Can anyone relate to dealing with an Add'er that constantly has some type of "addiction"? Right now my husband plays PS a minimum of 3hrs everynight, sometimes up to 7hrs everynight. Before this it was Gameboy, before that solitare on the computer. He always has "something" he's attached to. Today is not a good day, so I'll leave it at this issue. Sixteen years of marriage, 3 years of trying to find the right diagnosis, finally in June of this year we found out he is ADD! I'm tired.:(

The Internet. Sometimes I would like to go out and dismantle the $%&# thing myself.

I suspect that this stuff (since you also suffer from "my husband has replaced me with a video game" problems) stems from two things: 1) the exercise of hyperfocus made more attractive by 2) a totally nonjudgmental arena. You fail, you hit restart; and you can do something 8,000 times until you get it exactly the way you want it, with no one in that world telling you to stop or take out the garbage. I used to think that my husband played computer games to get away from me (very hurtful assumption), but I think now that he does it simply because he loves having an identifiable and attainable goal with no consequences (other than frustration) for falling short.

Putting him under less direct pressure from me seems to help cut down on his computer time. Don't know if that helps.

Yep Katec it does help, thanks! I figure hyperfocus plays into it. I can see the starting over until you accomplish it aspect of it too. I don't say anything anymore about it. Weather I tell him it annoys me, or I just ignore it, doesn't seem to make a difference. I try not to pay any attention to it, but after 3 or 4 months of it I begin to get really annoyed! I play the "mother" way to much! He feels his meds are working fine. So do I, but from reading posts and living with him, I would say he needs to work against ADD tendencies. He doesn't see it, he thinks "I'm on meds that work and life is good". OK - so he now can shut his mind down enough to sleep at night. Great. The midnight panic attackes have subsided. Wonderful. But he still behaves like a classic ADD'er, never finishing anything. Twenty new ideas in a week, which he insists I listen to everyone of them! Tells the kids were going to do this and that, but doesn't follow through. I finally had to explain to our daughter about his ADD, hoping she would understand, and maybe not get disappointed so often. I'm just so tired of carrying the load. Does anyone have any encouraging words, or ideas you would like to share?? I'm open for suggestions! I have read "Driven to Distraction", he started it, then told me he can only read so much-then he gets "overloaded and needs to take a break". Funny...he never says that about PlayStation!!! Sorry for venting.

I would suggest your husband play Everquest 2

Everquest 2 huh? He did say earlier this week he beat some Medal of Honor game, so maybe he needs a change. :rolleyes:

everquest 2? surely i hope you're joking.

being an add'er let me tell you something (if you're not joking) about mmorpg (massive multiplayer online roleplaying games):

1. they're extremely addictive.
2. they're extremely addictive.
3. they're fun :)
4. they're extremely addictive.

by this, i don't mean the 3 hours a night on a playstation..

say goodbye to friends, life, and even possibly a job.. try 5+ hours a day..

however, as an add'er who LOVES mmorpgs and currently does play world of warcraft with my bofriend (who is not diagnosed add but we're both sure he is .. (he can manage it though whereas i can't without adderall)), as long as the person who you are about to get hooked on everquest 2 understands that he will be distant and far removed from life itself (not to mention the family around him understands this as well) then it's ok and go for it.

for my boyfriend and i, it's fine. we are computer engineers by day, and gamers pretty much for the rest of the duration until we fall asleep at night. we put in at lesat 5-6 hours per day on world of warcraft (which actually is one of the mmorpgs thats faster moving than everquest 2), and on weekends, it's pretty much almost from the time we wake up til the time we go to sleep or when we DO take breaks to go out and party with friends or whatnot...

we dont have other responsibilities, though, and if we did, it'd be different. we're aware of responsibilities and since we don't have kids or have to mow the lawn or any of that fun stuff, we go to work, put in our time, overtime, whatever, and then reward ourselves with things we like to do.. gaming. :)

anyway.. i ramble .. as i usually do. be careful what you ask for. everquest2 may remove him from society as news articles have stated. do your research and make sure this is going to be OK for all involved. :)

by the way medal of honor is fun. :)

michelle

I think you'll find every ADDer on this board is addicted to the Internet. OH Wow, what a generalization -- okay, just 99%. My dh takes a topic -- like what is the perfect college for his son to go to and researches everything. Everything. Every college in the country that has his son's major, financial resources, the best of this and that, etc. etc. It's total absorption. He's taking a break from that addiction to address another topic now, but whatever the topic, he's on it for hours and hours and hours without moving. I don't know why he doesn't freeze in that position.

