside. They have such limited coping skills, they really don't know how to get better. Or they may not even feel they deserve to get better. They tend to feel unlovable, not worthy of living; they usually genuinely hate themselves, and a significant percentage of people with BPD do end up committing suicide.

In my case, I wouldn't say I experience "chronic feelings of emptiness" nor do I have stormy relationships with idealization/devaluation episodes. I've got a tight-knit group of supportive friends. :) As for my "self-harm" stuff, punching walls I figured would be better than expressing anger at someone else. It was more a frustration release for me, but it got interpreted as a means of "self-harm". Eh, take what I/you will. ^^ Enough about me, aha.

Blueranne
01-15-12, 02:01 AM
That makes sense, thank you. I've wondered about BPD for my self sometimes, though I think with me, it's when I am hypo/manic that I display symptoms similar to BPD.... Such a sticky thing to try and figure out.

zaremskya
01-15-12, 02:17 AM
Hmm.. This is sensitive to talk about. I don't want to demean your situation by saying I don't have certain symptoms that you might be suffering from. I hope you understand.

I have never been actively suicidal. And I don't think this has been pervasive throughout my whole life at all. It's new. In fact, I was a pretty happy go lucky child and adolescent/teenager albeit very sensitive, moody and insecure/anxious. I think I self medicated my ADHD with beer/weed until I had a huge panic attack in college. That triggered an anxiety nightmare. I've dealt with the worst of the anxiety (kind of), but it left me this emotional wreck in kind of a residual way. As if that initial panic attack and anxiety mess kind of triggered BPD. I just don't know. Psychologists/Psychiatrists have been completely useless so far. It took me forever to find one that even knew what Depersonalization was (even though it's one of the most commonly experienced psychiatric symptoms ever). So I've grown kind of helplessly mistrustful of lots of professionals in the mental health field...

known_guy
01-15-12, 03:19 AM
Mm. You can still have BPD even without fulfilling the self-harm criteria. I should have tried to be clearer. I guess what I meant to say is that self-harm stuff tends to call up red flags to practitioners. It's hard to say what you possibly have; so many diagnoses have a sort of blurry overlap amongst themselves. Maybe mild Bipolar II? I don't know. I feel uncomfortable asking - no need to answer - but has any event that traumatized you occur somewhat recently? Maybe it is PTSD or milder (Acute Stress Disorder)? As Blueranne also pointed out, stimulants can induce/exacerbate anxiety and irritability...

zaremskya
01-15-12, 05:21 PM
I had a bad experience with drugs (cannabis) a couple years ago that triggered panic attacks and left me in an anxiety daze. It could very well be PTSD, but I would hate to say it though, because I don't want to say I've suffered anything close to rape, abuse or war trauma.

Fortune
01-15-12, 08:45 PM
If you're concerned that you might have BPD, it may be most helpful to find a sympathetic therapist or psychiatrist who can work through this with you. I specify sympathetic because a PD diagnosis can make it difficult to get the therapy you need.

smrtypntsmmy
01-21-12, 07:09 PM
Self harm can really mean a lot of things. It does not mean that you are cutting yourself or are going to attempt to commit suicide although those who do these acts can be more easily diagnosed as BPD. 6 months ago my PA doc and I decided I would go in and see a therapist and try to come up with a brand new diagnosis for whatever my issues are. I did not acutvily seek treatment until after my daughter was born 3 and a half years ago and it was then labeled postpartum depression that was triggered by my having my daughter and the fact that when I was 16 i had my first child and my mother took me to court and won custody of him and does not let me see him.

Anyhow I knew it was more than just PPD and then I got pregnant with my youngest when my daughter was only 3 months old. My husband and I still laugh about it. Anyhow so I had been seeking treatment for depression and finally after switching to God knows how many anti-depressants that caused me to gain almost 30 pounds.

I went and saw my therapist. I told her all about my child hood and the things that I went through and how angry I get and other things. I have never tried to kill myself though I defiantly remember trying to hurt myself once so I could get the attention of a much older man I was dating and I was only 17. I had 4 different step dads growing up so I always was looking for that male attention I was lacking.

So my therapist hands me this pamphlet about BPD and it has this crazy list of really scary symptoms, then I flipped the page and there were these not so crazy symptoms that I had. They included scary driving, like you cut me off in traffic and i will hunt you down; binge eating; spending money and being promiscuous. And these were things that were also labeled as self hurting, just because I didn't cut myself doesnt mean that I wasnt playing with fire when I would go home with a guy from the bar if you catch my drift. While my husband and I have been married for many years and I was married once before and I was and am still faithful, when I was single, OMG lets just say I have done a lot of things I am not proud of.

When my new doc was going over BDP with me she was saying that what happens is when we are growing up we fail to learn coping mechanism that people in "normal" families learn. for example while my mother is very wealthy and sucessful she put so much on that fact. When I was 14 one of her boyfriends hit on me and I told my sister, when it got back to my mom she said I was throwing myself on him. This is not the normal thing a mother says to a child and my childhood is full of these kinds of stories. Where as if a grown man made any kind of comment towards my daughter at any age and I dont care if she is flirting with him or not, i'll cut him thats a promise ;).

