View Full Version : Unexpected visitor + very messy house= TOTAL HUMILIATION


hoosiergirl
11-16-04, 06:17 PM
One of my co-workers stopped by to give me something I had ordered. I thought she would give it to me at work, but she came here instead. I couldn't let her stand out in the cold while I got my money out...so reluctantly let her in.....I am just humiliated over my slovenly, unorganized house...and I just needed to come here and vent it.........There are not enough negative adjectives in the world to describe my feelings right now......topping it off is that she is the office gossip and I am POSITIVE will go out of her way to report this............UGHHHHHHH...:(

siangirl
11-16-04, 06:39 PM
I hate that too........my house is often a mess. It sucks, I just don't invite anyone on when I don't want them to see it, which is too bad, it would be nice to have unexpected company sometimes.

Struggling
11-16-04, 07:19 PM
.There are not enough negative adjectives in the world to describe my feelings right now.

Probably not...but you're not the only one who's felt that way!

gingagirl
11-16-04, 07:31 PM
Uugh. I feel for you. I refuse to answer the door when people stop by unexpectedly. The lights may be on, the TV might be blaring, but I am not home.;)

hoosiergirl
11-16-04, 09:42 PM
I feel better now.....I have decided that when I see her tomorrow, I will just apologize for my messy house and thank her for bringing me the stuff I ordered....not much else to do and I cant really afford to be ashamed of myself....I yam what I yam.....

ADDition
11-16-04, 09:55 PM
I truly feel bad for you, as someone who knows all about that. I am MORTIFIED to have people stop by. I've had family come by and just stammered over how I didn't have time to clean, how I'm under stress, and that's just the way it is, oh well. But all the while, I'm thinking, oh my gosh-they KNOW I'm the same pathetic slob. My house is a disaster zone and it just makes me so sad, because deep down inside, it's not who I want to be. I have no idea how people keep their houses so neat and clean. I get so overwhelmed. But now I at least know why after being finally diagnosed. One of my grade school teachers dumped my messy desk in front of the whole class, although that was in the 70's. And years later I'm still a mess that way. It's aggravating because people have no idea of what this feels like for us. For you to have worry that your office will think negative things about you, well, that's just terrible. Thank goodness this forum is here. It's like a biography of myself!

exeter
11-17-04, 02:30 AM
Oh, man, I feel the same way. :P I *never* have anyone over at my place. A few years ago, when I lived in Michigan, my roommate (who was just as messy as I am) and I did occasionally entertain friends, but I still got embarrassed when my parents or his parents would stop by. Our friends had gotten used to it, and they still kept coming over, so we didn't mind that so much :D, but when the parental units stopped by, I usually felt about 4 inches tall.

Now, this was made worse for me by the fact that my mom is kind of a neat freak. I mean, she gets annoyed if there are drops of water left on the bathroom sink outside the sink bowl. COME ON, IT'S WATER, IT WILL EVAPORATE!!! Ok, lol, I'm calm now... :)

But anyway, yeah, I identify. One of my current projects is to clean up the ol' room and hopefully keep it that way. It's fallen down the list of priorities recently, unfortunately. :(

Chicky75
11-17-04, 11:33 AM
Oh, my god... that's one of my worst nightmares, I really feel for you!

I've been paranoid for the last three months that my parents are going to stop by my apartment unexpectedly, or worse, when I'm not even there. They have the spare keys to my apartment, and ever since I moved to the city I'm in now, Salem, my mother keeps talking about how she really likes Salem and how they should come up more often (though why she's just discovering this, I don't know. She's 61 and has lived 20-30 minutes away her entire life). They actually did go to look at a condo, which is their hobby, in downtown Salem when I was away for a weekend. And mentioned afterward that they almost stopped by my apartment to use the bathroom before they found a public one. :eek: Of course as I was rushing around trying to pack before going away, the place was even more of a disaster area than usual. When I mentioned this, my mother said she should have come and cleaned for me when I was away... I know she means well, and she really does enjoy cleaning and organizing, but that would just be so humiliating. And now I keep wondering if she's actually going to just show up some day...

Didn't mean to hijack your thread there... I didn't realize how much I needed to vent on this topic. :o

fasttalkingmom
11-17-04, 02:02 PM
One of my co-workers stopped by to give me something I had ordered. I thought she would give it to me at work, but she came here instead. I couldn't let her stand out in the cold while I got my money out...so reluctantly let her in.....I am just humiliated over my slovenly, unorganized house...and I just needed to come here and vent it.........There are not enough negative adjectives in the world to describe my feelings right now......topping it off is that she is the office gossip and I am POSITIVE will go out of her way to report this............UGHHHHHHH...:(

I feel for you this has kind of thing has happened to me.......