I think the "short term addiction" to something without consequences is something common for me at least. I will say it's pretty obvious that the internet is a trap custom-tailored to the ADD individual... an endless source of novel stimulation available instantly at your fingertips.

I think there is something to be said about the allure of the clearly attainable goal for the ADD individual... we have such a hard time attaining goals in those tasks set before us sometimes, so the prospect of something where it seems "in reach" in an entertaining way is all the more attractive and hard to turn away from.

I'm one of the obsessive online researcher types... will spend hours on end for several days or weeks reading about something until I feel I know enough. It will consume me and become the most important thing in my life for a little while... nothing else seems "relavent" or pressing enough in comparison.

one of the big problems with ADDers is that a lot of us require huge amount of stimulation to stay focused..so video games, internet and the tv are great ways to get it. We generally feel calmer while we are doing any of these tasks because of the amount of dopamine produced while our brains are engaged.

I tend to get addicted to the internet...the sites vary depending on my energy level and the amount of feedback I get, and or my current interest. I'm also addicted to reading. Take away my books and I go nuts if I don't have something planned to do in it's place. We're just a bunch of stimulus junkies.

ADDers sometimes hyperfocus. Hyperfocusing provides a reassuring buzz of tightly focused activity that drowns out the distracting din of the world. A lot of ADDers are system admins , programmers, etc... Many ADDers find a computer terminal to be a calm reassuring place to escape to where there are few surprises and a lot less pain than messy attempts at social interraction that often bring hurt and confusion despite the best of intentions on the part of a good-natured ADDer.

For some reason a lot of ADDers are attracted to things technological like computing. Video games provide a bit of an adrenalin rush that some ADDers find soothing. A lack of physical or psychological stimulation might tend to make these things more attractive. Doing things that give a bit of an adrenalin rush ( like weightlifting, jogging, hiking, sex, etc) often provide temporary relief. Also, ADDers continuously avoid boredom. They fill every minute with something to occupy their busy, busy mind. They are in search of that mental buzz, always thinking , always taking in their environment and processing everything around them and mentally projecting the potential outcomes into the future... they naturally have very busy minds. At least, this is how it is for me. :eek:

Me :D


Can anyone relate to dealing with an Add'er that constantly has some type of "addiction"? Right now my husband plays PS a minimum of 3hrs everynight, sometimes up to 7hrs everynight. Before this it was Gameboy, before that solitare on the computer. He always has "something" he's attached to. Today is not a good day, so I'll leave it at this issue. Sixteen years of marriage, 3 years of trying to find the right diagnosis, finally in June of this year we found out he is ADD! I'm tired.:(

Yes, I go have had many little addictions. Video games, art, fishing, computers...heck computers when the first home models came out. My interests last for a few years sometimes shorter...and then I move on. This message board is a current addiction. :)

Can anyone relate to dealing with an Add'er that constantly has some type of "addiction"?
Yes!! Sometimes it is computer games, other times TV shows, hobbies. It will be an obsession for serveral months, then it will be dropped and a new one found.

I will say, as an ADDer, the two problems are....


