darla2
12-05-04, 10:47 AM
Hi. I'm new here. I'm also just really learning about ADD for the first time, so I hope everyone will bear with me as I work through some of my questions.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with ADD as a child. He's in his 30's now. He's very gregarious and energetic. This means he's often a lot of fun to be around. The downside is that he can sometimes get too rough with me. He does not have ill intentions, he's just playing. He's also bigger and sturdier than I am. So, for example, grabbing my knee in a certain way may cause me pain, but would not cause him any if he were to do the very same thing to himself.
Ultimately, the part about this that is distressing is that he does not stop when I ask him to. He is not a mean person. I think he genuinely does not believe that he is causing me pain. He thinks I'm over-reacting. I try to be really nice but firm about it and tell him that yes, it really hurts and it's not okay with me that he's hitting, grabbing or prodding me in a way that hurts and that I need him to listen to me and take me seriously. He often reacts by rolling his eyes and saying something like, "Oh my god, that does *not* hurt", or he can become defensive. Sometimes he gets angry with me. And sometimes he just keeps on going with whatever he is doing to me with even greater intensity until i'm literally yelling for him to stop. And then we both end up angry and fighting. But seriously, I only ask him to stop when it's literally causing me pain or I'm afraid of being injured. I feel vulnerable being hit, pushed around and prodded and saying "ouch" or "please stop" does not make him stop or take me seriously.
I can see how it could be confusing for him, because I *am* a phyisical person and I like to horse around. I'm not uptight, and I can be very playful. But I draw the line at physical pain, or fear of being injured. And I feel it is reasonable to ask him to stop and expect him to listen to me and take me seriously. He does not feel that I'm being reasonable. This is frustrating and I don't know what to do or how to communicate that something really hurts and I really need him to stop, listen to me, and believe me.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this or have any suggestions?
I don't want to attribute all of this to the ADD. But I wanted to throw it out there in case anyone else has experienced this or might have some input.
I hope I am not offending anyone by implying that this could be an ADD thing - maybe it is not. So just let me know. And thanks!
My boyfriend was diagnosed with ADD as a child. He's in his 30's now. He's very gregarious and energetic. This means he's often a lot of fun to be around. The downside is that he can sometimes get too rough with me. He does not have ill intentions, he's just playing. He's also bigger and sturdier than I am. So, for example, grabbing my knee in a certain way may cause me pain, but would not cause him any if he were to do the very same thing to himself.
Ultimately, the part about this that is distressing is that he does not stop when I ask him to. He is not a mean person. I think he genuinely does not believe that he is causing me pain. He thinks I'm over-reacting. I try to be really nice but firm about it and tell him that yes, it really hurts and it's not okay with me that he's hitting, grabbing or prodding me in a way that hurts and that I need him to listen to me and take me seriously. He often reacts by rolling his eyes and saying something like, "Oh my god, that does *not* hurt", or he can become defensive. Sometimes he gets angry with me. And sometimes he just keeps on going with whatever he is doing to me with even greater intensity until i'm literally yelling for him to stop. And then we both end up angry and fighting. But seriously, I only ask him to stop when it's literally causing me pain or I'm afraid of being injured. I feel vulnerable being hit, pushed around and prodded and saying "ouch" or "please stop" does not make him stop or take me seriously.
I can see how it could be confusing for him, because I *am* a phyisical person and I like to horse around. I'm not uptight, and I can be very playful. But I draw the line at physical pain, or fear of being injured. And I feel it is reasonable to ask him to stop and expect him to listen to me and take me seriously. He does not feel that I'm being reasonable. This is frustrating and I don't know what to do or how to communicate that something really hurts and I really need him to stop, listen to me, and believe me.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this or have any suggestions?
I don't want to attribute all of this to the ADD. But I wanted to throw it out there in case anyone else has experienced this or might have some input.
I hope I am not offending anyone by implying that this could be an ADD thing - maybe it is not. So just let me know. And thanks!