We had been in our house 4 months. My grandfather had died just before we moved. My grandfather did all the driving so one day my grandmother decided to visit me for her first drive by herself in years. I heard a car pull in the driveway and PANIC !! I pretend I wasn't home and didn't answer the door. My grandmother was a neat freak and I swear would have passed out if she saw what my house looked liked. I felt so guiltly she choose to drive to visit me and I couldn't allow her in.

hoosiergirl
11-17-04, 08:51 PM
It makes me feel better to hear all these responses. I too, would really love to have a neat, clean home but it's just beyond me. Even when I get ambitious enough to tackle it, it just seems that I clean in a disorganized way....lets say I start washing dishes and notice while I am looking out the window that the window is dirty so I get the windex out and clean it and put the windex up and notice that the shelf I keep cleaning products on is a mess, but before I clean that up but I decide I have to go to the bathroom and while I'm in there I scrub the bathtub and then go back to the washing the dishes and realize I have little hot water because I started a load of towels somewhere in that time...and well... I'm just a mess.....if my husband isnt with me to keep me on track, it just doesnt happen...

hoosiergirl
11-17-04, 08:53 PM
I also wanted to say that in addition to feeling embarrassed about my house, I also felt like I had displayed a part of myself that I strive so hard to keep private.....i would have been less embarrassed if she caught dh and I doing the hibbitydibbity....

Coral Rhedd
11-17-04, 09:21 PM
topping it off is that she is the office gossip and I am POSITIVE will go out of her way to report this............UGHHHHHHH...:(
Which is why she stopped by in the first place. She wanted to scope out your life and you let her. What is missing from the picture is any acknowledgement that this woman is both tricky and rude. I would have let her stand outside.

Struggling
11-17-04, 11:15 PM
It makes me feel better to hear all these responses. I too, would really love to have a neat, clean home but it's just beyond me. Even when I get ambitious enough to tackle it, it just seems that I clean in a disorganized way....lets say I start washing dishes and notice while I am looking out the window that the window is dirty so I get the windex out and clean it and put the windex up and notice that the shelf I keep cleaning products on is a mess, but before I clean that up but I decide I have to go to the bathroom and while I'm in there I scrub the bathtub and then go back to the washing the dishes and realize I have little hot water because I started a load of towels somewhere in that time...and well... I'm just a mess.....if my husband isnt with me to keep me on track, it just doesnt happen...


Wow...this is how I clean, LOL!!! It doesn't work too well!

Tara
11-17-04, 11:32 PM
I hate when that happens too...But the way I look at is if people don't have the courtesy to call me and let me know that they are dropping by then they deserve to see my messy house...lol

It is embaressing though...

lilthingsADDup
11-18-04, 03:24 AM
I'm not embarrassed by messes at all. Is there something wrong with me? :( Well, I'm not easy to embarrass in the first place. I guess that's why.

jenni4476
11-18-04, 03:48 AM
Me too...everything.

A great site for helping with this is www.flylady.net.

Great things like "you are not behind", "just do fifteen minutes", etc.

Very motivating and feel-good, although it relies heavily on developing a routine (which for us as ADDers takes much longer), but it's done so simplistically that even we could handle it.

It's basically, start with one thing, and don't add anything else on until you feel comfortable.

You can also sign up for email reminders for EVERYTHING you're supposed to be doing, which can be annoying at times but is a great way to keep on track. This has worked better for me than anything else I've ever tried, and believe me, I've tried EVERYTHING!

ms_sunshine
11-18-04, 07:36 AM
wow, I am so glad some people mentioned what I was thinking by the original post...the co-worker should have called prior to making any home deliveries. Showing up at another co-worker's house like that is rude. At the very least, the date of delivery for the items, if they weren't going to be distributed at work, should have been mentioned. And just before the delivery, she should have mentioned to people at work that she would be around for this purpose. Some people on her delivery list might have had other plans, etc. I'm sorry you were so stressed out. I have felt that way myself. And like many others have said, I don't open the door if someone doesn't have the courtesy to call first. :) Hold your head high. Your house doesn't define who you are inside as a person. A house is usually a work in progress. (okay...lol mine is anyway)

hoosiergirl
11-18-04, 10:33 PM
I saw the comments about my co-worker who dropped by. Well, she didnt ask to come in-I asked her in out of politeness...I could have left her on my tidy front porch and would not have been so embarrassed....I'm not sure why she dropped by so unexpectedly but she dropped by other co-workers homes for the same purpose...I find that the "stopping by without calling first" is a habit that many people have...even people I know to be good and kind....it's just so bothersome to me that I can't arrange to have a tidy home for people to come in and we could all be comfortable.... I have low motivation and procrastination might as well be my middle name..I did tell dh that we are going to Lowe's this weekend and getting a door with a peephole....:).......

