View Full Version : A question about my parents...


-nyr0c-
02-11-12, 08:37 PM
I'm tired of waiting to ask this question, so I figure I'm just going to come out and say it. Ever since I was very little, I've been afraid of asking my parents ( or anyone for that matter,) for help. It's this kind of pride thing i have; i like to think that i am capable of doing things on my own. Now, I will admit they are aware of my ADHD, but the problem is I don't think they think it's that big of an issue. Neither did I, until I did a lot of research on the subject, and now I think that if I don't get it under control, I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I want to tell them about my concerns, and I want to ask them to help me organize my life and, if necessary, find someone to talk to about my issues. But I'm worried they won't understand, that they'll give me another one of their "it'll get better after you graduate from high school," speeches. I don't want that, I know I sound impatient but I want help now! All my life I've been so confused as to why one minute i will want to hang out with friends, and then maybe about an hour later I want to be as far away from them as possible. It doesn't make sense, any of it. The way I talk to people then ignore them, the way I will put off everything I need to do even if I really want to do some of those things, and the way I feel about how hopeless my life is.

My parents and friends see it as a lack of motivation, I see it as it really is; a giant barrier known as ADHD. I think, more than anything, I just want to be able to be passionate about something, and to just really go for it. I think in order to do that, the first step is to explain my feelings to my mom and dad. But how? What if I use the wrong words, and they don't understand? What can I say to get them to help me? I wish I werent so afraid to be helped, or to go to therapy. The truth is... I'm not strong enough to do this on my own anymore.

So can someone help me with the best way to approach my parents? I have journal about how I feel; maybe I should show them that instead of trying to physically speak my mind? Should I show them some of the articles I've read on ADHD? What do you think?

TheChemicals
02-11-12, 10:12 PM
Dont be overwhelmed by the idea of talking to them. Clear your head for a second and walk right out to the living room and say everything thats on your mind. No smiling or frowny face. Be cereal.

-nyr0c-
02-12-12, 01:06 AM
That's part of my problem, though. When I try to explain anything that is deeply emotional to me outloud to anyone, I tend to get teary-eyed, and I can't really help it.

I guess the only thing I can really do is try, but I'm still worried nothing will change. My mother is the person I trust the most in my whole life, and yet I still have a hard time talking to her about this type of stuff because I can't help crying or jumbling up my words , or forgetting what I want to say because I'm in the mindset of. " ok. You are uncomfortable so get out of this conversation." honestly, it sucks because I want to talk so badly, but at the same time I don't. It's kind of conflicting. But thanks for the thought.

Fuzzy12
02-12-12, 02:27 PM
I think, education is key. Show them articles (it might help to highlight the relevant sections in case they are too busy or demotivated to read everything). Do a self test ADHD questionnaire and show them the results.

Give them specific instances, where your ADHD troubles you beyond what a normal person would experience and explain to them how exactly that impacts your life.

Also, is there anyone else who could support you when you talk to them?Someone they trust and respect? Maybe an advisor at school? Or a relative, who understands the seriousness of your problems?

If your parents reallly refuse to support you, could you get support from other sources? Your family GP or an advisor at school?



When I try to explain anything that is deeply emotional to me outloud to anyone, I tend to get teary-eyed, and I can't really help it



I've got the same problem. It makes having a sensible, constructive discussion quite difficult. Could you maybe put it in a letter or an e-mail?

By the way I think, it's really impressive how pro active you are. You know your problems, you've researched them and your are trying to get help. That's fantastic!! Keep trying and don't get overwhelmed.

You don't sound impatient at all, don't worry about that. If you have ADHD you are not going to grow out of it after High School. It's good you recognise your problems and it's good you are trying to get help as soon as possible.

-nyr0c-
02-13-12, 02:11 AM
Fuzzy (if I can call you that) -

Thank you, I tend to overlook compliments because I'm self-critical, but I really appriciate that you see what I'm doing as pro-active. It'd be great to get some help, really, but I also need to put in work myself to get better. I have to want to change. Talking about changing is easy, but actually doing it is another thing. For example, I've heard that exercise may help people with ADHD to focus, but would I actually be willing to do a regular exercise routine for 30 minutes a day? Not too sure, lol.

Is there anyone else who could support you when you talk to them?Someone they trust and respect? Maybe an advisor at school? Or a relative, who understands the seriousness of your problems?


Unfortunately, I can't think of anyone. My parents are basically the people who are the closest to me.

If your parents reallly refuse to support you, could you get support from other sources?

I think that my parents would never 'refuse to support me.' They are very loving, but I'm worried that they see my issues as a personality flaw that I can change if I applied myself, not a "disease" that I can't control. Sometimes I even question the validity of ADHD as a real medical problem, but I think that's just something I've grown up with. However, my parents are both in the medical field, and I think they've even worked with children with ADHD, so maybe they'd be more understanding than I think.

Then again, the way they treat their patients is very different from the way they treat their children. I guess, I wish I just didn't have this huge adversion of asking them. I make things way too complicated sometimes.

Fuzzy12
02-13-12, 07:31 PM
Sure, you can call me Fuzzy :)

Talking about changing is easy, but actually doing it is another thing. For example, I've heard that exercise may help people with ADHD to focus, but would I actually be willing to do a regular exercise routine for 30 minutes a day? Not too sure, lol.

I'm the same. I suppose a lot of ADHDers have problems with actually following through what they know they should be doing. It's part of the disorder. That doesn't mean that you don't have to push yourself or stop trying but it does mean, that it's harder for us so don't be too harsh on yourself. I've been beating myself up for most of my life about the things I can't do or can't do as well as other people and it doesn't help.


