View Full Version : I have issues making friends.


SwampFox56
06-20-12, 12:33 AM
Ever since I can remember I have always had issues making friends. One of the main reasons why I can't make friends so easily is because I have nothing in common with people my age.

People my age usually like to talk about driving, going to movies, listening to music, and talking about girls, etc..

Well none of that interests me! Girls a little, but that's only because I'm 16!

I find things like computers interesting, and the way the stock market works interesting, and the history of different companies (my favorite one to talk about is Atari) and I especially find the brain interesting. But when I attempt to talk to kids my own age, they want to talk about where they drove to last night, or some dumb drama with their girlfriend, And I want to explain to them the architecture of a 64-bit processor.

I'm not sure why I'm so much more "mature" (I don't like sounding full of myself, but I can't think of a better word to use) than my peers. But then, why does it feel like my peers are much more socially mature than me?

Interestingly enough if I talk to an adult, I usually have fascinating, and interesting conversations with people much older than me. And that NEVER has once happened with someone my own age.

The only thing that I really relate to with people my own age are video game. I like video games, my peers like video games. But I hate talking about video games all the time because after 10 minuets of talking about the new Call Of Duty game, it gets boring! And then I have nothing to talk to them about.

Anyways, I am just curios. Does anyone here with ADD or ADHD have some sort of issue like that?

P.S I have ADD, not ADHD if that makes any difference. I am not a hyper person at all, in fact I'm rather very calm, and rational.

Fuzzy12
06-20-12, 09:31 AM
Zeke as a teenager I often found that I had very little in common with my peers. I still don't but it does get easier to meet like-minded people as you get older.

Maybe you could join some clubs or courses where you could meet more people who share your interests?

Drewbacca
06-21-12, 02:19 AM
So, you don't have issues making friends... you have issues finding friends worth keeping around.

That's awesome that you are interested in those things, stay on top of it!
There are clubs out there that would probably be helpful. HAM radio is one such club that comes to mind.

I totally understand the frustration of not wanting to talk about girls, cars, and drinking... but don't forget to be a kid too. Find some other hobbies that you can connect to people with. You'll find that an awful lot of economists are big on cycling for some odd reason so perhaps that would be worth looking into? Maybe learn some other skills and do some volunteer work like habitat for humanity... Watch for classes that you can take at local colleges. During my highschool years I took Russian one summer and got my EMT cert over another... those sorts of things always placed me around an older more mature crowd.

Perhaps a local community college offers an electronics course that you could take in order to build circuits, solder, etc. that would be a good place to meet like minds.

If you haven't already read it, Taken for a Ride : How Daimler-Benz Drove off with Chrysler is a great read. The Myth of the Rational Market is a good history too.

CheekyMonkey
06-21-12, 02:25 AM
I've never found much of the same interest as my peers. Even now at 28, my hobbies include bird watching and knitting. :lol: I also like hiking, playing guitar and violin, and other things. My peers seem more interested in reading people magazine than reading a book. More interested in buying expensive things than learning something new. I just don't jive with them, for the most part.

psilocybe27
06-21-12, 09:34 PM
I have had the same problem, so i never really made friends my same age. I'm 17 but all my friends are 18-25. Don't worry about it, you'll find plenty of people. You have your whole life ahead of you.
you know what they say,
""An intelectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
So don't let girls or boys or relationships fool you. Don't let society get you down because your interests are different, or because you can't find anything in common with them. Be your own person, and the rest will follow.

Rikatah
06-21-12, 10:21 PM
This is relatable. Though I do share many common interests with my friends, they often act infantile and talk to me about things l really could care less about. I get turned off by people easily, and though I love them, get annoyed by many of my friends. I'm almost 15 and definetly not your average girl. I don't like make up, never do my hair in the mornings, don't mind the rain and getting dirty, enjoy everything in the arts and learning in general (especially about biology- you know I'm crazy when I say I'm planning to skin a snake this summer) and I love building things (architecture is amazing, but I'm not good at it)
I'm also interested in phycology and therapy, I feel as though I'm good at helping people with their problems and finding out what causes them.
I have my own small business and actually want to get a real job (everyone else seems to just want to slack off...) I feel as though I need to keep trying to do things to help my future career and I always have to start new projects that I can't seem to keep up with.
Many of my best conversations are with adults. On average, I respect them more and they don't have as many obnoxious habits. Their character is more developed and they view situations the same way I do, with an open mind ready to listen and learn.
They encourage me to ask questions and like my interest in learning.