rollerbladejess
11-19-04, 02:35 PM
Jen,

I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't even know what color the floor of my car is. My boyfriend and his brother live in the same house with me, and cleaning is useless because two days later it will be a pigsty again.

I hate to clean, and I let everyone know in no uncertain terms that I'm a messy person by nature and that if they don't like it, they can feel free to pick something up if it really bothers them. LOL. My friends don't care and the only person I really get flak from is my mom, but even she has learned to accept it since I'm not going to change. The more someone tells me to do or expects me to do something I find incredibly tedious, the less I'm even able to do it. Maybe one day I'll pay to have someone clean my house, but it's not something that's important to me.

I think that having a messy house says more good about a person than bad; it means that they have an actual life and don't spend all day zipping around with a dishrag and a featherduster in one hand and a vacuum cleaner in the other hand. Life is too short to spend it all cleaning. Well, that's my excuse anyways :)

Jess

T1Thoughts
11-19-04, 02:41 PM
Me Too,
I dont care that much, I mean if theirs mold or a foul stench OK.
But if their are clothes allover and you have kids and a family It's understandable.
Now if you single......Who cares....your single;)
and ADD;)

livinginchaos
11-20-04, 11:58 PM
I'm the same way. I feel so embarrassed, but it's so hard to clean. My job is so mentally draining, so by the time I get home, the last thing I want to do is clean. Now, i'm back in school part time, so the time to clean isn't there. I have to plan for people to visit and make sure I have the time to clean. It sucks. I would love to have people over more, but . . . . .
The funny thing is I clean and then I can't find one thing. I'm so much more "organized" when I don't clean!!
Or, when I do clean and vow that I will come home and get into the habit of picking up everyday . . and 5 days later, my place is back to where it was before I cleaned.
It's a never-ending cycle I don't know how to break.
I know how you feel, hosiergirl! in fact, I do the same thing as gingagirl, don't answer the door.

addhil
12-10-04, 05:25 AM
I sympathize with you, I'm just living in my own dorm room but it's often a tornado zone in here, sometimes I'll have even just thrown a bra on the floor and when someone comes by to say hi (usually a guy, adding to the mortification) I have to discreetly cover those things up while trying to look normal :o

triple*eee
12-12-04, 03:40 PM
I have always been a terrible house keeper. I was blessed to be able to quit work (after almost 20 yrs with this company) last March, so it has helped some but you would think my house would be spotless. NOT!

You know how much I hate someone seeing my messy house, when I sometimes think, Oh God, I hope no ones dies, because then everyone would have to come over and I wouldn't have the time or be in the emotional state to clean it up.

I know that's horrible,,, but that's how I think

chameleon
12-13-04, 08:48 AM
I tried FlyLady but that didn't work for me. I try really hard to keep my house clean because I SO don't want my boys growing up in a messy house. But it's really hard. The VERY BEST and ONLY trick I've ever come up with is this, and I think it helps to have the H part of ADHD, but who knows? Anyway! I give myself a time limit. I set the timer for whatever I can handle that day, maybe 10 minutes, maybe 15, maybe 30. And in that time span I run around like a mad woman cleaning as fast as I can! And when that buzzer buzzes I religiously STOP!
Now I must say, as I'm running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to clean super fast, I do drop things, break things, trip and hurt myself, get everyone in the house all upset with my freakingoutedness. BUT you'd be REALLY SURPRISED how much you can get done when you're running around like hell! heehee
Now...sometimes I get 'stuck'. I'll think, "What next? What next? Time is running out and I can't choose!!! AAAAAH!" but when that happens I just PICK something..anything... I pick up a feather off the ground and throw it away. As long as I'm cleaning something in that time frame, I'm good. Then after the buzzer buzzes you stop and give yourself a treat :)
Okay...now here's my solution for Mother's- Coming- Tomorrow- And- My- House- Is- A- Health- Hazard!!! heehee. Set the timer for 15 minutes - clean like a crazy woman on crack. Buzzer buzzes - stop. Sit. Have a cup of tea. Look at house. Get your bearings on what to do next. Then set timer for 15 minutes and do it again. Repeat as necessary.