HYPERFOCUS


LOSING TRACK OF TIME

My husband spent 5 hours and 20 minutes the other day playing a video game at home when he should have been at work. Thank God he's the boss so he doesnt' HAVE to go in if he doesn't want to...and thank God that he is usually able to force himself to go in. He's always got something that he HAS to spend ALL of his free time doing, golf, model airplane building, a salt-water fishtank, video games of all varieties, triathlons and training for them. I was starting to feel very ignored. All this is in addition to the fact that he frequently doesn't respond when I talk to him - he once told me when we were driving somewhere (and I was trying to carry on a conversation with him) that I was wasting his time with talk of unimportant things *lol*. I was REALLY POed at the time but now I realize it's so rediculous and so ADD that it's kind of funny. I think he was grouchy that I was distracting him from all the other things going on in his head (sort of like when I was a kid and engrossed in a TV show and my mother would come up and try to ask me stuff - it was frustrating). Anyway, we have been going to a couples therapist for a while because of this problem with communication and a few months ago, I asked her if he could be tested for ADD (he consented, of course). She gave him a battery of tests that took about an hour and said that he scored 2 full standard deviations below the norm in auditory attentiveness but normal or above normal in the other areas so he doesn't have ADD. What's worse, I really believe he has it and her telling him he didn't made it even more difficult for me to convince him to get a second opinion. She says that she did her dissertation on ADD (I've done a Master's thesis and know that doing a dissertation or thesis doesn't make you an expert) but I don't think she is very informed...for instance she says that people with ADD aren't able to hyperfocus for very long...Ummm, I think all these posts are a big contradiction to that. Our problems are still pretty ongoing and now I believe he's starting to have difficulty at work due to disorganization, forgetfulness, and lack of communication which I believe may be starting to make him a little depressed (hence the marathon videogaming). The worse things get at work, the worse his skills seem to be getting. I'm really worried about him so I asked him to agree to go to a psychyiatrist for a 2nd opinion...I'm really stressed about this because I feel like this could make or break our situation. If I pick the wrong person (He'll go but would never choose a dr), they may not be very knowledgable and may give my husband a way out of facing his problems and if I pick the right person, things have the potential to get so much better for him and us as a couple. Once I can get my husband to see that there are ways of improving his life (not just medication but also coaching or therapy), I think he'll be a lot more willing to be involved in a solution. I just feel so manipulative because, as you can tell from my story, I'm the one who is proactive and requesting the tests and making the appointments. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing my will on him by making him do stuff that wasn't his decision but I'm really at my wit's end and know that he would never take any steps toward resolving the problems. He's actually told me that he didn't think there was a problem. I keep telling myself it's tough love. Am I going about this in all the wrong way?

Ladies (wives)-

I am 37, married to my non-ADD wife, two great kids, and have been suffering problems in my marriage since we first started dating nearly 10 years ago. I only recently started "treatment" for ADD, as I vehemently denied it forever. Sure enough, my wife forced me to research it, read more about it, and finally seek professional help. For my whole life, I've had difficulty relating to people and always sought "comfort" in things/activities-- computers, sports, etc. This "ADD BS" (as I call it) makes things difficult for me in dealing my my wife, whom I do love. Things like- forgetting to pick up XXX item when asked 25 times, not finishing a particular task (cleaning dishes/kitchen), walking out of the room when she's talking to me, annd in general doing things which pizz her off and make her feel unappreciated/unloved/disrespected. Though I do NOT feel that way, my actions cause her to feel that way which hurts our marriage.

On videogames- I've essentially been "addicted" to them since 1982 (my first computer). There's something special about videogames that make us ADDers (at least me) feel really good, or somehow make peace in our busy, loud, distracted minds. My videogame addiction has pizzed off my wife on numerous occassions to the point where she has demanded that I quit altogether. I love her, so I did. But now, even with ADD meds and a LOT of research I'm doing on ADD to "fix" me, I think I'm getting worse. I believe I have some neurological need (ADD-related) for videogames, as I seem to be better off playing them (in managed intervals) than NOT playing them.

On ADD diagnosis- MAKE YOUR SPOUSE GET HELP. The final admission and acknowledgement of my ADD has brought SO much of my life into understanding-- why I was a social recluse as a boy, why I never could focus on homework (though I aced school because I'm a gifted-talented-lazy-creative-BSer). I am actively seeking ways to manage my ADD so it helps me in dealing with my wife & marriage. My wife loves me, but has threatened divorce much more recently if I "don't get fixed". I hope your husbands seek help to help them understand the "why" (why I need to play videogames, why I get addicted to ___ hobby), and maybe that'll lead to active steps to manage the "what" (what I do to upset you, what I can manage to make me more productive).

Please know that, like me, your spouse probably really does love you, but this ADD BS makes it really hard for us to "act like normal people" (all you non-ADDers). For me, understanding the root cause of why I'm so different/difficult helped us both deal with this. I hope that this some approach can help you as well.

Hoodooguru, I love you! I'd like to think that my husband would say the same thing that you've just said because I'm sure (well, I hope) he would if he could. Thanks for the encouragement. I absolutely love hearing the ADD perspective because my hubby is unable (at least right now) to express what others here have worked hard to understand and put into words. It is so much easier for me to handle his weirdnesses when I know that it isn't because he doesn't value me or would rather be doing something else other than spending time with me.

