I know there's another thread on how being diagnosed has affected people's relationships with their parents, but I never posted to that one as I haven't told my parents about it yet... But that all might change today, and completely by accident.

My parents, my sister, and I have all been having all kinds of car trouble, so we've kind of been playing musical cars as one gets inspected, then rejected and another gets fixed, etc. So I currently have my parent's car and they have mine, and we were supposed to switch tonight. My mother called me at work today to offer to switch the cars while I"m at work so I don't have to drive all the way to their house tonight - which seems like a really nice offer, and it is, so I said sure.

Anyway, the point is, now I'm starting to freak out that they'll decide to go in my apartment for some reason (my father has the world's smallest bladder and they have the spare keys, so it's entirely possible). Besides it being a complete MESS & rather gross (I haven't done the dishes in awhile, which is actually unlike me, but it's a long story), I have all my bottles of various pills lined up right on the table and a book sitting on the couch called "Women with ADHD". I think the cat would be out of the bag.

On the one hand, it would be rather nice to have it all out in the open - I wasn't really sure how I would bring it up when I was ready to. But on the other hand, I'm still scared that they won't believe it's real and think it's just another one of my excuses.

But I guess there isn't anything I can do about it now... and I do feel better after venting.

If you're tired of hiding it, and feel your family should know, the situation you describe is one of the best you could possibly use. If they see it "by accident", they know you're not trying to use it to excuse anything you might be doing with them (which you're not). But that's often the first thing that jumps into people's heads when they get "the talk", about anything really. Then, they can either ignore it and not talk about it, which if you know very well they saw it and understood, means you should probably just let it stew, or they could bring it up and want to talk, which is ideal, or they could bring it up condescendingly. In which case, you should say "oh, crap, I left that on the table, didn't I. Well, it's none of your business, so butt out."

It's like telling your parents you're gay. They might ignore it, accept it, or deride it. Be aware of all three, and allow that it's their choice, and go from there. There's little you can do to convince them one way or the other, but to continue the analogy, it's harder for them to accusingly ask you "I saw these magazines with "men seeking men" articles circled, are you a freaking homo?" than to flip out when you tell them "Guys, I'm gay". Because in the former, they have to confront you, and in the latter, you are confronting them, and it's easier to feel attacked and defend yourself than it is to launch a frontal assault. Which is why they might ignore it, in each case.

Note that none of this was intended discriminatorially. I have good friends who are gay. It's not something that bothers me in the least. I only used strong language to illustrate a point.

They may look at it as an excuse, but even if they don't entirely believe it, it offers some degree of explanation.

I think my mother is most resistant to it because in her mind she somehow failed me if I actually have this thing and she didn't realize it when I was a kid. And I have a great mother!

My dad doesn't talk about it much (which isn't his usual nature), though he chooses moments to support me (such as siding with me that it is not normal for a child to do 3-6 hours of homework every single night in first, second & third grade). And Mom didn't you find it odd that I never did homework again throughout the rest of my first 12 years of school yet still made a 3.45 GPA?

Also think Dad is ADD and is why he doesn't want to talk about it. Really explains a lot. The 3rd time he brought me my spare car key on campus and got p*ssed about it, my Mom told me he locked himself out of his patrol car all the time! But he's retired and 70 now, so what would be the point. That side of my family tree eventually dies of dementia. (Not Alzheimers) Gotta wonder if there's an ADD angle to that!

Basically if they find out, I guarantee you it will be a relief. And as for your apartment...Welcome to ADD...and you'll all live through that embarassment too. My Mom would like to come and clean for me twice a month...if I could just get it clean enough to let her what a deal that would be!!!

Sometimes the fact that I can do nothing about a problem makes me feel more relaxed. But if they've never popped into your place before, I'd say they probably wouldn't in this case either.

I guess if they have done it, they may figure it out, but then, my parents would say nothing and pretend they hadn't seen it until I brought it up.

I hope it works out well in either case, but I feel that your parents are quite nice folks so Im feeling the timing may not be what you wanted, but it will be ok.

PS, for some reason I have a messy house..but I've always had a messy bedroom when younger so my parents understand when I say something like "hi come on in, and DON"T look in the kitchen!"

Good luck!

Thanks for all the support, it really does help. I don't think they actually went into the apartment, so the crisis might be past for now (though there was a copy of Driven to Distraction with the school book they were going to transfer to my car, though I don't know if they'd know what that was).

But it was really good to hear other's thoughts on this. I hadn't thought of it the way that Alex put it: If they see it "by accident", they know you're not trying to use it to excuse anything you might be doing with them (which you're not). It really would be easier if it happened that way...

And as for your apartment...Welcome to ADD...and you'll all live through that embarassment too. My Mom would like to come and clean for me twice a month...if I could just get it clean enough to let her what a deal that would be!!!

That's exactly my mother too! Wouldn't it be great?