I've decided to quit drinking. It didn't seem like a big problem, just in the evenings & either I got used to it or I just didn't get hangovers much but anyways, the reason I think to quit is that I believe it is too pleasant and satisfying so I end up with no motivation to do anything with my life. I don't need more when I'm drinking I guess. I already gave upp weed for more than a month. I never had withdrawals from quitting any of that, not even cigarettes which I smoke two packs a day. I'll bet the smoking works the same way, sapping my energy & I really ought to quit that too. If I don't smoke & sure do have more energy.

I'm on Zoloft & Ritalin for a few weeks now & this seems to work well for me so I'll stick with those because I know I'd be a mess totally sober & would not have the willpower to do that. I still don't even know if I even have ADD or maybe just a little bit. That's the other thing is I think I've got to quit drinking (and smoking) to find out what my baseline is. I mean I was always a bit unusual even as a kid before I began self medicating but it's been so long since I've seen what I'm like totally sober & I've got to do this if I'm going to find out what my problem is.

My biggest problem is procrastination & lack of discipline to do the chores I ought to if I want to do anything with my life besides hang around & play. I do keep busy with projects & hobbies so it's not like I'm a total vegetable, that's why I think it may be ADD, the idea of seeking stimulating hobbies but being unable to do boring tasks. Anyways I'm guessing quitting the drinking will free up some energy for me & also get a clearer picture of what my state of mind is & probably get in touch with my feelings better.

Although I've been through a lot of therapy for the emotional stuff & it seems I've worked through it pretty much, I'm still probably emotionally numbed quite a bit by the drinking & smoking. Effexor kind of wiped out my feelings but Zoloft doesn't seem so bad about that so I'll stick with it for a while at least. If I can get used to not drinking & smoking, then I can move on to seeing what it's like without the meds.

Another thing is I'm thinking of getting one of those brain scans from the Amen clinic but it seems it would be a waste to have them just tell my my brain is messed up from drinking & smoking. How could they even tell if I had ADD through all that? Probably not. Probably I can't tell either. They say after a few months your brain can get much better from the effects of drugs so I wouldn't waste my money on that unless I did so.

So do you think I got that right about sucking the energy away? I'll bet smoking is just as bad too. That'll be so tough to convince myself not to smoke!

yes, of course, all that stuff sucks the life right out of you-or sustains you at a steady level like heroin. (hey! i'm not makin' any claims about the relativity or moral issues of ANY of these drugs<thats my disclaimer. don't want a big ol' huge rigamarole about it)
coffee sucks the life out of you too..such HIGHS and such LOWS. your body isn't meant to be a yo yo.
as my wise psychiatrist tells me "everything has a price" (which is what she said whenever i inquired about something to counteract my anxiety w/ wellbutrin and adderall, she wasn't being a smart ssa. she was just telling me that if i wanted i can take 5 mgs of lexepro to do this but there's always a price to be had. for me it was nausea and major headaches)
you're doing the right thing for yourself it seems paul.
i commend you for putting an effort forth to clear your mind and let the clarity set in and see what that means
its hard for all of us to give up our comforts, habits, obsessions, drugs and alcohol or whatever it is, including the computer, that keeps us occupied or at rest when we need to garner so much of what we are to do the simple things in life. its easier sometimes to juggle completely impertinent things. we seem to happily place ourselves in our own holding tank.
i'm not saying its voluntary or its easy.
it just is...

good luck

Thanks for the confirmation. Maybe I do have ADD & that's why I have such a need for that stimulation but then when I do drugs, it erases the need & I'm left rather unmotivated even though it seems so harmless & feels so good. I had enough motivation before to keep going anyways but I'm just not going anywhere lately. I guess it adds up over the years & I'm finally paying the price or I'm growing up enough to realize I want more.

Talking myself out cigarettes is really going to be hard. Not that I get withdrawals but it is so comforting. If I got some nervous energy the cigarette really brings it under control, instantly. That'll be hard to give up having such an easy out.


its hard for all of us to give up our comforts, habits, obsessions, drugs and alcohol or whatever it is, including the computer, that keeps us occupied or at rest when we need to garner so much of what we are to do the simple things in life. its easier sometimes to juggle completely impertinent things. we seem to happily place ourselves in our own holding tank.

Paul I'm pretty certain that increasing your metabolic rate with make the contrast even bigger. Aerobic activity is not hard or difficult. During the first six weeks the changes in energy are dramatic.

I've missed my aerobic targets every time I've tried so I usually run myself into the ground instead of reaping the benefits.

Energy is a very hot commodity for me. I can't have too much. Sometimes I over rev' a bit but that's easy to fix with a run. It takes all of me not to exceed my target heart rate though. The kicker is that when I'm working within my target I feel so so good! I'm a little frustrated with this just now.