As a female ADDer, I know both my kids and my husband complain about my computer addiction (but it's been other things in the past). In fact it always has to be something. Any mental down time at all equal anxiety which if not handled quickly leads to depression. Hallowell describes it very well (I think it is in Delivered from Distraction although it might be Driven to Distraction). He talks about how the ADHD mind has so many things that can't be screened out vying for it's attention that it has to pick something red hot to focus on. When out brains our stimulated they work more like your brains do. Also it probably takes more stimulous for us to get that little bit of pleasure from a dopamin release. Basically it's very lousy for the families and not so great for the ADDer either. I think some of the happiest times in my life involved very little electronic anything (TV, computer, video games, etc). When their not around my addiction are healthier and less compulsive (reading, exercising, horses, researching, spiritual growth). Keep thinking of asking my husband to get rid of my computer, but haven't quite got brave enough for that yet. We do have to have some down time. Otherwise we don't do well, but it probably is a good idea to negotiate some limits to that. Hallowell also discusses how there is some thought that the frequency at which the computer and TV screens flash might be a bit addictive too, especially for those already prone to addictive behavior. Agree on a time and set a timer or whatever is necessary. ADDers do need boundaries (and we can't always set them ourselves) even though we also hate boundaries. We're a tough group to love. Thanks to those of you who do it anyway.

Scattered

You've hit the nail on the head. My husband needs boundaries but he can't set them himself. He gets mad when I do it for him and gets mad when I don't. I feel like I'm trying to be his mom. He tells me all the time that I'm nagging him...and I am...but I feel like I HAVE TO. It sucks. That's one thing I've really noticed about him lately, he completely contradicts himself on a regular basis. Me being the totally logical person that I am, it makes me mental. He also has the most illogical agruments I've ever seen. One time we were fighting and couldn't agree on who was wrong so I said to him that since we both felt we were right and if you average things out, he should truly be right 50% of the time and I should be right 50% of the time...he said, "No, I'm always right". And he meant it :mad: :confused: :p . OK, maybe my arguement isn't strictly logical but it makes more sense than honestly believing that you're ALWAYS right!

I'm not sure the always being right thing is as much a ADHD thing as it is a guy thing. ;) Is your husband on meds? They made a pretty huge difference in how I perceived what was going on. For one thing I started to realize how much I just plain missed in conversations or forgot. Marriage counseling can also be a good thing, but you need a counselor who figures ADHD into the equation.

On the up side, my husband and I have managed to make it for 20 years together now :) (and yes marriage counseling was involved) even though we didn't understand I still had ADHD until this year! Things have improved a lot this year. Have you read the list of helpful tips for couples in Hallowell's book -- it's one of the first things my counselor gave me.

Scattered

No, he's not on meds and is just starting to be open to being evaluated for ADD. We've been going to couples therapy on and off for a while but I feel like we need to see someone who has more of a specialty in ADD because a lot of the problems we have revolve around his ADD-type behaviors and my reaction to them. We BOTH need to learn about ADD and learn how to interact with each other with that in mind. I know that I'll have more patience to deal with him when I know why he does what he does, and/or that he can't help it. It's much better than being left with no other possibility than that he's just an a**hole :D . It's so refreshing to hear a success story! Thanks for your encouragement. I hear very few encouraging words with regard to my hubby's behavior. Believe it or not, one of the few people who has been encouraging is MY mother!

Some good books if you'd like to understand ADHD more are:

Driven to Distraction, Answers to Distraction, and Delivered from Distraction by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey, Harvard Professors with ADHD themselves.

Attention Deficit Disoder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults by Thomas Brown, Yale professor.

Adult AD/HD by Michele Novotni, PhD and Thomas Whiteman, PhD

Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley, PhD (one of the leading authorities in the field of ADHD)

Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults by Lynn Weiss, PhD (she addresses family and friends issues with living with an ADDer a good bit in her book)

On line at www.SchwabLearning.org (http://www.SchwabLearning.org) there are some pretty good articles on ADHD too. I especially liked Sam Goldstein's articles.

There will always be complications, but it can definately get better. Just knowing someone isn't doing it on purpose helps a lot. Also once I started to recognize that a lot of what my husband had been telling me was true, I was a lot more willing to take in his feedback. He on the other hand doesn't blame me for not hearing or forgetting on purpose anymore. And you're right, a counselor that doesn't figure ADHD into the marriage equation isn't going to be as effective with helping couples.

Take care,
Scattered

I've had many "hobbies" that focused my attention over the years. Once I burned out on them though I was through. Usually the burnout happened over some excessively long time of engaging in the avtivity until it became tedious or a burden on me.

