View Full Version : I think my dad has got Aspergers or something but I don't know how to help him?

04-18-12, 10:46 AM
Ok, I don't want this to be too long...I never had a good relationship with my dad because he is a bully. But I try to stay in touch because I feel I should - especially because of his second wife who raised me for a few years and my stepsister. My dad is highly intelligent, has a company with 70 employees, is pretty wealthy - basically a self- made millionaire.

He came from East Germany (communist Germany) to west Germany and started his company a few years later. He left my mum and when I was 6 I moved in with him (they had a pretty potty marriage)..But we just couldn't get on. He is such a perfectionist and he just can't accept other peoples opinions or consider their feelings let alone understand how someone is feeling. He is pretty harsh and never said I love you. He is very much matter of fact and thinks that he is always right. He is very unreasonable and his second wife nearly left him a few times.

I know he had a hard time in east germany but I feel there is more wrong with him..I think he's got severe Asperger's or something. He got bullied when he was a kid and maybe that made him even worse. Now the thing is everyone around him feels he is not a very nice person. Lately he's been very stressed which made him worse and everybody is talking behind his back. People have spoke to him in the past but he really doesn't think that there is anything wrong with him.

He is very authoritarian and since he is in charge of everything people are pretty scared - he doesn't accept other people's opinion anyway so it's difficult to talk to him. When I tried to talk calmly with him he totally flipped and it ended up in an argument and he threatened to slap me (I was 27 at the time - when I was a kid he didn't shy away from hitting me when I was really naughty and started screaming and being frustrated with him)..he has a short temper especially when someone doesn't agree with him.

When he is not stressed he calms down a bit but at the moment he takes it out on everyone (although he denies that). He lives in total denial that there is something wrong with him but fact is that he makes it very hard for people to like him. But because he is quite successful people are nice to him - they don't want to mess with him. If he was just anyone I wouldn't even have respect for him but because I grew up around him and he is my dad I am paralysed when I try to speak to him about that. In fact I try to avoid discussions about anything (even my favourite food) because it would end up in an argument.

My stepsister is working for him and he is never satisfied with her - although she does a great job. Yesterday he was shouting at her about a mistake and she told him that he has no right to speak to her like that.He also loves humiliating people in front of others. But he doesn't see that. He talks down on people if they are not doing something perfect in his eyes (ie my step mum is trying to improve her English but she stopped trying to practise it with my dad because he tells her after every second word that her pronunciation is rubbish)..I got away from it all and moved to the UK a few years ago and got married. I'll be going back for my stepsisters wedding in May and am petrified. I want to help him and the people around him who can't get away from him.

If my step mum divorced him he would take revenge (maybe make sure that she ends up having loads of debt). He had good parents but I know his auntie was a bully, too. Maybe it's genetic? My real sister is the same and funnily enough doesn't get on with my dad at all. I was diagnosed with ADHD a while ago. He has no common sense whatsoever and I feel like I can't help at all - someone like my dad MUST have some sort of mental disorder..there is no other way to explain it...And I don't know what to do!It makes me really sad that I don't like him although I'm his daughter but it's impossible for me to spend more time with him than necessary. I really want to help him though:-( He wouldn't go to a doctor because he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him...

ana futura
04-20-12, 08:55 PM
I really think my mom has asperger's too, or something similar. She engages in some really self destructive behaviors, and can be very socially awkward, but doesn't see it at all. She gets by well enough, even though I know she could be happier if she would get professional help. Or rather, if she would let a professional help her.

We have a good relationship for the most part, and having a conversation with her about this would just cause more trouble than it's worth.

I don't know what the answer is, but bringing it up with him is probably only going to cause more damage. If it's any consolation, from what I've read the current treatment for autism spectrum disorders probably wouldn't be that helpful for him anyway. He would have to see that he has a problem socially to be receptive to treatment. It's not like ADD where you take the pill and all of a sudden the blinders are lifted and you can see the world for the first time.

05-22-12, 06:34 AM
Thanks for your reply..after a bit of research I feel that it might not be Aspergers but narcisstic personality be honest, that doesn't make things easier..

09-16-12, 05:20 PM
Hi, your dad has NPD my former billionaire boss has it just like your dad. Stay away from him as much as you can show him love on the hollidays (that's more for you than for him) .
Take care.