Flip_Horrorshow
06-22-12, 03:23 AM
I don't know if I should be here...being not a teen and all...21-teen is now a new thing... :D
Anyways, driving isn't so much fun, movies aren't so great. Tell me what the last movie you watched was, what happened in it. What was the movie before that, who was in it and what happened? Can't remember the latest movie you watched? And the movie before that? Exactly. Music and girls are great though.
As for your friends..George Carlin puts is "It's ******** folks, it's all ******** and it's bad for you". The kids your age can talk all they want about driving. But it will never amount to anything. On the other hand, going through and questioning your logic is a great gift of ADD. (If you ever find out, please tell me what sub atomic particles are made of. I mean, if you were to divide an electron into a single unit, what is that single thing, and then what is that thing made of...)
As a child+teen have always loved learning about systems. Especially electronics.
Actually, what is strangely funny is Drewbacca recommends electronics and amateur radio...the exact two things I was absolutely enthusiastic about during my senior year of high school (physics/science class).
Anyways, as a 78 year old working at McDonalds told one of my friends "Keep your head in the books, and your pecker in your pants..."

NATIVE762
06-22-12, 11:11 AM
First off/ i would like to ask have you tried Assassins Creed (i find that game alittle more fitting for ADHD than COD.)...I find that my friends are either related to me or just not my age (younger or Older). Maybe because i kinda creep out my age group. ANd i have very few freinds at that. Wait, you can talk to people about video games for 10 minutes? Anyways, your not supposed to talk to strangers (ergo you cant make friends)......JK....... The justification for most of my intrests are a combination of how useful it is and my own impulsiveness...I'm intrested more in mechanical stuff than what the celebs are doing. Things like gun and small engine mechanics, welding, human anatomy, sceince, psychology intrest me. So does explosives, chemistry, chaos, philosophy (like nihilismm, anti-consumerism{kinda], anarcho-primitivism,etc)
Being a Loner has its benefit such as a freedom of philosophy that isn't socialy influenced, you should have more spare time to find out what your into and the time to persue(?) most if not all of those intrests. You aren't constantly told what to think. I mean friendship is overrated in this world....

Rikatah
06-22-12, 05:54 PM
Very true. Being a loner is what helped me pursue a lot of things. It's the main reason I've become so influenced by art over the years, and why I blow off a lot of stuff to do it.

Arei
06-25-12, 02:01 PM
You're not alone bro XD It's hard being a young person with ADD/ADHD. It's hard being a person with ADD/ADHD period sometimes but when you're at the age where alot of who you are and what you do is defined by your interests shared with your peers... It gets totally frustrating when you find yourself on the edge. Since 7th grade my interests and hobbies and passions have put me on the fringes of socializing with my age group. I prefer the company of seniors, they have so much to share and tell. I'm also a history nut, I love history and cultures of the past. Social psychology. Love learning about how the mind ticks.

And I am passionate about all of the things. I don't have one decorative theme with my stuff. I have a lot of cactus things, I love the ME cherries, I love anime/video games, I love 20s/30s movie posters, WW2 propaganda, and flower photography. None of these things are like the other XD And I love it! I love having so many varied interests. You can tell how hardcore ADD I am, I need so much stimulation. It's maybe not a good thing but it keeps me sane! Sane is good.

I'm 21 now too, but I joined this forum back when I was 16 so I'm really trying to think of how I was feeling back then XD My first posts seem a bit similar to this... The point is even now, I still don't find people my age worth it. I have a lot of older friends, some of them being 10 years older then me (one of my best friends is 7 years older and we've been friends for like 9 years)... But there's a lot of people 7-8+ that I don't get along with either because many of them are as emotionally immature as people my age... So even a few years down the line there are people you STILL aren't going to connect to because they're so vastly different and still have a late teen/early 20s mentality. I really don't have time for petty and superficial crap. I do enjoy drinking, not to get drunk really but I love mixed drinks. It's like chemistry LOL. This is still something I really don't share with people my own age, they just want to get drunk...