I read a little story one time about a man who had children in his neighborhood that would bang the trashcans on their way home from school. This was something that greatly irritated him. Instead of the traditional response of yelling at them to stop he chose to approach them one day and make an offer to them. He would pay them each a certain ammount each day as long as they would bang each and every trash can down the street every day on their way home from school. He paid them the first few days and then after that they stopped because it became too much like work and lost its novelty.

Perhaps if you demand that your husband reach certain goals in the games he plays you could break him of it. You may also try setting up an entire weekend where he must play from 6 PM on Friday and every waking moment until 8 am Monday morning. It might make him sick of playing or it could make him decide to become a proffesional gamer. ;)

You would of course want to have a strategically placed and productive "hobby" for him to jump to.

All this useful advice is great! I'm going to try to focus on finding a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADD (if such a thing exists) first and then look into the books and sites while we're waiting for our appointment.

All this useful advice is great! I'm going to try to focus on finding a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADD (if such a thing exists) first and then look into the books and sites while we're waiting for our appointment.They do exist, but often times a clinical psychologist who specializes in ADHD is more likely to be there for actual counseling. These days most (not all, but definately most) psychiatrists mainly prescribe meds. My evaluation and follow up counseling was done by a psychologist who sent the evaluation and his recommendations for meds to my regular doctor who then prescribed the medication.

Scattered

I want to work on trying him on meds before anything else. I think it may be easier for him to focus on therapy and making some lifestyle changes if he's physically more able to concentrate. I found a psychologist in my area who is listed on the CHADD website so maybe I'll call him first to see if he has a suggestion of a psychiatrist and then we can try the psychologist once my hubby's dealt with the psychiatrist. Boy! It's overwhelming for me, I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for a person with ADD :( .

I've had many "hobbies" that focused my attention over the years. Once I burned out on them though I was through. Me too. I've "been" a private pilot, oil painter, local theater actor/crew, entrepreneur of many non-started businesses, R/C plane modeler/pilot, screenwriter (non-published), etc. etc. etc. Funny thing is that I was able to excel at most of the hobbies, to the point you'd think I never lose interest unlike most normal (non-ADDer) people. Seems like many of us creative ADDers can get really passionate & focused on one thing, only to lose interest in it after awhile. But for me I've never lost interest in videogames. It's the one hobby where I can hyperfocus and put my brain in that happy place.

You may also try setting up an entire weekend where he must play from 6 PM on Friday and every waking moment until 8 am Monday morning. It might make him sick of playing or it could make him decide to become a proffesional gamer. ;) NO! NO! NO! Do NOT do this, because if he's anything like me he WILL in fact do this, and neglect everything else in his life. I know that if my wife said "Ok, you can game from 6pm Friday night to 8am Monday morning", I would. And I would only take bathroom breaks (holding back as along as possible:eyebrow: )

I would NOT advocate this. It's like handing an alcoholic a case of vodka and saying "drink this case until you pass out". They'd be dead by morning...:eek:

WOW lol.. you guys are sucky gamers! Sheesh... Everquest was a 13 hr a day thing for me when I played :P. Same with Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow (I've clocked in 27 continuous hours of play before), and Halo II (most on that was 9 hours).

GG, newbs. :) j/k

haha...same here, anarchy online, everquest, world of warcraft. Had to stop that though. Gaming doesn't put you through college or help you maintain relationships.

Killing the internet will not help - as we ADDrs will just get addicted (in the short term) to something else. My list of non internet related short term 'enthusiasms' - this is what my husband now refers to them as - from the last 5 years includes: rock climbing, hiking, camping, skiing (x country & downhill), painting, redecorating, writing a book, studying, religions (various including buddhism, taoism, quakerism,fundamentalist christianity, catholicism, calvinism, etc.), philosophy, yoga, tai chi, weight training, running, walking, gardening, decorating, etc. etc.

The best you can really hope for is to reach an agreement on the extent of one of these 'enthusiasms' until they wear off. Or alternatively you could ditch your ADD partner and get a more trainable one (only joking ;-) )
You get the idea :-)

Just be glad he isn't addicted to anything illegal. Adders have tendencies to get addicted to either cocaine or marijuana. Cocaine because it helps them focus and marijuana because it helps them relax them.

My hubby will not touch alcohol. He has never even had a sip since I met him 10 years ago. He isn't a recovering alcoholic or anything but I always thought it odd that he wouldn't touch it. As I got to know him I started to wonder if he didn't sense the potential to become addicted in himself and so shunned it...if so, I have to say he was very wise and steadfast in the face of what I'm sure was (and is) tons of annoyance and pressure with people constantly wondering why he doesn't drink and secretly thinking he's a recovering alcoholic.