Okay...but here's my personal biggest house cleaning problem...I always get into rearranging the furniture before I get the house cleaned! Then I spend all day moving furniture, rugs, wall pictures, knick knacks, etc. and never get the darn house cleaned 'til the next day! I swear, it's some sort of an OCD curse rearranging furniture! Everything in my house changes totally at least once a month. sigh!

I also should get rid of all unnecessary items. Knick knacks that need dusting (no matter how cute or nifty they are, are they really worth dusting every stinkin' day? No way!), I like purdy things so I keep getting them. When really what I need is a bare house to clean. Couch, Bed, table, chair, fridge, toilet, shower. That's it. lol There's a book called Gifts From The Sea that every woman should read that wants to throw out everything but the above mentioned. It's a great story and it inspires simplicity. Whenever I read it I get rid of 80% of my stuff. I really need to read it again...

~Susan

Struggling
12-13-04, 05:48 PM
I tried FlyLady but that didn't work for me. I try really hard to keep my house clean because I SO don't want my boys growing up in a messy house. But it's really hard. The VERY BEST and ONLY trick I've ever come up with is this, and I think it helps to have the H part of ADHD, but who knows? Anyway! I give myself a time limit. I set the timer for whatever I can handle that day, maybe 10 minutes, maybe 15, maybe 30. And in that time span I run around like a mad woman cleaning as fast as I can! And when that buzzer buzzes I religiously STOP!
Now I must say, as I'm running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to clean super fast, I do drop things, break things, trip and hurt myself, get everyone in the house all upset with my freakingoutedness. BUT you'd be REALLY SURPRISED how much you can get done when you're running around like hell! heehee
Now...sometimes I get 'stuck'. I'll think, "What next? What next? Time is running out and I can't choose!!! AAAAAH!" but when that happens I just PICK something..anything... I pick up a feather off the ground and throw it away. As long as I'm cleaning something in that time frame, I'm good. Then after the buzzer buzzes you stop and give yourself a treat :)
Okay...now here's my solution for Mother's- Coming- Tomorrow- And- My- House- Is- A- Health- Hazard!!! heehee. Set the timer for 15 minutes - clean like a crazy woman on crack. Buzzer buzzes - stop. Sit. Have a cup of tea. Look at house. Get your bearings on what to do next. Then set timer for 15 minutes and do it again. Repeat as necessary.

Okay...but here's my personal biggest house cleaning problem...I always get into rearranging the furniture before I get the house cleaned! Then I spend all day moving furniture, rugs, wall pictures, knick knacks, etc. and never get the darn house cleaned 'til the next day! I swear, it's some sort of an OCD curse rearranging furniture! Everything in my house changes totally at least once a month. sigh!

I also should get rid of all unnecessary items. Knick knacks that need dusting (no matter how cute or nifty they are, are they really worth dusting every stinkin' day? No way!), I like purdy things so I keep getting them. When really what I need is a bare house to clean. Couch, Bed, table, chair, fridge, toilet, shower. That's it. lol There's a book called Gifts From The Sea that every woman should read that wants to throw out everything but the above mentioned. It's a great story and it inspires simplicity. Whenever I read it I get rid of 80% of my stuff. I really need to read it again...

~Susan


Great post! ...LOL...great visual :D Ha!

Regarding changing furniture...I do it too...total ADD thing....regarding knick-knacks versus bare house...I agree...our tendency is to have clutter as it is...we need to check out that whole minimalist thing! LOL

Deeperblue
12-14-04, 04:53 PM
I just had "company"! and I am in my pj's, my hair is not combed, faced not washed or teeth cleaned and it's 4:00. So another day off---- and why not???

My husband's uncle stopped by (again----- :mad: ) unexpectedly. #$%^&* and *&^%$#! When I answered the door, I held a pile of dirty cloths and told him that I'm doing the wash. Was hoping that I could hide in the pile......did't work ;)

He is such a nice man but he always catches me when I am very unprepared. And he came with my Christmas gift!

I have offered to help him with his move. He was giving important dates but I was so flustered, that I was looking at the wrong month on the calendar!!!!!!

