View Full Version : Hello all....any and all help is welcomed. ADHD+"Bi-polar"

05-21-12, 07:03 PM
I'll try and keep the long story short and to the point.

When i was young i had things happen to me, and witnessed some pretty foul and traumatic things... lets leave that there.

5-15 = normal-ish kid, did what kids did, enjoyed worry free life.

But once i was about 15 i noticed myself changing i was never able to sit still, i always moved and "fidget" while in school and every where else. I can control it if i force myself to, but the urge to do it is over whelming at times, especially if im some place new and im uncomfortable and anxious

Middle school i didnt have depression issues, just the ADHD symptoms.

Progressing to HS, i changed more and more, ADHD was still there, now im constantly thinking about what happened to me as a youth, literal flash backs (yes ive googled PTSD)
Anxiety got infinitely worse while in HS after my first year, the cafeteria made me not want to come to school, and often i didnt. I was always walking around sad, down, people thought i was mad, i wasnt angry at anyone, i was just feeling like , a worthless person. Another year of that. And then its my final year. It got so bad that i came to school maybe once a week, some times not coming for 3 weeks at a time...and eventually im kicked out.That year is when my family started to notice me being down. I had episodes of severe anger, small stuff would set me off, and still does. One thing that stood out the most to me is the feelings id get. If i ever found joy in something, id seriously have a flash back of youth and the feeling in my brain like i was being flooded with sadness, think of huge rain drops hitting the windshield..and theyre coming and just rolling down my body and my mood was changed just like that.
After a year of being home, coming out of my room to get food and use the bathroom....i finally went to see a therapist and psych. Told them all my details, and answered questions....I always ask, whats wrong with me? first therapist said it seemed like PTSD (which is why i googled it) and depression.The Psych asked me what was wrong, and then prescribed me meds that gave me severe headaches,nauseous,dizziness.He didnt ask any questions i think...just gave me a prescript for i think Trazodone(sp). For some reason that i forgot, i stopped going to that therapist, and the psychologist. Transferred to one closer to me, but this therapist says i have symptoms of PTSD,depression, possibly bi-polar.

I visit my new Psychologist,this doc says whats wrong isnt specific, but the meds ive been given always aim at bi polar disorder. been going to this Dr for over 2 years now, ive been on quite a few meds, some worked for a while, then i became suicidal, and stopped those....then started new meds...they began to work, then i got that plateau feeling, and when i tried to do something that challenged my anxiety its like i was taking meds for nothing.

And finally, im on new ADHD meds, and im on bi polar meds ive been on, but had to increase my dosage on those.

Thanks for reading this far. But what are we missing that could possibly be wrong?

Crap, forgot to add this in there some where. But in a relationship at times in easy going, but then ill get into these "moods" where Im just cold, i dont talk, dont want to be bothered, everything bothers me, it doesnt take much to set me off, and i tend to say things that i know will hurt her, but for some reason i don't show restraint.Atleast now i don't have to worry about hurting her since thats off :(

FWIW: when i was on the first set of meds and the second, i had mood swings, seroquel helped for a while, but its the one that stopped working suddenly and i wanted to cut myself :eek:
During that time i was paranoid too. If i left my room (what i consider my safe place) i would be worried sick thinking somebody was gonna go in my room, i have no clue why.

Thanks again for reading this.....

05-21-12, 09:52 PM
It could be biplolar. Are you taking stimulants? There are also other mental disorders that when combined with PTSD can really crush your spirit.

05-21-12, 10:14 PM
Im on Lamotrigine, and my new adhd med is Vyvanse.

05-21-12, 11:53 PM
Reading your story was eerie to me, because it was like reading my own.

I absolutely believe you have delayed-onset PTSD. Until you address that, nothing else will get better. It took me 13 years after the event before I sought treatment for my PTSD symptoms. I went with a form of therapy that is a type of exposure therapy. Basically you work with a therapist and recount the story of what happened to you, over and over again, in increasing detail.

Here is the logic behind it. When you recall a memory, you're pulling it out of long-term memory (LTM) into short-term memory (STM) again, so that you can tell it. Then you reconsolidate that memory back into your LTM. When that event occurred, it caused severe psychological trauma, which is now associated in LTM with that event. When you retell the story of what happened to you (something you have probably never done out loud to another person, or maybe only once and not in detail) it triggers those anxious feelings.

The point of this kind of therapy is that you tell the story, and while you're telling it, you address your anxious feelings. You remind yourself that you are not in the past, that you are in the present, and you are safe here. There is nothing to be afraid of. As your anxiety level comes down, your brain is reconsolidating your traumatic memories back into LTM. But this time, they trigger less anxiety than before.

You do this over and over again, and eventually you get to the point where you can tell the story of what happened to you, and it doesn't trigger those intense feelings of panic, shame, guilt, etc. that it used to. You have retrained your brain. By pulling that memory out of LTM into STM enough times, you have erased the connection between that memory and the overwhelming anxiety and other negative feelings that go along with PTSD. Now it's just another memory. A bad one, of course, but it doesn't have this kind of impact on your life anymore.

It may sound crazy, horrifying, and otherwise unpleasant, and it is. But it works. I went from being housebound with agoraphobia (fear of leaving my "safe zone", which was my bedroom in my mother's house) to living a normal, well-adjusted life in just a year's time. I went from doing nothing, to having a job, going to school, maintaining normal, healthy relationships with others, etc. I got my life back, and it did NOT require heavily sedating antipsychotics like Seroquel and Trazodone.

I honestly believe that 99 times out of 100, if someone prefaces a story by saying that something bad happened to them in their childhood that they do not want to talk about, they have PTSD from that event. I know I did.

I am sure that you are depressed, but I do not think your depression is chemical in nature, or a separate issue from PTSD - rather, I think you're depressed because of the PTSD symptoms you experience (flashbacks, hypervigilance, etc.) Problems with attention can be associated with PTSD too. I honestly think your primary concern is PTSD, and once you've addressed that successfully, then you can re-evaluate yourself and see if you still have residual symptoms of problematic mood, anxiety, attention, etc. that might indicate another problem.

Please consider seeking an evidence-based therapy treatment for PTSD. It can be so helpful to you in the long-run without any of the side effects of the heavy medications they have put you on in the past. You haven't got anything to lose by trying it, and you have a hell of a lot that you could gain.

05-22-12, 12:00 AM
Thanks for the response, i'll look into the therapy.