It's very funny and interesting to read some of these posts. It's as if I'm writing them.

I've had so many hobbies it's ridiculous. I get VERY focused and intense for a period of time, and then I just tire of it. I want nothing to do with it.

However, there are some things which are always constant -- and one of them is, you guessed it, video games. I don't know what it is, but most ADDer's (usually males) do not get tired with video games.

Other things that I've never grown tired of:

Internet (message boards, researching other hobbies, gaming)
Technology -- so much so, that I'm in school for electrical engineering.
Music
Reading

However, it's interesting to note that all of my activities focus around the computer. I can do all of my hobbies sitting in front of my PC screen.

There HAS to be some connection between ADDers and their computers!:)

Also, I'm another Everquest 2 player. That game can suck up 15 hours a day EASY. Even better, I also have a World of Warcraft account, LOL.

Might I suggest picking up a game such as Everquest 2 with him? There are many, many husband and wife combos in EQ2. I don't know if you're interested in that sort of thing or not, but it could certainly bring you guys closer together; and perhaps when he rambles about the game, you'll be incredibly interested instead of bored out of your mind.:D

I used to be a gamer, but of a different sort than what most are today.

I lived at the arcade. It was nothing for me to drop $40 in an hour. I would play a new game until I beat it. I liked games so much I managed one arcade and worked at another so I could play to my hearts content and keep some money to spend on other things.

After a year of all the games I could play I became so sick of them that I can barely step into an arcade. I don't own a game system or any current computer games, nor do I have the desire to. Friends have invited me over to play the hottest, latest and greates game out and I have zero interest.

I will say, as an ADDer, the two problems are....


HYPERFOCUS


LOSING TRACK OF TIME

he spent the entire night .. i went to bed at midnight .. playing path of neo on the x-box.. i caught him sneaking into bed at 7am, i gave him my sad look.. he hugged me and proffessed his sincere sorrys, and he is , but he'll do it again.

my own fault .. i bought the game for him for christmas.. :D

yes hes addicted to the internet, but thats where we met so i'm a bit of a sad case there.. because i understand that particular addiction.

It one of the things i just live with, its not drugs or drink, it wont adversely affect his health apart from his sleep patterns, which he needs less of than i do anyway.
If it gets too bad then i have some quiet words.

That is me all the way. I end one addiction only to replace it with another. It's very frustrating. I don't understand why I always have to run from myself. Why is it so hard for me to just be ok with myself instead of turning to some sort of addiction to cover up and distract myself. I am truely my own worst enemy.

stillbreathing,

I am scared to death of alcohol too. I know how easily it could happen to me so I just avoid it all together. Same with drugs. I can't think of one family member who hasn't struggled with alcoholism. Sometimes my husband gets frustrated because he wants me to have a drink with him every now and then. It's like pulling teeth and I rarely give in and have one. It's scarey because I do everything to one extreme or the other. There's never any middle ground. About a year ago I noticed my husband drank two beers two nights in a row. I've never seen him drink beer especially just at home for no reason and the third night he went to get one and I flipped out because I was worried he was developing a habit. I over reacted and made him feel bad.

Casinowife,

I'm sorry that your husband doesn't understand your avoidance of alcohol. I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER try to force my husband to drink. In fact, the only alcohol that he's ever had since I've known him is 2 sips of champagne (on our wedding night). On the other hand, he doesn't say anything if I want to drink. I have been drunk in front of him before and he doesn't seem to mind at all unless I really embarrass him. He also is really good about not judging other people when they drink around him. I guess he's done a good job of making not drinking a personal choice as opposed to believing that it's the bane of society. I'm just glad that I finally have an idea of why he doesn't drink...I knew that there was a good reason beyond the fact that he "doesn't like the way it tastes" because I know that he drank when he was younger.

The one thing I am definately addicted to is games (video games, computer games, arcade games) Been this way my whole life, started on the Atari 2600 and have pretty much not stopped since. It's funny nasnem mentioned arcades I did the same thing I was the general manager of an arcade for awhile in college and I loved it I pretty much got paid to play.

There are always other things that pop up that I'll get really into usually some kind of sports or adventure type activity. But it will always be a different sport nothing has stayed constant like the games. I need activities that are very stimulating to be able to relax and enjoy myself.