Scattered
01-06-05, 09:35 PM
The other day my husband announced that the house appraiser was coming over in 24 hours. Guess who spent the entire 24 hours cleaning with breaks only for caffeine. I got it cleaned up, but a few days later it was back to a complete disaster area. I need to get off now and clean -- what else it new. I don't have visitors over and therefore have no friends because of the disasterous way I keep our house.

Scattered

rasberryrum29
01-17-05, 11:05 PM
It's ok girl it has happened to us all. it happened to me once with this guy i was interested in. he never came back!!!! i was miserable for weeks. now, i try my best to keep my suroundings as neet as possible.

aneededchange
01-18-05, 06:39 PM
Well ... along with countless others here I CAN most definitely relate.

I am so embarrassed of my messy home. ((Heck - it is almost in a constant state of squalor)) I actually told my so-to-be sister inlaw to use a convince store restroom around the corner to my apartment when she SUDDENLY stopped by *without* warning to drop of my fiance's birthday gift and had to goto the bathroom. She pleaded and I told her matter-of-factly NOPE.

I think I will take my meds and hit the cleaning circuit and at least get the office and kitchen useable again.

I clean - we get it dirty ... and repeat.

**VERY frustrating**

Hugs to you ladies.

Keppig
01-20-05, 01:52 PM
Oh my gosh, I feel the same way!! I "spaz" everytime my teens bring a friend home or one of my sisters drop by. I feel horrible every time!! To help make my home alittle better I've made it a habit (after a year) to fill up a small trashcan with garbage (broken, destroyed, missed baskets, junk mail etc) when I go into a room. I do it fast. Also Beds make a great place to put other people's junk and it can take an object being flung to it. :)

It really has made a difference... sort of :D

Ian
01-20-05, 03:30 PM
I'm turning into a flylady.net type.. :D I initially went to see if I could learn something about structure and in three weeks I've come to a place where it's becoming a household joke... in a good way.

After nearly twenty years of marriage I'm finally taking control of this beast and enjoying a porch that I don't cringe thinking about when someone comes down the driveway!

I've tossed about 50 pounds so far I think. Even the bathroom full of girlie stuff is showing signs of life beyond clutter!

flybaby. Ian

Patricia
03-02-05, 12:20 AM
My house has been a mess and never could get it organized. I have two dogs and a bird inside the house and don't even know how to get started getting my house in order and clean. I feel the same about someone coming over- severe panick!! But this may make you feel alot better. My husband was killed in an auto crash and the women and men in my church went to my house (I kept appologizing and worried about what they would think) and they cleaned my house and they love me the way I am and even though I felt embarrased they saw it as a way of helping. I've had to learn to get help and not feel bad about it because I can't help the way I am and it's not the most important thing in life any way and you will learn that people aren't really judging you as much as you think. You're not defined by your house. You were created the way you are!

mentalcase
03-02-05, 11:51 PM
wow! I can relate in some way or another to every post. Thank goodness I am not the only one. I was diagnosed a few months ago, and for my whole life I just figured that I was a perpetually messy and disorganized lazy person. I try so hard to keep up with stuff and no matter what I do I can't seem to get it. I have friends who's houses are literally immaculate. How do they do that? And it's always that way, not just for company. I am in fear of people being in my house. I am so embarrassed. I don't know how to manage this problem:confused: And whats weird is that under it all I am an organized person but I can't connect the dots of the big picture. So I just end up feeling like a failure no matter how hard I try. Its like I could spend all day working on my house and in the end there is really nothing to show for it. Even though I know my problem now and I am on some medication I am afraid that I still won't be able to improve this aspect. lol thanks for listening to my run on rambling:o

auntchris
03-03-05, 01:54 AM
I am always throwing things away or giving them to the good will. I saw flyladies site it is awsome and saw the book yesterday at the store she wrote. I am going to have to go to the site for more ideas.

amiegrace
03-11-05, 10:28 PM
I love this thread. Sigh. It makes me feel like I am not the only one out there who lives with CHAOS (Fly Lady term -- Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)! The only thing I worry about know is that with a four month old daughter, pretty soon she is going to be into everything and I'm going to have to maintain a safe environment for her, so I worry about being so messy and her being safe. Any thoughts on this from ADD moms whose kids made it past, say, five??

sosninity
03-12-05, 03:10 AM
Amiegrace,

I had 3 daughters while having undiagnosed ADD, and they are now ages 16 - 26.
When my oldest was about 2 years old she got a straight pin stuck in her toe (the box of pins had fallen on the floor and I became distracted while picking them up and never quite finished).
After that I didn't sew with with pins anymore -- just one needle at a time.
In fact, I still obsess over anything on the floor.

