I joined this forum looking for others who share my problem, or more so for help. Im 19 years old and ive previouslly taken ritalin. Im nervous, and kinda scared to take actions and gettin help for a few reasons. Firstly i dont want to confront this problem with parents, doctors, etc. If i do they will take it away, and lord knows what else. I know thats prolly what i need but i dunno i jsut cant do it. Ive highly abused adderall for quite sometime now, i use to take ritilan years ago, then stopped and then i started gettin addreall for homework and stuff last september, and then in october i went to the doctor and told them i was having problems still, (which i was, i have add/adhd) so they perscribed me adderall xr, i started taking 20mg, and that was a year ago. Since then ive rapidly increased my dosages because i couldnt get the feeling i wanted, it helped me concentrate and not act hyper, i was upset, i needed to study, i wanted to be more social, etc, etc. Before i knew it i would take all my pills within the first 2 weeks or so i had it, leaving me 2 weeks or so without it after my bing. I also increased my dosage also, from 20-40 a day so that way i could get 60 pills a month. Month after month i get a new perscription and it gets worse and worse lemme explain a little... the day comes when i get the script filled, the first few days i dont sleep, i look like ****, i get work done the first 1-3 days after that ive slowly started to loose it aafter these months, i hardly ever eat, i like to be with people, but then i dont, wow,, this is hard to sum up here,, ok lemme see its like one day i woke up and after 2 years with my EXboyfriend now, i realized i couldnt be with him anymore,, it actually happen over a month or 2, before taking adderall our relationship was different i was crazy in love with him,, then i was suddenly felt nothing, absoultly nothing, i still dont and i have gotten to the point now where i dont ever feel i can feel anything for anyone. I have been keepin this journal type thing for a good six months now cuz i started gettin wicked depressed even on it, so i try to keep it now, but its hard unless im on addreall. the following this have happen/ are happing to me since, No sleep ( ive been awake for 5 days no naps at most). No eatting( recently ive become so use to it i can eat a little), social problems, i cant even concentrate anymore without it, crazy mood changes, depression, changes in my sex drive, ive taken up to 200mgs within 2 hr period once,, that is nothing tho i usually just randomly pop them now, cuz this has gotten so bad so i dunno how much has been in mu system. ive defintily experience halluinations, my eyes have gotten blurry, i could go on. Now i havently takin it in 1 week and the other day i had this sharp stabbing feeling in my heart, im so freakin tired all the time, i dont hangout with anyone, only at work or if people come here, i cant do anywork, im more hyper and obnoxiuos at times. These are all things that have happen a bit recently when i dont take it, Im scared wut wiill happen if i dont take it again soon, and im scared what will happen if i do, i dunno what to do , i know u would say to do something but daymn its more then i can explain,, sorry this is so long, plez gimmie some feedback, and dont think poorly of me, the doctor never even spoke to me when i asked to up my dosage, i wanna stop but i caant..help im tryin not to take it, but i have a perscription comming to me in the mail in a few day, so hurry

You have to talk to someone who can actually help you control this problem. If you continue the way you are, you won't get ahead. The way you are taking the Adderall, you are not getting any positive effects for your ADHD - if you take too much Adderall, it's just as bad - or worse - than untreated ADHD. So now you are having issues with the stimulant abuse, on top of your issues with ADHD, and what is going to happen to make any of this better? If you really WANT to get yourself out of this downward spiral, something must change. "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got" is a popular phrase when it some to addiction and substance abuse, and it's true. Some people find that they can help themselves with these problems, but most need to get help from others, and I suggest you try and find a health care proffesional or family member to help you. Don't worry about people thinking bad of you - problems with substance abuse are common and they cross all social classes - Doctors and therapists who specialize in treating substance abuse often get into it because they had the same problems themselves. No one is perfect, everyone has problems and we all need external help sometimes - that's what a civilized society is for - asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength and that you know your own limitations.
If you are worried that you will have to go off the Adderall, and you are avoiding help because you are afraid of that fact, it's a perfect example of how the drug has gotten hold of you, and it won't let go until you let go of it.
Good luck,
Greg

Dont know what city you live in but you might want to find a friend for protection and take a tour of Skid Row.

It may open your eyes to where you might possible end up if you dont talk to someone

You talked to us

You told us the truth

You know what you need to do

now you just need to figure out how to do it

Talking to someone who cares and knows how to direct you to the correct place for some help will be a good start

Dont try to repeat with spooken words what you told us in your post

Print out the post and let them read it

It says all you need to tell them

Lots of luck

Keep us informed

Sweetie....maybe U should get off this med if it getting to be a problem...ask doc about a milder type of med...or maybe straterra...it a none stimulant..but if ya do...gicve yourself a week or so to get yer med outta yer system and get through withdrawls.