I say just roll with your interests and pursue them. You are going to meet people of all ages who share your interests and form all kinds of friendships, you just have to go out and find them. You may get lucky and find someone your age, but it'll be rare if it does happen. Be open to everyone, age doesnt really always define someone's maturity or interest in things. You'll find the best friendships in the places and people you least expect, but you got to follow your heart and pursue those interests of yours. It will take some diligence and hard work but you will find your people. I'm still searching for mine, I haven't given up yet!

Also I couldn't even spend 10 minutes talking about COD. I also second the notion that's not really a game that holds the interest of most ADDers... It's more for the simple-minded crowd XD I love storytelling, drama, and suspense in my games. I will dabble in L4D/2 though, its awesome XD

I also second seeing if there are courses relevant to your interests at a local CC college. You'll find like-minded people there of all different ages, and it makes for interesting coversation. The best class I've had was a psychology class with ages 18-65 in attendance. Getting so many viewpoints was amazing.

SwampFox56
06-25-12, 03:29 PM
Thanks for all the great responses guys! I really appreciate the support, and help! I don't have anything to say about it yet (since I have read threw them all yet :/ ) but once I do, I will respond to each of you individually. Again thanks for all the great answers guys! I really appreciate it :)

SwampFox56
06-29-12, 01:00 PM
Very true. Being a loner is what helped me pursue a lot of things. It's the main reason I've become so influenced by art over the years, and why I blow off a lot of stuff to do it.

Most definitely for me as well. Around 8 months ago, I had no friends what-so-ever. It was very difficult for me to get up and go to school, since I had no one to talk to there, and no one to look forward to seeing during the day. It was a very lonely feeling.

I was very depressed, full of anger, and many other feelings at this time. And even though I felt like I would have given anything to have a friend; one of the things that I was able to do to make the "pain" go away was do things that I liked.

I love electricity and computers. It fascinates me how everything works, and fits together. During this time I taught myself how to solder, and I've been fixing old electronics ever since.

Unfortunately, a lot of the electronics I repair (mostly computers from the late 70's and 80's. But also a lot of older game systems as well.) have some very expensive chips on them.

Not necessarily a problem, but its very annoying to get something almost working, but then realize that I need to replace a 43uF capacitor. And then realize that a replacement costs $60 :mad:

I was trying to fix a ZX Spectrum (the sound on it was broken, turnes out that a capacitor was blown.) And when I found out that it stores 6.3 volts I was mind blown. No capacitor that I have ever seen splits a volt like that! I didn't even know that, that was possible!

That's probably why its so expense because it does that. Anyways, I tried using a 7 Volt DC capacitor as a substitute, which will always works if I can't find an exact model. And by doing that I blew the entire board!

It turns out that the sound board was isolated from the rest of the board. And the reason for that was because it used an AC current instead of a DC current like the rest of the board (which, again I also didn't know was possible!)

So since the board was DC (and on the online schematics of the board did it s show, or even mention that the sound driver was isolates) I naturally used a DC capacitor. And by doing that I fried the entire sound driver.

Normally an electrical rectifier would have stopped the wrong type of current from flowing into the board, but since the sound card was separated, it bypassed the rectifier that was on the other board, and it was wired right into the 7805 Voltage regulator. Which is most likely the reason why the capacitor blew in the first place.

Anyways I was able to build my own replacement, but by doing that it converted it to DC (because of the components I used)

So I wired it right into the rectifier, so that wouldn't happen again. However, that inverted the sound! :mad::mad:

Well I'm rambling.
Anyways my point above still stands lol

spunkysmum
06-29-12, 01:44 PM
The idea of people congregating in groups of other people their own age is a relatively modern one, and isn't necessarily the most "natural" situation. Historically, "back in the olden days" people, even young people, spent a lot more time in groups of people of different ages, younger men working with older ones, young women mingling with the older. Even in the one-room schoolhouses, all the classes were learning in the same room, so younger, brighter students could possibly get more advanced learning if they needed it, just by eavesdropping on the lessons of the older kids. People aren't all necessarily meant to congregate only in groups of people born the same year they were.