Last week my 16-year-old's bf and his mom came over on 10-minutes notice so we could meet & then they were going to watch videos at his house. I just went into high-gear and whipped the living-room/kitchen into shape -- though I did see her glance into my chaotic bedroom (and then look politely away). It's those totally unannounced visits that cause you to feel humiliated. Generally, though, people who drop in without warning are also not concerned about a little chaos. After all -- according to Chaos Theory, that's what makes the world go round.
And your mother instincts should kick in.

sosninity
03-12-05, 03:22 AM
... my whole life I just figured that I was a perpetually messy and disorganized lazy person. I try so hard to keep up with stuff and no matter what I do I can't seem to get it. I have friends who's houses are literally immaculate. How do they do that? And it's always that way, not just for company. I am in fear of people being in my house.... mentalcase, you just spoke for me -- totally.
But I also recall a moment about 25 years ago when I had also called myself 'lazy,' and my neighbor told me firmly that whatever I was, it was not lazy. :)

I hope you don't have a spouse who is bothered by it. Mine wasn't (he was even messier), but we wound up splitting over other issues.

I'm thinking of the characters of Mary and Martha from the Christian scriptures: Jesus said that Mary had chosen the best path; she chose to listen to his teaching instead of preparing the meal, unlike Martha. Personally, I will never regret having stood outside in the middle of the night to watch a comet arcing across the sky instead of sleeping to prepare for the next day.
The phrase "follow your heart" has been in vogue for several years now. Isn't that what those of us with ADD do all the time?

auntchris
03-12-05, 04:03 AM
I love the site www.flylady.net (http://www.flylady.net)
i just saw here book the other day in the bookstore.
Have to go back and get it.

Digitl
03-12-05, 10:48 AM
Personally, I will never regret having stood outside in the middle of the night to watch a comet arcing across the sky instead of sleeping to prepare for the next day.
The phrase "follow your heart" has been in vogue for several years now. Isn't that what those of us with ADD do all the time?
I like that sosninity.

I rather keep the dishes till the next day in the sink, if the kids and I, have more important things to do...like playing in the snow or something. LOL....

If someone DARES say my house is messy i tell them ''YUP it is messy, but we had a great time, make it that way!!!:D ''

runmom
03-13-05, 08:03 PM
Wow does this thread hit home. I joined the site last summer when I was diagnosed, and haven't been back much since...but I just had to reply and say how relieved I am to read that others have this same problem. It's not just me! I'm a flybaby as well, and it works very well -- when I stay on top of my routines. No one on this thread will be surprised to hear that staying on top of my routines is cyclical at best. While my house is rarely guest-ready, I do have to say that one thing the flylady has given me is hope, and a method that I know really works, if I stay with it. Somehow that helps my mental state even when I'm surrounded by chaos. I may not find it easy to stick with it, but I don't feel like such a failure somehow, knowing that there IS a way. Plus, she's so non-judgmental. She stresses being kind to yourself, and I think that's something we ADDer's need more than a spotless house. It's so easy to feel inferior to those other full-time Moms with the perfect houses... and then I think of a flylady quote, like: "your house didn't get dirty in a day, it won't get clean in a day....babysteps, babysteps" My kids have clothes, even though my son is used to rooting through the "sock basket." They're fed, although sometimes we get some strange nutritional combinations. I believe my kids will remember the snowball fights, the long bedtime conversations and the silly games longer than the doghair bunnies behind the doors. I also agree that just because someone drops by does not mean that your door has to open. No excuse needed!

BlessedLady
03-15-05, 12:09 AM
I typed a reply to this thread a few nites ago....but it was late & I wasn't sure it made alot of sense....so I erased. I've been a member of this site for just a few weeks.....but WOW ! ! what all I have learned.

I've always believed that there is a "language" that is "unspoken"...communication for this is with the Heart & Spirit of one person to another. And if a person isn't and/or hasn't been where another person is/was.....then there is no communication...ok I know it sounds wacky..let me give an example I don't believe there is ANY way for a woman who hasn't ever been in labor to look at another woman who has & be able to communicate anything to her about being in labor. ( I don't mean to hurt or offend anyone by using this example..it's the only thing I could think of right now & I am hoping I can add this reply tonite) As wacky as my theroy sounds I believe it more now than ever before & this Thread is one of the reasons why.