How about you print out this post, circle your post & jot a quick note saying something like: "This is me. I need help. Can we talk?" and give it to your parents (or send it to them thru the mail if that's easier). This way you don't have to deal with the huge hurdle of a telling your parents in a face-to-face meeting. Your problem is scary enough as it is ...no need to make telling your parents any harder than it needs to be.

First,
Welcome to the Forums!:)

Second,
It took a lot of courage to admit what you've just admitted.

Third,
I relate because I've had very serious drug addiction problems in the past.

Fourth,
I'm wondering if you need more help than we can give you here online. Don't be afraid to call a treatment center, or Narcotics Anonymous if you are really close to the edge. Also, accept my apologies in advance if I've overestimated the problems you're having, but I'm worried.
In the meantime, HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?

I'll check back on this post regularly over the weekend to see if you've responded.
Also, there is a private substance abuse forum here if you need privacy. Forum member "Itschaotic" is in charge of it; contact him for more info, and he'll probably post here before long.

i just i am looking to get the courge to stop, i want someone who can understand me , relate to me and help me,, hard to ask tho

Swamp Donkey

Yes I'm with the Swamp Donkey on this one. If you have made the decision to get clean then a 12 step program or detoxification unit is where you need to be.

We'll do what we can here if you want to write more but it seems obvious to me that you have your work cut out for you and if you quit you best be sure it's what you really want.

It won't be easy, but it will be much better later I promise you.

Like the Swamp Donkey I've had some issues with addiction in my past. There are more than a few of us kicking around these threads.

There is a live chat that sometimes has people in it. If you'd like to take this to a private forum for this discussion there is one here and available to you if you ask.

Thanks for piping up SD
ian

i just i am looking to get the courge to stop, i want someone who can understand me , relate to me and help me,, hard to ask tho
Its been close to 24 hours since you first posted.
What have you done to help yourself?
Have you abused any drugs in this time?
How are you doing?

ive been workin alot, ugh and i did take 40mgs(my prescribed dosage) but thats it, i am still thinking though about how to approach this, printing it out, telling the parents is not an option, i am gonna talk to a friend soon and maybe she what she thinks, but i dunno. i feel too deep in this i know anystep i take will prolly be drastic

Glad to hear back from you yupyup1

Getting outside help will be a good thing I expect, but the best place is somewhere like Narcotics Anonymous. They will know the meat of the matter and be able to offer you the best examples of what they've done to get free.

Whatever the case get a phone number of an NA contact close to you just in case you get the urge to talk to someone.

Really happy to hear you got through work and on to the prescribed dose.
Keep in touch.
ian

yupyup,
Are you still here?
How are you doing?
What have you done to get help?

I hope you're doing better.

