View Full Version : Everything I Never Really Needed To Know...

08-18-12, 07:22 PM
Everything I Never Really Needed To Know I Learned In K through 12. An ADHD Look At Life On The Inside...

(Musings on my experience with school, I took some poetic license hopefully there weren't any witnesses... This story started as a response to a post that took on a life of it's own after my time to post had expired. Upon re-reading it a month or so later I figured I'd post it just for fun since it made me laugh.)

And Now Ladies And Gentlemen I present to You.... The Story! There will be no further interruptions. (at least not from me...)

School never did me no good, cept for teaching me how to do no good... (as is evidenced by this horrendously written dribble/semi-autobiographical train wreck. If only I'd gotten me a good education....)

I would have made this shorter but I was serving a six month sentence in solitary for a failed escape attempt when they were teaching editing.

I was held back in pre school, I knew I didn't fit, I could barely hold down my Fruit Loops each morning I felt so nauseous. Someone must have made a horrible mistake. When Ma's Mini Van pulled away I was filled with despair. I really wanted to be a Cowboy and I didn't see how this sandbox and all these crazy little people running around the playground were going to help me achieve that dream. I began to ponder the pros and cons of a life of crime...

When I finally made it to kindergarten I felt like I was in Folsom Prison, it was horrible, I didn't even get to see Johnny Cash. I was an outlaw at age 6. I defiantly sat atop the Jungle Gym with my PB&J and ignored all the kids at lunch. I preferred the company of the trees, they were less obnoxious. Teachers gave me concerned looks, a pattern that would continue for years. However I could fingerpaint like nobody's business and I wasn't too shabby with a Lego set so they remained skeptically optimistic. At nap time I couldn't sleep, so the nurse gave me some juice. I woke up a week later in the mental ward. Never trust a school nurse!

I hadn't lost hope though, I was still searching for my Horse, my Freedom, A Way Out. I knew deep down I was a Cowboy! I wanted to ride off into the sunset, take my guns to town and drink juice boxes with the beautiful girls I saw on the TV back home. Although I had developed a fear of juice ever since the Nurse had sedated me and moved me in with the crazies.

By 1st grade I started to use my artistic abilities to win over teachers and gain influence. I won contests for drawing, I was very quiet, life was tough and I couldn't afford to smile since teeth were commonly used as currency for cigarettes and tootsie rolls. Gradually I started to see a way to use my talents to get by. I began to enjoy recess and any time that allowed me to draw, read a good book and devise a good escape plan.

By Junior High everyone figured I was going to be a professional artist if I didn't get shanked by a bitter playground thug first. I just drifted along and started getting into all kinds of trouble. I fell into a bad crowd, the types who played guitars and read obscure books while smoking cigarettes and building sling shots out of broken desk scraps and old carpet strips.

My first sweetheart was named Mary Jane, our love was intense, sparks flew every time our eyes met. Our love was smoking hot, too hot, I'll never forget the day the Warden caught us in the act. I took the rap, three weeks in solitary with nothing but a guitar and a worn out copy of A Catcher In The Rye for company. Mary Jane and I parted ways shortly after my little stint in the hole.

By High School I made parole, although I still ditched my classes half the time, Mary Jane and I resumed our affair after a random encounter in a pool hall on a cold Tuesday night, we were quite an item. I dropped out 3 months before I was supposed to graduate. I got my idea. I mean GED! but idea fits too...

Okay so I exaggerated a bit but that's how I remember school.

And That's It!