I remember noting this when at my last job I worked in a department mostly staffed by women, ranging from younger to older. There were more older than younger women and I noticed that I benefited quite a bit from being around women older than myself. The two women I socialized with most on my breaks were the same age as my mother. If there were more of this cross-generational socializing and working together in today's society, the disconnects and generation gaps would probably be less pronounced. I remember thinking that if some of those ladies' kids could spend a day on the job with them and really get an idea of what the things they wanted their moms to buy them or pay for for them really cost in terms of how many hours of tedious work it required to buy say a $100 pair of shoes, they might go a lot easier on their parents when it came to requests and demands for "stuff."

Rikatah
06-29-12, 04:23 PM
Most definitely for me as well. Around 8 months ago, I had no friends what-so-ever. It was very difficult for me to get up and go to school, since I had no one to talk to there, and no one to look forward to seeing during the day. It was a very lonely feeling.

I was very depressed, full of anger, and many other feelings at this time. And even though I felt like I would have given anything to have a friend; one of the things that I was able to do to make the "pain" go away was do things that I liked.

I love electricity and computers. It fascinates me how everything works, and fits together. During this time I taught myself how to solder, and I've been fixing old electronics ever since.

Unfortunately, a lot of the electronics I repair (mostly computers from the late 70's and 80's. But also a lot of older game systems as well.) have some very expensive chips on them.

Not necessarily a problem, but its very annoying to get something almost working, but then realize that I need to replace a 43uF capacitor. And then realize that a replacement costs $60 :mad:

I was trying to fix a ZX Spectrum (the sound on it was broken, turnes out that a capacitor was blown.) And when I found out that it stores 6.3 volts I was mind blown. No capacitor that I have ever seen splits a volt like that! I didn't even know that, that was possible!

That's probably why its so expense because it does that. Anyways, I tried using a 7 Volt DC capacitor as a substitute, which will always works if I can't find an exact model. And by doing that I blew the entire board!

It turns out that the sound board was isolated from the rest of the board. And the reason for that was because it used an AC current instead of a DC current like the rest of the board (which, again I also didn't know was possible!)

So since the board was DC (and on the online schematics of the board did it s show, or even mention that the sound driver was isolates) I naturally used a DC capacitor. And by doing that I fried the entire sound driver.

Normally an electrical rectifier would have stopped the wrong type of current from flowing into the board, but since the sound card was separated, it bypassed the rectifier that was on the other board, and it was wired right into the 7805 Voltage regulator. Which is most likely the reason why the capacitor blew in the first place.

Anyways I was able to build my own replacement, but by doing that it converted it to DC (because of the components I used)

So I wired it right into the rectifier, so that wouldn't happen again. However, that inverted the sound! :mad::mad:

Well I'm rambling.
Anyways my point above still stands lol

Haha not a problem, it's interesting :P

I've never really been good at fixing electronics (WHY WON'T IT WORK... oh I didn't turn it on) but it's fascinating watching someone else fix them. I just take things apart then can't figure out how to put them back together.
My dad's an engineer so I would know- he works on circuit boards and fixes just about anything that's in need of repairs, it's amazing! I'll never know just how he does it.
You'd probably get along very well with each other, haha

arrested_truth
06-29-12, 04:44 PM
Very true. Being a loner is what helped me pursue a lot of things. It's the main reason I've become so influenced by art over the years, and why I blow off a lot of stuff to do it.

Same for me, here. I picked up sewing and jewelry making, and over the past 3 years I've grown into quite the perfected loner :lol:
I taught myself how to do these things, including taking apart my sewing machine (28 misc sized screws, and all!) to fix it, and put it back together, twice.
Swampfox, I am 21 and from Minnesota too. I felt exactly like what you are describing, when I was at that age...
There is nothing wrong with aspiring in your own time towards things that interest YOU, and NOT your friends. None of my friends back when I started, or even now, could give a damn what techniques go into making a pinwheel patterned quilt, or much less, how to make it. But I take pride in doing it anyway, and if any of these people ('friends') decide to show up, and see that I'm completely encompassed in making ANOTHER awesome blanket, they'll ask questions, and I'll give them answers. They're not super interested, but there's not much you can do about an intellectual border like that...
Some people are for making things, and some people are for talking about things. For the people that aren't like you, it's very easy (and already accustomed) for them to get stuck in the whirlwind blur of gossip, relationships, and more gossip... don't mind them, because you have other *better* things going on in your head... ;)

“The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone—that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”
-Nikola Tesla

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will."
-George Bernard Shaw