View Full Version : Do you ever get too tired to cope?
11-16-04, 11:52 AM
Do you ever just get so tired that you feel you just can't cope anymore?I am a stay at home mom of 3 boys 10 (ADHD Child), 6, and 4 1/2 (very high maintenance). This morning (I know I've only been up 2 1/2 hrs) I've already made 2 trips to the boys school, made 3 bowls of cereal, 1 egg, 1 bagel, 2 lunches and nagged countless times. In other words, I'm tired already! I do suffer from depression but not sure if that's an issue today, just feeling tired, ya know? I just don't know if I'm gonna have the energy when 10 YO gets home to deal with all his needs. It's just so difficult to cope sometimes with 3 different kids. One needs all my attention but the others are constantly pulling my strings and want stuff too. So I have to give 100% of my attention to one kid while giving 50% to the other 2 kids. If you do the math that's 200%. I'm just tired. I'm so tired for the ranting but just needed to vent. Sometimes I wonder if life is ever going to get any easier?! I feel so guilty sometimes because I feel I"m spending so much time with my 10 year old (he needs so much from me) that the other 2 just kinda fall where they may, ya know? Thanks for listening. Maybe I can get in some kind of nap before they get home! :rolleyes:
11-16-04, 03:38 PM
I really hear you here. I only have two boys, but one is ADHD/ODD and the other ADD and I very often feel like I just can't dance fast enough! I can tell you that as they get older it's easier to find time for yourself and they become more able to pitch in and help with all the little things, like making toast and cereal, cleaning up the table, etc.
I would really support you in taking all the naps you need and also trying to find some relief time. Is there anyone who can watch the kids so you can have a couple of hours off? even better, a whole day? It's so important to take care of yourself, too. I, too, tend to run myself into exhaustion and that's no help to anyone.
I also have to really struggle with the disproportionate amount of time I have to give to my more difficult child. It has been a problem for his brother since he was born. He does get jealous, but I really talk to him about how much I love him and that the amount of time I spend with him isn't a measure of how much he means to me. I try and make sure that I schedule extra time with him alone when I can which he really enjoys.
I also talked to a psychologist about this situation and he reassured me that siblings of "disabled" children generally survive quite well and are much more caring and independant in the long run. The truth is, I can't clone myself, so we just have to keep on keeping on.
Sounds like you're doing the very best you can. You're human and will make mistakes, but being honest and open with your kids teaches them a lot about how to get on in life, too. I have a good friend who's kids are already grown and she just keeps telling me there's nothing more important than just loving them. Through thick and thin. THAT I can do!
Hang in there and stay in touch!
Yes, yes, yes I know exactly where you are coming from. Sometimes I don't think I can do it....feel like I can't keep being the parent of my seven year old son. Like maybe someone else could do so much better than me.
Although he hasn't been diagnosed yet due to severe hyperactivity and inability to focus, he's been on dexedrine for 2 weeks now to help him slow down and focus enough to be tested for ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, and possibly any degree of autism.
Here's some of his behaviors:
After bedtime (10 pm) he lies awake in his bed and talks incessantly to himself for 2 to 3 hours EVERY night. Even though he takes no naps during day or evening, he does this. And what he talks about does not make sense. He just rambles out loud for hours. He has always done this since age 4.
He usually spends his class time in the conference room alone with a teachers aide because he disrupts class so much they have to physically remove him from the room...he runs around the classroom, talks to himself constantly in a loud voice, and they can't have class with him in the room. He does not respond to any type of discipline.
He won't make eye contact with me when I speak to him, nor will he look at his teacher. He refuses to do things and talks back to all adults, referring to himself in third person. He'll say "No he doesn't want to do that. No he's not going to do that," referring to himself as "he" instead of "me" or "I."
He has no friends his age because he hits other children and when punished he seems sincerely sorry and sometimes cries about it. Then he repeats the SAME behavior immediately after.
He is at the same level of communication that he was when he was 4 years old. I read to him and work with him but he just does not seem to progress. He might be held back in first grade this year. He does not recognize letters, does not raise his hand in class and talks constantly out loud to himself, does not respect other children or teacher/adults, cannot follow rules. He also still bedwets and has since he was a toddler.
Sometimes he says the same word over and over and refuses to be quiet. He also repeats odd phrases that make no sense for sometimes 15 minutes straight and when I ask him to be quiet he doesn't even look at me or respond...its like no one's home with him.
He has a disturbing habit he does with food also: he chews it up and spits it out on the plate. He grabs his sisters food and chews it up and spits it onto her plate at home also. At school he grabs other kids' food, chews it, spits it onto their plates. When disciplined, again he seems genuinely sorry but then does the same thing again regardless of the punishment.