The smokes and coffee as has already been mentioned and any number of other factors come into play as you likely know. This week I've tried to kick the day off a little differently by waking up an hour before I want to rise and taking my dex. I head directly back to bed and wake up with a much clearer view of what's happening when the alarm goes off. Normally I'm quite the slug in the morning. So far it's working well. I stole the idea from a post here recently but can't remember where or who posted it. :(

Keeping carbo's down to a minimum is good too. Like the smokes and anything else that messes with my blood sugar I am targeting for removal.

I'm sure you'll have plenty of things on your plate without taking on these ideas too but I thought it would be a way to say "yes" energy is important.

I used to smoke, drink and any number of other self destructive things.
ian

I didn't get much out of exercise while drinking & smoking etc. It just made me tired. Probably I will be able to channel my energy to that now. Probably I'll go nuts if I don't channel some energy into exercise!

It seems I'm pretty tolerant of smoking, drinking, excess sugar, coffee whatever I can just suck it up & it doesn't seem to matter that much. Not that I am inclined to massive overdose levels of any of that but quite a lot & it doesn't appear to effect me that much. But I guess it all adds up into a steady state numbness or something. Or maybe it is that I have such an appetite for stimulation, that's why I can suck it all up without any dramatic reaction. We will see...

Somewhere I read that meditation can buy you energy too. The quote I remember was that 20 minutes in a good "Alfa" state could be worth 8 hours sleep. I have no idea if this is true.

I did have one experience along those lines once. I did this on a hunch and sat in meditation in front of an open window during winter. I was able to avoid getting cold when I shouldn't have been able to. I've read accounts of that type of thing happening.

The energy I spend hanging onto ideas alone sucks the life out of me.. heh

When I don't have a numbness I can hardly stand the intensity of life. This is where I can't be too active in direct reflection of abstract conjecture. I grind to a halt.
Cheers! Ian.

Hey paul, how are you. Very true on your post. For me, Being a drug and alcohol dependant person, on top of having ADD, Depression , Social Interaction/Phobia, is very very hard. You have 2 battles to fight. Well, i have 2 defenses also. Good medication and proper supplements. The combonation of both should help someone, alot, to ease the cravings of alcohol, and hard drugs.
Yes adderall, Ritalin can be and is abused, but if one is not a speed addict, which you must be honest with your doctor, (I basically like Oxys and used to drink alot), Besides that, i have no problems with any other drugs. But you take a drug like alcohol and oxycontin. Alcohol actually effects multi neurotransmitters, (serotonin, Dopamine,Norepinephrine, Gaba, and Opiate) neurotrasmittion. Oxycontin is a strong Mu Opiate Binding drug and released Dopamine from the reward pathway. Plus im sure a few other goodies. So, comparing these two drugs with a drug which just effects one receptor, anyone can say that its not going to be as addictive, yet if at all, such as xanax, muscle relaxers, even Psychostimulants, to a point. Now Methamphetamine is a different story. But SInce everyone has different addictions, And your doctor is familiar with your history, it doesnt mean just because you were an alcoholic, that your gonna abuse meth or adderall. But Meth, being a very potent Doapminergic long acting drug, along with serotonin enhancing properties, then on top of that smoking it or shooting it, like heroin addiction is multiplied 10x.
So, alot of doctors are afraid to give any medication to help one with mental issues or ADD< thus handing out loads of SSRI'S and some welbutrin or Stratterrra. But for most of the people suffereing, there not going to get the best treatment or shall i say the meds wont really work, but make you numb or hyped up, in an anxiety prone manner. THus, this will often cause an addict to keep craving his or her drug of choice, still feeling depressed or suffering from anxiety attacks or ADD. I say this, because iv been to many doctors, for help and have gotten the same thing over and over and never stopped using or drinking. Rehabs, well, the truth is out of 40 people who go through a rehab, only 1 or 2 stay clean, this was told many times, to the entire rehab. Again, iv been there 3 times, and did not stay clean, and still, suffered from my mental problems. THough i was in a rehab where a girl was allowed to take her Adderall. MMM well good for her.

Now, not to go on and on, but alcohol is just as bad and worse. It has no medical uses, ulike most illegal drugs, do or are similar to the medical drug. (except for the old days of pain killing effects). Tobacco, is probably one of the most addictive drugs, but doesnt have the mind altering effects. Caffiene, well its a drug but i dont see many problems associated with it. Even cocaine, is not addictive like opiates. At least not in the way where most of or about 80 percent of rehabiliatation patients are either heroin addicts or alcoholics. I speak about addiction, because one or two of the types of ADD, have to do with drug or alcohol addiction. Then, another subject, which may be true, is a problem called Reward Deficency Syndrome, basically where, your dopaminergic neurons in the stiatum are not working as they should. Most likely from years of abusing had drugs or alcohol. THus , this alone can cause just one feeling like life is boring, no motivation or zest for life, but not suicidal, moresoe, just going through the motions, not doing the things one used to do, or having fun like they used to. But that drug, or drink, puts them back in that state of mind. ON top of that, you have to battle the mental health issue.
I dont think most doctors do a very good check up, even p-docs, and iv been to 4, and at most, iv been in the room for 10 minutes with them.