I joined this forum looking for others who share my problem, or more so for help. Im 19 years old and ive previouslly taken ritalin. Im nervous, and kinda scared to take actions and gettin help for a few reasons. Firstly i dont want to confront this problem with parents, doctors, etc. If i do they will take it away, and lord knows what else. I know thats prolly what i need but i dunno i jsut cant do it. Ive highly abused adderall for quite sometime now, i use to take ritilan years ago, then stopped and then i started gettin addreall for homework and stuff last september, and then in october i went to the doctor and told them i was having problems still, (which i was, i have add/adhd) so they perscribed me adderall xr, i started taking 20mg, and that was a year ago. Since then ive rapidly increased my dosages because i couldnt get the feeling i wanted, it helped me concentrate and not act hyper, i was upset, i needed to study, i wanted to be more social, etc, etc. Before i knew it i would take all my pills within the first 2 weeks or so i had it, leaving me 2 weeks or so without it after my bing. I also increased my dosage also, from 20-40 a day so that way i could get 60 pills a month. Month after month i get a new perscription and it gets worse and worse lemme explain a little... the day comes when i get the script filled, the first few days i dont sleep, i look like ****, i get work done the first 1-3 days after that ive slowly started to loose it aafter these months, i hardly ever eat, i like to be with people, but then i dont, wow,, this is hard to sum up here,, ok lemme see its like one day i woke up and after 2 years with my EXboyfriend now, i realized i couldnt be with him anymore,, it actually happen over a month or 2, before taking adderall our relationship was different i was crazy in love with him,, then i was suddenly felt nothing, absoultly nothing, i still dont and i have gotten to the point now where i dont ever feel i can feel anything for anyone. I have been keepin this journal type thing for a good six months now cuz i started gettin wicked depressed even on it, so i try to keep it now, but its hard unless im on addreall. the following this have happen/ are happing to me since, No sleep ( ive been awake for 5 days no naps at most). No eatting( recently ive become so use to it i can eat a little), social problems, i cant even concentrate anymore without it, crazy mood changes, depression, changes in my sex drive, ive taken up to 200mgs within 2 hr period once,, that is nothing tho i usually just randomly pop them now, cuz this has gotten so bad so i dunno how much has been in mu system. ive defintily experience halluinations, my eyes have gotten blurry, i could go on. Now i havently takin it in 1 week and the other day i had this sharp stabbing feeling in my heart, im so freakin tired all the time, i dont hangout with anyone, only at work or if people come here, i cant do anywork, im more hyper and obnoxiuos at times. These are all things that have happen a bit recently when i dont take it, Im scared wut wiill happen if i dont take it again soon, and im scared what will happen if i do, i dunno what to do , i know u would say to do something but daymn its more then i can explain,, sorry this is so long, plez gimmie some feedback, and dont think poorly of me, the doctor never even spoke to me when i asked to up my dosage, i wanna stop but i caant..help im tryin not to take it, but i have a perscription comming to me in the mail in a few day, so hurry
So those this mean, you are into school/books/tests/ and most of all studing, and getting A+ in school etc? explain how your life got changed once you got on adderall, how did this effect school ?!? its the only thing i would like to ask you/know.

Here's a suggestion. Ask your doctor for concerta at a lower dose. It is time release so not as abusable. It is possible that the medication does help your ADD but right now it's really not working out correctly, the dose is too high probably even at your prescribed level. You just will have to calm down and be regular with your dosage. Asking for the time release type should help with this if you want to stay on the medication. What you describe is definitely addiction, just like junkies taking methamphetamine or crack cocaine so yes you need to get out of that habit. You can try controlling it maybe admit your problem to your doctor but just partially, he seems pretty relaxed so you could say you sometimes are tempted to finish your prescription early and maybe a lower dose of time release would be better. There are plenty of ADDers who abused drugs, even stimulants in the past but then got on a reasonable amount of a prescription and it was helpful. You are not on a reasonable amount though. You can fix this simply by asking your doctor for a smaller prescription. Tell him you think it's too much & making you too nervous. This is the fact.

Good luck!

hey, i just wanna say thanks to everyone who took the time to read my post, and replyed with great imput anddddd my sorry i havent added anything in a long time.... ive been buSY ( drove across country ri-cali... good time) cuz of all the good advice and what not you gave i thought of something clever to say to the doctor without tellin her i was "addicted".... basically what happen was i was forced to visit the doctor for a yearly physical and i got the courage to vaugely tell her, yo im havin trouble with addreall, its even givin me heart problems, its made me alot more hyper,and its just not working for me anymore... to my suprise(well considering the last doctor visit i shouldnt of been) she wasnt very knowledgable towards the add/adhd meds. I asked ~fully aware of the fact~ "isnt adderall an amphedimine?, i need something more natural and safer" and for godsake she says me well medicines like adderall and concerta arent addictive substances and usually work very well...... i said no i need something else......then she suggests maybe try something like dexedrine, or ritalin ,concerta. What the hell is wrong with that sitution??? YOur a doctor and never before heard addreall was addictive and is similar to coke, and yata yata yata..???? OBSURD! Then i told her i joined a forum and tru it learned i maybe be bipolar,,,, in the end she descided to perscribe to concerta for the time being also she gave me zanax and got me a conection with some lady who i guess is a phycotheripist so she can help me,,,, oh and i will have to wear a heart montior thingy starting wednesday ........ start concerta sat... i hate it doesnt work or something... ive only initiated this whole thing, and i nervous to go to this lady and hear what the hells wrong with me and what i should and need to do... ahhh this is all hard and sucks i want the "kick" adderall/coke gives right now and alot of times but i know its just a one way ticket to deadend land... ahh sorry this is so damn long,, just wanted to update anyone who cares, and wish me luck with overcomming this overpowering desire to take stuff again... later this week marks the beginning of a huge change for my life... who knows whats to come

yupyup1128
Thanks for the update!
you know your WORTH it right!
so keep up the good work!!!

