i hope it is ok for me to ask this, but do people with add ever want second chances. and if so, do they act on them or is that an incredibly uncomfortable situation for them? it just seems to me that some of the people who post on this site know that they have trouble initiating or activating but somehow things keep going forward for them. how can you tell when someone with add just really doesn't want to act on some thing because it really isn't that important to them vs. procrastination?

In my limited experience, it really isn't easy. Sometimes it's not the least desirable tasks that get ignored, but the ones that entail the most work and the highest penalty for/probability of failure.

In terms of wanting second chances, I think yes--and third and fourth. ;) But I would caution against thinking of it in those terms ("You failed to meet my expectations once, so I'm going to let you try again"). It's tough to put that aside (I fail to do it regularly), but cooperative effort, breaking the larger goal into smaller units, and an emphasis (if you're in this position) on the person you care about instead of the task you want completed all seem to lead to more progress than a more combative approach does.

As for whether or not something matters to a person with ADD, as with anyone else, the only thing to do is ask. But know that you may get a defensive answer instead of a purely truthful one. It's incredibly frustrating, but understandable.

Here's a link to similiar thread:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10062

For me, part of the ADD is getting the motivation to get started. I see the huge, giant enormous task (not the ity bity "step 1" of the task). I feel overwhelmed. I don't know where to begin. And so I don't begin.
.....or I get started, get distracted by some other task, and never return to the orginal task.

Interesting comments. I really like the small step approach you both comment on (plus the thread). But i have another question that i read in one of the comments above. You mention a "defensive response" vs. a "purely truthful one" that's interesting. i thought that even if you have a defensive reponse, it would still contain truth, but it sounds like what you are saying is a defensive response is not necessarily the truth for someone. that makes things even more confusing...yikes.

I was speaking from my personal experience, and had a hard time finding exactly the right words. Let me just give you an example. My husband doesn't work. I find this extremely frustrating. When we had our first enormous fight about it, after an hour of growing increasingly alarmed and shocked, I said, "Do you even want to work?" And he said, "No."

Now, on some level that's a perfectly reasonable (and therefore believably honest) response. But it isn't entirely true. We've had subsequent--calmer--talks, and I've found that he's more afraid than he is resistant. It isn't so much that he never wants to have a job and make money--it's that he's so afraid of failure that it seems impossible to start.

I have a pocketful of stories like that, and they are the basis for my comments. In his case, we're talking about an extremely gifted man who is so used to doing poorly (because he spaces out or forgets or gets flaky) that his fear rises above his absolute honesty.

I am a lil hesitant to answer the question..cause I am not sure if I should.

But maybe I should answer ya, but I'll procrastinate and tell ya later ;)