Hello,







I've started to become more concerned with myself, I'm consistently failing short and screwing up on things. I'm often feeling overwhelmed, confused and sad.







Since I've started my journey of self improvement I now feel more tired, concerned and worn down as ever. I really hope this is a case of it gets worse before it gets better but i'm running out of ideas and things to do, it seems like everything is still so far away even though I said and felt this months ago. I really feel well just blah!







Every week I set up a review and come up with different ideas to try and get myself moving forward, some work better than others, some never even get started as I either forget or the system itself is over complex.







On the plus side I do feel somewhat more informed and wiser now than before, I can see things from different perspectives most of the time, I still suffer moments of weakness though.







In part it's almost like the old me is fighting against the new me, a battle inside of myself is certainly not a good thing. They are a lot of things that I hear which contradict each other and other things that are almost universally accepted that simply do nothing for me (affirmations for example)







The truth is, although I have plenty of moments of feeling good, this is all just trying to be positive and positive thinking on my side, deep down I still hate myself, actually much more than before. Now I am really trying to push myself all I can see is failings and were the positive thinking can make you say "I can do this!", when I actually try my mind tends to step in and say "Knew you couldn't do this!"







When i'm here at home trying to focus and get something done, always something strikes that messes things up for me and I just fail to do the work I need to do. While there are plenty of times that I am doing it, I am always throwing away a lot of time in a given week, sometimes half or more. When time is really short, i don't understand what is wrong with me.







My relationships are worse than ever, even though I have learned more about how relationships work with other people and even read through some books and audio tapes on the subject. While I have people that I talk to once and awhile or that i can communicate on shallow issues I feel so isolated and disconnected from people I don't know what is going on.







I have this overwhelming want, just to go to sleep, not because I'm tired but because this will all go away.







But still, I have huge determination that balances some of this out, it doesn't make things nice as everything is like a big battle. I will get upset, angry, then in a few days (or less) I will come up with the next big plan to solve this and move ahead. It's a nice loop.







I've started a weight loss and exercise program again. Exercise is going good now, I do it regularly, however for a period of about 4 weeks i either gained weight or stayed the same from which I was totally puzzled, it's coming back down now, but why is everything such a huge battle?







To me right now it just feels like, battle, battle, battle, battle, battle... With the end of fighting far in the future even if i look at it positively.





*sigh*

I think I'm going thru the same thing.

I feel "blah".

I'm bored out of my mind. We don't go out, I don't go out...there is never SERENA time. I'm mom, wife, cook, babysitter, maid, gopher, account manager, volunteer, etc.

Sometimes I feel like, "Gee...where did SERENA go??"

We just moved in July to a VERY small town and its dry. Now, I never went out regularly but I did go to a little hole-in-the-wall place 3 times & when I'd go out of town for schools or whatever (work-related), I made the most of it.

Now....I"m unemployed and just going (back) to college. My whole world feels like it's done a 180 & I'm not exaggerating. I'm trying so hard to adapt and be Florence Nightengale (sp), but inside...I feel like a caged animal - pacing around, locked up, and no choice in the matter.

A lot has to do w/my christian beliefs & trying to maintain an image. Not only the image thing, but I'm fighting "right" and "wrong" daily. I believe that I'm not supposed to WANT to go out (even if for one drink and dance), and that I should be Mrs. Brady & quit trying to be "ME".

Marriage - not so good, either. Many contributing factors, including the above-mentioned.

Ok..I dumped, too

lol

are either of you on meds? I am just curious. I kind of feel the same way. Especially it seems to be in the "South" that being a Christian and taking medication is a big deal.

I've been on anti-dep since the birth of my 2nd child (Feb 2001), but have decided to try to get off of it.

I tried cold turkey & on about the 2nd to 3rd day suffer from what I discovered was called "sensory disturbances", as well as major irritability (like I need THAT!).

Now I"m trying 1/2 dose AS needed which is about every 3rd-4th day.

I've been on anti-dep since the birth of my 2nd child (Feb 2001), but have decided to try to get off of it.

Recently, I've been on Effexor.

I tried cold turkey & on about the 2nd to 3rd day suffer from what I discovered was called "sensory disturbances" (these 'brain-fits' as I call them will drive you nutso), as well as major irritability (like I need THAT!).

Now I"m trying 1/2 dose AS needed which is about every 3rd-4th day.

