shadowraider
12-02-04, 06:54 PM
Disclaimer: i'm somewhat overwhelemed by all this, so I will likely end up ranting/rambling as i get into writing this message.
I'm almost 21 and I might have AD(h?)D. I guess i'm looking for peoples opinions on here, which I'm aware are no substitute for going to a doctor, but i'm looking for them none the less.
I've always been told by teachers and professors that i'm a brilliant student, but I need to actually do my work outside of the classroom (homework) and show up to class regularly. I've essentially always been a C student in honor level classes in high school for those reasons.
I failed out of a prestigious University for engineering because i never went to class and never did home work; I preformed exceptionally on all my entrance exams, and did quite well on my SATs. I'd start off going to class regularly, then a test would come up and I'd try to study, I'd sit and look at my books but just be completely unable to concentrate, I'd eventually start daydreaming. Then the exam would come up, I'd try and cram the hour before it and just still be unable to concentrate and skip class out of fear/embarassment. I'd eventually after much force study and take a make-up exam if the professor allowed it.... but it's a horrible way to do thing's and it's a cycle i'm still doing to this day @ community college. Then I get easily depressed from all this, and convince myself that i have no business going to college.
After i failed out of school i went to a community college near my home, and taking a good course load i did very well, 4.0 gpa taking advanced math's and sciences. But, at the end of the 1st semester i got very bored and stopped putting any effort into it. Even the effort I was putting into it initially was half-assed. I'd do my homework an hour before class, I'd study for an exam 3 hours before it began, but i'd get it done and do well. Then i got depressed a week or two before the end of the semester and skipped all my classes including finals, which my professors let me make up. The second semester i had all the same professors, but i slipped back into the abyss. I was skipping exams, not going to classes and every time i tried to sit down and do work i just couldn't concentrate. I was bored, I was day dreaming, my mind wanted to be somewhere else. Having the same professors they all knew that i was a talented student and gave me incompletes for my work and the chance to make it up. I blew that chance and never made up the work. I'd have days where I could sit down and study like a machine, but those were few and far between. I'd forget i had the work and it woudln't even be on my mind for weeks at a time. Then i'd try to study and just lose interest.
I went to europe for 12 weeks over the summer, and i met someone who gave me some of his ADD meds to try out. He gave me some Adderall (both 30 mg time release and 30 mg regular) and some dexadrine. I tried half a pill of regular adderall,15 mg of a 30 mg, some time after the school year started back up and It helped me tremendously. I was initially very uninterested with doing anything when i took it, but after a half hour or so all i wanted to do was the work that was in front of me. It made me somewhat high though, i felt it working definitly, but i also felt very wired like i had just drank 8 cups of coffee made with caffinated water. That was the only time i took it, I don't like taking pills esp those that are not prescribed for me, but the way it affected me made me really start to wonder if i do have ADDult
About 6 months ago when i was screwing up my afformentioned second semester, my mother was talking to our family physician and he said he'd like to check me out to see if i had ad(h)d. I immediatly said no, who wants to admit they have a problem? But now, after my experience with aderall, I think i might want to see him about it.
I have many ambitions, but I can not seem to find the motivation for them. I always put things off, and most of the time when I do try to start things i quickly lose interest and go to the next shiny object in my path, or back to my computer to sit on AIM and chat with 10 people at once.
I feel like so much of my life is wasted by this, but at the same time it's not something i want to openly admit to my family. I feel that stigma that "sure it's ok for other people, but not me I'm above it all".
But my life is a mess right now and I really need to somehow get it on track. I'm skipping all my classes right before finals again, I keep sitting down to do work and just can't, i FORCE myself to read the words in the texts, but it's like i'm just reading them with my eyes, not with my mind, if that makes sense to anyone. I read them, but I can't remember a thing about what i read. As i'm reading other thoughts distract me. But once i actually get truely started at doing a task, I do it for as long as i'm sitting there. But getting over that hump is tremendously difficult.
I'm to embarassed to tell my parents that i want them to contact our family physician to check me out for ADDult. Does anyone think i might have ADD based on what they know of their symptoms or that I am just a lazy sack of crap?
**EDIT** I forgot to say though, that when I am in class i can normally concentrate rather well. When given an in class assignment i can knock it down right away, and when the professor is lecturing i can usually pay attention, especially in my shorter classes (2 hours or less), but in my longer classes (4 hour lecture) i completely lose it and just stop paying attention. But, my longer classes the ones that are a 4 hour lecture once a week are the ones i have almost perfect attendance to, and the ones i do the best in.
So far i've taken two classes in that 4 hour lecture once a week format, both classes were subjects i knew nothing about as well, one Psychology the other Philosophy. But in classes I have a background in i get bored very easily and skip a lot. Electronics? forget it I only make it to 50% of the classes if i'm lucky. Chemistry? same thing.