But all joking aside there are many diffrent sypmtoms and I am not saying that you had a crappy childhood that is just how I ended up with BDP, but this is the common reason behind it. I never learned how to deal with lifes issues and was and still am terrified of being abandonded. Doesn't help my first husband cheated on me whenever he had the chance. I am lucky now that I have a wonderful husband who pertends to understand me. He is nutty in his own conspiracy theroy kinda way but its a healthy good marriage.

There are a few really good online quizes that you can take on personilty disorders and some will give youa good 100 questions and if you answer them honeslty it can give you a general idea. Then go talk to a therapist. Unfortunatly there is no magic pill for BPD trust me I wish there was and keep hoping they will make one. You pretty much have to learn to cope with lifes issues but that is where cognitive behavior therapy can really help. So when you look for a therapist you need to find someone who specilizes in this type of therapy.

Every day is a battle and after you learn how to cope with what life throws at you you will still have to deal with the possibility of anxiety and depression and ADD but at least you can medicate those. Support groups are good for this and finding someone who is really willing to listen to you. I always feel very empowered after my therapy sessions because I know I am working to be a better person. I still have days where I cant get out of bed and will manage to loose money at the store but since i have been taking Adderall this has dimensioned a lot. I am a mom of 3 young kids, a Navy wife and a full time student. I dont get a shower everyday and I need to do some laundry but I live my life for my kids and vow they will never feel the hurt I felt as a child. My husband is a total pain but he is deployed right now so I just miss him a whole lot.

There is hope for you and it took 30 years for me to figure out what my problem was. You can also try just going into a new therapist and saying what the heck is wrong with me and go from there. Thats what i did. Good luck to you and figuring out how to cope and taking the steps you need to take to make yourself a healthier person.

Psychomaze
01-23-12, 12:55 AM
I know I definitely should talk to a Psych about this but I figured I might as well ask some peer advice first.

I was wondering if anyone diagnosed with BPD can relate to this.

I've been diagnosed with ADHD, but I feel like there's something else wrong with me. I just feel so unstable, mentally and emotionally. I feel like I can't control my mind or my emotions. I get mood swings, and I thought I was Bipolar, but when I looked into it my swings didn't really "match" with the Bipolar diagnosis. I don't get long periods of depression and I don't get highs that last for days. I just feel generally unstable and sensitive. My mind is always racing. I get super angry very easily and I fume about stupid things for hours. I'm combative and argumentative when people try to criticize me or my behavior. I emotionally "flip" frequently, especially when it comes to my opinions of people. I brood. I'm highly anxious and get panic attacks frequently and lots of Depersonalization/Derealization. I'm just kind of a mess really.

I realize that this is totally unacceptable and I really would like to change. Despite what I've mentioned, there are a couple of things that make a diagnosis of BPD seem unlikely. One is that (so I've read) the majority of people with BPD suffered some form of abuse as a child, which I never did. Also, I have started on Ritalin for my ADHD and I find that it really calms me down. My mind races less and I feel like I can control my emotions and anger better. Does Ritalin usually exacerbate BPD symptoms?

I am very confused and frustrated and exhausted. Thanks for reading though :/
To be honest, I have been diagnosed with BPD and I *still* have no idea what it is. But one thing is certain, I have no control of my emotions when I am upset, and then I get upset when I can't control it - which is a guaranteed fail and I barely can control my anger other than walking away and find something that I can put it out on.

Heh, the weirdest thing that I have ever done was going outside in the middle of the night and yank weeds (which was a chore that was long over due) and kept doing it until I tired myself out (a little after dawn). I guess doing physical labor like heavy-duty chores (and not caring what time it is when getting started) is helpful and something to be proud of (not to mention possibly sore) in the morning.

If anyone can help clarify exactly what BPD is without an insane long post (which I'm infamous for), I'd be eternally grateful. :o

known_guy
01-23-12, 01:24 AM
To be honest, I have been diagnosed with BPD and I *still* have no idea what it is. But one thing is certain, I have no control of my emotions when I am upset, and then I get upset when I can't control it - which is a guaranteed fail and I barely can control my anger other than walking away and find something that I can put it out on.

Heh, the weirdest thing that I have ever done was going outside in the middle of the night and yank weeds (which was a chore that was long over due) and kept doing it until I tired myself out (a little after dawn). I guess doing physical labor like heavy-duty chores (and not caring what time it is when getting started) is helpful and something to be proud of (not to mention possibly sore) in the morning.

If anyone can help clarify exactly what BPD is without an insane long post (which I'm infamous for), I'd be eternally grateful. :o

I was also at one point (not sure what my up-to-date diagnoses are; they changed a lot over the course of a few months) diagnosed with BPD. It is somewhat difficult to define, because there are so many different forms it can take; the presentation of it can really differ from person to person and yeah...I guess I just mean that it (can) manifest(s) itself in different ways.

For example, I am very skilled at suppressing my anger, so it goes unnoticed but that doesn't mean I have it. I could go into detail on more specifics but that'd detract me from my point. Aha, I'm getting side-tracked.

Emotional Dysregulation Disorder is a proposed "better" name for BPD - one proposed by some professionals. As in there are those who want the name to change to one that more closely fits with the disorder. There are I think a couple of other proposed name changes as well, but they all convey the same idea, pretty much.

known_guy
01-23-12, 04:12 PM
For example, I am very skilled at suppressing my anger, so it goes unnoticed but that doesn't mean I have it. I could go into detail on more specifics but that'd detract me from my point. Aha, I'm getting side-tracked.

*that doesn't mean I don't have it.

Blah!