Just my humble opinion but I think it is really not good to start and stop taking meds like that especially depression ones. Effexor made me more moody. I took it after my hysterectomy. The gyno puts all his patients on it but it made me feel worse so now I take Wellbutrin. I think Wellbutrin is a lot better for ADD and ADHD but you know what works for one person does not always work for another. I hope you get out of your depression. Mine are primarily some marital problems and stress.

I will call my doc about that Wellbutrin. Yeah, I hope to pull out of this too. Marital, stress (now add on holiday stress), finals next week, in-laws, neighbors, and trying my darndest to be Mrs. BRADY!!! When, I actually FEEL like Peg at times...LOL

Hah Serena you feel like Peg! As in Bundy how funny:) She's such a crack up.

I've been fighting depression lately as well.
I know it would take just doing something a little out of the norm for me to feel more enjoyment in life
...but like both or all of you it's a battle between doing what I'm suppose to do
...which is do FOR everyone else but me.

If you all get any ideas I don't know running barefoot on a golfcourse after hours, let me know. Sometimes with me just a little bit of risk taking feels great--like cutting work after lunch and go to the beach or movies--
but practical me says no! Keep that nose to the grindstone, be PRACTICAL.

bah humbug we'll get thru this, right team?

I like your ideas...lol

I'm really concerned about the time between finals next week and the start of next semester.

Actually, I'm worried. I do NOT have anything to do at all. People say "Go shopping"....with WHAT??? I always hate that :(

I've recently accepted that I suffer depression. I've had an open mind to issues of the mind and soul for as long as I can remember but getting an objective view of myself continues to challenge me! heh

I've begun taking mirtazapine (Remeron) along with Dexedrine to help with anxiety and depression. I don't see much improvement but I'm not taking much so I'm not drawing any conclusions until I let the trial run it's course.

The only thing I've found to deal with depression is activity. Of course activity is just what I am not capable of when I'm down. I've taken this approach down to the level I need to in order that it works for me.

I identify something that I can do and do it. That's it in a nut shell but it's not easy as we all likely know.

Firstly I guess I need to be willing to try which so far I've always been. Then I need to be very sure that the goal is easy enough to do. This is the key point for me. If I take going to the toilet (which I'm doing anyway) as a goal to complete successfully and that's all I can handle so be it. I choose carefully because with failure comes that slippery slope that is much easier to get down than back up.

Once I've identified a few simple goals that involve activity and met with some success I usually find that the ball keeps rolling. Often, if I'm successful on one day the next day is much easier but if I'm not vigilant I can slip back easily. These things seem to go in cycles for me and until I'm out of the low end of that cycle I have to "choose" to be active because it sure isn't coming naturally.

I feel that this works so well for me is that it accomplishes a couple of important things. The most important is that by doing anything in this low state of mind I feel a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. My self esteem gets a boost in the right direction. Second is that it gets me out of my head. I tend to have a rich inner life as I jokingly call it at home. I don't do well if I spend too much time there at the cost of investing in the world around me.

This activity is the most difficult and challenging thing I do in regards to my own self discovery.
Wishing you all well.
ian

Thank you for that, Ian....

Please keep us posted. I know that my success won't be a perfect fit. I just hoped it would maybe lead your thoughts to hope.

I don't like being in that dark place and if I never go there again it wouldn't bother me a bit. Your words paint a clear picture and I'm grateful to be reminded to be happy today that I've got my head above water.

I hope you can feel a good vibe heading out to you. Hugs.
ian

I feel this way sometimes, But I dont blame this feeling on others because I know I can change them. I know who's I am. I know what I am and what I'm not.
I meditate on God and try to seek and emulate the Truth,Love and light that he has shown me but during the everyday life we forget.
Many(family&friends) Try to steal my sunshine.
I want to effect my surroundings and not be affected by my surroundings. (Hope I spelled that right)
I hear/see religious people do hideous things moday thru friday, but on sunday play church. I want to be ME 24/7 Good or bad and still seek God.
I am a work in progress and will not be completed until .....God knows when;)

Serena, I don't recommend skipping doses of effexor, I believe that just makes it worse. Most recommendations are to taper slowly off, breaking the capsules & removing gradually more each day or week. Another good approach is to switch to prozac which has less withdrawal problems because of it's longer half-life. Many people experience serious withdrawal problems when quitting effexor. Effexor has a short half life so you will feel the withdrawal the next day & if you go back to the same dose two days later you just lost that progress.

I've been on anti-dep since the birth of my 2nd child (Feb 2001), but have decided to try to get off of it.

Recently, I've been on Effexor.

