what are your thoughts about this??? my ex-bf and i saw each other yesterday at a party for the first time in six months since our breakup, he was working so we didn't talk much but i felt like he was glad to see me. he invited me to an event a few weeks ago but i did not respond and he made it a point that i know about the party yesterday via someone else. he has low self-esteem and felt that i deserved better than him, which is totally crazy because i think he's wonderful (we dated for a year and a half and we knew each other 3 yrs prior to that). at one time i had made the decision that i would just stop trying to reach out to him as i did try to see if he might change his mind but i was not successful. i am not sure if these recent actions could mean that he is more open to the idea of spending some time together. i hate to get excited about it as he has not said anything specifically or directly that he wants to try again but i'm not sure how to handle this as i know its difficult for him i think due to ADD. I hate to use his ADD as an excuse but at the same time I don't think its realistic that i think he will be more direct due to the way he feels about himself. if anyone has thoughts on how i should handle this it would be greatly appreciated.

Maybe call him up and discuss it. Change can be hard, if he was not able/willing to change before (or try to change), chances are he has not changed, but in conversing with him, you could possibly pick up on that. I love how easy that is to say to someone else. Anyway good luck with it.

You're right. I do want to talk with him about it directly but it hasn't been easy. I have tried to talk with him in the past, but really it did not go the way i was hoping. i then decided that i would not try anymore. but like i said he recently invited me to an event, and i was surprised but i wanted to dismiss it. but then when the last party occurred and he said that he asked that i be told about it it made me think that something may have changed with him. i'm trying to find out if that is true. i just don't want to go back and forth with this indivdual and waste my time. i think he feels like he is being selfish if we are together because he thinks he gets more out of the relationship than I do because of his issues.

Have you decided what type of relationship are you trying to pursue? Are you just trying to be a friend or are you hoping to rekindle a romantic relationship?

He seems a bit ambivalent about having a relationship. My husband may have ADD but I've never doubted that he loves me. You deserve the same.

I don't understand this part:

i think he feels like he is being selfish if we are together because he thinks he gets more out of the relationship than I do because of his issues.

what i mean by that is he feels like he does not contribute a lot to the relationship as his thoughts pull him away from spending time with me or calling me but he enjoyed our relationship so he felt satisfied but always felt that i was not satisfied so he felt selfish. and yes maybe the other post is right. i may be wasting my time as he may not love me. its just the idea that i knew him strictly as friends for three years and then when we started dating it felt right. but then he did something impulsive and it ruined things for us and there is no going back. i was hoping to re-kindle the relationship but i'm at the end of my rope now. oh, well. thank you all for your comments. i think its time for me to stop visiting this site as it makes me still feel some sort of connection or some sort of understanding toward him and his add issues and i can't get past him to even respond really. buts it was so good to talk through these things with people who understand. thanks-falling

the thing is, he is very likely to do impulsive things again, because that is who he is, so somehow you would have to accept that, and it may not be a nice impulsive from your perspective either. that is a challenge.

I think it is hard to unconvince any man, once he is commited to the thought that he is ripping you off in terms of the relationship, or perhaps he knows he can't be the way he wants to be for you because he likes you. Not sure that's an ADD thing. I think that thought must be very frustrating and upsetting for him though.

And it's hard for you once you've set your dreams on something to give it up, maybe it feels like an all or nothing situation for you and maybe you've made that decision already for sure.

I still think you may be overlooking a wonderful friendship. Why not accept that he likes you as a friend and think that his invitation was just friendship and not something more, as much as you might wish it. Maybe you both could use the time to build trust and understanding and acceptance of each other as you really are, and a friendship is a great way to do that.

good luck