thanks ... anyone have similar experiences??? share??

hard to keep strong anyone agree

It's hard to stay strong alone. It's much easier with support. Groups are very helpful and made the difference for me.
Easy does it. Ian

heart problems, carefull, their killer (no pun, even the slightes hart defect is a beatch). I used (and still do) to love the phet buzz. Nothing was fast anough, everything had to be in double time, burn the streets and all the rest of it. Its good youve got help, idd slap your doc about and find a different one. Also it can be difficult to admit your problems, i hate doing it, specialy to somone like a phyciatrist. At the end of it all the journy is the important part, i found that it takes me a great deal of time to open up to my phyciatrist(s) over the years. Dont be affraid, they wont judge you or form an oppinion (as such) and in time youll find it easyer to open up to them. Their external, and not involved with you, their there to help. good luck, watch your heart, dont want it to stop tikkin.

ah yeah more support should help,,,,,, and to shinobi ,,, id love to slap this doctor hahaa but were u sayin u are still using stuff? and are u from australia

note to self: learn to type what i mean and stop making *** about face posts ;P

na i dont use anymore, not for wasting anyway. Its still one of the single biggest factors in my life though. For the record, [nut shell version] i was borne in the UK but just recently mooved to australia with my family. [/Nut shell version]

hOW YOU DOING THOUGH eurgh caps lock

ahh ive been off the addreall for like 2 months now,, ive tried concerta and im currently on ritalin la, but no more adderall,,, i think im doing better,,, i wanna use it again cuz i love how i focued but i cant control the amount i take,, o well i think all may finally be well,,, that sitution anyway:eek:

oh and i was wondering if ill possibly have problems with the ritalin,, and now i take zolft... will that be dangerous for someone who has the potential to get addicted to everything?????????????:confused:

I Have Been Haveing The Same Problem And It Is Tough. It Is A Really Hard Thing To Stop. You Need Support From Friends And Family Though So Make Sure You Tell Your Gaurdians And Im Sure They Will Help You Through It 100 Percent. Be Strong You Can Do It... Best Of Luck Jc

thanks,,, telling them isnt an option,, maybe after ive come thru it all,,,, damn i cant win ritalin isnt the best thing to give a person who has this sorta problem, ive tired so hard to work threw this but i just dont feel the same as before, and i know it sucked while talking adderall, but i want it, i want to feel happy, and productive, and etc.... its been a while since ive taken it,, y the heck do i still have to deal with wanting it,,, will i never feel the same? or better?

wana know somthing. Once an addict, always an addict. If you want it anough though youll win. Your (who said this, cant remember) stronger than your weekness, itll always be their though, always. You have to want to deal with it and you have to remember that this is your vice and you have to work harder to controll it. Everyone has a weekness, somthing their not good at, an addiction, a dissoder, an ilness, and all those people must focus more energy here than some other people to get by.

Keep pushing, with time it gets easyer, with time and support youll get through it.

thanks for the support here,, its soo freakin hard tho... im gonna go see a counsler on mopnday and hopefully get started on the right path,,, this has been hard and difficlut and still i havent found a med that works,,,, ive now tried addreall xr, concerta, ritlain la, ritlian and none, nothing works,,, my doctor is screwed up too i just feel like she is tryin to over medicate me,, so doesnt even know wuts wrong ,,, she is a prime example of those crappy ingorant doctors,,

i want y'all to know ive finally taken the step to helping myself ,, i started going to a counsler last monday and now i have an appt, with another doc sat, it just seems to be working well (only 1 week) and ive started to realize sum problems i didnt wanna face.... but i hope ill beable to carryout my ambitions in life becasue i kNoW ive got the potential, ahh here it goes,, a newstart?:rolleyes:

It's a heck of a thing to have to dig out of a hole like that, but it's been worth every bit of pain to be free of that shackle.
Rave on.

doing well so far!!!!

maybe not? yes no , messed up once

Not sure I'm following you. Splain please?

sorry i was going for confusion

i was just sayin i messed up 1x ... the other day ... took more than needed

got it. Fight!

the strugle is natures way of making you a stronger person after.