Sitting and watching TV is torture because there is nothing interactive about it. I never understood why people say TV is stimulating it seems more of a lazy thing to do. I don't mean lazy in a bad way. There's certainly nothing wrong with watching TV if thats what you enjoy. I just meant it's not an interactive or stimulating activity.

When I think about it I'm not sure if I could even consider it an addiction though. It's not like I'm skipping my responsibilities when I play. I still get everything I need to get finished done. I know with my friends a lot of the thinking I'm addicted to games comes from them thinking I should relax the same way they do after school or work.

I don't want to watch TV and make small talk during the commercials. I have no problem with having a conversation but I don't want to listen to a list of all the incidental little things they did during the day. I have friends that just talk for the sake of talking or because they've had no one to talk to during the day so try to make up for it at night or on weekends. They will talk for hours and nothing important or interesting will come out of their mouths.

After writing this I've decided it's not an addiction. In my case at least it's just that the people in my life don't understand that I have a different way of relaxing and spending my free time then they do.

I can get 'addicted' to things like video games or TV and whatnot. However, when I sense that my time spent on these things is starting to get excessive, I cut it off. I refuse to be controlled by anything. I delete the video game (even if I paid for it), disconnect the cable. I have very little short-term self control but I have plenty of long-term self control. I plan ahead and physically remove things in my life that cause me trouble. Put physical obstacles between me and them until the inconvenience to indulge outweighs the temptation.

Getting rid of cable/satellite TV was one of the best things I've ever done. If it is there, I will watch it all evening/night. When it is not, I sleep, work and get outside once in a while.

While there are a few bright spots that challenge my brain in the TV schedule. I can easily get bored with the programing other members of the household choose. I can be sitting there thinking "This is a total waste of my time". So I'll go check out the internet or if I'm actually motivated, work on some of my projects. The internet is so much more rewarding to me than TV because I'm making my own path and side paths. Theres always something interesting.

I can also spend hours browsing the iTunes music store looking for oddball elusive gems.

I've alo hyperfocused on a particular hobby for weeks at a time then stepped away from it for months or years.

I also have a very difficult time with a serious conversation anytime I'm in earshot of the TV be it interesting or not. I just can't screen that out.

We just got a Playstation2 in the house and I'm purposely avoiding it when I'm home alone because I know if I get started ......



The one thing I am definately addicted to is games (video games, computer games, arcade games) Been this way my whole life, started on the Atari 2600 and have pretty much not stopped since. It's funny nasnem mentioned arcades I did the same thing I was the general manager of an arcade for awhile in college and I loved it I pretty much got paid to play.

There are always other things that pop up that I'll get really into usually some kind of sports or adventure type activity. But it will always be a different sport nothing has stayed constant like the games. I need activities that are very stimulating to be able to relax and enjoy myself.

Sitting and watching TV is torture because there is nothing interactive about it. I never understood why people say TV is stimulating it seems more of a lazy thing to do. I don't mean lazy in a bad way. There's certainly nothing wrong with watching TV if thats what you enjoy. I just meant it's not an interactive or stimulating activity.

When I think about it I'm not sure if I could even consider it an addiction though. It's not like I'm skipping my responsibilities when I play. I still get everything I need to get finished done. I know with my friends a lot of the thinking I'm addicted to games comes from them thinking I should relax the same way they do after school or work.

I don't want to watch TV and make small talk during the commercials. I have no problem with having a conversation but I don't want to listen to a list of all the incidental little things they did during the day. I have friends that just talk for the sake of talking or because they've had no one to talk to during the day so try to make up for it at night or on weekends. They will talk for hours and nothing important or interesting will come out of their mouths.

After writing this I've decided it's not an addiction. In my case at least it's just that the people in my life don't understand that I have a different way of relaxing and spending my free time then they do.There is one show that tickles my twisted sense of humor. "My Name is Earl" It puts that bizzare 'situation' back into 'situation comedy'. It's well contrived, not just a string of one-liners. Definitely outside the box. I haven't been this into a show since 'Northern Exposure'.

MafiaKiddo,
The following quote really struck me because my husband is the same way.

I don't want to watch TV and make small talk during the commercials. I have no problem with having a conversation but I don't want to listen to a list of all the incidental little things they did during the day. I have friends that just talk for the sake of talking or because they've had no one to talk to during the day so try to make up for it at night or on weekends. They will talk for hours and nothing important or interesting will come out of their mouths.

