View Full Version : Is this a problem?


maiforpeace
02-08-12, 12:16 PM
I'm in the process of seeking therapy for myself, and found someone through Psychology today. In her profile she says she's Christian. As an atheist it's important to me that any treatment has no infusion of religion in any way.

I live in a smaller city so I don't have access to that many therapists.

Should I be concerned about this? Why would she even put that in her profile?

Fuzzy12
02-08-12, 01:10 PM
I really don't know. I would feel a bit uncomfortable with that too. I would like to think that as a professional therapist, she would be able to leave religion out of the picture when required. Maybe you could just call and ask her.

maiforpeace
02-09-12, 12:15 PM
I asked her on the phone, and she said it wasn't a problem.

I have a new problem though - I sent her the following email before I spoke with her:

Dear,



I am seeking help for myself. After 10 years of marriage I have been shocked with the realization my husband's and my marital problems are most likely due to untreated Adult ADD. He was diagnosed as a child, but due to my ignorance of the disorder, and accepting his "I had it as a kid, but I'm OK now" at face value we have struggled with all the symptoms typical of an ADHD marriage.



He has anger issues, and has been verbally abusive to the point that it is now untenable. I have willingly taken responsibilty for my contribution to our downward spiral, yet he is insistent that only his anger issues are the problem, and that otherwise his ADHD has nothing to do with it.



I respectfully hope you will help me determine whether you and I be well-suited for each other - I would appreciate your honesty even if it means that l have to keep looking for the right therapist.


My finances don't leave room for anything but a truly well-informed determination by the both of us to determine whether or not to engage in treatment. If after an assessment you believe that you don't have the necessary expertise or best therapeutic approach to treat me I would be grateful if you told me, and if you had any colleagues who might be a good match. Feel free to contact me by phone and/or email.

Sincerely,

She responded to my email with her call and that she had a few questions...but none of her questions (frankly I don't even remember what they were) including the religious issue were brought up by her, I had to bring them up. She didn't reference my concerns in the email, I had to press her on them.

Fuzzy12
02-09-12, 01:50 PM
I don't like doctors who you have to press to answer your questions. I know, sometimes, they can't help it because they are busy, have to take care of other patients, etc. but I would rather look for a doctor who is less busy then and who has got enough time to answer my questions patiently.

What was the purpose of her call? Did she call to fix an appointment or did she call to discuss your e-mail? I mean those are not questions that are easily or quickly answered. I guess the question that she has to answer pretty soon are the last two. Do you think, she might be willing to address all your concerns at a later stage?

Anna B
02-09-12, 01:55 PM
Professionals who claime to be capable of coaching or assisting with life issues are a frustration because they are often auditory learners which leaves us playing in different feilds. ADD is tactile most often so visually connective to material absorption. the balance is to itemize questions on paper, and request res ponce in bullet form on paper. Answering any of your questions pre.commitment would be (in therapists mind)-free advise. She may be holding question responce until meeting to veiw your personality type to adapt answers to most effective approach method, feedback most likely to be accepted when compatible views and goals outlined. The question of Christianity my pose greater influence than most realize, belief systems quide moral intelligence.

maiforpeace
02-09-12, 02:12 PM
I don't like doctors who you have to press to answer your questions. I know, sometimes, they can't help it because they are busy, have to take care of other patients, etc. but I would rather look for a doctor who is less busy then and who has got enough time to answer my questions patiently.

What was the purpose of her call? Did she call to fix an appointment or did she call to discuss your e-mail? I mean those are not questions that are easily or quickly answered. I guess the question that she has to answer pretty soon are the last two. Do you think, she might be willing to address all your concerns at a later stage?
I don't know, I've never done this before.
:(
Professionals who claime to be capable of coaching or assisting with life issues are a frustration because they are often auditory learners which leaves us playing in different feilds. ADD is tactile most often so visually connective to material absorption. the balance is to itemize questions on paper, and request res ponce in bullet form on paper. Answering any of your questions pre.commitment would be (in therapists mind)-free advise. She may be holding question responce until meeting to veiw your personality type to adapt answers to most effective approach method, feedback most likely to be accepted when compatible views and goals outlined. The question of Christianity my pose greater influence than most realize, belief systems quide moral intelligence.
So I might have have to try out (and pay for) a few initial sessions before I find a therapist that I'm comfortable with? Should I try out several simultanously then? I don't have much money and I have to pay out of pocket.