Ya but it nearly killed me! :D

Ya but it nearly killed me!
what can i say other than "sounds familiar". Not sure how much stronger i am over all but im stronger than my addictions. Even my psych was impressed :)

It's the tougest thing to get beyond but it's so dang sweet on the other side. I wish just once I could offer someone in need, a taste of it.
Hang in there yup and all the others that watch on. It gets better.

yeah thanks guys,, your all so awsome and supportive,,, i am doing pretty damn well compaired to before and i only messed up once ... and i dont feel a need to again ... its aonly when someone finds out im on adderall and wants some and then ill take some with them,,,, so i only told 1 person and thats what happen.. note to self dont tell a single sole

my theripist is telling me thats shes very worried about my drinking... i signficantly cut down on my drinking,,, i dont black out every night cuz i try limiting myself, i have also stopped drinking everyday as well. In all i thought i was doing well

she told me my recent incline in drinking worries her ... but its the end of the school year and im moving far from here and i wont see anyone,, so its like a celebration i want to see everyone

Whatever ... seeing how school is ending i will not be going to this theripist anymore ... that sucks ... she is cool.

Ive always thought i have an alcohol problem, i wont even get into that deeply... but i watch my amount and try to make it a weekend thing

Last night, i was all drunk and i did something i wouldnt normally do. But when im not drunk i always thought it would be wicked cool etc etc ... i never had the ambition to actually go threw with it, but i wanted to,, ya know

Yeah well i did it .... and i dont mean to confuse anyone but i must refer to it as IT because i can not tell what it was i did.

I was really excited, happy, proud, and bragging about it right after it happen.

OOPPPSSS damn drunken me didnt stop and think the sober me would have to deal with this the next day.

I was first happy i felt like i had won a competition, then after that i started to think omg wait a min. i really went through with that???

What was i thinking, it was an awful awful choice .... yet good....

I dunno what the heck is up with me ... im in such a frazzeled state ive kicked the adderall abuse and the other stuff, for the most part. But with all these different meds im on and this process of correcting the work of a poor doctor is making me ... experience so many different levels ... happy sad hopefull empty filled lucky beautiful ugly all different emotions, all different views of them... god i dunno what is wrong with me ... i bet i could go on but i wont... im just feeling like there is no end to this chaotic messed, the only thing i can think of is moving here moving there ,, traveling ,,, not stayin too long in one place, becomeing emotionless and free

Ya things got really ugly for me before I learnt much about the big picture.
Keep us posted if you can.
Cheers!

i do feel like i see and realize the whole picture but i litearlly can stop myself from doing what i really want to , im attracted to deviance , everythings just all jambely like i said b4 for a number of reasons , i also fear screwing up again big time like i was before when i have to move this move home , live with parents b4 i move to denver at the end of august... thats a whole nother issue so ill spare the details ,,,, i just dont want to be in that enviroment ... if i make it till my move to denver ill be happy ,,, but im absoulty dreading going back to live at home, being stuck, bored, alone (all friends are addicts), ahh i just dont want to think about this i have 2 weeks before i enter hell

i realy do recomend finding a click that is willing to dispense your meds to you. Seriously, this would proly be one of the best aids you can get. You might find if you get a therapist or something that they will be willing to aid you in this. You have to basicaly admit your an addict to someone, its not a fun or easy process at times but then you loose acess to your meds. If you want them, you have to go some place, they give you only what you need, check you dont skull them (dont skull them, you will regret it when they bust you and they will bust you) and ban you from having free acess to them. Its a method used alot round here to give addicts addictive drugs, benzos, opiats, amphetamins, the like without risking feeding their habits. Also, if you dont want to do that, see if you cant get a partial fill clause slaped on your script, that way you dont get a full suply in one go, but say 2 weeks then you go back and get the rest. You might find that helps, duno. If you have less are you lesss inclined to pull more. Its a hit and miss thing that.

good luck, keep fighting. Dont expect it to be easy or fun, expect it to be worth wile. Besides, you wana become OCD and / or scitsophrenic, over dosage of amphetamins over a prolonged period can case many not nice problems. Think about that next time you wana junk up. Every time your causeing long term damage to the stability of your mental health. I seen first hand the affects of very prolonged amphetamin abuse, its soul destroying.

I'm with you on the meds shinobi. My additions changed dramatically when I got settled into a dosage that worked.

well i do have to say that pill dispencing is a good idea ,, extremly inconvenient though i dont have a car and theres nowhere close to my house that would do this.

But thats is not so much the problem, as long as im going to a theripist weekly i find it easier to remind myself how awful and drasticly impactful the last year has been,,,, in a bad, yet learning experience way. Honestly i think ive already done the damage with the adderall addiction which lead to other things.

I dont think this should be too much of a problem, i dont feel the need to get crazy with those pills, for that reason above and because its like my bodies immune to them so nomatter how much i take i will never achive that "high" i use to.