I'm almost 21 and I might have AD(h?)D. I guess i'm looking for peoples opinions on here, which I'm aware are no substitute for going to a doctor, but i'm looking for them none the less.
I've always been told by teachers and professors that i'm a brilliant student, but I need to actually do my work outside of the classroom (homework) and show up to class regularly. I've essentially always been a C student in honor level classes in high school for those reasons.
I failed out of a prestigious University for engineering because i never went to class and never did home work; I preformed exceptionally on all my entrance exams, and did quite well on my SATs. I'd start off going to class regularly, then a test would come up and I'd try to study, I'd sit and look at my books but just be completely unable to concentrate, I'd eventually start daydreaming. Then the exam would come up, I'd try and cram the hour before it and just still be unable to concentrate and skip class out of fear/embarassment. I'd eventually after much force study and take a make-up exam if the professor allowed it.... but it's a horrible way to do thing's and it's a cycle i'm still doing to this day @ community college. Then I get easily depressed from all this, and convince myself that i have no business going to college.
After i failed out of school i went to a community college near my home, and taking a good course load i did very well, 4.0 gpa taking advanced math's and sciences. But, at the end of the 1st semester i got very bored and stopped putting any effort into it. Even the effort I was putting into it initially was half-assed. I'd do my homework an hour before class, I'd study for an exam 3 hours before it began, but i'd get it done and do well. Then i got depressed a week or two before the end of the semester and skipped all my classes including finals, which my professors let me make up. The second semester i had all the same professors, but i slipped back into the abyss. I was skipping exams, not going to classes and every time i tried to sit down and do work i just couldn't concentrate. I was bored, I was day dreaming, my mind wanted to be somewhere else. Having the same professors they all knew that i was a talented student and gave me incompletes for my work and the chance to make it up. I blew that chance and never made up the work. I'd have days where I could sit down and study like a machine, but those were few and far between. I'd forget i had the work and it woudln't even be on my mind for weeks at a time. Then i'd try to study and just lose interest.
I went to europe for 12 weeks over the summer, and i met someone who gave me some of his ADD meds to try out. He gave me some Adderall (both 30 mg time release and 30 mg regular) and some dexadrine. I tried half a pill of regular adderall,15 mg of a 30 mg, some time after the school year started back up and It helped me tremendously. I was initially very uninterested with doing anything when i took it, but after a half hour or so all i wanted to do was the work that was in front of me. It made me somewhat high though, i felt it working definitly, but i also felt very wired like i had just drank 8 cups of coffee made with caffinated water. That was the only time i took it, I don't like taking pills esp those that are not prescribed for me, but the way it affected me made me really start to wonder if i do have ADDult
About 6 months ago when i was screwing up my afformentioned second semester, my mother was talking to our family physician and he said he'd like to check me out to see if i had ad(h)d. I immediatly said no, who wants to admit they have a problem? But now, after my experience with aderall, I think i might want to see him about it.
I have many ambitions, but I can not seem to find the motivation for them. I always put things off, and most of the time when I do try to start things i quickly lose interest and go to the next shiny object in my path, or back to my computer to sit on AIM and chat with 10 people at once.
I feel like so much of my life is wasted by this, but at the same time it's not something i want to openly admit to my family. I feel that stigma that "sure it's ok for other people, but not me I'm above it all".
But my life is a mess right now and I really need to somehow get it on track. I'm skipping all my classes right before finals again, I keep sitting down to do work and just can't, i FORCE myself to read the words in the texts, but it's like i'm just reading them with my eyes, not with my mind, if that makes sense to anyone. I read them, but I can't remember a thing about what i read. As i'm reading other thoughts distract me. But once i actually get truely started at doing a task, I do it for as long as i'm sitting there. But getting over that hump is tremendously difficult.
I'm to embarassed to tell my parents that i want them to contact our family physician to check me out for ADDult. Does anyone think i might have ADD based on what they know of their symptoms or that I am just a lazy sack of crap?
**EDIT** I forgot to say though, that when I am in class i can normally concentrate rather well. When given an in class assignment i can knock it down right away, and when the professor is lecturing i can usually pay attention, especially in my shorter classes (2 hours or less), but in my longer classes (4 hour lecture) i completely lose it and just stop paying attention. But, my longer classes the ones that are a 4 hour lecture once a week are the ones i have almost perfect attendance to, and the ones i do the best in.
So far i've taken two classes in that 4 hour lecture once a week format, both classes were subjects i knew nothing about as well, one Psychology the other Philosophy. But in classes I have a background in i get bored very easily and skip a lot. Electronics? forget it I only make it to 50% of the classes if i'm lucky. Chemistry? same thing.