View Full Version : My Adventure into Personal Micro-chipping


Ancient Music
10-23-04, 02:58 AM
Last week Viktoria and I, had a super, superlative brain wave FLASH!...

Tomorrow is "C" day for me.....heheheheh!

I'm scheduled for a minor operation at the local VETS clinic..

Under the skin of my left wrist I'm having the latest super duper "Micro-chip" implant inserted.........
Of course, I had to envoke all my charisma, charm, wit and good nature ....

*not mentioning outright grovelling, bribray and corruption*

........and then sign a 20 page disclaimer of warranty against "cruelty of treatment to ancient goats"....

The chip is the lastest "super model' and can be home programmed by my PC with all the relevant data necessary for all sorts of essential info.......

Like........ My name and address, contact information, preferred brand of "coffee"...... and .....get this!!!!

A shopping list!........Yeah!...Bravo!....Excellentisimo!

Sooooo...when I go to the supermarket, my Beautiful Hairy Critter (Viktoria), will scan the "essential items" into my ID chip....then, with my little pocket readout scanner...I just scan my wrist and... Warrrrlaarrrr! my shopping list.

And...... A 10 second warning beep activated at the "checkout counter" prior to recieval of a 12 volt electric shock (Viktoria asked for 20 volts) if any items on the shopping list have been ommitted......

and.a 32 volt electric shock....to be applied if the "checkout scanner" infared detector finds more, or incorrect items, passed through the checkout scanner, than the the corresponding "shopping list" in my micro chip.

The chip calculates the average time necessary to complete the essential shopping, and the "buzzer" also sounds a 2 minute warning of "completion of shopping" prior to recieval of staged, increasing "shocks" to be applied, if the "time allotted" is exceeded due to "procrastination" and aimless "browsing" for "I might need one of them oneday" items...

Shopping will never the same again!....

*Damn, All my best "procrastination territory" and "impulse buying" appears to be comming to an end*


* I wonder how much it would cost me to have a custom "virus" written for my micro-chip implant*
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My Micro-chipping Disaster!!

OooooH Woe is me!!!.... I'm so sore!... and I'm typing this message from my hospital bed!


I think someone up there, must really hate me........

The long awaited implant at the local VETS went ahead a few days ago!
There was a Great Dane in the que in front of me and he was in the book for being "Neutered"......

I went out to it under the general anasthetic and as I went in, I saw the "great Dane in the recovery section with a small bandage around his left foreleg ?

When I woke up, I had no bandage on my wrist and felt like I had been kicked by a horse.... ???

The "surgeon" vet had dissapeared and nobody would speak to me at all.....

I spent the rest of the day recovering and then feeling much better, I went out shopping....

For some strange reason, I started drooling saliva as I walked through the "dog food" isle at the supermarket. :confused:

And..then, even stranger......I felt all the hairs on the back of my neck start to prickle and I wanted to bark furiously when I went past the cat food section??

The elapsed time for shopping, prior to my "5 minute" buzzer warning, elapsed and I got a small beep from the scanner..... I hurried to complete my shopping, got all muddled up, as the scanner for my shopping list would not work... so much for "micro chipping"....and I tried both wrists. ???

So,.......I headed out into the car park looking for my car....couldnt remember where I had parked the car....after aimlessly wandering around the car park for thirty minutes, the warning "buzzer" in my pocket scanner went off.

(((((((((panic, panic))))))))))

I started frantically looking for my car....... sweat started pouring from my forehead, my palms became all sweaty and massive anxiety set in!

The buzzer in my pocket scanner started beeping regulary, at steadily decreasing intervals.... (((((((major panic))))))))

I went into "rubber neck mode" searching this way and that, for my dissapeared auto!...... ((((((((massive anxiety and panic)))))))))

Suddenly.........without warning...... ZAPPP!........ARRRRRRGH!
12 very nasty volts, applied right in the ******* .... :eek:

After I picked myself up of the carpark pavement and collected my scattered shopping from all around me, I suddenly remembered............ I had caught a cab to the supermarket.........((((((((DUH))))))))......... and...... because it was such a nice day, I would walk home through the local park.

Walking across the lovely lawns and tree lined park I felt better..... even though a bit of shock was still evenient and for some reason I was extremely sore in the ***** region

Suddenly the buzzer in my pocket scanner went off again........

*Oh ****.... Oh ***** :eek:

With my heart going at about 200 per minute I headed for the nearest tree...buzzer getting louder and my pulse pounding in my ears!!! I just reached the tree and ........ZAPPPP!........ 15 agonizing volts hit me right in the ********

When I regained consiousness....... I was feeling like I had been booted by a horse, right across a field ((((((((Agony))))))))

Slowely my vision cleared. ...... Rolling on the grass in front of me was the Great Dane, the same one I had seen at the vetinary hospital..........
He was having a great time and I swear, this "monster dog" was laughing his head off!!! and he still had the small bandage around his foreleg.....

And, to my absolute horror..... ...... when he was on his back, jaws open, tongue lolling out, spluttering like some crazy, laughing, animated animal.......

I saw that he was still intact..... ((((((((((((((shudder violently))))))))))))

Eventually, I regained a degree of ability to walk....I mean, hobble..... in a position, similar to the stance of a person mounted on a horses back.!

(((((groan)))))) (((((((groan))))))))))

Then the strangest thing happened ....all the dogs roaming loose in the park fell in behind me and started following me....and I swear they were sharing some hilariously funny story, in "dog speak"

Finally, my "Leader of the Pack" status subsided as the "owners" of the dogs collected them all, nervously glancing at me and then hurrying away. I just dont understand all of this

I collapsed in anguish when I finally arrived at home.......thats all I remember except for a faint memory of the dam pocket scanner buzzing again as I reached the front door of our house.............................

I think I have lost a few days somewhere...... and now the doctors speak to each other in a very hushed tone when they come into my private room. Ive noticed they are all wearing white coats................and the door seem to be always locked when they leave?

Oh!...........and there is this strange padding all around the walls and on the floor of my ward room.. ??
Viktoria came to visit me this afternoon.........She seems extremely sad and grumpy at the same time. :confused:


All my love and kisses to Viktoria :-x :-x :-x
__________________

Andrei,
I am " The Rosehunter "

Favourite Quote,
"When people are laughing,they are emotionally healing"