Its the boredism, alcohol, being stuck at my house with no freedom to leave without ease, i swore i would never move back there, it makes me depressed and i feel like im being clenched by the throat and being draged down. Its all in my mind. I must get over this, but im gonna need to find good friends and people to be around or my boaredism will be that thing that sets me off.

As for not causing myself more problems ... too late ... i have/had? OCD already, and i am feeling that something else is not right as well, ive been reading into boarder line personality ... seems to fit me a little to closely. Who knows.

Of course my sleeping patterns are wacked too ... here i am WIDE awake at 340am after having gone to bed at 12. Weird, but i feel more positive now geezzzzzz

hmmm. well as long as you dont stand in front of your front door checking its locked for over 30 mins because you cant convince yourself the place is secure. Thats one of my friends biggest OCD issues. Havent seen her in a while though. Me, i got a thing for electrical fires. I deliberatly leave plugs on in the house though. My little defiance against it, i got it under controll. My parents hated that, when i left a six way extention lead on over night. Would spin me a bit but at least it hellped a bit. It was the most surge protected extention lead ever. Each socket was seperatly trip switched, the phone was ran through a trip switch, as was the TV feed, everything was surge protected.

Its a shame you cant get dispensed meds, thats something i have to deal with, i cant neather. As for your body being amune to them. Your eather stupid or lucky. See, swallowing is the weekest from, then you snort, then you disolve them and shoot them. As your resistance goes up you find methods to increase the dose you ingest from each tab. Then you moove on to stronger stuff. Eventualy your grinding you teeth and shaking in a back alley freezing cold, constipated and so ****ing freaked out shooting filthy meth. Your lucky you caught it early. The conciquences of addiction can be soul crushing.

As for your sleeping patterns, i get like 5 hours sleep a night right now. And that seems to be changeing again. You get used to it.

I recomend finding something recreational thats healthy and social. I used to do rock climbing, that was good for me. You should find something (as you said). Something healthy. I found that if i felt physicaly healthy it had a huage imact on me mentaly. Just keep pushing and youll pull through, like i said, your lucky, you got it before it destroyed your life.

but what if i can notice this all ... i know what i need to do and that i need to make a change but internally ... i cant help but find my self attracted to people like myself ,,, or better yet ,, bad asses, drugs, trouble, struggle,,, and i can see this but i cant change it ..;. i have no intersest or desire to converse with a person who has never smoked drank or what ... what my prob??? maybe im evil at heart and i shoooooould stick that way

I guess you just aren't finished yet. I bottomed out luckily. When I did, I abandoned those guys and spent the next year going to meetings constantly with others that had bottomed out too. I continued to go to meetings for the next 14 years.

I came to realize that this isn't a dress rehearsal. I guess I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I suppose I was one of the lucky ones that so far has managed to escape the death rattle. I lost a lot of friends to some pretty miserable ends along the way.

Everyone I hung out with at school was either dead or in jail by the time I got married at 26. Now I'm 46 and people mistake me for a contributing member of the community. Although this life of mine now doesn't have the thrills and spills of street life and I don't feel the need to look down my nose at all the stupid straight folk, I'm happy.

Better yet, I'm loved. Since getting onto meds for the ADHD, I'm also beginning to really like myself which has taken happiness to new highs. I used to think I was happy when I was in the problem but now I know I was mistaken. I was full of fear. I couldn't look at myself.

I was an emotional midget when I first quit in 1990. I was sick the whole first year after I got clean. I caught ever cold and flu going around. I was so angry and frustrated about being dry I could hardly stand it. I was in a rage most of the time. I was told to take it one minute at a time if I had to and pick up the phone before I went back to using to talk to someone else that had got clean.

When I first went to meetings I hated everyone in the room. They were so flippin' happy and joking all the time. I hated them with a passion. I thought they were putting on some kind of act and they all looked like losers to me anyway. As they began to tell what had happened to them I began to recognize myself in them and I got really scared. Some of them were talking about some of my greatest fears and how they'd come to peace with them.

I hardly knew fear. I raced bikes and cars on the street while out of my mind. I was known for taking big risks. I was unpredictable and had a rep for craziness. Somehow I survived, but I did finally get to a point that I hated my life inside and out. That's where I hit bottom. I didn't want to live the way I was and I was powerless to change it. Hate engulfed me.

Lucky for me someone dear to me had spent two years in a 12 step program and miracles had happened for her in that time. I gave up, and made a phone call to get out of the muck. I had been spiraling down for ten years before I hit the bottom.