None of this feels comfortable to me. :confused:

Luvmybully
02-09-12, 02:29 PM
So I might have have to try out (and pay for) a few initial sessions before I find a therapist that I'm comfortable with? Should I try out several simultanously then? I don't have much money and I have to pay out of pocket.

None of this feels comfortable to me. :confused:

Yes. A therapist is not going to be able to tell you over the phone or by an email if they are going to be able to help you or not, or as you say, if you are well suited for each other.

You need a face to face meeting where you will be able to tell her what you expect to accomplish from your visits and she will tell you if she thinks she will be able to assist you in your goals.

Many therapsits will work with you on the cost if you don't have insurance. The insurance companies only pay a fraction of their listed prices anyways, so many are willing to give you what a typical insurance provider would pay them.

As far as the religious aspect goes, if she's not bringing up religion other than a simple statement you read on a bio saying she's Christian, why would you? If you don't want to talk about religion with your therapist then don't.

Therapists do not base their therapy on moral judgments of their clients. There would be a serious breach of professionalism if they did.

I would stick with one at a time. Go for the consult and meet them first before deciding if you need to meet with someome else.

ETA:
Almost forgot-if you want your therapist to help you with adhd related problems make SURE they actually UNDERSTAND ADHD. My husband and I went to a therapist that had no clue about adhd-he didn't understand my husband's needs AT ALL. At the time we had NO IDEA that his adhd was challenging our relationship. We knew he had it, but never gave it a thought. This was 13 years into our relationship.

The things the therapist said would have been great for a couple with no adhd involved, and at first I was happy because it seemd to JUSTIFY everything I was feeling.

It made my husband feel like crap. I very quickly had to acknowledge that he was being hurt by what this guy was saying. I didn't want my husband HURT. What good was that going to accomplish?

So we were basically on our own again, and we actually do much better when we FORGET 'conventional' roles wisdom and expectations and work our stuff out in ways that really work for US. That was 17 years ago and we still pay no attention to what is normal or usual and he has found healthy ways to make his adhd less of a burden in his life.

spunkysmum
02-09-12, 02:37 PM
I'm in the process of seeking therapy for myself, and found someone through Psychology today. In her profile she says she's Christian. As an atheist it's important to me that any treatment has no infusion of religion in any way.

I live in a smaller city so I don't have access to that many therapists.

Should I be concerned about this? Why would she even put that in her profile?

I don't know. I trust you would find it equally strange if a therapist stated that they were an atheist in their profile?

maiforpeace
02-09-12, 04:31 PM
Almost forgot-if you want your therapist to help you with adhd related problems make SURE they actually UNDERSTAND ADHD. My husband and I went to a therapist that had no clue about adhd-he didn't understand my husband's needs AT ALL. At the time we had NO IDEA that his adhd was challenging our relationship. We knew he had it, but never gave it a thought. This was 13 years into our relationship.

Thanks Luvmybully -all the advice you gave is wonderful. I did seek out someone who is familiar with ADHD and has done couples counseling, she said she had lots of expertise in this area. I will go ahead then and sit with my discomfort (which I think is just fear of the unknown) and wait to decide until we have met once.

I don't know. I trust you would find it equally strange if a therapist stated that they were an atheist in their profile?

I hate to admit it, but not really. Not necessarily logical, but hey I'm not one of those atheists that think we are the only ones capable of logic and religious people aren't. I'm not the least bit offended by it though. I've been to a couples retreat through Retrouvaille, and while they insist they don't bring religion into the group therapy they do.

Anna B
02-09-12, 08:27 PM
I would look to see if her field of study or institution of study were religiously affiliated. Many counsellors/ theorapist are trained in certain styles- Therapeutic Metaphor.Marsha Linehan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsha_M._Linehan) highlights the utility of metaphor in her work with patients with borderline personality disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder): "the use of metaphor, in the form of simple analogies, anecdotes, parables, myths or stories, is extremely important in dialectical behavioral therapy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavioral_therapy) (DBT). Metaphors are also alternative means of teaching dialectical thinking and opening up possibilities of new behaviors. They encourage both patient and therapist to look for and create alternate meanings and points of reference for events under scrutiny." Therapeutic Metaphors (http://cat4chat.narod.ru/myth_met.htm#gordon),