I think that my parents would never 'refuse to support me.' They are very loving, but I'm worried that they see my issues as a personality flaw that I can change if I applied myself, not a "disease" that I can't control.


My parents are the same. They want the best for me but they don't always realise what is best (or listen to me, when I tell them ;)). The main problem is education, I guess. And also an unwillingness to believe that their child has a life long, basically uncurable (though treatable!!) disorder. My mother just doesn't want to know. She'd rather believe that I lack will power and discipline and will be fine one day when I find this mysterious quality called will power.


I guess, I wish I just didn't have this huge adversion of asking them. I make things way too complicated sometimes.


I really, really, really struggle with asking for help too. I've got my reasons but honestly, it does make life unnecessarily difficult. It's difficult enough that we have to struggle with this disorder but not asking for helping when it's desperately required will only make it worse. Like you said, I'm sure they are very caring and want to support you. You need to show them how they can do that.

-nyr0c-
02-15-12, 02:14 AM
No joke, your last post almost made me cry yesterday Fuzzy :).

Ok, so I decided to talk to my mom last night. I asked if she thought ADHD was a serious issue, and she said yes. I was happy to hear this, but I was a little bit annoyed because she kept saying that, "Everyone feels the way you do, sometimes," when I said that I felt lost sometimes because of my ADHD. I talked about how worried I was about my future, and if I'd be able to accomplish things on my own and make the right choices, she just kept telling me my apprehension is normal, which I agree with somewhat. However, she did seem truly concerned for me and said that if I needed help, she would do the best she could for me. I felt bad because she said that sometimes she feels like it's her fault that I feel the way I do, and that she could've done something different to make me feel better-prepared for the future. I told her I didn't think she did anything wrong.

She said that she'd get me professional help if I felt like I needed it, but I'm not sure how to feel about therapy; it kinda scares me. I know she's trying to help me make the decision for myself, but like I said, I get scared when I have to try and make a big decision, because I feel like I'll make the wrong choice. Also, she said that she felt like part of the reason I'm feeling "down" about my ADHD is because I might be a little bit overwhelmed with all of the activites I'm currently involved in. I completely agree with this; I'm in Forensics (and I'm trying to prepare a Original Oration speech for it, which is due pretty soon,) Student Council, I take college classes (mostly music but a couple of guided study courses as well,) I write a column for my county newspaper every week, I've got piano lessons, and right now I'm preparing for music competitions in my state. Actually, because of time issues, I've decided not to participate in the vocal competition this year, but I will still do the instrumental competition. On top of all that, I still have school and chores to worry about. I somehow try to balance all of these activities that I'm in, and I feel like I'm doing a poor job sometimes because I forget things, I show up late to some events, and I never feel like practicing because I'm so tired and I get so overwhelmed when I think about everything that I have to do. Sometimes all I do for hours is sit around trying to think of what I need to do tomorrow. I used to enjoy a lot of my activities, but most of them have become a chore for me. I don't want to stop doing them either, because then I feel like I'm too lazy and I should be doing more with my life.

Really, I'm glad I talked to my mother. Now I know that she is aware that something is different about me, but she's still trying to treat me like a normal person. I guess I appreciate that, but it just feels like she's trying to avoid my problem. Maybe I'm over-analyzing this, because she does have a point; a lot of people share the same issues I do. I know that now that I've talked to you guys. I really am greatful for her, and I'm greatful for you guys helping me to build my courage, and just for being there for me to confide in. Thanks a lot, ;)

goldfish
02-23-12, 02:45 AM
It *is* a lack of motivation.. but not because you're "lazy," but rather it's caused by ADHD.

I know, because I've lived it.

You could keep learning about adhd, but once you know enough it's all just extra details. If you're going to read, read books about positive thinking/mindsets etc. There are dozens of them out there. I've read several, they're all helpful in some way or another.

Do the best you can at eating a high protein low carb high omega-3 diet to optimize your adhd brain's function. Do as much exercise (especially cardio) as you can.

If the adhd is strong & still boning you over or disabling you from doing the above, and you're not medicated, see a doc and try some meds. Meds have been a life changing experience for me and several family members & growing.

Also, don't work yourself up about how your parents may or may not react to you asking them for help. That's called assuming - and we all know we're not supposed to do it. Just ask them. Worst case scenario is that you find out they're either unwilling or unable to help, but then you know vs. worrying, and can move forward tackling your issues for yourself via other means - whether that's diet/exercise, meditation, pharmaceuticals, reading/learning, visiting these forums frequently for support or any combination of - whatever it takes and whatever works for you. Eventually you'll figure out what works best for you, or at least what works.. then try something else, keep moving forward - Kaizen as the Japanese would say - it's a process of continuous improvement. Never settle even if things are going ok, because another tweak and they could be good.. a few more changes and they could be great, a little more time & improvements and all of the sudden life's phenomenal before you know it. 8)

Bombsaway
02-27-12, 10:38 PM
I just was open and honest and if that doesn't work for you just ask to see a psychiatrist just to make sure.

Also, how do I view the teen forum threads? All's that comes up is the stickies (0 out of 0 threads shown)

I clicked on this thread on the latest post link

Michiko74
04-16-12, 01:34 PM
I'm glad to hear that things turned out with you and your mom. I know it was a very difficult conversation for you to have. And it's great that you were able to see her good intentions, even though she may have given you a generic 'it happens to all of us' response.

I hope things keep going well with you and mom, not to mention your dad as well.