I much prefer where I am now to the low life I had then. It's full of the positive in life. The negative I was so drawn to for so long never paid any dividends but to tear me down and hurt me. I had lots of company down there like you seem to. I knew there had to be more in life and I was right, much more.

It sometimes takes a while to get truly miserable. Patience. I nearly died several times waiting. I'm sure you could tell a tale yourself or two. :D
Keep us posted.

finding friends is still an issue for me. Other than the fact that i push most of them away i dare not hang out with ex-users because of my fear of eather (a) feeding their habit (b) ****ing them off trying to score and i dont have any clean friends because when they hear i used they sudenly hate me, i dont hang out with users for obvious reasons. there are good people out there, its just a case of getting off your *** and finding them, its dificult and time consuming but finding some good friends will get you a long way in life.

Im sittin here at my parents house (where ill be for the summer) and im reading this book i think is called just say no ;.. its a newly revised book bout drugs and alcohol and all the straight facts ... the reason why they all are awful and we shouldnt take them ... but its only making me wish i had some of those drugs now to use like pot, alcohol, some pills,, no matter how awfull the book describes these things i want them more and more, god i dont know what to do , ill be starting my job in a few days but that isnt many hours,, so im looking for more,,, i just want something anyone of those drugs ... i do but i dont but i do ... and its sad .. i thought i was strong but without my tightly structured life i cant be strong ... i totalled my car last summer at this time so now me getting a job is very difficult ... cant getta job without a caar nd cant get a car without a job ... noone really understands the sevearlity of me needing to have a tight schedule,, noone can or will let me borrow a car strictly for work and im screwed i dunnno what the he!! i can or should do

Hey, if that's what feels good and right, you had best get on it and see if it helps. By all means, if you aren't convinced that the dope or drink gives you more grief than it's worth, you had best get out there and do the job right this time. The trick is not to take a drink that leaves you thirsty. :D

I have to warn you though, that it's not a dress rehearsal. Every one of my great buddies from years ago is dead or in jail. I'm the sole survivor.

Books are for weenies anyway. If you want to hear some stories in progress, get to a meeting of NA or AA. You'll hear stories there that are really sweet. Many of them are pretty ugly though, but hey it's not some tv show after all. When you have decided you want to be clean, that's the place to be not here.

Preaching do gooders feeding me books used to drive me to a party. I hated the dogs, all of them. They'd have all done themselves and me a big favour if they'd minded their own business and kept the flock away from me with their "help".

There were always people willing to prop me up and save me from myself, well that is, until they didn't any more. I'd borrowed and lied and disappointed and broken every heart around me until they all left me the flock alone. It was great. Until it wasn't. Crap or get off the pot buddy (no pun intended) life is short. Play hard. If you want to party then get on it. If you want to live clean get to a meeting. It only takes a phone call.
Fight!

ian is right dude. You need to be proactive sorting your s*it out. I still get cravings watching people on TV get junked up and many times, specialy @ night i wonder if im better off. On the whole though i know that i am and its this "knoledge" that helps get me through. As much as i "think" im worse off now, i "know" im not. <-- try explaining that to a psych, they couldent get their head around it at all.

yeah ian,, i do hear what you are saying ... and shiobi too ... so the phys dont understand what u were saying huh ,, i guess ill have a hard time explaingn that on friday

as for everything ... i feel good for the most part now,,,. i started a job i rrealllllyyy like and thats wicked good for me ... ive noticed to that someof the people ive been worried about geting me in trouble all are looking up to me, respecting me and listing to m advise,, my stories,,, my input ... ive gained alot so its like im "helping" them which is helpingf me

still those damn shows on tv ,,, late at night ,,, make me still wonder, and feel like i want that all again but sh(^ it not worth it, its not

could concerta be a decent medication for an addict? i dont wanna take strattera

Hi,

I'm sorry I haven't posted on this thread sooner. I've commented on my situation in several other related threads though.

I'm an adult ADHD and a recovering addict. I've been in the program one day at a time since 3-25-88.
My drugs of choice were cocaine, speed, pot, hallucinagens, etc.etc. The drugs I didn't like I only did "sometimes."
If you ask me if I'm an alcoholic I'll say "sure," because it's the same to me.


I took Wellbutrin for years and it worked well until about 2 years ago.They put me on buproprion (generic Wellbutrin) and I got worse quickly.