This attitude is pretty harsh. I think that the thing that you and he need to understand is that this is what people do to build relationships with each other. It is impossible to find something "important" to talk about often enough to provide the necessary interaction to maintain relationships. My husband and I were driving in the car once and I was making small talk with him and he said to me, "Why do you always have to talk? I don't want to be bothered with unimportant conversation about nothing". It really hurt my feelings. If you're OK hurting people's feelings, by all means, do whatever...but if you want to maintain healthy, MUTUALLY satisfying relationships with others, you're going to have to figure out a way to at least pretend that you're interested in what your friends are saying sometimes.

I wasn't saying it to hurt other peoples feelings and I can only speak from my experiences. I'm not a big talker, sure I can talk for hours about something interesting or if there is something important someone needs to discuss with me but I don't need to talk all the time when I am with someone. Talking is not the only way to bond with someone. From my point of view people who need to constantly have a conversation going are uncomfortable or insecure in the relationship. You should be able to sit quietly next to someone and just enjoy being with them without worrying about what they are thinking or what you should say to start up a conversation.

Mutual satisfying relationship means give and take from both parties. Again I can't comment on what goes on in others relationships but I know what I've experienced in mine. The talker does not really want a compromise, they want the relationship on their terms, which means the only one giving in this give and take situation is the non-talker.

Talkers also tend to decide what you will talk about when you have a conversation. You have to listen to small talk, gossip about co-workers or the entire list of things they did that day but if you began discussing a topic they were not interrested in they would change the subject or say I'm not talking about something stupid like ....(fill in the blank)

You said to me I would have to at least pretend to be interested in what my friends are saying so I'll ask you the same question. How many times have you had a conversation about video games, sports or something else your husband is interested in? I'm sorry your feelings were hurt when your husband said he didn't want to talk. I'm sure that wasn't his intention. I'd like you to consider the point that it's not just your feeling that get hurt when there is no compromise. Him not respecting your need to talk hurt your feeling. I have no doubt that you not respecting his need for quiet hurts him in the same way.

This thread is so funny to me. It makes me laugh because I see myself in everybody being described here. Im ADD. Ive always found something attractive about video games, internet, computers, games etc. I mean I really cant stop playing them, or when im at a friends I have to log in to the computer there to do something. WHen I was in high school it was playstation, ninendo etc now its PC games, PC muds, PC message boards. I also get high like every day and my favorite thing to do is get high and play games on the computer.


Now what was really funny was the comment that you can play something over and over until you get it perfect! Im playing a game now and I keep restarting every 3 or 4 days because I think I can build my character better or get more loot. Its really idiotic because I cant do any of those things but I still try.

cheers to this thread.

K let me ramble on some more. Is it just a coincidence im suppose to be working, yet ive been lurking around on the internet for 5 hours now! I always knew I was like addicted to the computer/games but now I see its my ADD and not just me. Its hyperfocus? Never heard that before but then again I never really read much about add. COol to know. Now I have an excuse when my friends or girl tells me I play too much.

Your husband still has fingers..................what
I thought it was normal religious practice when marrying an adhd to have newly weds fingers amputated ? or at least bound.

that was male adhd though just wanted to clarify

MUTUALLY satisfying relationships with others, you're going to have to figure out a way to at least pretend that you're interested in what your friends are saying sometimes.This kind of made me mad because when I want to be alone I want to be alone. I need time to recover and relax and being alone and doing my own thing is the only way I can truly feel calm and comfortable. ADDers do this for a reason it is has important to them has sleep is to you. I feel uneasy around people even people I love and even more uneasy when being talked too and I feel the most uneasy when being commented or asked questions. There is a need for an ADDer to talk to someone close every once in a while and sadly it's to tell people of the discoveries They've learned or a new interest or What They're going to work on next, or a question They need answered, and personal philosophies they've been thinking about. Sometimes I can get so hyperfocused on something that I have to tell someone or else I won't be able to get it out of my head. The same thought repeating inside your head for hours can be really annoying.

It just seems so hypocritical of you to think he should be sacrificing his life for you. I can see how you can get frustrated at times though. I bet it's like walking a mile to a friends house and finding out he's not home. I have a question for you though that I have a hard time getting. What's your compulsion to always needing attention? Why do you always feel the need for attention from others to have a good time? Is it hard for a non-ADDer to entertain themselves?

familiarity and routine are very comforting to the typical human's psyche. and routine is something that we, as humans, have a relative amount of tangible control over. it's just an extension/materialisation of that made-up, human concept: "control."