So...I realized something today. I'm afraid to feel happy. Or more to the point, I'm afraid to let myself feel happy, because I'll be setting myself up for disappointment. I don't even know if this makes any sense. Is this a form of depression, or as my wife calls it "Intense Pessimism"?

As some of you may know, I've had a heck of a time in my personal life for the past year or so. I finally have a couple of great calls over the last few days, and I'm heading North to meet with some folks to see if I can finalize discussions on something that would really help turn things around for me.

All things are going well, all things look like they're in my favor, and I should be happy, right?

I'm not. I'm afraid to let myself see that there's a chance that this could all work out. It upsets me that I can't be happy, and is really upsetting to the people around me. *sigh* One more thing wrong with me. :(

Big!

I'm always afraid when something which has been the focus of my energy, of which so much may be depending on it psychologically, when that moment of TRUTH arrives. Its a scary moment, expecially thinking if that moment comes, and the result does not match my expectation or prediction. Its kind of like stage fright.

I also know for me, it goes deeper, to deeper fears. I had surgery last year for sleep apnea by the #1 surgeon in the country. I was afraid to have the after surgery tests 6 months later to find out if it was successful, because I was afraid the results would not measure up to my expectations. But the fear was deeper, my whole psychological explaination -excuse- for being the way I was, was my sleep apnea. What would happen if I blamed my situation too much on that one criteria and that criteria was eliminated, yet I still had the same situation? How would I explain that, since everything is hypothetical!

So, when things are about to change, it leaves a lot of questions, how will the ducks line up after this stage, and how will I be able to rationalize my life and who I am, after the ducks change positions???

Does any of that ring a bell? Well, it might not, since its my situation I'm talking about. I thought I would share it with you incase it did have a little overlap for you.

Either way, your fear of happiness might be fear of the results, and might be an insight that you can grow from. Insight is a great thing, though it wears many disguises!

I'll probably grow from your insight, just from writing about this!!

Jon

Originally posted by BIG
I finally have a couple of great calls over the last few days, and I'm heading North to meet with some folks to see if I can finalize discussions on something that would really help turn things around for me.

All things are going well, all things look like they're in my favor, and I should be happy, right?




Andrew: I've sort of been through this kind of stuff lately as well...fear of being happy....may I make a suggestion? Since you have had a rough time in the last year or so and have sort of become used to being "unhappy" (or some other negative emotions)....perhaps it's hard to just shift gears just because some great opportunities are coming up....SO I would suggest, show up for the appointments up north, do your best in them...and just trust that the happiness WILL come...maybe you don't need to feel positive stuff right now....maybe just showing up for these important life changers is enough....and the happiness will come later.....I've heard it said -- happiness comes from doing the right thing....:)

I'm glad you're in a hopeful place Andrew....:) (happy or not)....sounds good...just show up for the actions you need to take....:) and goodluck!

Thanks, Jon & Joan, for the replies.

Joan, that's really where my head is at right now - Do what I have to do, and see what happens. Unfortunately, others don't
"get" my cautious approach. Oh well...Guess I'll just stick through it :)

Thanks.

Well, I hear you and maybe they don't have to get your cautious approach just now..... someday they will....perhaps they don't want to see caution-ism (I made up that word) because they just want to see you happy and have lots of faith that you will be......in any event, seeing you take the actions, now that is cool:)

A lot of people think I'm a pessimist too. I think I'm just a realist.

It is a lot easier to have lowered expectatioins and not be shattered when things don't go as planned or as we hoped.

whether is right or wrong to feel that way it's the a coping mechinism that I use.

I agree with Tara

Better to be a realist and then we dont get let down so hard

I think I'm afraid to feel happy too. I think misery is probably my comfort zone because I've lived there for so long. I don't know HOW to be happy. What is that like? Look like? Feel like?

<shrug>

I'm lost on the happiness trip.

I understand you though, Big. Sometimes, during fleeting moments of happiness, I feel sort of weird, like 'on guard. ' It's like "I better not enjoy this too much....lest a Mack truck plow into me as I round the next corner." I feel like as soon as I relax, WHAM!