All my doctors and dentists,chiropractor, etc. know I'm an addict. We tried Straterra and I had an allergic reaction. I hung in there too long actually, hoping it woudl work.Ended up in the ER for about 4-5 hours and then had to go on short-term disability.

After that, it took several weeks to get that out of my system. We eventually decided on trying methylphenidate (generic Ritalin). Before I did that, I had a chance to speak with someone who is widely regarded as the leading ADHD expert in the world.What he said was that the only addiction potential for a person with ADHD would be if you were to grind the medication and snort it.
I went on methylphenidate SR for about a year. At some point it quit working and I "crashed and burned" at work. I have a paperwork intensive job and I couldn't keep up.

It took awhile but I finally was able to get on Ritalin LA in maybe January of this year. It worked very well at first.Once again though, it quit working. This time it didn't take long at all to do so. My wife thinks it was in late March or early April.

The irony of all this is that I'm a child psychologist who specializes in ADHD.I'd say 90-95% of my practice are ADHD kids between the ages of 6 -19/20.

The other thing is that at no point have I felt "wired." Everyone says I'm "calmer." :)

When I say it "quit working" I mean I can't keep up with my daily dictation. I was falling progressively farther behind.I also was finding activity sheets that were up to a month old and also half written reports on kids I didn't remember.

I take great pride in my work and the thought of either going back on disability or perhaps retiring crossed my mind.

I started Adderall XR in July I think.It's been about 5 + weeks now. I keep a daily journal for doing a written 10th Step . I also journal how my meds are working so I'll have accurate feedback to give my psych. I also try and talk with my sponsor regularly.

Looking back at those, I'd have to say that they have never really worked in the afternoon.I have had 2 "good days" and one "excellent" day in the 5+ weeks. What I mean by those comments is that the afternoon went well too.

I also noticed that I was making more careless mistakes and that my head was literally "swimming" most days to the point where I realized I needed to look at short term disability again. I can't keep up.

It's really hell when you know the Executive Function deficits you're displaying and can't do anything about it.

On 8/12/05, I called my psychiatrist (who's in another city about an hour from here) and told them I was in crisis and needed a med change so that the morning meds "kick" in faster and the afternoon meds simply worked. I also asked for a short term disabiltity letter.

It's complicated but to make a long story short, they blew me off.

It was a bureacratic paperwork debacle but it was devastating to me none -the- less. My family was out of town and I thought everything was okay , as I signed a new release form for the letter to go on disability. When nothing came in the mail, I knew things weren't looking good.

When I called on Fri ( 8/19/05), I discovered that nothing had been done to follow up. My prescription was changed on the 12th but the chart got screwed up somehow. Nothing was mailed and the letter hadn't even been written, so I couldn't go on disability tomorrow even if I wanted to.

So here I am this afternoon at work trying to finish up one last report and it's going well. My script should arrive tomorrow, as well as my letter. They were apologetic,however, I'm making a written complaint. Of all the patient's to screw up on they picked someone who knows how it's supposed to work.

My recovery is strong. I've been thru too much to blow it off by using or abusing my meds by changing the dosage, etc.

I've also been thru much tougher things than this. I'm an optimist and I know this will straighten itself out.
My belief is the med change should work and then eliminate the need to go on disability.

I apologize for the lenght of this post. I have had some thoughts about using (meaning increasing the dosage on my own or adding some left over meds), however, I talk about it with my wife and my sponsor and it quickly goes away. Posting all this in here has helped me feel better.

Good luck.

mctavish23 (Robert)

Yupyup....probably one more message encouraging you to get help will probably make no difference to you, but I am writing anyway.

I tried getting sober for a long time; I tried everything I could think about, read about, or join online. It didn't work. AA was the last place I wanted to go....to me it seemed like a last ditch effort, the end of the road. I am a professional, with a masters degree, and I could not imagine meeting anyone at AA who would impress me enough as a person to make an impression on me. I expected that there would be plenty of sober alcoholics who had graduated from the streets to the flophouse...or maybe to a downtown walkup apartment with bus fare. What could I possibly learn from them?

As it is, I started going to meetings when I got fired for drinking on the job. They said 'keep coming back', and at least it got me out of bed in the morning, so I kept going back. Eventually I 'got' it. And I've made friends, readjusted my priorities, met some pretty impressive people. I heard stories that made me grateful that I hadn't sunk so low, and I heard stories that made me wonder whether the person was really an addict.

I was lucky I never had any consequences that involved injuring myself or others. Not yet at least. Might happen next time I pick up, I don't know. So far, it's not worth the risk.

That's it.