I tried cold turkey & on about the 2nd to 3rd day suffer from what I discovered was called "sensory disturbances" (these 'brain-fits' as I call them will drive you nutso), as well as major irritability (like I need THAT!).

Now I"m trying 1/2 dose AS needed which is about every 3rd-4th day.Yeah check with your doctor, I don't think anti-depressents work well that way.

Hello,







I've started to become more concerned with myself, I'm consistently failing short and screwing up on things. I'm often feeling overwhelmed, confused and sad.







Since I've started my journey of self improvement I now feel more tired, concerned and worn down as ever. I really hope this is a case of it gets worse before it gets better but i'm running out of ideas and things to do, it seems like everything is still so far away even though I said and felt this months ago. I really feel well just blah!







Every week I set up a review and come up with different ideas to try and get myself moving forward, some work better than others, some never even get started as I either forget or the system itself is over complex.







On the plus side I do feel somewhat more informed and wiser now than before, I can see things from different perspectives most of the time, I still suffer moments of weakness though.







In part it's almost like the old me is fighting against the new me, a battle inside of myself is certainly not a good thing. They are a lot of things that I hear which contradict each other and other things that are almost universally accepted that simply do nothing for me (affirmations for example)







The truth is, although I have plenty of moments of feeling good, this is all just trying to be positive and positive thinking on my side, deep down I still hate myself, actually much more than before. Now I am really trying to push myself all I can see is failings and were the positive thinking can make you say "I can do this!", when I actually try my mind tends to step in and say "Knew you couldn't do this!"







When i'm here at home trying to focus and get something done, always something strikes that messes things up for me and I just fail to do the work I need to do. While there are plenty of times that I am doing it, I am always throwing away a lot of time in a given week, sometimes half or more. When time is really short, i don't understand what is wrong with me.







My relationships are worse than ever, even though I have learned more about how relationships work with other people and even read through some books and audio tapes on the subject. While I have people that I talk to once and awhile or that i can communicate on shallow issues I feel so isolated and disconnected from people I don't know what is going on.







I have this overwhelming want, just to go to sleep, not because I'm tired but because this will all go away.







But still, I have huge determination that balances some of this out, it doesn't make things nice as everything is like a big battle. I will get upset, angry, then in a few days (or less) I will come up with the next big plan to solve this and move ahead. It's a nice loop.







I've started a weight loss and exercise program again. Exercise is going good now, I do it regularly, however for a period of about 4 weeks i either gained weight or stayed the same from which I was totally puzzled, it's coming back down now, but why is everything such a huge battle?







To me right now it just feels like, battle, battle, battle, battle, battle... With the end of fighting far in the future even if i look at it positively.





*sigh*
Hi Smarky, I could have written your post. I FEEL THE SAME EXACT WAY. I have had major depression for years, I am currently on Welbrutin and trileptal. I was doing well for about a year then I started having this sinking feeling about 6 weeks ago. Logically I know what my problem is unfortunately logic does not help. At point as I write this i just want to scream and bust out my skin. I am feeling crazy again and I hate this feeling. I do not even see how any depressed person can maintain normal relationships, i.e. kids, husbands, friends, etc.

Well, I was on medical assistance where we lived, then in July we moved. I don't have a doctor yet & have been playing tag with the dedgum TDHS (I mailed 3 forms and got a response FINALLY after the 3rd one which my appt date was set for the NEXT business day at a time I"m in class).

ANYWAY...I'm going to call TDHS AGAIN Monday & see what I need to do NOW.
I started breaking down the Eff. for 2 reasons:

One - to try to get OFF of it (messes with my "desire" wayyyyy too much - NOT good for marriage - and it dries out your eyes - my optometrist told me this when I asked him why my eyes have been so dry last couple of years; he asked if I was on meds & I told him Effexor).

Two - because I can't afford it without assistance :(

I struggle with some of these same problems. My question revolves around the idea is it really a comorbid problem or could it be an actual part of the ADD. I noticed some people mentioned feeling down when no activity or boring activity. I have begun to wonder if the "depression" could (sometimes in some people) be no more than the understimulated brains reaction and that is why we feel better, happier, when active or when doing something we enjoy.

I just took online tests for ADD and Depression and noticed that the answers that led to a yes for depression were symptoms that are also in some way part of my ADD. I also noticed I did not answer yes to the questions that would in no way relate to my ADD. (Not on purpose, just when honestly answering them)

Does anyone have any opinion about this. I am being treated for both and am wondering if that is truly what is best. I do not want to be on 2 meds forever.