Needless to say I NEVER thought that anyone else had the same problems when it came to trying to keep house that I did. The fact that not only were there others but that one day I would know that I wasn't alone in feeling all the things I felt because no matter how hard I tried, what I did, what I bought, even the 2 times that someone came & tried to "help me get it right so I could keep it that way" I was a complete & total failure at housekeeping. And as all of you know that is also interrupated as being a failure as a mother, a wife...basically any & everything. And the ones in your life that feel/believe this not only constantly remind/tell you, your children, the rest of your family & the whole entire world.... the fact that there were others that would know exactly how all of that made me feel....well these aren't things I would wish on anyone...but to know that it's wasn't just me...that NEVER even crossed my mind.

Reading through this Thread & the different ways all of you have coped with "drop in company" I remembered some of the ways I had dealt with it many yrs ago. I use to tell people if they didn't like the way my house looked there was "a broom in the corner do something about it"....needless to say noone ever went anywhere near that broom. Of course I've been told countless times "it's not my house, why should I clean it up?" Well...I don't recall saying "clean the house" I simply said if "they" didn't like the way my house looked then "they" could do something about it & told them where the closest thing they would need was. But after a while....especially after I had kids & they were older & had friends & wanted them to come over & spend the night, study, ect.....there was noting that I wouldn't have done for my kids to be able to have their friends over....but the 1 & only thing that needed to be done was the 1 and only thing that I couldn't do. And there is a difference in "Can't & Won't." All of my 6 kids are grown, 3 with AD/HD 3 without it & all three started on meds in 1st & 2nd grade...2 girls, 1 boy. But it's like I was saying earlier..how do you explain to someone who was properly diagnoised & has been properly medicated all their life.......what it was like for you when you not only weren't properly diagnoised but weren't on proper meds until you were 45 & now u are 51...there is no way....not so they can comprehend & understand.

I will add more to this Thread later. By the way there is a Bright Spot to all of this for me...I am looking for a smaller place to move to....I've been in this place for almost 20 yrs and I have no need for a 5 bedroom house with the den, livingroom, ect. When I move I'm leaving almost everything here....if it's not mine I'm not going to continue to "keep it" for whoever, if it is broken and/or doesn't work properly it can stay here with all the other things in that category....which happens to be just about everything here. Someone made the comment to me recently that they thought it was "so sad" that I had to leave so much behind....what they would never understand but I'm sure you will...is that I'm not "starting over" I will be doing something I have ALWAYS wanted to do but couldn't ever do before and that is have my home clean, neat & nice. Thinking about that "drop in" company....the expression on their faces when they come to my new home and Don't find what they expect too.....what do I say when they ask me what I am laughing so hard at?
BlessedLady

peacesong
03-17-05, 12:29 AM
This is my first post here. I am amazed to see so many familar situations. For the life of Me I cannot keep my house organized. I have four kids to boot and recently divorced a non understanding non add'er who stripped me of my confidence for the last 10 years. It was unfortunate , nut I have never ferlt better about myself. I can sit in my clutter and know all my kids are happy and attended too. I do wish however that I could be a better role model for them. Thier friend came over the other day...and siad to me/// I am happier in a clean house you know... UGGG... but since he is hear almost every day I guess he doesnt mnind it that much,,, if he does he can take all my kids next door to his house..///

Tired of feeling the pressure....working on relaxing..:p

minn306
03-17-05, 11:29 AM
Welcome Peacesong to the forum :D
We are happy that you feel comfortable with what you have read & that you joined in on the posting. As you have probably read on the posts, there are so many ppl that are in similar situations as you are.
I used to completely freak out when I knew that people were coming over to visit & my house was in the normal chaotic look. Now I just do the best I can of keeping things at least straightened up. My husband made a good point(but I am not going to be the one to tell him that :) )........he told me once that people are coming over to see our family, NOT the shape of the house. Like you said also about your kid's friend.............even though they say that they are happier in a clean house, that must not be to "unhappy" if they are always over at your house!!

Do you have a "schedule" of getting things cleaned in your house?? Like a daily chore list?

I have started to have my daily cleaning routine of certain chores for certain days. When I know that those are done for the day..............I can relax.

Best of luck to you.
Please let us know how things are going for you

herekittykitty
03-17-05, 01:13 PM
Hey Peacesong,

You've got 4 happy and attended-to kids who bring their friends to your home, you were able to pull away from a non-understanding non-ADDer, and you feel good about yourself these days, right?