I can't take him with me to stores because I'm afraid he will get lost: he runs wild and has to be physically held back because he just runs off in any direction and completely ignores me when I tell him not to run off. He won't even look at me when I speak to him and refuses to make eye contact.
His latest odd behavior is setting all the clocks back one hour....he gets up before anyone and sets them back, every clock in the house within climbing reach. When confronted he says "No he didn't do that," referring to himself.
I am nearly at my wits end here. I cry for hours about this. I don't know what else to do. The dexedrine has merely made him seem drugged...his speech is kind of slurry at times now and his eyes are sometimes glazed but the same behaviors are happening. He will be tested finally in 2 weeks for PDD, ADHD, and autism. He's seeing an MD, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. None are affiliated because I wanted separate opinions. ANY helpful comments/advice/experience would be greatly greatly appreciated here. Thank you,
I wish I had some solid information for you.
Simply put, all I can really offer are my best wishes for you and your family.
Two years ago, I spent some (limited) time with a four year old who had similar behavior issues to those of your son.
It was so frightening and baffling!
Please, if you have time and the strength to do it, keep us posted on your progress with your son. I hope you both find some relief and some coping skills that you can share with this community.
11-23-04, 10:05 AM
Thank you so much Kim!
Esme, I'm so sorry. Sounds like you have a tough road ahead of you. Maybe between the 3 dr's you're seeing, someone should have some good advice. He sounds just like this boy in my son's first grade class. I was in there one day volunteering and he hid under a group of desks and started throwing things around the room. We tried to get him out and talk to him but he would just grunt and throw more things. I took the class outside and the teacher got some other teachers and they had to physically remove him from the class and sent him to the principals office. It really broke my heart because I was sure he didn't WANT to behave that way, ya know? I guess it happens often. I feel so bad for the teacher too. She is at her wits end. Anyway, keep in touch and let us know what is going on. Big Hugs!!!
11-23-04, 10:50 AM
Do you ever just get so tired that you feel you just can't cope anymore?
Yes, I'm so thankful that Hubby is around, willing and able to shoulder some of the load when I get to feeling overwhelmed.
I am a stay at home mom of 3 boys 10 (ADHD Child), 6, and 4 1/2 (very high maintenance). This morning (I know I've only been up 2 1/2 hrs) I've already made 2 trips to the boys school, made 3 bowls of cereal, 1 egg, 1 bagel, 2 lunches and nagged countless times. In other words, I'm tired already!
Does your school serve breakfast? I have found this to be one good sanity strategy. At first I felt guilty about it but realized that 1. The kids could sleep in a few more minutes. 2. Both the kids and I were happier because it was just one less thing to nag about in the morning. 3. The kids actually enjoyed eating with their friends.
How about school lunch instead of packing lunches? Save your time and energy for things you may feel are more important.
I do suffer from depression but not sure if that's an issue today, just feeling tired, ya know? I just don't know if I'm gonna have the energy when 10 YO gets home to deal with all his needs. It's just so difficult to cope sometimes with 3 different kids
My mother had a saying, "If one (or two, or three, or etc.) child takes all your time, what more can two (three, four, etc.) do? My Mom is well into her 80s so I guess it just goes to show this is not a new issue. We do the best we can and pray it is enough. No one can ask for or expect more.
One needs all my attention but the others are constantly pulling my strings and want stuff too. So I have to give 100% of my attention to one kid while giving 50% to the other 2 kids. If you do the math that's 200%. I'm just tired. I'm so tired for the ranting but just needed to vent. Sometimes I wonder if life is ever going to get any easier?!
Do something just for yourself. I am a stay at home mom. However, when my children were preschool age I had a standing arrangement with either a preschool or baby sitter for day care one or two days a week. This gave me time to run some errands, finish some tasks uninterrupted or just read a good book. If money is an issue perhaps you could trade with a friend - you watch their children one afternoon and they watch yours on another afternoon. Sometimes having a playmate in can make mom's life easier as they can entertain one another. (I meant a playmate for your child - not for you. ;) )
I feel so guilty sometimes because I feel I"m spending so much time with my 10 year old (he needs so much from me) that the other 2 just kinda fall where they may, ya know?
Sure do! You really are too hard on yourself! We're only human, not Super Mom! I'm thankful my own mother wasn't Super Mom - just think what a guilt trip I could send myself on trying to measure up. I love my Mom and your kids love you. Perfection will have to wait for another day.
Thanks for listening. Maybe I can get in some kind of nap before they get home! :rolleyes:
Now, that nap idea sounds wonderful. Think I'll try it this afternoon!