You have a point there, going to the amen clinic, then a speicalized neuro doctor can see whats going on in there, and then sit down with you for at least 1 hr, for a few weeks, or maybe a week, im not sure, but this would be a good chance that you would receive the proper diagnosis and treament.

On top of this, do alot of reading, on the brain, and nutrition, supplements etc, or even holistic doctors, which can help alot. Iv learned so much in the past 5 years of research, which im actually not going to be any doctor or anything, but the enjoyment and the complexity of the brain, and how many natural, herbal, botanical, nootropic type substances there are, and how they can effect ones health and mental well being, is very interesting. Id love to be a natural or holistic type doctor, but Id rather have my own store, where I could incorperate my peronal training and knowledge, and believe me i dont know 10 percent of what there is to learn, then take time with a client , offer opinions etc, and help others, which in turn will make you or I feel alot better. After reading about how the FDA works, and medical insurance and lack of imput from most doctors, that actually are just masking the symptoms instead of healing , well, it makes you think , why when a supplements or herb , works well, in 2 yrs its banned, then you see a similar type drug a perscription. I wont get into it, but its so true. Or I sometimes just to see what doctor say, i ask them about a few supplements, and often i get that stuff is not researched and doesnt work. Just take a multi vitamin. MMMM. makes you wonder.

MRsrch

Hey Paul, it sounds like you're where I will be pretty soon. I'm brand spanking new to all this ADD / Adderall reality, so it's good to know there's someone else who's got the same problems I'm having, and with the same factors, such as drinking, smoking, and smoking. I really don't know how much energy cigarettes saps our energy, but I do know that smoking is the stupidest thing any human can do to themselves. We're morons, really, sucking in all those toxins drag by drag. And try as we might (I'm going into my 12th time this year), quitting the smokes is one extraordinary feat that deserves a bi-monthly medal for achievement.

Definitely give up the smokes if you can, but I don't think it'd be wise to drop them all at once. Taper off first, see how that goes. Two packs a day is a staggering beast to leave behind. If you could cut down to one pack a day, and then to half a day, I'm sure you'll find you're headed in the right direction. I used to be a pack a day guy, before I really started to cut down. Now, I'll smoke around 5 or 6 cigs a day, and though I know it isn't the same as none, I feel better knowing that I'm that close and I'm a little healthier for it. Then again, my grandfather quit cold turkey after being a two pack a day 30-year smoker. But that was long ago, before there was so much nico-tampering with our systems.

As for the weed and alcohol, all I know is that I don't see myself getting high or drunk as much as I have recently. Adderall seems to be a nice replacement that frowns upon any other mind/mood-altering substances joining the party. Besides, I'm taking it for a reason: to clear up my head. Why should I make it harder for myself by adding insult to injury.

For what it's worth, good luck, and I hope you find your answers.

I've been uncomfortably cold and sleeping a lot now. I slept almost 12 hours last night. I think the cigarettes are still preventing me from having any real energy. I've been trying to get out & do things instead of hanging around. That will be necessary, to begin chanelling & utilizing my energy. Maybe that alone would have helped me maintain longer but just as well that I kinda forced myself to bottom out so I can have enough reason to try another option. I'm a very steady person, not erratic. I change slowly.

paul,
thanks for sharing your journey!

Do you feel the sleeping is a detox reaction or are you getting a little depressed from your efforts?

MRsrch,
Wondering if you've found that 'one' multi-vitamin that you can recommend yet...or how many vitamins do you take nowadays?

If meds are just a balance to make us more 'norm' or say 'less-reactive' and you've not had good luck sticking with a Pdoc...which method are you seeking to re-learn behaviors that drove you to addiction?

Personally from your (or anyone who wishes to answer) experience are 12-step programs, counseling, Pdocs the most effective?
Which method/s have the most success---is it just a matter of finding what works for each individual?

I think I'm a little depressed from my efforts & rather than resort to getting high, I just sleep instead. It is odd that I never seem to experience physical withdrawal. Also maybe makes sense that I'd be getting depressed because I can't escape whatever uncomfortable feelings come up. I'm sure that if I quit smoking, I'd get real anxious & have energy & be forced to do something else but the cigarettes kind of keep me sedated & numbed. I"m also eating more which is very sedating and satisfying.

Also maybe I'm cheating with the zoloft & ritalin but one step at a time. So far it's no big deal going without the drinking so if I can get used to that, then I'll be ready for another step like tackling the smoking.