So do I feel like depression holds the Mack truck at bay? Of course not. It's just not as far to fall when it does.

The feeling of happiness is soooo unfamiliar.

...and I came upon this one. It really grabbed me, as I have often pondered this very issue.

I've often wondered if the reason I don't allow myself to be happy is if I'm not worrying about something, I'm too bored with the happiness. Or I'm afraid that the "other shoe's about to fall." :confused:

Perhaps I've been under treatment for anxiety and depression for so long, I don't really remember what "happy" feels like....

Perhaps it's tied to my ADD--to worry is stimulating! It seems worrying can be dr-a-a-a-a-a-w-w-w-w-n-n-n out a LOT longer than feelings of happiness--the high doesn't last as long....

I've read that ADDers "fall" pretty hard after they finish/accomplish/win something...because the stimulus is no longer there.... In fact, I think Dr. Hallowell addresses that in his "Top 50 Suggestions."

I am rediscovering "happiness" while in really strong ?disorientation?

I am skipping (46 ) and walking on curbs. wha is th epoint of being too sober and serious?

I want to contribute to a world that both validates me and seems not to be able to use me.

All my strenghts seem to be where it doesn't matter, really.

There is an importance in enjoying that which is not unenjoyable.

I find i laugh late at jokes in movies, because i wan to wait to know that i have all the funny part! but i stil laugh, even if it is late. because it is funny.

Some time rcently i was at an african American funeral, and someone said "All the battles are God's. he may use me for one part or another, but the outcome is in his hands, not mine." Eveything else is mine to enjoy.

not a bad way to look at things, when i can, i think.

Anyway, I'm trying to be as "enthrawled" as my dog is when i come home, as happy to see him as he is to see me. and i'm trying to let myself be that happy to see my kids and wife, and rsist letting ADHD embarrassment steel fun and joy and excitement in good ways from me.

waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some would say I create my own bad carma but I just can't help it. Everytime I get my hopes up, something always happens. Like right now i am trying a new med and after being on so many meds and none working, i am skeptical.

Hi 4mygrls/Kathi: Welcome to the forums...and if you would like to post an introduction about yourself in the introductions thread, please feel free to do so....It is nice to have you here.....

I have always struggled with what you struggle with when starting on a new med....why should THIS one work?? The OTHERS didn't:(....I try to pretend this med is the first one I am ever attempting.....:) and forget all the others.....

I think that maybe the pessimism thing is an unhealthy coping strategy that we might have adopted as a result of failing/having things go wrong so many times.

I always thought that I was never good enough at anything to get the results that I wanted so I would think the worst so that if it worked out I would be surprised rather than disappointed - this didn't work as I would still get disappointed.

By the way, what is happiness - really. To me is seems like such an abstract concept.

Originally posted by tudorose
I think that maybe the pessimism thing is an unhealthy coping strategy that we might have adopted as a result of failing/having things go wrong so many times.

I always thought that I was never good enough at anything to get the results that I wanted so I would think the worst so that if it worked out I would be surprised rather than disappointed - this didn't work as I would still get disappointed.

By the way, what is happiness - really. To me is seems like such an abstract concept.

I agree on points 1 and 2.
What is happiness really?

Making love to someone who loves you and has the right to do so...

Seeing your children born...

Beng patent with little lives in their little problems because you can be, and you know how important it is to them...

Getting a candy bar BEFORE dinner, because you're a grown up...

Extending a hand to someone i can help...

Watching and waiting with those in need when noting can be done but witness to their plight...

Getting those little gushy "nursing" kisses from babies and toddlers...

Watching the sun rise...

Watching the sun set...

Watching life live in the wilderness...

Overcoming my fear of disappointment to allow anticipation of GOOD and its enjoyment...

I think that derealization gets in the way of experiencing happiness. Everything feels like a dream so it's too good to be true. Maybe contentment is what happiness is.