I'd say your kids have an excellent role model!

witsend
03-19-05, 05:08 AM
I clean the same way!! It drives me crazy that I can't ever get my house clean! If by some small miracle I do.... my son & husband are there to make sure it doesn't stay that way for long!!

Who ever gets all the laundry washed, folded & put away at he same time any ways?? oh yeah my mom.. that's right!! I forgot.
Any ideas on how to keep the paper clutter at bay? I'm open to suggestions....I've never seen so much between school work, magazines ( & I let all the subscriptions run out), etc...UGGHHH!! Help I'm drowning.....

cody's mom
03-19-05, 05:45 PM
A far as being embarrassed when unexpected company comes over, if it's someone who has never been to my house and probably will not have a reason to come again I usually say something like "you'll have to excuse the mess, my son has been sick, we've been spring cleaning, we're rearranging rooms, etc..." (okay, so it's a small fib..) As far as the "expected unexpected" company (neigbors and close friends) they just know that's how I am. Of course, the one time a friend did say, "wow, your house looks so clean" I thought to myself, " so what are you trying to say,- that it usually looks dirty?" So I guess I'm not the only one who knows that sudden horror of having your neighbor open your refrigerator to get out the coffee creamer before I can get it out for her? It's so great have people to share with who can relate. I do have some friends who can joke with me about my ADD qualities, but they can't share the feeling...

Imnapl
03-19-05, 06:07 PM
Phyllis Diller:
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies."

witsend
03-20-05, 03:13 PM
hey I got he laundry folded & put away !! YEAH!!! now I started more--BOOOO!!

prumont
03-28-05, 02:45 AM
I refuse to feel bad because of messy house (& mine is pretty messy most of the time).

We are not our house, a tidy house does not make us better people.

People at work are probably not even interested in how neat your house is (Do you care how neat your co-workers houses are? I know I don't). Most non-ADD people I know with kids have a messy house anyway (except the lucky ones with cleaners).

witsend
03-28-05, 03:02 AM
Ok today , before my fam came over, I had to "clean" the breakfast bar. Well I kinda did. I took all the misc papers & stuff & put them into a girl scouts cookie box & put them on the shelf in my room!

I read somewhere one time "..that this is a house where kids live. There will be time enough for scrubbing, & dusting when they are grown & gone...." I don't know about that but for now it works for me!!:D

ttjmom
03-28-05, 09:45 AM
Oh my gosh here are things I have tried to convince myself of over the years.
(1) I want to live in a home not a museum.

(2) If you want to visit me, come anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. (this one is my favorite)

(3) "Please excuse the house! I am in the middle of spring cleaning and you know to truly clean you have to tear it apart. (This one only works if you duct tape the kidís mouths shut before saying it)

I am embarrassed to say that I really am in the middle of spring cleaning. I presently have 5 rooms in the house done. I have burned 5-55 gallon drums of garbage that I pulled out of the rooms. Those 5 drums have come from two bedrooms and the office. Can you imagine how much more I will find by the time I am finished. Out of those 5 rooms I have only gathered 1 (count them 1) small box that is worthy of taking to Goodwill. It is actually feeling very good doing this. Perhaps I can continue to finish the other 5 rooms.

BlessedLady
03-28-05, 12:25 PM
I am embarrassed to say that I really am in the middle of spring cleaning. I presently have 5 rooms in the house done. I have burned 5-55 gallon drums of garbage that I pulled out of the rooms. Those 5 drums have come from two bedrooms and the office. Can you imagine how much more I will find by the time I am finished. Out of those 5 rooms I have only gathered 1 (count them 1) small box that is worthy of taking to Goodwill. It is actually feeling very good doing this. Perhaps I can continue to finish the other 5 rooms.
Don't be embarrassed. Congradulate Yourself:D !
You Deserve It !
Also Thank You for starting my week off with a good laugh...the part about tapeing the kids mouths...I Love It...only wish I'd thought of it back when they were younger. Although..there are times now that wouldn't be such a bad idea....but instead, since they are grown & gone when they come I can say things like I told my youngest yesterday.."when you come tomorrow, leave your negative attitude towards me outside the front door."
BlessedLady

Ian
03-28-05, 04:05 PM
(2) If you want to visit me, come anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. (this one is my favorite)

Oh this is so good! I'll be using this one regularly.
Thanks for sharing this beaut! Ian.

ttjmom
03-28-05, 07:05 PM
You are so very welcome. My husband didn't think this one was as funny as I did but I guess I am warped. :D